[questions987]

So can you recap the conversation that led to your saying "you suck" to this ex-friend of yours?

I'm having a hard time picturing why someone who you consider as a friend (and it seems that she considered you as a friend too) would react that way over such remark.

In my company we need to keep our typing scores, profenciency scores updated annually for promotion purposes. They also have a policy where testing isn't done after 4pm. However, the girl that worked there before her, and the girl that works there with her - has made exceptions for me because they know with my schedule it's difficult to get downstairs before 4 pm on a weekday.

I went downstairs at 430 and asked if she was doing testing - she said no. I said - awe you suck. Nobody else was in the office but two other co-workers both of whom are friends of mine and they didn't even hear it. She even responded with "I may suck, but I won't break the rules" I said okay and left. Only to have her manager follow me out and tell me - language like that isn't appropriate at work and I would be reported to my supervisors for saying that to her employee. her manager wasn't present - I know she called her manager because she just admitted it.

It's banter among friends at work - and she pulls that - I have no clue.

[chairmanK]

In my company we need to keep our typing scores, profenciency scores updated annually for promotion purposes. They also have a policy where testing isn't done after 4pm. However, the girl that worked there before her, and the girl that works there with her - has made exceptions for me because they know with my schedule it's difficult to get downstairs before 4 pm on a weekday.

I went downstairs at 430 and asked if she was doing testing - she said no. I said - awe you suck. Nobody else was in the office but two other co-workers both of whom are friends of mine and they didn't even hear it. She even responded with "I may suck, but I won't break the rules" I said okay and left. Only to have her manager follow me out and tell me - language like that isn't appropriate at work and I would be reported to my supervisors for saying that to her employee. her manager wasn't present - I know she called her manager because she just admitted it.

It's banter among friends at work - and she pulls that - I have no clue.

So, you asked her to violate company policy for you, and she refused, and you complained to her. Even if you complained in a friendly/playful manner, it still wasn't harmless banter; it was whining. When you ask a co-worker to do you a favor, you should be ready to graciously accept a refusal.

[incyphe]

In my company we need to keep our typing scores, profenciency scores updated annually for promotion purposes. They also have a policy where testing isn't done after 4pm. However, the girl that worked there before her, and the girl that works there with her - has made exceptions for me because they know with my schedule it's difficult to get downstairs before 4 pm on a weekday.

I went downstairs at 430 and asked if she was doing testing - she said no. I said - awe you suck. Nobody else was in the office but two other co-workers both of whom are friends of mine and they didn't even hear it. She even responded with "I may suck, but I won't break the rules" I said okay and left. Only to have her manager follow me out and tell me - language like that isn't appropriate at work and I would be reported to my supervisors for saying that to her employee. her manager wasn't present - I know she called her manager because she just admitted it.

It's banter among friends at work - and she pulls that - I have no clue.

That's it? Did you make similar remarks to her before that may have made her uncomfortable?

If not, that's quite petty and borderline insidious of her to report that kind of thing to her manager.

But if I were you, I would just write her back saying that you meant no harm and apologize that it hurt her feelings, and leave your door open.

[Bellatrix]

nothin wrong with pride, as long as you know when to swallow

It seems like men know when to swallow their pride but few are actually willing to do it.

In my company we need to keep our typing scores, profenciency scores updated annually for promotion purposes. They also have a policy where testing isn't done after 4pm. However, the girl that worked there before her, and the girl that works there with her - has made exceptions for me because they know with my schedule it's difficult to get downstairs before 4 pm on a weekday.

I went downstairs at 430 and asked if she was doing testing - she said no. I said - awe you suck. Nobody else was in the office but two other co-workers both of whom are friends of mine and they didn't even hear it. She even responded with "I may suck, but I won't break the rules" I said okay and left. Only to have her manager follow me out and tell me - language like that isn't appropriate at work and I would be reported to my supervisors for saying that to her employee. her manager wasn't present - I know she called her manager because she just admitted it.

It's banter among friends at work - and she pulls that - I have no clue.

What you considered joking might sound incredibly rude to her. You might perceive her as being less of a friend for not allowing you to take the test and then telling her manager. But also realize that at the same time, she might be thinking the same because you are trying to use your friendship to make her break the rules and then whined when she wouldn’t comply. Just try taking the other person’s view. Just because one friend made an exception for your situation does not mean your other friend has to do the same. If I were you, I would write back to say that you mean no harm and apologize.

[HERMIT]

She, however, has sent me a myspace email that is about a page long telling me that our "relationship" has ended. I'm furious and feel betrayed - almost like I'm in high school - only this is damaging me professionally. At this point - how would you respond to that?

Judging with how harrassment charges (sexual or otherwise) are such hot topic issues in the workplace nowadays and the general consensus from the above replies, I'd have to contend that perhaps replying with the "you suck" response was pretty ill-advised. So I can understand if there was a little reprimand that had to come down as a result.

But as for the whole myspace email that you received, that was a little bit weird and overboard on her part. I'm going to go ahead and infer that maybe this girl wasn't really a "friend" to you in the first place and probably was harboring a long-time resentment of your being able to circumvent the "4pm testing rule" with other employees. So the one time that you go down to do some testing during "her watch", she was able to get a dig in by refusing your request and the inappropriate remark was her opportunity to report you. If, let's say, this was hypothetically the case, then sure - she finally got you and the damage is done: you got into a bit of trouble. Yet now, she's got a MySpace email to perpetuate the incident. I'd have to sympathize with you, in that - yeah, it's now probably overkill at this point - why belabor the point?

So how do you respond to it? Don't. Just delete her from your Friends list and don't give the person the benefit of knowing that she got under your skin. No sense in entertaining thoughts of retribution or salty response of any kind because who knows - she might further use it against you in manipulating and piecing together perhaps an even bigger harrassment allegation to add to the "you suck" incident. So my advice is to just leave well enough alone and don't make the small scratch suffered somehow turn into a gaping wound that you know you could have just bandaged it up, left it alone, and allowed it to heal on its own.

[I like jelly]

Okay - here's the new question:

How do you end your friendships?

Recently I've run into finding that my friendships are ending for one reason or another. The most recent - she basically threw me under the bus professionally. Anyone that knows me well enough would know that the words "you suck" coming from me would be considered a joke and not meant seriously in any way, shape, or form. I understand that in an office setting - it's inappropriate - the point is, it was among friends, in an office where nobody but this person, two other people that I'm close to as friends, and myself around. She then proceeded to "report" it to her manager. Anyway - that was the end of the friendship. Obviously, I didn't respond in anyway - didn't contact her, have prefered to not even confront her on it.

She, however, has sent me a myspace email that is about a page long telling me that our "relationship" has ended. I'm furious and feel betrayed - almost like I'm in high school - only this is damaging me professionally. At this point - how would you respond to that?

I'm very sorry to hear about you and your friend. I think the best thing for you to do is not respond at all, if she's still in the PO stage, then you responding will just fuel to her fire assuming you probably don't have the best things to say to her at the moment; if she has already flat out decided not to be friends with you anymore, then you don't need to concern yourself with her.

However, if you wish to save the friendship, then just simply write a message letting her know you apologize for your words and you didn't mean any harm by it, after that. ball's in her court.

If I may, joking phrases are cool by all means, but sometimes you have to becareful with what you say at a work place, because even a good friend/co-worker on one their bad days can turn pretty ugly. so tread carefully at work.

You said she had reported you to your manager, but has your manager mentioned anything to you or taken any actions toward yours? If not, I wouldn't worry about how it's "damaging you professionally". People fuss over tiny little things all the time at work, most managers are used to it. If you are concerned, speak to your manager and let him/her know your stand point.

=)

[questions987]

I'm very sorry to hear about you and your friend. I think the best thing for you to do is not respond at all, if she's still in the PO stage, then you responding will just fuel to her fire assuming you probably don't have the best things to say to her at the moment; if she has already flat out decided not to be friends with you anymore, then you don't need to concern yourself with her.

However, if you wish to save the friendship, then just simply write a message letting her know you apologize for your words and you didn't mean any harm by it, after that. ball's in her court.

If I may, joking phrases are cool by all means, but sometimes you have to becareful with what you say at a work place, because even a good friend/co-worker on one their bad days can turn pretty ugly. so tread carefully at work.

You said she had reported you to your manager, but has your manager mentioned anything to you or taken any actions toward yours? If not, I wouldn't worry about how it's "damaging you professionally". People fuss over tiny little things all the time at work, most managers are used to it. If you are concerned, speak to your manager and let him/her know your stand point.

=)

Oh - I was just called into the boss' office. He thinks it's ridiculous but I have to be writen up for it. I swear - anyone that knows me would have responded with - you suck too.

[watcher]

It seems like men know when to swallow their pride but few are actually willing to do it.

i dont know... i'd say that in general, they realize it only after the fact.it's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget about tact and diplomacy when pride is involved... no?

Oh - I was just called into the boss' office. He thinks it's ridiculous but I have to be writen up for it. I swear - anyone that knows me would have responded with - you suck too.

sorry to hear. it's amazing what two simple words could do to a person... and it wasn't even the f-bomb either...

[appledapple]

Your opinions, please.

A guy calls you and wants to go on a date (your first date) that night or he calls you and wants to go out the next night. Yes or No?

[chairmanK]

Your opinions, please.A guy calls you and wants to go on a date (your first date) that night or he calls you and wants to go out the next night. Yes or No?

why are you asking us? you know best what you want. if you want to go on a date with him, then say yes; if you don't want to go on a date with him, then say no. easy!

[Bellatrix]

i dont know... i'd say that in general, they realize it only after the fact.it's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget about tact and diplomacy when pride is involved... no?

yeah I see what you mean. especially when pride and anger is involved, it’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and lose one’s temper.

I guess what I meant was that men often know that they are wrong or what they did is wrong yet they continue to make excuses to justify their actions and save their pride. or worse, they blame others or outside circumstances that are not within their control for something that they did or is within their control. what’s so hard about saying “I’m sorry” or “I’m wrong”? I’m not saying this about all men, but I do see a fair number of them doing that.

[appledapple]

why are you asking us? you know best what you want. if you want to go on a date with him, then say yes; if you don't want to go on a date with him, then say no. easy!

But doesn't it seem desperate to admit you don't have plans that night?

[HERMIT]

But doesn't it seem desperate to admit you don't have plans that night?

It depends. I'd say it's only desperate if you were the last person on their list to call.

[clockwatcher]

Your opinions, please.

A guy calls you and wants to go on a date (your first date) that night or he calls you and wants to go out the next night. Yes or No?

If you're a guy, I say, don't call on the same day because it implies that you think the girl has nothing better to do. I say it's better that you call and you guys agree on the best time to go out.

If you're a girl, this all depends on how much you like him. If you are already comfortable with each other, maybe hung out a few times but this is the first real date, then I don't see a problem with this. If he's practically a stranger, I think it's rude for him to assume that you have nothing better to do. Even if he's right. So it all goes back to how much you like him, I suppose. Personally, I'd postpone it to another day. But that's just me.

[I like jelly]

Your opinions, please.

A guy calls you and wants to go on a date (your first date) that night or he calls you and wants to go out the next night. Yes or No?

I don't think it matters, it all depends on your schedule, if you're happen to be free that night, then go, otherwise, ask him to reschedule.




Heh, I've noticed in this topic, some tend to complicate a simple situation by reading a lot into and analyzing it.

[<3goesDOKIDOKI]

But doesn't it seem desperate to admit you don't have plans that night?

if you're worried about it, set up a date a few days later?

[watcher]

yeah I see what you mean. especially when pride and anger is involved, it’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and lose one’s temper. I guess what I meant was that men often know that they are wrong or what they did is wrong yet they continue to make excuses to justify their actions and save their pride. or worse, they blame others or outside circumstances that are not within their control for something that they did or is within their control. what’s so hard about saying “I’m sorry” or “I’m wrong”? I’m not saying this about all men, but I do see a fair number of them doing that.

ahh... can't say much but agree with ya there. but who doesn't want to be right? hehehe... i think it's similar to when girls compete with each other. at a certain point, backing down is not considered an option..

But doesn't it seem desperate to admit you don't have plans that night?

why would it be desperate? not like you go out every night, do you?

[JJM]

nothin wrong with pride, as long as you know when to swallow

You dirrrty bird!

appledapple, a free meal is always a good meal. If you don't feel "comfortable" with the instant date, then like someone else said, plan for another night. Perhaps one that's a week away.

[D_K]

Your opinions, please.

A guy calls you and wants to go on a date (your first date) that night or he calls you and wants to go out the next night. Yes or No?

Yes to the former, no to the latter.

Wait a minute...was it the other way around?

Now I'm confused.

[watcher]

You dirrrty bird!

appledapple, a free meal is always a good meal. If you don't feel "comfortable" with the instant date, then like someone else said, plan for another night. Perhaps one that's a week away.

haha... who's the dirty one? huh?!