[D_K]

He called you back and even wrote you an email. Who knows, maybe he's just a night person and he was giving himself things to do at 1 in the morning. My impression is that from 10pm-1am, he was thinking of you. Sounds like he's still in to ya.

[watcher]

I'm so confused. The worst feeling is to realize that you've fallen in love with a guy who you completely did not expect to fall for. And even worse, he used to ask me out while I wasn't showing interest in him and now that I realized my feelings, he seems really indifferent.

He's been my best friend for 3 years since the beginning of college...we used to be just close friends until he started blurring the line for reasons I wasn't sure about. I tried avoiding this situation for the past year but since summer, I realized how much I cared about him. I knew I felt something for him for a year now but I didn't want to admitt it. And I just felt that we couldn't get together anyway. Also, I always get this friends with benefits idea feeling and I just can't let myself get involved in that, even if it might be my imagination. But since I left for 3 months over the summer, I think about him every day.

Now that I'm back in school, I still think about him everyday. Even when I'm out having fun with other people, he's on my mind. It's like I can't have fun anymore. Whenever something great happens, I always want to share the news with him. It's like I've completely lost my common sense, all sense of logical thought. I want to go out and meet more people, do more things, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Worse thing is, I'm not sure how he feels now and he did say that he needs to concentrate on school, it's a very important time for both of us. sometimes he calls me sweetie and jokes around as if I'm his wife, other times he says he needs to work on the tasks in front of him. He seems all calm and logical about it and I've just completely lost my head. I need to concentrate on school too! I have so much deal with and yet I'm letting him cloud my mind.

now I'm always the one constantly calling him instead of the other way around. I feel so bad too, I call him sometimes late around 10ish because that's when i get home. I think one time, i called him around 10ish and he didn't pick up. He then called back at like 11 which I didn't pick up because I was getting ready for bed. So by 1 am, he writes me an email instead. I feel like I kept him up or something.

Oh, and he's like 4 inches shorter than me... I'm 5'10". He says he doesn't mind, but when I wear high heels, I know he gets intimidated. Used to be that I'd only date guys taller than me, but I made exceptions...

I need to slap some common sense back into my head. Advice please? What should I do?

just keep spending time with him and go by feel. no need to rush and try to figure it out all at once. if you feel you simply cant wait, im sure the both of you can sit down and have a talk to settle things... you two ARE good friends...no?

[I like jelly]

I'm so confused. The worst feeling is to realize that you've fallen in love with a guy who you completely did not expect to fall for. And even worse, he used to ask me out while I wasn't showing interest in him and now that I realized my feelings, he seems really indifferent.

He's been my best friend for 3 years since the beginning of college...we used to be just close friends until he started blurring the line for reasons I wasn't sure about. I tried avoiding this situation for the past year but since summer, I realized how much I cared about him. I knew I felt something for him for a year now but I didn't want to admitt it. And I just felt that we couldn't get together anyway. Also, I always get this friends with benefits idea feeling and I just can't let myself get involved in that, even if it might be my imagination. But since I left for 3 months over the summer, I think about him every day.

Now that I'm back in school, I still think about him everyday. Even when I'm out having fun with other people, he's on my mind. It's like I can't have fun anymore. Whenever something great happens, I always want to share the news with him. It's like I've completely lost my common sense, all sense of logical thought. I want to go out and meet more people, do more things, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Worse thing is, I'm not sure how he feels now and he did say that he needs to concentrate on school, it's a very important time for both of us. sometimes he calls me sweetie and jokes around as if I'm his wife, other times he says he needs to work on the tasks in front of him. He seems all calm and logical about it and I've just completely lost my head. I need to concentrate on school too! I have so much deal with and yet I'm letting him cloud my mind.

now I'm always the one constantly calling him instead of the other way around. I feel so bad too, I call him sometimes late around 10ish because that's when i get home. I think one time, i called him around 10ish and he didn't pick up. He then called back at like 11 which I didn't pick up because I was getting ready for bed. So by 1 am, he writes me an email instead. I feel like I kept him up or something.

Oh, and he's like 4 inches shorter than me... I'm 5'10". He says he doesn't mind, but when I wear high heels, I know he gets intimidated. Used to be that I'd only date guys taller than me, but I made exceptions...

I need to slap some common sense back into my head. Advice please? What should I do?

Why not hang out with him one on one a little more? It sounds like he's still into you, but he's just not sure, plus school is very important and guys are more than likely to focus on sure things than otherwise.

[Versatile]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm trying not to be in a hurry to define anything. I'm just going to try and spend more time with him and see where things lead. I'm not sure if he's a night person though. One time I called around 11ish and he didn't pick up. around 12ish, he called back saying that I woke him up and asked me what's up. I thought it was weird. If I woke him up, he waited 45 minutes before calling back to say I woke him up? Regardless, I felt bad about it so I don't call him anymore.

I guess I've been hurt in the past so I have this...trust issue that I'm having a hard time shaking off. I feel bad because we've been going through this uncertainty thing for a year now. We've been hurting each other quite cruelly. He's rather immature at times and has said some really hurtful things to me (he's really mean when he gets hurt) and I have a hard time opening up to people because of a past hurt (a year ago). I think he knows that too...twice he told me, of all the people, he trust me the most. And I don't know whether to believe him sincerely or take it as his sweet talk.

Sometimes I think he wants to be friends with benefits, which is something I DON'T want. He often brings up the topic of sex and I'm having a hard time interpreting his intentions...so it makes me pull away.

[drop_dead_gorgeous]

I got a question here,
know this guy, who was my ex-housemate, for more than a year.
After a year I was pretty sure he means nothing more than just a friend, so then I accept his offer helping me with moving things out to my new place. (I'm foreigner here, so no one actually offer me any help beside him)
but after the move out, he start to send lots of mails, just some small talk, like how I'm doing and stuff (normally men don't do that stuff to their lady friends right?)
and he also try to come to my place to hang out too!
the fact is, I'm not interested in him
so thu question is:
how to let someone know gently that i'm not interested? I meant, I don't want him to think that after he helped me, I'm not being gratefull and even cut him loose when I don't need any help anymore,etc.....

Well normally I just reject a person right on the face (nicely) , when it didn't work, I just being rude to them
but rude is no good no?

[donporkuloin]

Thanks for the comments and suggestions..

I learned something out of this experience...

[lotusdrop]

So, i know a lot of friends that have done just about everything except sex with their boyfriends of only 1 or 2 months.. what do you guys think about this? Is this going to fast ? I always thought that these things should occur with time and not so soon like that?

[lotusdrop]

*long read ahead*

So I'm just lost..

One day I was working and this lady came to my cash register. She looked like this girl I used to talk to. It kept eating at me so I went to go talk to her, and I ended up getting her number. I called and we setup a date, but some her car got broken into. Also, she had some more car troubles. So we said we were going to go out the next week. So I went out with some friends to Chili's, but I was thinking about her so I gave her a call. I asked her if she wanted some company that night? She told me not that night, because she didn't want me over drunk. Even though I only had 1 drink the whole night. She said we could do something the next night. So some of my male and female friend insisted since she was having me come over at 9-10pm that she wanted sex. So I went over to her college dorm. She came to let me in the door, and there was a huge difference in how she was dressed compared to when we met at my job. She was ok before, but that night she was looking A-1!!!

So we got to her room and we started watching The Departed. But the thing was we were watching it on her laptop on a coffee table. Half the table was cluttered with stuff so we watched it on the left side of the table . What I noticed was she was sitting on the couch like all the way to the left of the couch. Like on the edge. I was thinking did I do something to her to make her uncomfortable for her to be sitting so far away? One thing that stood out to me was that we talked about a lot of things the whole night. While we were talking I just kept thinking to myself.. finally a great person has stepped into my life. So the movie was almost over and she asked me when did I wanna leave? I told her that's her call. She said nothing. We went back to talking, and eventually the movie was over. We ended up talking about our views on sex, the future, our past relationships, etc. I asked her about spending the night. She told me she didn't feel comfortable enough with me to spend the night yet. Which I respected. She told me if I wasn't moving to another state soon, she would give me a chance. Then she told me she wasn't attracted to me. She told me I could still call, and we talk about anything.

That had me confused, because why would you tell I could have a chance if I wasn't moving to another state. Then tell me you're not attracted to me. So we were walking down to the exit and I forgot my mp3 player. So I let her know so we could go get it. She said you're not trying to pull a ploy(she was smirking as she said this too) I immediately told her I'm not like that, because I'm not. So we got the mp3 and walked back to downstairs. She asked me a few times was something wrong? There was something wrong.. I knew I had an interest in her. I knew things with her could work, but I was leaving for a new job days later.

So I was at the airport, and she was on my mind like crazy. Maybe it's because I wasn't too sober, but I went to T.G.I. Friday's, and asked them for the yellow pages. I called a florist, and had some flowers delivered to her days later. Up until she got the flowers we talked regularly. She went out of town, then she came back.. she got the flowers the next day, and we haven't talked since then. I tried calling. I know she's got my calls, but she's decided not to call me for whatever reasons? That's usually not like her not return my a phone call from me. So I wondered, did I do something wrong? I've been confused by this. Along with this and a few other reasons I decided to move back so I could have a better chance at being with her. I called her recently, but I left a voicemail saying I would just give her space, and I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable by sending her flowers. Was that a good idea?

I think if a girl is not really interested in someone they will avoid their calls so as to avoid any confrontations.. since she doesn't know you that well anyway, she may think it's easier this way and has no reservations to doing this avoiding thing as opposed to actually telling you upfront that she might not like you ... sometimes, if a girl IS a little interested, they will be intimidated by receiving gifts from the guy because it's kind of out of the norm to be given flowers after only knowing someone for a while... and if she knows that you came back, she may get the wrong impression and think that you came back for her (which of course would be a cocky and vain thought but it would also be a scary thought on her end) .. and this might scare her off.. one, because she may not be looking for a serious boyfriend at the moment, or two, because some girls find it more attractive if their man is very career oriented or even if their man is someone to chase after type of thing... anyway, froma girl's perspectives, just give her some space for now and i think that eventually she will be ok and you guys can talk normally again (if she is a nice girl) ... perhaps you are infatuated with her? anyhow, sorry if this sounded negative but... if I was avoiding calls it would be because I'm scared of talking to the guy in case he likes me and i don't want to lead him on..

[Aziraphale]

So, i know a lot of friends that have done just about everything except sex with their boyfriends of only 1 or 2 months.. what do you guys think about this? Is this going to fast ? I always thought that these things should occur with time and not so soon like that?

New users should READ the rules and introduce themselves in the pinned thread.

[donporkuloin]

I think if a girl is not really interested in someone they will avoid their calls so as to avoid any confrontations.. since she doesn't know you that well anyway, she may think it's easier this way and has no reservations to doing this avoiding thing as opposed to actually telling you upfront that she might not like you ... sometimes, if a girl IS a little interested, they will be intimidated by receiving gifts from the guy because it's kind of out of the norm to be given flowers after only knowing someone for a while... and if she knows that you came back, she may get the wrong impression and think that you came back for her (which of course would be a cocky and vain thought but it would also be a scary thought on her end) .. and this might scare her off.. one, because she may not be looking for a serious boyfriend at the moment, or two, because some girls find it more attractive if their man is very career oriented or even if their man is someone to chase after type of thing... anyway, froma girl's perspectives, just give her some space for now and i think that eventually she will be ok and you guys can talk normally again (if she is a nice girl) ... perhaps you are infatuated with her? anyhow, sorry if this sounded negative but... if I was avoiding calls it would be because I'm scared of talking to the guy in case he likes me and i don't want to lead him on..

Ok.. after reading that I feel really stupid and more confused than I was before. She was showing signs of interests, and all of a sudden she avoids my calls. I think that's silly and immature. No matter if it's from a girl or guy's point of view. Why would a girl think there would be a confrontation in this scenario. If a girl is not interested she should say it. I wonder.. if a woman was in this scenario would she avoid a guy's phone calls too or tell him she's not interested? I'm not infatuated with her. The flowers I sent to her were just a symbol of me saying.. I think you're great. I know we only know so much about each other, but I want to keep getting to know more about you, because I think you're special, etc. I don't see how that would make someone uncomfortable if they show a guy signs of interest? It's moments like these to where I wish I was a bad boy, 6ft tall, etc.. Because when it comes to dating they pretty much get everything. For Christ's sake when do the non shy good guys catch a break? *Venting*

[sasuke-kun]

For Christ's sake when do the non shy good guys catch a break? *Venting*

your post is so very confusing to me. sorry. so, whats this whole part about you moving back to get a better chance with her? you quit the new job that you just got so you can be closer to her? thats not a very smart move, id say. i remember you posting other stuff before and from those posts, it seems like you're always taking things the wrong way. kind of like you're in your own world and thinking your own thoughts.

the reason she said she would give you a chance if you didnt move was because she never really wanted to give you a chance. she just used it as an excuse to reject you. she never really expected you to come back, and when you did, she probably freaked out. you shouldnt have called her and told her you were gonna give her space. that confirms that you knew that you weren't giving her enough space to her but you never really did anything about it before. you should have just given her the space without telling her. no girl likes a guy who is gonna tell her everything that hes going to do.

you gotta be cool man, it seems like you are trying to hard, in the wrong ways. it seems like youre trying to force your feelings on her, not giving her any choices. you seem like you are rushing everything so fast. and, seems you are infatuated with her, if not obsessed. id say, just stop calling her for a while, let her call you first. if she doesnt call, then just give up and move on. just because you think shes the best thing that stepped in your life, doesnt mean that youre the best thing that stepped in her life. if the chemistry doesnt work out, then youre going to have major problems. love doesnt work one way, it has to go both ways.

[Versatile]

So I took everyone's advice to spend more time with the guy that I'm developing feelings for. I'm kind of confused now and kind of don't understand his intentions. So here is what happened...

I called him up to hang out. He said he needed to finish some things up so he'll drop by later. He came over at like 9 or 10...which is kind of late. I guess it's alright since we're close friends... Anyway, we chatted and joked around. He asked me what type of guy I liked so I told him. Then he said he wanted to test my strength by having me hold his hand and squeezing it. I did use some strength and I can tell it did hurt him a bit. He on the other hand, just squeezed my hand. But during the joking around, he said that it's his dream to take a shower with me. I got pretty disturbed. But the thing that disturbs me the most is that he kept on bring up jokes of marriage and also jokes about having sex, or his term "making-love", in certain slightly public places. I kind of ignored it or pretended that I wasn't paying attention. Later we went out for a drive, we passed a car dealership so he asked me what type of car I want. I told him I wanted a boat instead, just for a joke. But he took it serious and was like..."omg, you're this type of woman. Man, need to watch over my assets." Okay, so he is pretty rich although I find it annoying sometimes.

I don't understand why he's acting like this. Oh, and at one point during the night, he commented that we are close friends, best friends, and then patted my shoulder like we are buddies. WTH. I'm starting to develop some second thoughts but at the same time I still have feelings for him.

I'm feeling clueless around him right now. Does he have feelings for me or is he just trying to have sex with me? He's my friend for 3 years so I should know at least something, but he's never acted this way so I'm kind of clueless.

[donporkuloin]

your post is so very confusing to me. sorry. so, whats this whole part about you moving back to get a better chance with her?

I should've clarified it better. I didn't move back to the same state as her, but I went back. To be closer to her was part of the reason, but not the main reason. I hated living in DC and it's some other stuff. I guess I should've included that in there. I'm not obsessed or infatuated with her!! I have stopped calling her. Trying too hard in the wrong way..That's not my intentions!! Not giving her any choices. How am I not giving her any choices? It's not like I'm say you're gonna like me. I just thought I was doing the right thing, and it's like I'm getting blasted. But if I'm trying too hard in the wrong way, then what's trying in the right way?


Versatile: Now this dude's obsessed. Saying his dream is to take a shower with you. o_0

Talking about marriage, etc. I think he's a bit weird, and you should move on.

[little mixed girl]

^
i think that you are over thinking it.
if the girl was actually interested in you, she would try for a long-distance relationship.
she's trying to take an easy way out by saying that if you were there, you might have a chance. talking a lot doesn't matter if she doesn't feel the same way.
it's like me saying "i'd go see the movie with you if i was in town", but i actually have no intention of ever seeing that movie.
sending her flowers just complicates things.
don't act based on what YOU think girls like, act based on what you would do for someone who was a friend of the same sex.
personally, i don't like flowers, even if it's something that girls are supposed to like.

don't attach too quickly to one person.

[donporkuloin]

^
i think that you are over thinking it.
if the girl was actually interested in you, she would try for a long-distance relationship.
she's trying to take an easy way out by saying that if you were there, you might have a chance. talking a lot doesn't matter if she doesn't feel the same way.
it's like me saying "i'd go see the movie with you if i was in town", but i actually have no intention of ever seeing that movie.
sending her flowers just complicates things.
don't act based on what YOU think girls like, act based on what you would do for someone who was a friend of the same sex.
personally, i don't like flowers, even if it's something that girls are supposed to like.

don't attach too quickly to one person.

Wow... no offense, but females have some odd yet crafty ways of lying. I wish she would've been honest with me. I feel like an idiot among other things I feel like. How do flowers complicate things? Oh.. and why don't you like flowers?

[Mr Boo Boo]

Wow... no offense, but females have some odd yet crafty ways of lying. I wish she would've been honest with me. I feel like an idiot among other things I feel like. How do flowers complicate things? Oh.. and why don't you like flowers?

amen to that brother...

i was dating this one girl who broke up with me cause she said she didnt have time for me cause of he job...

[watcher]

Wow... no offense, but females have some odd yet crafty ways of lying. I wish she would've been honest with me. I feel like an idiot among other things I feel like. How do flowers complicate things? Oh.. and why don't you like flowers?

hehe... most of the time, flowers are a nice gesture. it's just that some girls just don't like flowers, and a few others enjoy flowers as long as it's coming from someone they like. and even some others have preferences for what kind of flowers. it's an adventure just figuring out whether or not and what kind of flowers to get a girl, but in general, you can't go horribly wrong with flowers. that's my personal take anyways... hehe

moving on... from your last few posts, it seems like you're thinking too much about it, and (no offense in any way) but perhaps come off as a bit too compromising of yourself for this girl. i couldn't help but feel that you'd do almost anything to get a chance with this girl whom you've barely met, and even though the thought in and of itself might seem romantic, the way you talk about your situation doesn't feel romantic at all. it has more of an air of desperation.

the general message i feel from your posts say something along the lines of "im willing to do anything for you. why wont you like me back?" this might not be how you are feeling, or what you were trying to get across to us, but perhaps it might explain why someone else thought similarly of your post. or perhaps he and i are both really bad at interpreting what you were trying to convey?

whatever the case, you're in a situation where there's a girl whom you like, and is avoiding you at the moment. it sounds like your chances are rather slim, and if my thoughts aren't wrong, any further attempts might make her start to dislike you. not sure what you can quite do in this situation. i dont know what type of girl this is, so it's hard to really think up any suggestions either. perhaps you can just try to establish contact once more and be honest and see if she's willing to give it a chance? it's a hit or miss, but it's better than sitting there, right? hehe

and for future reference... take her out somewhere nice instead of going to her dorm room. make a nice impression on her, or something better than the guy you watched movies with on the laptop at the other end of the sofa/bed. hehe... heck, even if you do, maybe bring some sweets to eat while watching movies.

[Aziraphale]

Wow... no offense, but females have some odd yet crafty ways of lying. I wish she would've been honest with me. I feel like an idiot among other things I feel like. How do flowers complicate things? Oh.. and why don't you like flowers?

Lying? She already told you she wasn't attracted to you. Don't assume that all girls are crafty liars, ok? She probably said what she did to let you down gently, but she did ultimately say she wasn't attracted to you, and that's a pretty clear sign of how she feels. And receiving flowers from someone she barely knows can freak her out. You also mentioned staying the night after the movie - you were moving too fast and she might not equate watching the movie with permission for something more intimate to develop. I agree with watcher that what you've done perhaps shows you're too eager to start something with her, and maybe some girls feel flattered, but other girls might not take it so well because you did come on a bit strong, for her at least.

Just leave her a message that says you hope to be able to catch up with her sometime and keep in touch, and leave it as that. Don't push it.

And don't assume all girls like flowers, diamonds or whatever it is that girls are "supposed" to like. I don't really like flowers either, maybe at most a couple of varieties.

[badboy yardy]

But during the joking around, he said that it's his dream to take a shower with me. I got pretty disturbed.

oh man, you should've said "oh, i dream of taking a shower with you too!" that seriously would've been a WTF moment right there.

in all seriousness, that really was a bone-headed thing for him to say. i get the impression that he's testing the waters, but i wouldn't be sure. i think you should just let this guy take the initiative. if he does, great. if he doesn't, i don't think it's a big loss considering he said some things that would freak out most girls.

[Versatile]

^ oh man, if I were to say that, he'd probably get more absurd ideas forming in his crazy head. I’m beginning to think that he has just opened up his closet full of skeletons.

I don’t get it. Sometimes he says the sweetest things and then other times, like now, he says the dumbest WTF things possible.

We know each other well enough, how is it that he doesn’t know I find it uncomfortable…or does he just not care? Whatever the reason, I don't want to bother anymore.