[Raito!]

well he is the over insecure type as you said. But did you smack him back (the guy that kissed you) or attempt to move away from the kiss? cuz i would kinda consider it as cheating if not. thats just my opinion xD

[FRUITYCHEESECAKE]

*In Korean drama scenario*
GUYS: YOU CHEATED! IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU DIDN'T KISS BACK, YOU CHEATED!!



Anyhoo, you did NOT cheat.
Your "bf" should grow up and get a freaking life.
My goodness, he is worse than some teenage girls...heck, he IS a sissy girl.

[sasuke-kun]

Ok, So I was dating this guy for 7 months. Things were pretty serious between us, we were planning our futures together etc etc. Well, he was always the insecure type of guy. He would get jealous so easily even if another guy so much as looked at me which drove me nuts! We would fight constantly about this. Anyway, one night out of the blue a good guy friend of mine kissed me. I was so shocked I told him to back off and I told my boyfriend about it straight away... He got so mad and claims that even though I didn't kiss him back, it's still cheating because I allowed myself to be put into that position. I really don't understand how he can see it that way.. anyway he ended it after that. So I guess my question is, do you consider it cheating even though I didn't kiss him back??

Oops I realized I posted this in the wrong section, hopefully one of the mods moves it soon. Sorry!

id say no, you were not cheating because you really cant control what the guy does to you. but on the other hand, if you are meeting guys one on one in private places rather than public, you are putting yourself in those kinds of situations where things like that might happen. i do understand where your ex was coming from. i fought with my ex alot because she told me that when she dormed in college, she would study with guys 1 on 1 in her dorm room late at night. i do understand although it is studying, but why cant she do it in a lounge or library. does anyone else see something wrong with that? studying one on one, late at night, in private? i got furious. she told me too bad, and shes still going to do it. trust is trust and i did trust her... thats one thing but to put herself in that situation where a guy can do whatever and no one can stop him, i dunno... what do you guys think.

[jshat4]

^^ Yeah I agree. It's the same idea as a girl wearing skanky clothes and walking around a dark alley at 4 a.m. If she gets attacked, is it her fault? No...but could she have prevented it? Sure. Okay, maybe bad example there (I know it is a much much extreme example), but I think a girl can prevent some things.

But in your case, I don't think you could've..unless your friend dropped hints before that he liked you. Then you could've dropped hints back indicating you had a bf. And if he knew AND he still went after you, the he's a scumbag (the friend). But anyhow, your bf sounds way too posessive.

[dunpingy]

i agree, just generally speaking, some girls are oblivious to the fact that their guy friends like them and it can be pretty irritating when they're like 'oh no way we're just good friends'

if i was the bf, id be more pissed at the guy friend...thats pretty bogus. id also be upset at the girl, but since she was honest its something that can be easily forgiven i think (given that its not something that happens frequently)

off topic but when dating a girl with a lot of close guy friends, usually its no problem trusting the girl but you never know about the true intention of the other guys. theres a line between trust and being naive to human nature

[jshat4]

LOL. Are there really such things as truly platonic "best friends" between a heterosexual girl and guy? I have guy friends...but none that I'm super super close to. I just think that if I was that close to them, they'll more likely be my bf rather than my "Best friends". Pff, guy friends like to "play around" a lot. They'll flirt with you sometimes randomly, and do really nice things for you that make you question their true intent...(like not malicious or anything...but you just wonder if there's any interest at all), and then you just decide to ignore it. I think most of them aren't that serious about it, but they do like flirting.

I dunno, should I be uncomfortable/guilty when a guy friend does really nice things for me? Like bring me gifts when he goes on a trip? I don't really think he's interested because he never makes a move...but he's the type that's so hard to read. I think sometimes there are just "nice guys"...but obviously, no one is a saint and nice to everyone. Ack, I dun even know what I am saying. Probably overly complicating things. That's why I don't get too close to my guy friends, because I will end up confused. Keeping distance is good self-protection haha.

[papabear]

Are there really such things as truly platonic "best friends" between a heterosexual girl and guy?

Very very very very very very very rare.

I dunno, should I be uncomfortable/guilty when a guy friend does really nice things for me? Like bring me gifts when he goes on a trip? I don't really think he's interested because he never makes a move...but he's the type that's so hard to read. I think sometimes there are just "nice guys"...but obviously, no one is a saint and nice to everyone. Ack, I dun even know what I am saying. Probably overly complicating things. That's why I don't get too close to my guy friends, because I will end up confused. Keeping distance is good self-protection haha.

Yup!

[Kristen Kim]

Thanks guys for all your replies. I just wanted some other opinions.. I mean geez, I would understand if I had kissed him back to go beserk about it but yeah it's not like I asked this guy to kiss me or anything. And I moved away straight away and told him it wasn't right.. But yeah even though we have parted ways he still insists on texting me rude crap calling me a cheat and what not. So immature, but glad I found out before we got even more "serious" eh.

[negitoro]

id say no, you were not cheating because you really cant control what the guy does to you. but on the other hand, if you are meeting guys one on one in private places rather than public, you are putting yourself in those kinds of situations where things like that might happen. i do understand where your ex was coming from. i fought with my ex alot because she told me that when she dormed in college, she would study with guys 1 on 1 in her dorm room late at night. i do understand although it is studying, but why cant she do it in a lounge or library. does anyone else see something wrong with that? studying one on one, late at night, in private? i got furious. she told me too bad, and shes still going to do it. trust is trust and i did trust her... thats one thing but to put herself in that situation where a guy can do whatever and no one can stop him, i dunno... what do you guys think.

I don't agree at all. You can't say you trust her and then trust her conditionally. After all, you don't think that there could be a deserted lounge (the one in my dorm back in college was always empty)? Or a quiet corner in the library? I'm on your ex's side - after all, if I feel like nothing's going to happen, why wouldn't I want to study in a place where I was most comfortable ?

Public or not, you can't control him or her - if he's going to try something, you can't say it won't happen even if they're studying at a busy coffee shop. You can't make sure she's with other people all the time either, so trying is a waste of time, in my opinion.

LOL. Are there really such things as truly platonic "best friends" between a heterosexual girl and guy? I have guy friends...but none that I'm super super close to. I just think that if I was that close to them, they'll more likely be my bf rather than my "Best friends". Pff, guy friends like to "play around" a lot. They'll flirt with you sometimes randomly, and do really nice things for you that make you question their true intent...(like not malicious or anything...but you just wonder if there's any interest at all), and then you just decide to ignore it. I think most of them aren't that serious about it, but they do like flirting.

The joke of course is that the 2 kinds of female friends a guy has are a) the ones he's slept with the ones he wants to sleep with, but hasn't yet

Having said that, while I can't say that there's a lot of guy-girl best friends, I say a close platonic friendship isn't entirely uncommon. I think sometimes, the relationship between the two people is less important than the peer pressure LOL two people like that would be constantly questioned by their friends ("Are you guys going out?""Why aren't you guys dating yet?")... heck I think there aren't more mixed gender best friends simply because they get weirded out or tired of the constant hassles.

[sugarcakes]

Hey all. I posted this in the love & relationship thread but I would rather much seek out help from more mature people.

So this was what I had posted:

Sooo my situation is like EXTREMELY complicated and I don't think anyone would want to read a big looong paragraph about it so I'll try to sum it up as best I can.

- dated a girl back in 2006...she's a commitmentphobe. we dated like a couple but were never OFFICIAL.
- she broke up with me because of the way she is with relationships...dunno if she is ready to be in one yet...dunno if we're suited for eachother...dunno if this can go long term...bunch of stuff
- didn't see each other for 6 months and started talking again and all the familiar feelings were still there
- she was dating a guy tho but ended it and came with me.
- things seemed to be getting better this time around and they were....but low and behold...she's casting doubts again.

So we talked about all this again and she asked me questions like "What do you think you can offer than other guys can't?" and "Why do you see us being able to go long-term?"

Basically she's on the edge here again. And she doesn't want to regret the decision she makes especially since she broke up with me once already. She said that no matter what happens, she'll probably always have feelings for me.

I feel like if impacted her in a way none of her ex's ever have.

So I need some help convincing her that things can work out. And I need some help answering those questions stated above.

Any help would be nice.

Thank you

From what you described, it sounds like the problems are more on her end rather than yours.
However, the general idea seems like she's either seeking ressurance or (and I'm very sorry..) she's saying she's not sure if you're the person she wants to be with.

Ok, So I was dating this guy for 7 months. Things were pretty serious between us, we were planning our futures together etc etc. Well, he was always the insecure type of guy. He would get jealous so easily even if another guy so much as looked at me which drove me nuts! We would fight constantly about this. Anyway, one night out of the blue a good guy friend of mine kissed me. I was so shocked I told him to back off and I told my boyfriend about it straight away... He got so mad and claims that even though I didn't kiss him back, it's still cheating because I allowed myself to be put into that position. I really don't understand how he can see it that way.. anyway he ended it after that. So I guess my question is, do you consider it cheating even though I didn't kiss him back??

Oops I realized I posted this in the wrong section, hopefully one of the mods moves it soon. Sorry!

I don't think you cheated, I think your boyfriend is/was mad because he's under the impression that you allowed that kiss to happen. Jealousy often gets the best of us. Even though he sounds a bit insecure from what you've described and over reacted in this particular situation (IMO of course), but if you're still really into him, give it another try.

[watcher]

id say no, you were not cheating because you really cant control what the guy does to you. but on the other hand, if you are meeting guys one on one in private places rather than public, you are putting yourself in those kinds of situations where things like that might happen. i do understand where your ex was coming from. i fought with my ex alot because she told me that when she dormed in college, she would study with guys 1 on 1 in her dorm room late at night. i do understand although it is studying, but why cant she do it in a lounge or library. does anyone else see something wrong with that? studying one on one, late at night, in private? i got furious. she told me too bad, and shes still going to do it. trust is trust and i did trust her... thats one thing but to put herself in that situation where a guy can do whatever and no one can stop him, i dunno... what do you guys think.

i used to feel similar, but the more and more i thought about it, the more i realized i became possessive about her. i didn't like the idea that some guy could take advantage of the situation if he wanted to, like that kiss scenario kristen mentioned. it might not have been my ex's doing, but i seriously didn't like even the thought of it. and it was soon afterwards that i realized that i treated the ex a bit like a possession in trying to 'protect' her from getting taken advantage of.

later on, i just learned to accept that she's old enough to take care of herself, and smart enough to know what's best for her. sure, she can make mistakes, but i can't control everything in her life so as to make me feel better about my relationship with her. if she feels uncomfortable or needs help, i'd trust her enough to give me a call whenever, at any time. and if, in the worst case, something does go down, then i'm there for help and support if needed, and maybe a beatdown with baseball bat in hand if she kindly asks.

so i say don't just trust her loyalty to you, but trust that she's smart enough to make good decisions. [of course, im sure there are exceptions, but i'm just speaking generally]

[epark1281]

LOL. Are there really such things as truly platonic "best friends" between a heterosexual girl and guy? I have guy friends...but none that I'm super super close to. I just think that if I was that close to them, they'll more likely be my bf rather than my "Best friends". Pff, guy friends like to "play around" a lot. They'll flirt with you sometimes randomly, and do really nice things for you that make you question their true intent...(like not malicious or anything...but you just wonder if there's any interest at all), and then you just decide to ignore it. I think most of them aren't that serious about it, but they do like flirting.

Nope, no such thing. Maybe girls can do this, but us guys always develop feelings along the way. May be part friendship, maybe even mostly friendship, but in the end, it'll cross the line ever so slightly.
BTW, you should make things clear. If you know he's coming on to you, you should draw a line in the sand, for your sake and his.

[sasuke-kun]

I don't agree at all. You can't say you trust her and then trust her conditionally. After all, you don't think that there could be a deserted lounge (the one in my dorm back in college was always empty)? Or a quiet corner in the library? I'm on your ex's side - after all, if I feel like nothing's going to happen, why wouldn't I want to study in a place where I was most comfortable ?

Thing is, she has been sexually harassed in the past, twice and im not talking about a kiss or hug. And all she does is overlook it. She keeps putting herself in situations like that and those things keep happening. What am I supposed to do as a bf? Just learn to accept it and let my ex keep getting harassed? She doesnt push them away or yell at them, she tries to be nice about it and everything. What do you think guys will think if a girl kindly declines while hes sexually harassing her?

still makes me mad how she doesnt learn. even though we are broken up, still angers me every time i think about it. yeah, maybe i am possessive but how can i just stand there and keep letting her get hurt? what was i supposed to do?

[jshat4]

Nope, no such thing. Maybe girls can do this, but us guys always develop feelings along the way. May be part friendship, maybe even mostly friendship, but in the end, it'll cross the line ever so slightly.
BTW, you should make things clear. If you know he's coming on to you, you should draw a line in the sand, for your sake and his.

I wouldn't say anything unless they made REALLY HUGE hints that they liked me. I'm the worst at reading those things, and I would die if I read someone wrong when they weren't coming onto me. Can you imagine how awkward it is when they go "Oh you thought I liked you that way? Oops, sorry I don't."

But even if they come onto you, it doesn't really mean they're looking for relationship. They may just be testing waters...or having fun. Probably the latter. For instance, I used to think that a guy trying to hold hands with you is a major hint, but in the end, he never ended up asking me out, so he was probably just playing It really depends on the guy.

[papabear]

For instance, I used to think that a guy trying to hold hands with you is a major hint, but in the end, he never ended up asking me out, so he was probably just playing It really depends on the guy.

or he has boundary issues...

[chairmanK]

For instance, I used to think that a guy trying to hold hands with you is a major hint, but in the end, he never ended up asking me out, so he was probably just playing It really depends on the guy.

or he has boundary issues...

What's wrong with holding hands?! I like to hold hands with my friends

My rule about physical contact between friends: if you wouldn't feel icky touching your cousins or siblings in that way, then you shouldn't feel awkward about touching your friends in the same way, and you shouldn't infer any romantic intentions from such touching.

[Aerain]

I am 20 and I don't want to have sex for life... Is it normal?

[Pogichinoy]

Depends on your understanding of normal.

Do what you like, there is no need to do otherwise or ask random people for acceptance.

[SeeinGxStarS]

Eh, it's all preference I suppose. If you're fine with it, then that's all that should matter.

[Aerain]

Depends on your understanding of normal.

Do what you like, there is no need to do otherwise or ask random people for acceptance.

Well, I don't want social acceptance, just people's opinions. I am curious to know what they think.