[watcher]

^ i dont know... but on another note, whether you meet him through an arranged meeting, or in the classroom, or walking out of the office to get a tall mocha latte at starbucks or even on the net... doesn't matter i think. but if you're looking, throw out some bait. that's why people call it 'fishing.'

[chewy117]

On another unrelated note, does this seem weird to you...if a guy friend asks you whether you went to an event posing as his gf? (when he 100% knows that you're not the type to do that). So why would he ask you this? As a joke? (ha ha..so funny I forgot to laugh *rolls eyes*).

that is sorta weird...
or that may be his new pick up line or something

how was his tone? sarcastic? serious?

... hmmm... i was trying to think how this comment came about the past 5 min...
and that is one of the most weird thing to say a girl when he knows 100% you didnt...

it's either a joke, he's trying to hit on you or maybe someone really told him that you went to out as posing as his g/f..

i got a bit more to say about this but i gotta run

my dong-seng's wife went to a korea for a week and he wants the boys over for some beers and meat
***yum***

i'll be back~ hahahaha

[pyrochild]

THIS THREAD DELIVERS.!.

you're right. it's pretty amazing.

[chewy117]

back... tried this new chicken place and it was pretty good

anyways, jshat4...
i'll put this out first before i continue

us guys are stupid. yes, i admit it.
we are stupid when it comes to trying to pick up, break the ice, start a new relationship, etc.
many of us, our minds take a quick time trip when we're in grade school or jr. high
and we come up with these lines saying to our-selves "omg, this is so witty and cool"
we try our new line out in our heads in different scenarios a billion times (well, more like 3 to 4 times then the whole thing just gets redundent. after the 5th time or something we think its still different)
but in real life... it is just a cry for attention from the girl.
i'm stating this while assuming that the line he droped was a pick up line
so, i suggest throw some bait out there for the guy
i mean if you think he's not that bad of a guy but by now i can see you are pretty much repulsed of him for saying what he said.

as for me... my plans for tomorrow might not work out for ice skating...
the time is the problem
there are no ice rinks that are open when she's comming back from her parents
so, i need to think of an activity...
crap... i hate these last min. screw ups... crap!!!!

[watcher]

weather's beautiful... head out to the promenade

[jshat4]

back... tried this new chicken place and it was pretty good

anyways, jshat4...
i'll put this out first before i continue

us guys are stupid. yes, i admit it.
we are stupid when it comes to trying to pick up, break the ice, start a new relationship, etc.
many of us, our minds take a quick time trip when we're in grade school or jr. high
and we come up with these lines saying to our-selves "omg, this is so witty and cool"
we try our new line out in our heads in different scenarios a billion times (well, more like 3 to 4 times then the whole thing just gets redundent. after the 5th time or something we think its still different)
but in real life... it is just a cry for attention from the girl.
i'm stating this while assuming that the line he droped was a pick up line
so, i suggest throw some bait out there for the guy
i mean if you think he's not that bad of a guy but by now i can see you are pretty much repulsed of him for saying what he said.

as for me... my plans for tomorrow might not work out for ice skating...
the time is the problem
there are no ice rinks that are open when she's comming back from her parents
so, i need to think of an activity...
crap... i hate these last min. screw ups... crap!!!!

Haha, aww that's so cute. But in this case, it is not cute..it is just too weird/strange. And this guy, ack, it's a really long story that I won't bore everyone with, but I am convinced he really enjoys messing with people's minds. So I stopped letting him get to me. He's sent me a gazillion mixed signals that I have no idea how to decipher, so I think I'm just going to make my life less complicated by ignoring them. And I don't really like him that way, although I was semi-confused at one point. But I think that's only because no one's really hit on me before. And I don't even know if all the stuff he did counts as hitting on someone...like some people are just "different"? *shrugs*

ANYWAY, he did bring up an interesting point when I was discussing something with him the other day. What do you guys think about this idea...it's possible to MAKE someone fall in love with you if you play your cards right...Almost like breaking a hard case, if you study the psychological factors well enough, essentially change yourself in a way that you know will hit all the right buttons, you could essentially make them fall for you? (I guess given that they are not replused by you, but neutral..you could tip the balance towards your favor, as long as the cards are laid out right). The only argument I have against this is that you're manipulating your own personality basically, but hey, maybe it works for some people? This is when I asked him for advice about a guy and he told me he'd help me "practice" trying to get the guy...Lmao. I laughed so hard...I guess this is the extreme case of #2.

[i.luv.tea.]

If you meet someone of a different faith or religion, does that deter you from pursuing a relationship with that person?

Even though I'm not Christian, I have a lot of hard-core Christian friends who told me that they would only date other Christians.
Sometimes, I find myself being very pessimistic and abstain from pursuing certain men because I know that we don't share the same beliefs or whatnot.
Personally, I would respect and accept the other person, no matter what his spirituality/faith is. I'm just fearful that the other person won't respect my faith.

[watcher]

ANYWAY, he did bring up an interesting point when I was discussing something with him the other day. What do you guys think about this idea...it's possible to MAKE someone fall in love with you if you play your cards right...Almost like breaking a hard case, if you study the psychological factors well enough, essentially change yourself in a way that you know will hit all the right buttons, you could essentially make them fall for you? (I guess given that they are not replused by you, but neutral..you could tip the balance towards your favor, as long as the cards are laid out right). The only argument I have against this is that you're manipulating your own personality basically, but hey, maybe it works for some people? This is when I asked him for advice about a guy and he told me he'd help me "practice" trying to get the guy...Lmao. I laughed so hard...I guess this is the extreme case of #2.

i certainly think it's possible to convince someone that you're worth a sincere try at a relationship. i don't think changing your personality and/or other aspects of yourself will necessarily bring success, unless those changes are more permanent in nature and you also believe these are good changes for you.

tactics will buy you time, but character cannot be mistaken. eventually, your character will catch up and people will see whether or not you come short of the impression you initially imprinted in their mind/heart.

however, as i mentioned before... if you leave the connection open long enough, it provides opportunity to grow in that relationship. and though the connection is weak in the beginning, it'll grow stronger as time goes on and you do a good job at building upon what you have [the right way].

the common wisdom among many guys is to be persistent. i believe this is because the persistence keeps the lines connected, and connected long enough to create your own opportunity to convince the other person that you're worth it. you're worth the vulnerabilities. you're worth the time and effort.

you can't 'make' someone fall in love with you, but if you do the right things, i'm sure you can work towards building a loving relationship.

If you meet someone of a different faith or religion, does that deter you from pursuing a relationship with that person?

Even though I'm not Christian, I have a lot of hard-core Christian friends who told me that they would only date other Christians.
Sometimes, I find myself being very pessimistic and abstain from pursuing certain men because I know that we don't share the same beliefs or whatnot.
Personally, I would respect and accept the other person, no matter what his spirituality/faith is. I'm just fearful that the other person won't respect my faith.

if a person puts faith in their top 3 priorities in life, a difference in faith will probably be a big deterrent. i don't think it's so much about respecting the other faith. when you get into a relationship, you might respect each others opinions, but faith is not so much an opinion as it is a lifestyle / life philosophy. you don't just think it and clash once in a while, you live it in its entirety.

in order to have a fulfilling relationship. you have to let a part of your life come into union with the others. [thus marriage is the ultimate union] however, if a big portion of your life is faith, and you two share different faiths, it then becomes difficult to actually share. and while the idea of 'whats yours is yours and mine is mine' is ok when you start out, eventually things have to mesh in order to make a path to a deeper relationship.

[Pogichinoy]

Yay for Jennifer! I love you. ^^ Yosh!!

I wish everyone the love as I share with my gf.

Love is all around!

[negitoro]

If you meet someone of a different faith or religion, does that deter you from pursuing a relationship with that person?

Even though I'm not Christian, I have a lot of hard-core Christian friends who told me that they would only date other Christians.
Sometimes, I find myself being very pessimistic and abstain from pursuing certain men because I know that we don't share the same beliefs or whatnot.
Personally, I would respect and accept the other person, no matter what his spirituality/faith is. I'm just fearful that the other person won't respect my faith.

Absolutely. I'm not very spiritual and I think it would at least be a deterrent to me for the other person to be religious.

I mean, sure, it's not a deal breaker but I tend to think the differences in philosophy and outlook would really cause a lot of unnecessary tension.

This could really range from the trivial matters like them not being able to make any plans on Sunday due to church or avoiding certain meats to the really serious stuff like if down the line I didn't want my children to go to church or whatever.

[klx13]

One of my best friends is very religious and once dated a guy who was a hardcore atheist-- the kinda guy that would tear down flyers for bible study events around campus and stuff like that. They dated for over a year and did love each other a lot. But in the end, the extreme difference in opinion is what ended their relationship. He respected how she felt about religion and respected her values, but at the same time hated religion for himself and was completely unwilling to give it a thought or a chance.

Religion is something I think is deeply personal... it goes beyond just values. For some people it's a huge part of their identity. I don't think relationships can really last if there's an extreme difference in opinion. If you have one person who's religious and another person who's not religious but maybe open to it (agnostic maybe?), then maybe it could work.


------------------



So in about 2 months, my bf of almost 2 years will be moving to NYC. We were on and off for a while when we first started dating and we've gone through several rough patches, but right now our relationship is fairly strong. We do talk about the future a lot, but we're uncertain as to what will happen once he's gone. Because we have spent most of our free time together for the past 2 years, we're really not used to the idea of being apart. The longest we've been apart is about a month, and usually we see each other everyday or at least every other day.

I'm worried, because obviously the distance will change things. We'll only be able to see each other on weekends, and I'll have to take the bus for 5 hours to go see him (since I live at home and he can't stay with me if he visits me).

I've never dealt with this sort of situation before. My past bfs were always either in the same area as me or it was long distance the whole time.

The transition is going to be really tough I think... from seeing each other everyday to twice a week plus all the traveling for me (10hrs per week total). When we're apart, we don't really chat online and he doesn't like talking on the phone that much (he will for me, but he hates long phone conversations whereas I love them). I worry we'll drift apart and our relationship will suffer.

Has anyone else dealt with similar issues of going from together in the same place to a long distance relationship?

[watcher]

^ yea, both of my ex's went back to korea after being together. the first one i was with for roughly 2 and a half years. the second one left after 6 months. both relationships endured for about a year before things started to get rocky. we do what we can to stay together, but ultimately, while we were apart, they chose a future that would make it difficult for the relationship to continue. [i.e. they wanted to stay in korea]

i don't think the problem is ever adjusting to being apart. if you both like each other, you two will figure it out together. the bigger problem is figuring out how you'll get back together in terms of proximity, and always keeping hope in the back of your mind that you'll live nearby each other soon in the future. certainly soon enough that you could see it coming. [this is important, as it keeps your relationshp morale up when things get tough.]

personally though... if you can see him twice a week, i think that's plenty. 1~2 times a week is fine. 3~4 times is a luxury. every single day is a bit too much personally. you need your space and time to do your own thing too. and on days you're not together, just a 5 minute call to see how each other's day went. but that's just me

[negitoro]

From my own experiences and observations, your situation is definitely going to be tough.

Me and my ex, we went from being together constantly for months to moving far, far away.

I'm like your bf and I'm not much of a phone talker. After awhile, with the phone and email being primary communication, it wears on you a little. I admit that I wasn't as strong as I needed to be and I eventually just felt like the relationship suffered simply due to the amount of work it took - I was constantly juggling times to make it home for the phone calls or trying/forcing myself to communicate when there wasn't really much I felt like saying. Being together all the time before, you definitely get used to how "effortless" it is to see each other and I felt the effort started to get real tiresome very quickly. The contrast just made it seem worse.

The eventual lack of plan was what really killed it though. Since I wasn't sure that she was who I wanted to marry at that time and we couldn't figure out a firm plan or timeframe when we'd be back together, the daily effort seemed like it would simply go on forever and was a major contributing factor to our breakup. Almost all the people I know who were long distance, the ones that made it were the ones that had firm plans and knew what they were doing (together after graduation, applications of transfers at work, etc)

Your distance is awkward too. For instance, since it'll be mostly you going to NY, after awhile, I think the effort of the travel will wear you down. You have a life and 10 hour round trips are long enough that they're not something you can do on a whim. They're tiring and you may get tired of making the trips, especially when you're the only one making that effort.

[jshat4]

i certainly think it's possible to convince someone that you're worth a sincere try at a relationship. i don't think changing your personality and/or other aspects of yourself will necessarily bring success, unless those changes are more permanent in nature and you also believe these are good changes for you.

tactics will buy you time, but character cannot be mistaken. eventually, your character will catch up and people will see whether or not you come short of the impression you initially imprinted in their mind/heart.

however, as i mentioned before... if you leave the connection open long enough, it provides opportunity to grow in that relationship. and though the connection is weak in the beginning, it'll grow stronger as time goes on and you do a good job at building upon what you have [the right way].

the common wisdom among many guys is to be persistent. i believe this is because the persistence keeps the lines connected, and connected long enough to create your own opportunity to convince the other person that you're worth it. you're worth the vulnerabilities. you're worth the time and effort.

you can't 'make' someone fall in love with you, but if you do the right things, i'm sure you can work towards building a loving relationship.

Haha I guess the fact that you can make someone fall for you using techniques sounds a bit creepy to me. Oh well, anything is really possible. Some people hide it well though--they hide their personalities for years, years, and years without their partner knowing. Must be a tough life...or at least a double one.

Re: Faith, I'm quite unreligious, but I can be tolerant if someone believes in a certain faith as long as they're not super hardcore. But I don't want to be expected to go to church (although I actually already go to church monthly for volunteering haha, but that's besides the point). Like they shouldn't try to convert me. But if we're both cool with having different beliefs, I'm okay with it. Might be issues w/ raising the kids though. But yeah, I don't think a seriously devout religious person would want to marry me anyway, their families would be against it. I dunno, I'm open to new ideas--like I perhaps believe in a higher being, just not a specific God.

[boa808]

So I noticed through facebook that many girls like it when a guy can play an instrument, most particularly either the guitar or the piano. So I was wondering which was more popular. Or if there are other instruments they like guys to play. Also, note that this question isn't necessarily directed only to girls with boyfriends. It can be for single girls about their future boyfriends.. etc...

[lizbeth]

Guitar is always sexy. Piano i consider classy and is sexy in it's own right!

[jshat4]

Violin all the way. Way way too much hype dealing with piano and guitar. I find those two very very overused. Maybe I'm biased because I play piano myself and I find it not a huge deal.

[blue_shoe]

If you meet someone of a different faith or religion, does that deter you from pursuing a relationship with that person?

Even though I'm not Christian, I have a lot of hard-core Christian friends who told me that they would only date other Christians.
Sometimes, I find myself being very pessimistic and abstain from pursuing certain men because I know that we don't share the same beliefs or whatnot.
Personally, I would respect and accept the other person, no matter what his spirituality/faith is. I'm just fearful that the other person won't respect my faith.

I read everybody response to this and I have to say I'm very fearful at the moment. I'm aetheist, a little bit of budhist and a little bit agnostic. My boyfriend is Catholic. My boyfriend is very religious. He devote a lot of his time to church, however, he's not the type in your face preaching about religion and stuffs. He keeps his belief to himself and respect that I'm not Catholic. He doesn't try to convert me or anything. However, the response to this concerns me deeply because yes I do have a problem about him not being able to make plans on Sunday. Now I mean I don't mind that I can't plan to go to the beach on Sunday or whatnot, but it does concern me that he can't celebrate my bday if it happens to be on Sunday....

We are deeply in love and right now he and I can tolerate the differences, but I'm really scare of the future because like many of your responses that right now is ok but it does have deeper problems later in marriage. I have to talk to him about this today. Gosh this is going to hurt if we break up

[taemoo]

We are deeply in love and right now he and I can tolerate the differences, but I'm really scare of the future because like many of your responses that right now is ok but it does have deeper problems later in marriage. I have to talk to him about this today. Gosh this is going to hurt if we break up

It's good that you are going to talk to him about it. You are going to face a lot of hurdles just to get married if your boyfriend wants a catholic ceremony as part of the sacrament.

[chewy117]

So I noticed through facebook that many girls like it when a guy can play an instrument, most particularly either the guitar or the piano. So I was wondering which was more popular. Or if there are other instruments they like guys to play. Also, note that this question isn't necessarily directed only to girls with boyfriends. It can be for single girls about their future boyfriends.. etc...

i'm thinking of picking up guitar and piano

but i used to play the celo which i havent picked up for a good couple of years
i dont even have my celo with me... i think it's still @ my house back in korea
or... crap... i think i gave it away...
oh man!!!! that sucks!!!
or... i think i droped it once and broke it...
either way... that sucks!!!

I read everybody response to this and I have to say I'm very fearful at the moment. I'm aetheist, a little bit of budhist and a little bit agnostic. My boyfriend is Catholic. My boyfriend is very religious. He devote a lot of his time to church, however, he's not the type in your face preaching about religion and stuffs. He keeps his belief to himself and respect that I'm not Catholic. He doesn't try to convert me or anything. However, the response to this concerns me deeply because yes I do have a problem about him not being able to make plans on Sunday. Now I mean I don't mind that I can't plan to go to the beach on Sunday or whatnot, but it does concern me that he can't celebrate my bday if it happens to be on Sunday....

We are deeply in love and right now he and I can tolerate the differences, but I'm really scare of the future because like many of your responses that right now is ok but it does have deeper problems later in marriage. I have to talk to him about this today. Gosh this is going to hurt if we break up

just putting it out there
this happend to my friend when he was young

his mother was a devoted christian and the father... well, he had better plans on sunday morning
one day my friend asks his dad

"dad? where is mom going every sunday morning?"
"she's going to church"
"why dont we go too?"
"you can go if you want"

then he started following his mom to church then another question pops to his head

"dad? why dont you goto church with us?"
"..."

yea.. that sucked pretty much right there
it might not be the biggest thing now but it will come up sooner or later in some way or another.