Well, I have to say I mostly have a pessimistic view of relationships and people in general (fair warning). But just because someone cheats doesn't make them a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes. But continuously being in this love triangle with someone who has a girlfriend that they're obviously not breaking up with at the moment... is futile. I've been in a somewhat similar situation, and I doubt any good relationship can ever come out of this. Cheating with someone is not the right way to start off any real, adult relationship. Doesn't matter if he's the best guy you've ever known, etc.
People cheat for plenty of reasons-- they're bored with their current relationship, they just want something on the side with no real commitment, or say this guy does care about you like he says he does and wants to be with you instead--- but feels somehow obligated to his gf. This guy sounds like he basically wants it all, the stability of a long term relationship with his gf and also the side relationship with you. But if he really did want to be with you instead, he would have broken up with the gf long ago and stayed broken up, and pursued you even when you said no. Maybe he's more attached to his gf than he believes, which is why he hasn't left her yet.
In any case, why would you want to date someone who's cheated so much in the past? He hasn't cheated on you, technically, except his gf, but who knows? And you said he cheated a lot before, too. This guy has got issues, and clearly hasn't resolved them yet. Don't waste any more time on this guy, really. People are creatures of habit for the most part, so I really really don't think he would change even if you were to be in a relationship with him.
Also, the fact that you've kept it a secret for long is probably why you're still in this. When I was in a similar situation, it went on for so long because I could barely admit to myself that it was happening and that it was bad. When I started opening up to my friends and confiding in them about it, I heard their advice and their reasoning and it helped me realize how stupid I was being and what a bad situation it was for both me and him.
i do know that he feels obligated to his gf and that's one of the primary reasons he cant break things off with her. she used to be suicidal and attempted to hang herself when they broke up a while ago. they were constantly fighting etc etc. you get the point. that's why they cant break up unless the girl breaks up with him. it's unfair but really, when the girl is like that...
i do know he's got issues, and we're trying to work them out. i used to give him tasks to do as a sort of 'therapy' LOL. anyway, another reason we got really close was that even after i rejected him, he still pursued me. it got to the point that people would laugh at him for being so obsessed and etc and he began to hate me for that. but things got resolved, my then bf and i broke up, he 'moved on' (partially), but then he lost most of his friends and had no one to talk to anymore. but i stuck with him and talked to him etc etc. eventually he got back together with his gf and everything was fine and dandy.
we kind of drifted apart but then when i was having problems he helped me out again and his old feelings returned. his girlfriend found out (sort of, she still didnt know the whole story), a lot happened after that and we stopped talking. i changed my number, changed emails etc etc. i basically took him out of my life. he found a way to contact me and i just let my guard down because i was feeling depressed that time and as you all know by now, his old feelings returned. things happened--and well... the rest is history.
no one still really knows the truth. i dont trust anyone anymore, that's why i cant confide in anyone. my friends, i know they wont judge me, but i dont want to hurt them. i know they'll get caught in the middle and i dont want to trouble them with my problems. i basically keep everything to myself except for this. i guess that's why im so confused.
okay that sounded ridiculous, but during the time he didnt have a girlfriend and when he was courting me, he was wonderful. he did things i never thought anyone would do for me. he's never did those things for anyone else before, i know that for a fact. and he used to cheat a lot more on his girlfriend before but he totally stopped during that time and broke up with her for me. my mistake was rejecting him. the only time he stuck to one girl was when he was with me. maybe it's just me thinking that i can change him but he did prove to be much more loyal than i ever thought he could be before.
