[WhizKid77]

so philosophical...and so right... i've been thinking quite a lot about this, and i'm beginning to learn that i'll just end up crazy if i don't make up my mind. so it's true that i'm not gonna risk my relationship when nothing's wrong with it, but at the same time, i also want to keep this new friend.

i think one good thing is that i don't usually see the new guy since he lives 4 hours away (nagoya) while i'm in osaka...but he did invite me to nagoya if i want to visit, which i'm still thinking about.

and you're right. i think it's much worse when you're "emotionally cheating"...even though we hung out and nothing physical happened (he knows i have a boyfriend cuz i made it clear in the beginning)...and also all of our friends are together so obviously nothing wasn't gonna happen. but i think the emotional line may have been crossed to a certain extent...that's why i felt REALLY guilty (which is why i started my post)...

but...i think i'm beginning to think a little more clearly now...thanks to you guys.

cool cool. just remember how much it'd hurt your bf if he found out... also try to put yourself in his shoes - what if your bf was secretly attracted to someone else...or he chose to go out with her over you...i dunno, its hard but what really helps is - i constantly remind myself that i would never want to hurt her because it hurts me even more to see her heart broken. =/

good luck to you! =P

[mickey012]

cool cool. just remember how much it'd hurt your bf if he found out... also try to put yourself in his shoes - what if your bf was secretly attracted to someone else...or he chose to go out with her over you...i dunno, its hard but what really helps is - i constantly remind myself that i would never want to hurt her because it hurts me even more to see her heart broken. =/

good luck to you! =P

yup. definitely! thank you again!

[hayabusa01]

Why can't I get a girl for myself? Why is it that all the women that approach me lately are all married? It already got old the second time it happened.

And on a seperate note, it seems like everytime I see my friend he's always telling me about a conversation in which his girlfriend somehow brings me up. And I'm especially intimidated when he told me he once asked her which of his friends she'd cheat on him with... yeah, I got a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach when I found out who it was. Because, like... his last girlfriend was a little too close to me. Nothing happened, I made sure of that.

Man.... this is like college all over again!

[sugarcakes]

...i have enough common sense when it comes to sex...

i'm pretty committed...but the fact that he's my very first boyfriend & i'm his first girlfriend makes me wonder sometimes. he's totally ready to spend the rest of his life with me (he always hints it), whereas i'm not ready for that kind of commitment until after grad school & getting a good job & settling down...THEN maybe i'll consider it...

but...don't you have to check out what's out there before knowing who you're with is the right person?

if the answer is YES...then is that enough reason for me to take a "break" from my relationship and see other pplz when nothing is wrong?
yes, of course if we both want it eventually, i think. he is in the states whereas the guy i met is japanese and will probably be in japan for the rest of his life (while i'm in america)...so...that kind of makes things more clear for me...

you have a boyfriend. you should honor your committment, especially if you two love each other very much. but if you really feel like you should explore and see what's out there. then you should be honest with your boyfriend and let him go before you do that. does that make sense?

sometimes a crush is just a crush.

Why can't I get a girl for myself? Why is it that all the women that approach me lately are all married? It already got old the second time it happened.

And on a seperate note, it seems like everytime I see my friend he's always telling me about a conversation in which his girlfriend somehow brings me up. And I'm especially intimidated when he told me he once asked her which of his friends she'd cheat on him with... yeah, I got a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach when I found out who it was. Because, like... his last girlfriend was a little too close to me. Nothing happened, I made sure of that.

Man.... this is like college all over again!

married women are approaching you and your buddies girlfriends want to cheat with you ?

i'm not sure why that is, but i can tell you people usually seek when there are opportunities / possibilities.

[Ar0x]

so i have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now, and everything's great. but right now, i'm physically in japan for a research internship (he also went last year, which encouraged me to apply for this year). and i met a guy through my co-worker this past weekend.

he's really sweet and a super gentleman, and after only hanging out for only a day and a half, it was really obvious that there was some "awkwardness" going on at times. he's 23 and working part-time while trying to get a full-time license as a public school teacher in japan...

so...my dilemma right now is...(i can't believe i'm saying this as a 21-year-old) i think i have a crush on this guy & it's driving me crazy.

i still love my boyfriend very much but i think about this other guy whom i've only met for a day & a half every once in awhile...
it's only been 2 days since i met this other guy, and i'm going insane. i KNOW nothing's ever going to happen, but i can't seem to fully absorb that in my system.

also, we exchanged e*mail & MSN so we can keep in touch. i would like to keep him as a friend cuz he's a cool person...but i'm not sure if i'm keeping my head straight here...

i feel like this is only happening because i'm away from my boyfriend (usually we're together 24/7 in school). should i just wait it out so i can eventually get over this so-called "crush"?

=============================== ][

Hi 'Mickey012';
~~what a delimma, but somehow i think you can handle it. you come through to me like a very "together" lady. these things happen. it is a thrill and a happening--and downright warm and wonderful, but still a difficult situation to be in--i'm sure!
~~none of us can really give you any advice. except do whatever is Good for you. you did not say: husband, nor fiance. boyfriends/girlfriends at teenage years & early twenties are not necessarily 'forever'. i am not here to encourage you do 'wrong'--but (personally i'd "hit-it"...Hard n' Often)! unless you are seriously attached to the-1st-Great guy. you are the only one, of course who can answer the question which is: do you consider yourself still single, or are you really a 'committed' couple.

two friends of mine are presently in Japan, and two are in China--wish i were with them in both/each country...wow their constant eMails describe Much good fun. oh well, Enjoy.

happy summertime to everyone. \;-)

[Majah Flavah]

this is a repost of a post i put in this thread a few weeks earlier. i'm reposting since it's the end of the summer and the situation still stands. i need a few more opinions on this issue before i make a final decision on how to proceed. some additional comments have been added for further insight.


alright guys, i'll keep it plain and simple.

i'm 21. how young is too young? there's this 17 year old girl, and i don't know what to do about her. she likes me, and i like her too, but i need to be realistic and acknowledge the fact that i'll be a senior in college while she's only becoming a senior in highschool. i also need to add that this will be a long-distance relationship, spanning a few states inbetween. is this sort of relationship plausible? i understand the gap in maturity present and burden of criticism from peers... but how much should i weigh logic against emotion? the combination of age gap and distance is almost a guaranteed relationship-killer, but what do you do when logic continually gives out to your emotions, and the fact that this girl is a near-perfect catch? is giving this relationship a chance worth the risk, and is it even worth the unavoidable growing pains that'll have to be dealt with during the course of being together?

i know all the reasons as to why i shouldn't even attempt this, but what should i do when i feel that this girl is worth the time and effort? i am being completely unbiased when i say that she's a keeper for almost any guy. she's kind, beautiful, smart and fun to be around. i understand that there's many fish in the ocean and all that, and trust me when i say that i am also not the type to believe in "the one"... but i feel as if there will be a large regret lingering inside me if i leave her behind just because i'm thinking it's too inconvenient to love her. some have suggested i wait a few years while keeping in contact, some have suggested ending the relationship before it even begins due to it's high probability of failing, and some have suggested that i go for it and see what comes from it since it'll be worth the risk if you're going after someone you truly feel is worth it.

so the question is, what's the right decision to make? i mean, i suppose there really isn't a right or wrong decision... but never the less, i'd like to know what most of you think about this situation. is it really simple enough to say "do whatever feels right?" i'm looking for personal experiences, advice, and comments from you guys to help me contemplate further... since i'll have to decide how to proceed with this girl in two weeks before we part ways back to our respective homes far away from each other.

pretty much all advice and comments welcome. remember, im comparing 21 to 17... not 26 to 22 or 13 to 9. thanks.

[mickey012]

(i just want to thank everyone that posted responses in regards to my post...i have totally recovered from the situation...yes, fast, i know...but the only reason i could have done that is cuz you guys helped me clear out my mind...so thank you again! ^^)

back to Majah Flavah's post above...since you re-posted, it gives me the idea that you're having more doubts than reassurance. have you talked to her about this situation? because there is an age gap, it makes things a little more complicated...

first, she's not 18 yet and you're 21...you should first check the state laws first, if you know what i mean. (even if things are consensual, it's not in the eyes of law)

second, it will be a long-distance relationship & you realize the gap in both age/maturity...yyou know that it will potentially end badly...so you should ask yourself whether you're willing to give this relationship a try & find out how much SHE is willing to commit to this long-distance relationship when she's much younger & has more time to be "free".

make sure you both understand the risks involved, and make a decision that will work for the both of you together. after all, whatever decision you two make will affect the two of you only.

[shiwi]

Majah Flavah..

from what i've seen in the past through friends and such, the difference between college aged and high school aged people is very big. If she had been a freshman in college while you are a senior in college, this would be much more "socially acceptable" in the eyes of the general public, i believe. the experiences that people have in college, and especially their level of maturity and experience usually set them apart from those still in high school, and so you two might find it difficult to relate after the initial honeymoon stage passes. and plus.. long distance. you probably know what i'm going to say already about that.

just my two cents.

have you hinted or talked to her about this yet? see if she reciprocates these same feelings before thinking too much ahead. and think ahead. she will be making a big transition in about a year, will the relationship (if any) be able to withstand that? what about even waiting a year till she turns legal age and plus she'll be in college already? and of course all in all, if you feel that you need to do this, it will be your own emotional psychological and physical investment in this.. just think it through thoroughly.

[Majah Flavah]

thanks for the input everyone.

i have decided not to go through with it.

hopefully i'll be able to cross paths with more girls like her in the future, ones who are more around my age and location to actually pursue a lasting relationship with. the sea is vast, but there's only a few diamond-studded fish roaming around in it, from what i've seen...

[Laxntiga]

I think I figured something out...... Listen to my theory.


I finally realised why girls like older men. Yes, yes the saying "they are more mature". But, this can only seem this way. For example.. a 20 year old girl wouldn't date a 20 year old guy because they are of the same age, same level of education, experience, etc. etc.

But a 20 year old girl will date a 23 year old guy bc... the guy is already out of college, has a job, more settled down, more "experienced" etc. The 23 year old has a better "future" presently because he's already made it through college and can help "lead" the girl in her life as well.

The boy in college, doesn't have a real job, and is on the same level as the girl... as in same level of experience(whatever you can apply this to), education, habits etc. is almost on the same level as the girl, so the 23 year old is "superior" relative to the 20 year old because he's just been through it all and knows more than the 20 year old.

(of course there are exceptions and everyones different, but on average.)

What do you guys and gals think?

[mickey012]

I think I figured something out...... Listen to my theory.
I finally realised why girls like older men. Yes, yes the saying "they are more mature". But, this can only seem this way. For example.. a 20 year old girl wouldn't date a 20 year old guy because they are of the same age, same level of education, experience, etc. etc.

But a 20 year old girl will date a 23 year old guy bc... the guy is already out of college, has a job, more settled down, more "experienced" etc. The 23 year old has a better "future" presently because he's already made it through college and can help "lead" the girl in her life as well.

The boy in college, doesn't have a real job, and is on the same level as the girl... as in same level of experience(whatever you can apply this to), education, habits etc. is almost on the same level as the girl, so the 23 year old is "superior" relative to the 20 year old because he's just been through it all and knows more than the 20 year old.

(of course there are exceptions and everyones different, but on average.)

What do you guys and gals think?

this is a result from a girl's need for security and how we always need constant reassurance...especially for girls who are 20/21+ and are either graduating soon, going to grad school, or getting ready to work and settle down.

i personally would want someone i can depend on in every aspect. i wouldn't want to be the bread winner while my boyfriend sits around at home doing nothing cuz he doesn't have a job...or some other similar situation where i'm the one supporting the relationship at all times. (not to mention i don't think it's right to be with a younger guy)

[hayabusa01]

All the stuff Laxntiga mentioned sounds very reasonable to me as a guy. I've met numerous girls that wanted to marry me in college. But given that I was 18 and without a job, I really was against it. I'd like to be in a steady relationship when I have a steady lifestyle.

But sometimes it feels like there's a fine line between them wanting security... and them just simply being a gold digger. In the military community, at least a third of the guys we know have been burned by a gold digger. For some reason a lot of girls think all military guys are rich (I remember girls talking about military guys back in college). But "juicy girls" (buy-me-drinkie girls) are especially notorious among the military community. If you've never heard of those girls, and don't know.... basically they're girls you meet at the bars while stationed overseas in Korea, Japan, etc. who have the sole intent of marrying you to get US citizenship. Afterwards they'll divorce them, take the kids, the house, and find some rich guy to marry.

I am not joking when I say my uncle's Korean wife did that (not to him, to her previous husband). And all of her Korean friends (seriously, all of them) did the same thing too. Hell, my mom probably did that too (she's Korean, divorced my dad when I was 2).

My Korean friend from Virginia says the same thing. All the Korean girls he knows there love their Gucci and Prada... because of their mom's who buys the stuff from them with their rich step-dad's credit cards.

Yeah, the stuff I mentioned above are somewhat extreme examples (I say somewhat, because I know of worse). But there are other examples that just doesn't seem to be far off... most of which revolves around materialism.

[Laxntiga]

this is a result from a girl's need for security and how we always need constant reassurance...especially for girls who are 20/21+ and are either graduating soon, going to grad school, or getting ready to work and settle down.

i personally would want someone i can depend on in every aspect. i wouldn't want to be the bread winner while my boyfriend sits around at home doing nothing cuz he doesn't have a job...or some other similar situation where i'm the one supporting the relationship at all times. (not to mention i don't think it's right to be with a younger guy)

Then is it fair for the guy to "support" the relationship? What happened to equal rights? Women should be treated fairly as men right?...... So they should do the same amount of work and or the same kind of work no? kekekeke.

[jcraze]

unfortunately the pendulum has swung the other way.

Now we have to support the woman while they're making money too.

[Laxntiga]

I dont have any problems being a house husband. I think I would be more efficient than a woman at manding the house hold duties anyway.

Watch kids, cook, clean, laundry, pick up groceries. Ontop of that.... I could mow the lawn and basic home repair!

Growing up in a family, 3 girls 2 guys and a my mom wearing the pants and my sisters being lazy as fxck, I learned how to cook, clean, laundry, heck even sew. *sigh what have I grown to be

[watcher]

I think I figured something out...... Listen to my theory.
I finally realised why girls like older men. Yes, yes the saying "they are more mature". But, this can only seem this way. For example.. a 20 year old girl wouldn't date a 20 year old guy because they are of the same age, same level of education, experience, etc. etc.

But a 20 year old girl will date a 23 year old guy bc... the guy is already out of college, has a job, more settled down, more "experienced" etc. The 23 year old has a better "future" presently because he's already made it through college and can help "lead" the girl in her life as well.

The boy in college, doesn't have a real job, and is on the same level as the girl... as in same level of experience(whatever you can apply this to), education, habits etc. is almost on the same level as the girl, so the 23 year old is "superior" relative to the 20 year old because he's just been through it all and knows more than the 20 year old.

(of course there are exceptions and everyones different, but on average.)

What do you guys and gals think?

i think that's only partially true. i was talkin with a girl i recently met. she's a couple years older than me, and i asked her what she thought of me. and she pulled the 'dong seng' card on me. despite that i earn more that most of the guys she's dated and work at a company that could offer me much potential, she felt she still needed someone older.

but...i'll let you know later when i get a new ride. something nicer and luxurious and more reflective of my status. (though of course, i might end up attracting girls after them dolla dolla bills )

and on that note...here's my little situation...

as mentioned above, i have an interest a girl who's 2 years older. she's still very much a native korean and speaks only in korean. we speak formally to each other, and i'm only starting to get to know her. i can see my chances getting smaller and smaller as time passes by. i've thought over 2 'strategies' if you could call them that.

the first, is to continue to speak formally, and earn my status by convincing her i'm not some younger guy who's still lost in the world and emotionally unstable.

the second is to embrace the dongseng role, drop the formalities, and really get to know her better with all barriers down.

of course, the risk of the 2nd tactic is that i can be labelled dongseng forever, but it's easier to really know her and find different ways to win her over. the first tactic is quite an uphill battle, but i wont risk shooting myself in the foot from the start.

i'm open to an option 3 if anyone suggests. and if all else fails...oh well. i heard rejection builds character

[HERMIT]

^
I could probably drum up a third option for you if I thought hard enough.
But even before I reply, I'd still have to consult my lawy.... oh, wth - it's you, isn't it?!

[watcher]

^
I could probably drum up a third option for you if I thought hard enough.
But even before I reply, I'd still have to consult my lawy.... oh, wth - it's you, isn't it?!

that didnt stop you before!

u meanie...

[Laxntiga]

try option 2, the dongseng role. get to know her inside out. and then just go alllll the way, im talkin... knock it outa the park. like one day on her birthday just take her to the beach, take her for a drive, take her to dinner, suprise her with fireworks... idk just copy one of the korean dramas. Then when you guys are alone kiss her and see what happens? Tell me if you tried this before? Does it work? I have tons of "noonas" which in the American dating scene/point of view is totally could totally pass as my gf ;

[loungelizard*]

I went clubbing with my girl friends last weekend. Long story short, I met a guy there. We exchanged phone numbers, must have been drunk at the time! Anyways, the club isn't the best beginning for something real. So it's probably a very bad idea to call him.

No judgements here, but if a guy can ask you to bed in a few minutes, then he's probably not boyfriend material. Only I can't stop thinking about him right now.

Rational thought says I'm lonely and on the rebound (broke up with boyfriend a few months ago). Crazy thought says who knows? Except people usually go to clubs for pick-ups, not for actual dating. I'm not interested in a one night stand with this guy, otherwise, would have left with him when he asked. haha

Also, he hasn't called me. So it was probably going to be a one time thing for him. I dunno. What do you guys think?