[LaydeeMel]

@; Echoe

I would have been pretty pissed off too about it, I don't think you over reacted. Did you let him know that you felt really really bad after donating blood and stuff? Guys are clueless and don't always take the hints when we girls need comfort.

[Tuffcore]

i mean, am i asking for too much?

Did you communicate clearly to him that you were on the verge of fainting? and to take it to another level, did you communicate clearly to him your specific needs during that time period where you were almost fainting?

If so,
i) Then he doesn't care enough about you to do anything about it.
ii) Then there may have been a possibility of a boy-cry-wolf situation where he misunderstood the severity of the situation due to high demands you may have made in the past.
iii) Then there could have been a small possibility that his friend had an emergency of other sorts and needed attention too.
iv) Then there may have been the possibility that he doesn't like to take care of you and play that "daddy role." ie. if he's sick, he'll take care of himself so how come when you're sick, you don't take care of yourself too? In which case, there's a personality incompatibility.

If not,
i) Then you can't blame him for not being a mind reader.
ii) Then you need to communicate your needs better and find more effective ways to get your message across. Furthermore, it's not too late to get the message across after the fact because it tells him to not do it again next time.

^ Did you let him know how badly you felt and how serious you thought it was?

Did you let him know that you felt really really bad after donating blood and stuff?

Yea that's the key. Did you communicate your situation to him sufficiently?

Forget these "hints" stuff that girls like to do. For all we know, you may have looked sleepy and tired so he thought it would be sweet to drive you home first so you can have more time to rest. Most Guys comprehend English only (or whatever language you guys use.)

[Ms. X]

EDIT: Rough times...

[Echoe]

Did you communicate clearly to him that you were on the verge of fainting? and to take it to another level, did you communicate clearly to him your specific needs during that time period where you were almost fainting?

If so,
i) Then he doesn't care enough about you to do anything about it.
ii) Then there may have been a possibility of a boy-cry-wolf situation where he misunderstood the severity of the situation due to high demands you may have made in the past.
iii) Then there could have been a small possibility that his friend had an emergency of other sorts and needed attention too.
iv) Then there may have been the possibility that he doesn't like to take care of you and play that "daddy role." ie. if he's sick, he'll take care of himself so how come when you're sick, you don't take care of yourself too? In which case, there's a personality incompatibility.

If not,
i) Then you can't blame him for not being a mind reader.
ii) Then you need to communicate your needs better and find more effective ways to get your message across. Furthermore, it's not too late to get the message across after the fact because it tells him to not do it again next time.


Yea that's the key. Did you communicate your situation to him sufficiently?

Forget these "hints" stuff that girls like to do. For all we know, you may have looked sleepy and tired so he thought it would be sweet to drive you home first so you can have more time to rest. Most Guys comprehend English only (or whatever language you guys use.)

everyone says communication is the key, and i guess that's right. i didn't really specify to my bf how badly i was, and it wasn't until we sat down and had a long talk when it finally came across to him.

everything's better now. he even took me to the doctor today to get a blood test after that horrible experience.

thanks guys!!!

[addicted2kdrama]

everyone says communication is the key, and i guess that's right. i didn't really specify to my bf how badly i was, and it wasn't until we sat down and had a long talk when it finally came across to him.

everything's better now. he even took me to the doctor today to get a blood test after that horrible experience.

thanks guys!!!

Wow you got a blood test because of that?

I had a similar experience except I passed out. I gave blood, drank the free OJ, went to class, and passed out. The whole room just spun and everything just went black. I went to the blood donation center and they just gave me another OJ and a cookie.

You should consider yourself lucky. That you had a bf to take you home and take you to the doctors.

[&rea]

I think I just had the last straw in my 4 and a half year relationship.
I'm scared I am going to get weak and patch things up even while knowing things aren't going to change.

Don't want to dive into details; just support me guys!

It takes a lot to make a decision like that if things definitely won't change, and it shows how strong you are.
All the best to you (:

[Tuffcore]

Last night, something happened to me that I wouldn't even wish upon my darkest enemies.

While i was sleeping, I got a phone call from my GF/EX at approximately 1:30am. She was at a club and heavy music was playing in the background. She shouts out, "haahaaa hey babe! come down!... there are so many guys around me OMG!! haha... come down save me quick!! help!! ha haa haa... *click*"

Feeling uneasy with a pinch of hurt in my heart, I didn't want to play these childish games with her so I stayed in bed. Half an hour later, her girlfriend with her from the club text messages me and tells me she can't find my GF/EX. Great, just great. I spent the next hour calling her phone which was inconveniently off because she went to the club without battery in her cell. I left text messages after text messages expressing my worry for her and pressed redial on my cell phone until i was overcome by tire and fell asleep.

Morning came and in not hearing back from her all night, I drove down to her apartment to check if she was home. The apartment was empty.

The afternoon came before she finally called back. She sounded bitter that I didn't storm down to the club to chase her back last night. In her groggy morning voice, she tells me she went home briefly to her apartment last night after clubbing to grab her cell phone charger. Then, she went out again. Worried as I was, I asked her what happened last night and where she is now. All she said in a bitter voice was, "heh, that's funny. How can I tell you where I am when I don't even know where I am myself? Where I am is none of your business. We're done. I can do whatever I want with anybody I want. I don't have to tell you anything. We're over. Now excuse me, I have to take a nap before I go out. I've got lunch plans in a bit with someone else... *click*" and of course, she turns off her cell phone.

...

Fast forward to now, and it is only in this late hour that I realize the evil in some people. Technically, we've broken up but suffice to say, love is not as simple as a technicality. While relationship status may change on any given moment, feelings do not. It is from devastating disappointment where i bring everyone this post. I have had to endure a malicious assault from someone I care about so dearly to learn a big lesson about... well, everything.

She didn't have to,
- call me from the club and tell me things that would obviously make me feel uncomfortable, because we're done.
- call me in the morning to suggest she spent the night at someone else's place, because we're over.
- make sure she hurt me one last time, but she did.

[HERMIT]

^
I understand where you're coming from when you say, "Technically, we've broken up but suffice to say, love is not as simple as a technicality. While relationship status may change on any given moment, feelings do not."

But speaking from an objective third-person observation, I'd imagine she's making it a lot easier for you to get over her with such ridiculous behavior. Might not be the most consoling thing for me to say but from a break-up standpoint, this sure helps facilitate things. Don't let her hold your heart hostage.

[watcher]

She didn't have to,
- call me from the club and tell me things that would obviously make me feel uncomfortable, because we're done.
- call me in the morning to suggest she spent the night at someone else's place, because we're over.
- make sure she hurt me one last time, but she did.

perhaps despite it all, she's the one hurting more than yourself.
fight through it and find someone better.
get better soon

[Tuffcore]

^
I understand where you're coming from when you say, "Technically, we've broken up but suffice to say, love is not as simple as a technicality. While relationship status may change on any given moment, feelings do not."

But speaking from an objective third-person observation, I'd imagine she's making it a lot easier for you to get over her with such ridiculous behavior. Might not be the most consoling thing for me to say but from a break-up standpoint, this sure helps facilitate things. Don't let her hold your heart hostage.

I hope she finds her Mr.Right, which as she's explained to me many times, is someone who is like a father figure to her. Someone mature, experienced, established, and knows exactly what he wants.

I agree with her. She needs this man and I compliment her on knowing herself really well. You see, she has self destructive tendencies. Time and time again, she places our relationship into harms way only to take joy in watching the hero in me rescue us. Last night was prime example of this (and amazingly enough, not the first time she's pulled this exact stunt.) She goes clubbing with one girlfriend and conveniently enough, intoxicates herself beyond her limits. What happens next is my fault because she's already called me to tell me she's drunk and surrounded by many guys.

That kind of thinking is absurd, illogical, and drives me crazy.

It's like to say, HERMIT, that I was to jump off a cliff and your failure to come to my rescue would result in your complete responsibility for my death. After all, you would've come if you loved me...

She really needs a man who is experienced enough to handle her. For me, it only comes after a certain amount of times that I break my back for her to ask myself, what am I fighting for? Seriously, what am I fighting for? She is high maintenance galore.



...I know I know, I make her sound so bad but she does have her good sides and bad sides just like everyone else. Nobody's perfect.

perhaps despite it all, she's the one hurting more than yourself.
fight through it and find someone better.
get better soon

Thanks, I'll do my best.

I don't regret the one year I spent with her though. The things I've learned, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Echoe]

Wow you got a blood test because of that?

Not because of that. I had an experience about three months ago when I was on the bus and I became so dizzy I just wanted to lie down or throw up. Two dizzy experiences in a row could mean something.

[jshat4]

Wow Tuffcore, your ex sounds really..psychotic. I think she should talk to a counselor seriously...I'm not judging anyone, but sometimes people just ignore their issues, and it just becomes worse and worse.

Reading these things makes me scared. I mean, we all have a pre-determined idea of how we're going to act in relationships. I have all these "rules" and personal boundaries, etc. but sometimes I wonder if being in a relationship can change you into such a psychotic person that you really end up hating yourself for becoming someone you can't even recognize anymore. I wonder if it's really easy to lose control like that....scary. Anyhow, good luck!

[papabear]

I hope she finds her Mr.Right, which as she's explained to me many times, is someone who is like a father figure to her. Someone mature, experienced, established, and knows exactly what he wants.

I agree with her. She needs this man and I compliment her on knowing herself really well. You see, she has self destructive tendencies.

If you think that she can be fixed by finding Mr. Right, then you haven't really learned much from this. Her problem has always been her, not she hasn't been able to find Mr. Right--she needs to fix herself and whatever her issues are (character or mental) before she can have a stable & permanent, healthy relationship with another. Relationships are not for the gratification of the ego or the exercise of self-absorption, they are about caring for and being considerate of the other always, not just when one feels like it or when one can get something out of it. To wish that she find another guy she thinks is Mr. Right is to wish a punishment on another guy, whether he deserves it or not.

This post has been edited by papabear: 19 April 2008 - 09:31 PM

[diaperBOY]

So, I have this situation that recently came up. I'll make it short and to the point. I asked a girl for her number, she gave me it to me. And it was established that I'd call her sometime to plan something. I call the next day to see what's up, it goes directly to her voice mail and I leave a message. Assuming she doesn't call back for awhile, when's a good time to try again?

[HERMIT]

^
Call once every hour, on the hour, until you either reach her or you've tried 12 straight times.
And if after 12 tries you still haven't been able to reach her - head for her house and when you've reached it, stand out on the yard under her bedroom window holding a big boombox over your head and play Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" at full blast during the still of the night. Keep doing this until you're satisfied that you've gotten her attention.

Just kidding.


But seriously? I don't know. I'd probably just call her one more time the next day, which would seem reasonable without seeming too eager. And if you don't reach her and have to leave another voicemail message? Then just be straightforward and concise in saying that if she's interested in making plans, you'll just wait for her to call you back and just leave her your phone number.

If she's considerate, she'll call you whether she's interested in making plans or not. If she doesn't, then it's apparent that she's not interested - especially if you were pretty clear in the message that you've left, figuratively leaving the 'ball in her court', so to speak. So if you have no callback, then I would just as soon not sweat it and just move on. In the grand scheme of things, consider it a more subtle brush off if this indeed is the case - rather than if it were her turning you down to your face (and perhaps in front of your friends).

[jshat4]

I wouldn't leave another message...unless the girl is playing hard to get. It seems kind of....desperate. Calling again, perhaps, since I guess you're the guy (I dunno, people tell me there's some 3 day rule and all this wonderful jazz which I personally find extremely lame--stupid mind games).

[Lyrica]

So, I have this situation that recently came up. I'll make it short and to the point. I asked a girl for her number, she gave me it to me. And it was established that I'd call her sometime to plan something. I call the next day to see what's up, it goes directly to her voice mail and I leave a message. Assuming she doesn't call back for awhile, when's a good time to try again?

Call her again the next day or the day after. Like Hermit said, if she doesn't answer just leave a message asking her to call you back. Just say something like: "Oh, I called you earlier and left a message but I didn't hear back from you. Are you still interested in __________/Do you still want to go ________? Call me back." Don't leave more than 2 messages though because it comes off as being a little desperate, especially if she doesn't check her voicemail often and gets like 5 messages from you at once lol.

Good luck

[hailing from ny]

Here's my story, it may be long but I appreciate all opinions.

Two nights ago, we concluded a big show at our college campus and were celebrating with lots of drinks. All the people at the party are my friends, but now I'm considering dropping a 3 year old friendship because of the story to follow. At the party was a girl that I've liked for a couple of years, and especially this year since she lives next door. I also know that she's a very big party girl who's loose about hooking up with people (hookup = make-out in my eyes). She was drinking a lot and so were most people at the party, especially one of my suitemates. He took something like 8 shots in 30 minutes (and this guy is about 5'4'' and 140lbs). I was not able to be in my apartment for much of the party because I had to be elsewhere on campus. Anyway, my suitemate admitted to me the next day that he hooked up with her. I heard that she was approaching him for the hook-up, and at first he resisted because he sensed some loyalty to me, but he claimed to have felt bad for her, so he hooked up with her anyway. After hearing this, I still can't see how my suitemate and friend of 3+ years could not be loyal to me over this girl. Therefore, I cannot trust my suitemate, who I thought had my back for all these years, especially since he's been always supportive of me when I've liked this girl. He also always talks about how he likes all these other girls, but rarely mentioned this girl. I know he liked her too in the past, but this was totally unexpected, and so I want to end my friendship with this guy. My attitude is, if you're going to be holding me back from my self improvement, you're unnecessary. I consider this the 3rd time that this guy violated the code of "bros before hos" that should be sacred to every friendship guys make.

Thoughts?

[skybirdsky]

Have you told her that you liked her? A couple years crush seems like a long time....But anyway, she doesn't seem like she's too serious about these things, so do you really think she's worth it? If so, you should really just approach her. She's not gonna know you like her if you keep it a huge secret for many many years.

Well if it's the third time and it means that much to you, then yeah, I would drop the friend.

I don't necessarily agree with the whole bros before hos thing all the time, in certain instances, if the girl likes the friend, why does it have to be bros before hos? But in this case, seems like he didn't care enough.

[badboy yardy]

At the party was a girl that I've liked for a couple of years, and especially this year since she lives next door. I also know that she's a very big party girl who's loose about hooking up with people (hookup = make-out in my eyes).

well to be frank, i think you've had a lot of time to get with this girl but you didn't. your friend just did what was natural under the circumstances and he didn't have full control to stop the situation. he didn't hide it from you either.

he also probably will not start a relationship with the girl, it was just a hook-up right? it's not like he plugged her or anything considering how you define hook-up.