[jshat4]

Give HIM a deadline. Say in 3 days (or any date) if he doesn't give you a responsible and proper response, then you're breaking up with him. No buts/excuses. If he doesn't see you, make sure the message gets to him, thru the sister, voice mail, e-mail, whatever. Say that this is his last chance (personally I think he already messed up his last chance a long time ago).

And you know what...that explanation better be good and I think you should really think over it carefully...this is MARRIAGE, your entire life! (sure, divorce is an option, but I'm sure you dun wanna go there)....

[HERMIT]

Give HIM a deadline. Say in 3 days (or any date) if he doesn't give you a responsible and proper response, then you're breaking up with him. No buts/excuses. If he doesn't see you, make sure the message gets to him, thru the sister, voice mail, e-mail, whatever. Say that this is his last chance (personally I think he already messed up his last chance a long time ago).

Sorry, I had to laugh, but ... this wasn't inspired by the 3 day rule?

[watcher]

i had dropped by his workplace today and turns out he's not working there anymore... so i went to his house and he's outside talking to his neighbor and he acts all like he hasn't seen me in forever... i asked him to be straight with me... if he wants to break it off just tell me... he said he didn't wanna break it off just the fact that he wanted to be the one to take care of the wedding himself so he's been taking on a few jobs and i was like bs and he got mad and said that if i can't trust him then maybe we should break it off... so i asked him if he wanted to break it off and he turned it around to seem like i'm the one with the issue and i wanna break it off... then he told me that he love me and give it sometime... and i asked how much more time? our wedding is in less than 6 months.... and he said he'll talk to me when i'm more relaxed... argh makes me so mad... duno what to do now.

it's kinda ironic he brings up the trust issue considering he's the acting as if he's got something to hide.

[clockwatcher]

i had dropped by his workplace today and turns out he's not working there anymore... so i went to his house and he's outside talking to his neighbor and he acts all like he hasn't seen me in forever... i asked him to be straight with me... if he wants to break it off just tell me... he said he didn't wanna break it off just the fact that he wanted to be the one to take care of the wedding himself so he's been taking on a few jobs and i was like bs and he got mad and said that if i can't trust him then maybe we should break it off... so i asked him if he wanted to break it off and he turned it around to seem like i'm the one with the issue and i wanna break it off... then he told me that he love me and give it sometime... and i asked how much more time? our wedding is in less than 6 months.... and he said he'll talk to me when i'm more relaxed... argh makes me so mad... duno what to do now.

I guess the question is, do you still want to marry this guy? Cos a few months to the wedding, he's acting so damn shady. If I knew you personally, I'd tell you to postpone the wedding and figure out if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this dude. Are you guys really young?

So you should give him some time to do what? All the time you've given him isn't enough? And the worst part is he doesn't even want to properly discuss this with you. I don't want to put your wedding in jeopardy but it might not be a bad idea to tell him that the wedding is postponed till he's figured out whatever it is that's bothering him. Maybe he's powerdrunk because it's all up to him (marry if he wants to, break up if he wants to) and it might be time for you to make some decisions. You certainly can't force him to change his behavior but you can still take charge in some sense. Just make it clear to him that you love him but it's not okay for him to keep stringing you along like this so you guys need to deal with this ASAP. If he tries to turn it around on you and claim you're trying to end things, remind him that he's the one pushing you to it. Remind him that he's been avoiding you and giving you very lame excuses. Let him know how hurt you are by his actions and that you deserve better than this. Who knows, maybe he's the kind of coward that can't break up with a girl so he just does everything in his power to make the girl end things first.

[jshat4]

Lol yes....it was inspired by 3 day rule, I was gonna comment on that, but I didn't want to make jokes...in the midst of her serious situation.

But I mean, if this guy treats you like this NOW, can you imagine after marriage? Eeps....

I think if I knew you personally I would probably go over and give the guy a piece of my mind. Maybe that's why you're lucky I don't know you personally haha.

[goboys_lover]

i'm about to be 20 n he's 27.... i know that's a gap... he had made a comment about maybe cause of our age i don't know how to just wait and understand him... so i told him just tell me now u wanna break it off and he starts accusing me of having lost interest or found someone else...and i told him to grow up.... and he told me that he's grown up and i'm the one that needs to grow up and i gave him back the ring and told him i'm done playing games..... he didn't say anything he just came to my house and told my parents that the wedding was off and make it my fault cause he said that i broke it off... the nerve of this guy....but i really want to thank everyone for giving ur advice ya'll are great ppl.

[watcher]

i'm about to be 20 n he's 27.... i know that's a gap... he had made a comment about maybe cause of our age i don't know how to just wait and understand him... so i told him just tell me now u wanna break it off and he starts accusing me of having lost interest or found someone else...and i told him to grow up.... and he told me that he's grown up and i'm the one that needs to grow up and i gave him back the ring and told him i'm done playing games..... he didn't say anything he just came to my house and told my parents that the wedding was off and make it my fault cause he said that i broke it off... the nerve of this guy....but i really want to thank everyone for giving ur advice ya'll are great ppl.

sounds like he just wanted an excuse to get a clean break. i hope you find someone better next time. this guy sounds pretty shady.

[blue sky 222]

i had dropped by his workplace today and turns out he's not working there anymore... so i went to his house and he's outside talking to his neighbor and he acts all like he hasn't seen me in forever... i asked him to be straight with me... if he wants to break it off just tell me... he said he didn't wanna break it off just the fact that he wanted to be the one to take care of the wedding himself so he's been taking on a few jobs and i was like bs and he got mad and said that if i can't trust him then maybe we should break it off... so i asked him if he wanted to break it off and he turned it around to seem like i'm the one with the issue and i wanna break it off... then he told me that he love me and give it sometime... and i asked how much more time? our wedding is in less than 6 months.... and he said he'll talk to me when i'm more relaxed... argh makes me so mad... duno what to do now.

umm... okay so...

what if he got fired? and was embarassed to tell u? or maybe he really was working different jobs to pay for the wedding?

anyways, its hella annoying when my gf says " if u want to break it off, just tell me..." sometimes i would be like "how many shady people do u know to always think i mean something else?"

it seems obvious he was pretty happy to see u when u came, and he was talking about his neighbors dog to entice u to come over.

when my gf flips out, sometimes i say "lets talk later when u aren't freaking out"

either way, if u don't believe him, just see if he is really working where he says he is working. obviously if he got fired, and is working a more embarassing job, maybe thats why he didn't tell u. also, when a girl says "If you want to break it off, just tell me" it sounds like what u are really saying is "im not afraid to break up, so i can bring up breaking up so easily bc maybe part of me wants to".

anyways, sometimes its good to have those talks where u are just straight up with each other. no lies, no deceit just honest exchange. that's what i would recommend for you. just say u don't understand whats going on.

[blue sky 222]

I've been wondering about a relationship I just started having with a guy.....

I recently just started dating this guy... met him thru my cousin.
It's been almost 3 months...
I wasn't planning on dating him after what I experience with my 2 yrs exbf...
but this guy was like I'm different... so I give him a chance to prove me wrong....



Well, My bf perfer he to call me only.
He doesn't want me to call him.
He says it gets annoying and it shows the girl is needy...
and he doesn't like needy girls... or desperate girls....

When I text him he doesn't text back...
(I guess he's busy... but yah...)

Basically, we only see each other four times a month.
He lives 6+ hrs away from me...
We both attends different school....

Another thing...
We just recently have an agrument about what he did at a party....
I was standing right there and he was flirting to other girls...
He makes it seems like I wasn't even there.... like I was invisible.
Which makes me feel Yes I did confront him about it...
but he mentions he's not the committed type, but he doesn't want to break up too....


He says: Even if we are still dating he will talk/flirt to other girls. Because he wasn't sure if I was the one yet...
Isn't this just a lousy excuse?
Idk.... he makes me confuse...
He says he likes me but he wasn't sure if I was the girl.....


Should I be confuse???
Idk....



A little suggestion?

umm.. he sounds like he is honest at least.

either way, thats weird that he doesn't want u to call him.

um... if ur cousin introduces u to someone, that should be a serious thing. i wouldn't use my cousin's friend as a booty call long distance gf...

[donporkuloin]

The nice-guy problem is quite the theme with you.

Do you know how to be flirtatious? That's a place to start.


So this confession.. how did it go? Were you in a confessional booth? Did you write about your love, and then ended it with a "Will you be my girlfriend? Check the 'yes' box if you want to"?

For the confession. Naw I wasn't in a booth. No check boxes. Clever lines you got there Trungy. As for what I said, and how I said it. I'm going to leave it alone for now. If you're that interested? Just send me a pm about it. As for your other question. I have an idea on how to be flirtacious, but not completely sure. Could people give me some tips for that? I don't need any wise cracks or stupid jokes either.

[goboys_lover]

umm... okay so...

what if he got fired? and was embarassed to tell u? or maybe he really was working different jobs to pay for the wedding?

anyways, its hella annoying when my gf says " if u want to break it off, just tell me..." sometimes i would be like "how many shady people do u know to always think i mean something else?"

it seems obvious he was pretty happy to see u when u came, and he was talking about his neighbors dog to entice u to come over.

when my gf flips out, sometimes i say "lets talk later when u aren't freaking out"

either way, if u don't believe him, just see if he is really working where he says he is working. obviously if he got fired, and is working a more embarassing job, maybe thats why he didn't tell u. also, when a girl says "If you want to break it off, just tell me" it sounds like what u are really saying is "im not afraid to break up, so i can bring up breaking up so easily bc maybe part of me wants to".

anyways, sometimes its good to have those talks where u are just straight up with each other. no lies, no deceit just honest exchange. that's what i would recommend for you. just say u don't understand whats going on.

he didnt' get fired... i guess he didn't want me coming around there cause he works as a bartender so he told his co-workers to tell me that he didn't work there anymore.... but his roomate told me he still worked there... so i'm like ok... it's not that i don't believ him i do it's just we're 3 months away from our wedding and i hear nothing from him.... it's like ok tell me what's up cause i try calling but he's too busy i go to his house and he's too busy... ok what am i suppose to do then?... and max is his dog... and i use to text him that i miss him and he'd never text me back or anything... and i have told him that i don't understand what's going on...gave him his space and whenever he does call he makes comments like i'm suprised ur not out or dating another guy... like ok?

[DarkWaltz]

@donporkuloin:

I used to be a super nice guy before, meaning I'd always be there for my friends (guys and girls), which in turn made them (the girls) consider me more like a brother/someone supportive. But not someone they'd see themselves with.

With time and a few exes, I learned that dating is kinda like a game. Being too nice is not playing it. Trungy has a point. Being flirtatious will actually attract girls to you, but you gotta be flirtatious to a certain extent. If it is overly "used", they'd see you as a person who only wants to have fun. A little bit of it will make things more spicy and will spark an interest, which will make them want to get to know you more after that "playful cover".

Anyway, that's my personal POV.

[jshat4]

he didnt' get fired... i guess he didn't want me coming around there cause he works as a bartender so he told his co-workers to tell me that he didn't work there anymore.... but his roomate told me he still worked there... so i'm like ok... it's not that i don't believ him i do it's just we're 3 months away from our wedding and i hear nothing from him.... it's like ok tell me what's up cause i try calling but he's too busy i go to his house and he's too busy... ok what am i suppose to do then?... and max is his dog... and i use to text him that i miss him and he'd never text me back or anything... and i have told him that i don't understand what's going on...gave him his space and whenever he does call he makes comments like i'm suprised ur not out or dating another guy... like ok?

I think you made the right decision. You've given him MANY MANY chances...how much more does he need? You don't want to pull yourself in that downward spiral of "Maybe it was me..." Because from the sounds of it, he sounds like the one w/ the issues (of course I dunno the whole story, only you do, but I think you can make a well-informed decision).

[clockwatcher]

he didnt' get fired... i guess he didn't want me coming around there cause he works as a bartender so he told his co-workers to tell me that he didn't work there anymore.... but his roomate told me he still worked there... so i'm like ok... it's not that i don't believ him i do it's just we're 3 months away from our wedding and i hear nothing from him.... it's like ok tell me what's up cause i try calling but he's too busy i go to his house and he's too busy... ok what am i suppose to do then?... and max is his dog... and i use to text him that i miss him and he'd never text me back or anything... and i have told him that i don't understand what's going on...gave him his space and whenever he does call he makes comments like i'm suprised ur not out or dating another guy... like ok?

I hope you're okay... stay strong.

[goboys_lover]

thanks ya'll... and meant to say i'm about to be 21 bleh i can't type... but really thanks ya'll for ur advice.

[Trungy]

Ha, I'm totally smitten.

[Plissken]

Hi, I'm writing a bday card to a female friend. I don't like her or anything....ok, maybe just a little but...do you think it would be weird to say something like, Love, <name> or w/Sincere Love, <name> at the end of the card?

She's graduating (as well as I) so I'm probably never going to see her again as were acquaintances, but it's a little complex. I've moved on and accepted the fact she doesn't return the same feeling I have for her. She knows I like her, but we're both mature so we're not like little kids and avoid each other or don't say anything when we see each other. We just act casually, friendly, and just chat a little when we see each other. When I use that word love, I don't mean like I "love" her or anything, just as a friend, human to human, wishing her the best as she graduates. Of course, the problem is that she might interpret it differently.

What other alternatives are there that are more....affectionate? Or do you think 'love' is OK?

Wow, this is kind of stupid...I'm making something complicated when it shouldn't be....

[jshat4]

Why don't you sign it, "Take care", then your name. Because "love" especially given your status w/ her, seems to imply other things. At least that's how I would interpret it.

[badboy yardy]

since you're questioning quite extensively about this one word "love," i think you're almost admitting to yourself that you want to send her something that's cryptic and has a double-message.

since you said you both moved on, and are just acquaintances, i think you should drop whatever other intentions you may have.

[Plissken]

jshat, badboy

thanks for giving me a slap in the face and keeping me on track. I appreciate it. You both are right.