[HERMIT]

How little?

It depends if I'm wearing my watch or not.

[GO!zilla]

lol wtheck!!!!!!!!!!!!

>_<

too funny.

[blue sky 222]

ok so i am going thru a kind of gf crisis...

i recently broke up with a gf of 4 years... and i got with a new girl...

the new girl... its hard to connect with her and for me to appreciate how she thinks... i can't admire it, it doesn't feel stable... it always feels like things are stopping... going... stopping... like its not natural at times... and i have to live with the fact that things can't be as "real" in order to move on and go forward with the relationship...

i started to wish that i would be much happier if she was more like my ex... where everything was so natural and real... and pleasant and "capturing" of how i felt...

i know it may not be the best description.... but anyone ever felt this way before? have u ever forced ur "will" and did u end up happy?

[donporkuloin]

ok so i am going thru a kind of gf crisis...

i recently broke up with a gf of 4 years... and i got with a new girl...

the new girl... its hard to connect with her and for me to appreciate how she thinks... i can't admire it, it doesn't feel stable... it always feels like things are stopping... going... stopping... like its not natural at times... and i have to live with the fact that things can't be as "real" in order to move on and go forward with the relationship...

i started to wish that i would be much happier if she was more like my ex... where everything was so natural and real... and pleasant and "capturing" of how i felt...

i know it may not be the best description.... but anyone ever felt this way before? have u ever forced ur "will" and did u end up happy?

Get over the fact that your're not with your ex. Enjoy what you have in front of you or breakup with your current gf, and put dating on hold. So that way you can get over your ex. In a way it can be said that you're taking your current gf for granted by you saying, " i would be much happier if she was more like my ex."

Also for women that are 22 and older. Do you go for the same type of guys that you did when you were 17, 18, etc? I say that because I have female friends that are 17-20, and I watch the guys they pick. Guys that aren't doing much for themselves, or the type of guy that is all talk and no action with his life. Yet the girl will fall for his lines. As women get older does that change?

[JDM6]

ok so i am going thru a kind of gf crisis...

i recently broke up with a gf of 4 years... and i got with a new girl...

the new girl... its hard to connect with her and for me to appreciate how she thinks... i can't admire it, it doesn't feel stable... it always feels like things are stopping... going... stopping... like its not natural at times... and i have to live with the fact that things can't be as "real" in order to move on and go forward with the relationship...

i started to wish that i would be much happier if she was more like my ex... where everything was so natural and real... and pleasant and "capturing" of how i felt...

i know it may not be the best description.... but anyone ever felt this way before? have u ever forced ur "will" and did u end up happy?

A 4 year relationship is a long time. You stated that you just recently broke, and you're with someone new already. How long ago exactly was recently? Are you really ready to comitt to this new girl so soon? It sure doesn't sound like it.

You wish she was more like you ex? I hope you meant it as your new relationship would feel just as natural as it was with your ex. This sounds like a compatiability issue. If you can't appreciate her, don't be with her. Its not fair to her. Never force yourself into relationship. You will not be happy!! Why would you do something that won't make you happy?

I was in the same boat as you once, except I came off a 6 year relationship. Right after, I started talking to a new girl. We hit it off real well. We had a lot in common, and we were talking almost everyday. It came to a point when she asked me why I wasn't with her, as in a relationship. I looked deep down inside myself and knew I wasn't completely over my ex at the time. I was not going to force myself into one even though she wanted it. It wouldn't be fair to her, and I'd probably won't be happy about it. I decided to stay single for a while and focus on myself instead.

One of the worst things you can do to a girl is make her fall for you when you're not ready to catch her.

[blue sky 222]

A 4 year relationship is a long time. You stated that you just recently broke, and you're with someone new already. How long ago exactly was recently? Are you really ready to comitt to this new girl so soon? It sure doesn't sound like it.

You wish she was more like you ex? I hope you meant it as your new relationship would feel just as natural as it was with your ex. This sounds like a compatiability issue. If you can't appreciate her, don't be with her. Its not fair to her. Never force yourself into relationship. You will not be happy!! Why would you do something that won't make you happy?

I was in the same boat as you once, except I came off a 6 year relationship. Right after, I started talking to a new girl. We hit it off real well. We had a lot in common, and we were talking almost everyday. It came to a point when she asked me why I wasn't with her, as in a relationship. I looked deep down inside myself and knew I wasn't completely over my ex at the time. I was not going to force myself into one even though she wanted it. It wouldn't be fair to her, and I'd probably won't be happy about it. I decided to stay single for a while and focus on myself instead.

One of the worst things you can do to a girl is make her fall for you when you're not ready to catch her.

recently was like 1.5 months ago we broke up? new girl was month or so ago?

she knows i just broke up. she knows what i am going thru.

i actually agree with u though, i think its important to make sure she or I don't have unrealistic expectations. i think its very important to not lead someone on to think something will happen, when it will not. that part i am sure i didn't "lead" her on.

actually i would be much less happier if i was single. i guess i jump from relationship to relationship, if i wasn't with her, i'd either be back with my "ex" or be in a different relationship that was less promising.

so did u tell her why u never got with her? if u told her it was bc u are not over ur ex, i think that kind of thing is very important. wut if that girl thinks its bc something was wrong with her? at least then she knows the real reason, and can move on with an honest understanding.

for me, i guess i just do wut a lot of girls do. most girls know the best way to move on is to jump into another relationship. i guess maybe i need to work on some concentration technique or something. lol

Get over the fact that your're not with your ex. Enjoy what you have in front of you or breakup with your current gf, and put dating on hold. So that way you can get over your ex. In a way it can be said that you're taking your current gf for granted by you saying, " i would be much happier if she was more like my ex."

im not sure if i am with my current girl long enough for me to be taking her for granted. i mean, we are still getting to know each other.

at this point, we are just having fun and dating. of course the future long term potential is there, but im still in the state of adjusting. thats natural i believe.

[JDM6]

actually i would be much less happier if i was single. i guess i jump from relationship to relationship, if i wasn't with her, i'd either be back with my "ex" or be in a different relationship that was less promising.

so did u tell her why u never got with her? if u told her it was bc u are not over ur ex, i think that kind of thing is very important. wut if that girl thinks its bc something was wrong with her? at least then she knows the real reason, and can move on with an honest understanding.

for me, i guess i just do wut a lot of girls do. most girls know the best way to move on is to jump into another relationship. i guess maybe i need to work on some concentration technique or something. lol

Yes, I did tell her on the spot why I would not be in a relationship with her. I was not completely over my ex at the time. It wouldn't be fair to her if my ex was on my mind most of the time. There was a lot of bad "what if" questions. I also told that I didn't want to ruin our new friendship by uncertainty. She did agree and thanked me for being honest.

Do you have any hobbies? Ever thought of doing something new? Something that'll keep you occupied in the mean time. How would you know you'd be less happier being single? I have all the time in the world to do what I want, I don't have to answer to anyone, I talk to who I want, there's so much more freedom to the things you can't do when you're in a relationship. But, of course I would like to meet the one special girl after I get "the single life" out of my system first. I don't know, but I'm having fun as a single guy.

at this point, we are just having fun and dating. of course the future long term potential is there, but I'm still in the state of adjusting. thats natural i believe.

That's good you're having fun. That's what dating is about. It's to get to know the person to see weather you like to build on the relationship or not. But just remember, don't force yourself into one it if you're not feelin' it. Good luck to ya!

[chibiskuld]

One of the worst things you can do to a girl is make her fall for you when you're not ready to catch her.

That's so true. It's very hard to move on yet it hurt a lot knowing a part of his heart is still w/ another girl. So what happened after that, did you two decide to go your own separate way ?

[Lanhai]

I just can't understand why his female friends (who already have boyfriends) find the need to always ask him to come out clubbing with them and call all the time. And if he always have company, why is he singling me out? Or is it because it's summer so maybe he's just bored? Should I walk away from this or should I give him the benefit of the doubt? And is he really a player at all? (I know that people don't change so once a player always a player...)

Thanks!

People can change, you should give him a chance, it seems if he wanted to play you he would have already given up seeing you were more than ready for it......

[JDM6]

That's so true. It's very hard to move on yet it hurt a lot knowing a part of his heart is still w/ another girl. So what happened after that, did you two decide to go your own separate way ?

Sort of. We talked here and there afterwards. I was doing other things to keep myself busy like meeting with old friends, picked up a part time job, and going to the gym more often. We eventually drifted apart. I can't remember the last time we spoke.

[RE.]

man.. im addicted to s*x. i cant stop. long story short... i started again to help me forget about my ex. Well it did a really good job, but it got me hooked again (was about 5 years born again). 6 differnt in 4 months...

do i have a legit problem or wut?

[watcher]

^ i dunno if ur bragging or sincerely seeking help

[RE.]

^^ it sure seems like it huh?

i dunno after the event today... i felt a little more weird afterwards. after a couple of hours i felt lonely and that i use *** to feel wanted?

[watcher]

^ if it helps, that's an endless pit dood. fill up your time with hobbies or something more tangible. i used to work a 2nd job when i felt lonely. buy some nice things for myself and keep my mind off that bit of loneliness. of course, it's not so much avoiding it as opposed to learning how to deal with it. it's just that keeping busy bought me some time to figure out a few things. that doesn't make it not difficult anymore, but you learn and get better as time goes.

[blue sky 222]

Do you have any hobbies? Ever thought of doing something new? Something that'll keep you occupied in the mean time. How would you know you'd be less happier being single?

yeah i mean the single life is good i agree. but for me, its kind of weird. like i will totally slack off in life if i don't have a gf... i dunno why im wired that way.

i guess i been playing more golf and softball lately.

well the new girl, things are getting better... starting to understand her better. and its leading to a better relationship.

but yeah... thnx for the advice tho man (everyone else too)~ btw, golf rules~

[Access DENIED]

I recently posted awhile ago about my relationship problems. I ended the relationship with a person who wasnt taking me seriously and who was just taking advantage of me to get over things in life.

So, now ive been with this new guy for about half a year, and he's 24 years old. This guy has never been in a relationship, has never kissed anyone, and has never been with a girl and messed around with her. The last time he asked out a girl was in junior high, and he got turned down. After that, he didnt try to get with any girls. At first, I didnt mind that he lacked experience and maturity in relationships since he was a nice and open-minded person. I liked him alot so i taught him how to kiss, what the meaning of love is etc etc..

Well, i thought that maybe this guy was the one. I asked him one day what his fears were. He told me that one of them was him losing interest in me. I was very shocked and very bothered by this. This guy's father left his mom, and he thinks that he might do the same thing to me.

We talked about it, but i couldnt really get over it even though we were on good terms. And now im angry with him right now because just so many things built up and irritated me about him. i might be getting sick of him. His open-ended answers, such as saying "maybe," "i dont know," "you want me to come?" with no definite answers most of the time, which can be frustrating. His lack of passion or persistence. He's not very creative in terms of romance. I told him not to call me, and he stopped calling just like that. i feel like if i broke it off with him, he would not try to stop me and just do what i say.

Maybe im being overly dramatic. Maybe i rushed into this relationship, not realizing that me and him had different views of a relationship. i dont know. Should i just wait and see how it goes or prepare to break it off?

[papabear]

Do you have a link to your previous posts?

Is he motivated with respect to life? Does he have definite goals? Is he working to achieve them?

He may just not be experienced, and his fears about not being able to honor a commitment are probably something you should understand--at least he is being honest, and does not want to follow his father's example. Of course, this is a fear that he will have to deal with. So the question is, is the guy mature 'enough' or not.

As for his open-ended answers, what exactly were your questions to him?

[watcher]

I recently posted awhile ago about my relationship problems. I ended the relationship with a person who wasnt taking me seriously and who was just taking advantage of me to get over things in life.

So, now ive been with this new guy for about half a year, and he's 24 years old. This guy has never been in a relationship, has never kissed anyone, and has never been with a girl and messed around with her. The last time he asked out a girl was in junior high, and he got turned down. After that, he didnt try to get with any girls. At first, I didnt mind that he lacked experience and maturity in relationships since he was a nice and open-minded person. I liked him alot so i taught him how to kiss, what the meaning of love is etc etc..

Well, i thought that maybe this guy was the one. I asked him one day what his fears were. He told me that one of them was him losing interest in me. I was very shocked and very bothered by this. This guy's father left his mom, and he thinks that he might do the same thing to me.

We talked about it, but i couldnt really get over it even though we were on good terms. And now im angry with him right now because just so many things built up and irritated me about him. i might be getting sick of him. His open-ended answers, such as saying "maybe," "i dont know," "you want me to come?" with no definite answers most of the time, which can be frustrating. His lack of passion or persistence. He's not very creative in terms of romance. I told him not to call me, and he stopped calling just like that. i feel like if i broke it off with him, he would not try to stop me and just do what i say.

Maybe im being overly dramatic. Maybe i rushed into this relationship, not realizing that me and him had different views of a relationship. i dont know. Should i just wait and see how it goes or prepare to break it off?

sounds like you just want a guy with some kind of conviction. you want him to want you of his own will and be strong about that desire. you don't like the fact that you're the anchor in the relationship, and it's tough having to face the reality that this relationship may not be as permanent as you hoped for. you want stable ground and he can't give it to you, simply because he doesn't know how. and unless he learns how to do this, you're going to emotionally chip away until you decide you can't take it anymore. you'll always be doubtful and on guard and feed yourself justifications for bailing out of this relationship. that's how i see it anyways...

what do you want? and will you get it? you know your situation best. make your decision and make peace with it

[Access DENIED]

^ you are dead-on. I am slowly emotionally chipping away right now, contemplating if i should keep going on with this relationship. I'm really indecisive right now because i still truly care about him. He thinks im making the situation too complicated, and that i should just go with the flow. I dont know.

Do you have a link to your previous posts?

Is he motivated with respect to life? Does he have definite goals? Is he working to achieve them?

He may just not be experienced, and his fears about not being able to honor a commitment are probably something you should understand--at least he is being honest, and does not want to follow his father's example. Of course, this is a fear that he will have to deal with. So the question is, is the guy mature 'enough' or not.

As for his open-ended answers, what exactly were your questions to him?

I'm trying to find my old post, but i cant find it. It was a long time ago with a different guy i had a problem with.

I think there were times when he didnt respect life or respect himself because he didnt feel like he accomplished things in life such as making friends, love and etc. He would end up procrastinating and be lazy, simultaneously wondering why he couldnt do it. I think he's doing a little better now by socializing more and helping people. He still needs to work on motivation because most of the time he would be burnt out from school and waste time doing basically nothing.

Regarding his career and future goals, he said he wanted to just go with the flow. I mean he said he would eventually get a job. He has dreams, but doesnt feel that it will happen anymore.

I was glad that he was honest, but at the same time, I started being afraid. He can be mature and responsible. He's also innocent. I dont think he's dealt enough of the real world.. He has never worked in his entire life.
So now I dont know if I care or am patient enough to wait and see if he would become gradually more mature enough to handle it.

His questions were sometimes simple open-ended questions. I work, so i dont have time for answers like "I think i might come tommorro" or "i dont know when it's happenng on saturday, but it's on saturday " And changes plans last minute, so i get frustrated that he doesnt understand that it's inconvenient since i got to schedule days off at random times. He keeps doing this even though i talked to him about it.

[watcher]

^ if you're going to keep thinking about it, just stop now. you should know how that's going to end.

personally to me your boyfriend still has a lot of growing up to do. not just in the romance department, but in the life department. he's gotta figure out what he wants. everyone has some kind of personal desire, but few take responsibility for it. some kill it, thinking they aren't allowed to want it, while others simply don't know how to pursue it. the capacity to pursue ambition and make strides are inherent in most people in this world, but it's the mental barriers that break us down. in a sense, you can probably do well in your relationship with your boyfriend, but that would require great strength and wisdom and determination on your part.

however, the bottom line is the bottom line. it's not so much about possibilities, but about what you personally want. do you want him? or do you want a loving relationship with someone who's got that quality about him that makes you feel 'right' in your relationship? perhaps those questions will help you clearly define where you want to be headed.

besides, you can't expect something absolute if you can't be absolute either.