[watcher]

man, i have a long way to go. i really don't know where to go from here. i never been in a relationship, never asked a girl out to do anything before. total NOOB at this!

i mean, am i suppose to show her some hints about how i feel? what do i do to show her i'm a 'great catch'?

i really don't feel like i am. i'm just some dude that can give her honesty and attention. nothing special -__-

what more can you do but have fun times with her and give her that honesty/attention? when you really like her, tell her you do. or maybe hold her hand outta the blue. the girl will appreciate you taking a risk than just standing idle, especially if she likes you too. even if she doesn't like you, she'd probably be ok with a couple tries, especially knowing what kind of guy you are. take it easy. have fun.

[chyea dann]

what more can you do but have fun times with her and give her that honesty/attention? when you really like her, tell her you do. or maybe hold her hand outta the blue. the girl will appreciate you taking a risk than just standing idle, especially if she likes you too. even if she doesn't like you, she'd probably be ok with a couple tries, especially knowing what kind of guy you are. take it easy. have fun.

I admire your braveness. HAHA, no seriously though, we just started getting to know each other, should i do those kind of stuff out of the blue, it'll probably freak her out. but i do appreciate your take on the whole honesty/attention. yeah, i really should just take it easy and see where i should go here on out.

i mean, it's not life or death right?

[watcher]

I admire your braveness. HAHA, no seriously though, we just started getting to know each other, should i do those kind of stuff out of the blue, it'll probably freak her out. but i do appreciate your take on the whole honesty/attention. yeah, i really should just take it easy and see where i should go here on out.

i mean, it's not life or death right?

yea.... go slow. dont do anything crazy. be yourself. if she likes you, she'll throw signs. she'll do stuff like hang out with you more often, and make lots of complements and generally show you the type of care and attention that you want to show her. just know you can't be in the idle zone forever, but let it marinate a little bit before you decide to progress onto the next step. enjoy like fine wine. dang... i sorta envy you. i need love to find me once again

[chyea dann]

yea.... go slow. dont do anything crazy. be yourself. if she likes you, she'll throw signs. she'll do stuff like hang out with you more often, and make lots of complements and generally show you the type of care and attention that you want to show her. just know you can't be in the idle zone forever, but let it marinate a little bit before you decide to progress onto the next step. enjoy like fine wine. dang... i sorta envy you. i need love to find me once again

thanks for those encouraging words haha. there really isn't anything to envy, just met someone who really shows honesty and care to everyone in general. just a good person that i find rather interesting

yeah, i'll take it slow, and who knows, maybe love will find me for the first time!

[JJM]

man, i have a long way to go. i really don't know where to go from here. i never been in a relationship, never asked a girl out to do anything before. total NOOB at this!

i mean, am i suppose to show her some hints about how i feel? what do i do to show her i'm a 'great catch'?

i really don't feel like i am. i'm just some dude that can give her honesty and attention. nothing special -__-

Honesty and attention are very good and special things.

When things are flowing well and it's effortless, take it for its worth. Stop questioning. There's no book out there that completely guides the way to a woman's (or man's) heart. The answer is cliche, but works and weeds out the undesirable... BE YOURSELF. And honey, pep up that confidence. Honesty and attention ARE special.

[suki_*]

man, i have a long way to go. i really don't know where to go from here. i never been in a relationship, never asked a girl out to do anything before. total NOOB at this!

i mean, am i suppose to show her some hints about how i feel? what do i do to show her i'm a 'great catch'?

i really don't feel like i am. i'm just some dude that can give her honesty and attention. nothing special -__-

truth is, if she doesn't appreciate these two things in the relationship, that's when you should start to get worried. because you need honesty and attention (which stems to Trust and Accountability) to make a relationship work. And to have that with a guy/girl that you like and it's exchanged equally between each other, no one person in that relationship can really ask for more in that relationship. it's solid.

[[HyuNi]]

Honesty and attention are very good and special things.

When things are flowing well and it's effortless, take it for its worth. Stop questioning. There's no book out there that completely guides the way to a woman's (or man's) heart. The answer is cliche, but works and weeds out the undesirable... BE YOURSELF. And honey, pep up that confidence. Honesty and attention ARE special.

whoa where'd you go?
I haven't seen you here for a while.

*waves*

[GO!zilla]

hrmm do you girls feel uninterested in a person if you think they are "too nice?"
be honest.

so far the responses i got from my friends were yes. they don't want a guy who is too nice
and nice to everyone.

so yea... do you girls feel as if a guy has to have a bad ass side?
not too good to be too nice?

[little mixed girl]

question:

so i've heard that whenever you meet a girl that you're interested in, you shouldn't talk for too long with her.

what i'm trying to say is, the guy is supposed to leave the girl 'wanting more' by holding smaller conversations.

the thing is, i met this girl a couple times and now i'm finally getting to know her. however, everytime we talk or even text, it lasts for a very long time.

so what is it, if we talk alot, does that mean she's feeling comfortable, and i'm just a nice guy?

am i doomed to be in the friend zone once again?

please advise me haha

with conversations, a long one can be a good thing.
it can mean that you guys have a vibe and a lot of interesting things to talk about.

one problem with long conversations is that sometimes it's just ONE person who is carrying on and continuing the conversation.

i've talked with guys for a long time, but i didn't enjoy it.
i would say things like "i need to go soon", but they would keep talking!

when guys really like a girl (and vice-versa i'm sure too), they keep pushing for more and more conversation.
repeating things that the other person said minutes or seconds earlier.

(ie-
A: it's hot.
B: yeah i mean it's soo hot and blah, blah, blah...
A: yeah.
B: yeah, it's hot.)

if the person seems tired, bored, not into the convo, then let them leave. they are probably talking to be polite.
if however, more ans more new conversation gets started, and both parties seem happy, then let the good times roll.

hrmm do you girls feel uninterested in a person if you think they are "too nice?"
be honest.

so far the responses i got from my friends were yes. they don't want a guy who is too nice
and nice to everyone.

so yea... do you girls feel as if a guy has to have a bad ass side?
not too good to be too nice?

guys seem to take the "i want a nice guy" line too literally.
i'll speak for myself, but yes, i do want a nice guy.

i want a guy who respects the opinions of others, treats them fairly, and doesn't use people for his own personal gain.

i don't want a guy who bends over and does whatever i tell him to do or is just a non-entity.

being a nice guy doesn't mean that people walk over you, it means that you treat people with respect and if they are being little brats about something, you put them in their place.

i don't know what your definition of "bad ass" is, but i'm not looking for a guy that'll start a fight cuz he can, or a guy that smokes and does drugs.
there's a gap between what people say and what they actually like...though they may not pay attention to that gap.

[Drusilla]

I've been wondering for a while what the hell is wrong with me, because I just don't seem to get attracted to anyone. And the only approaches I get are
a ) from sexually-harassing creeps on the roadside (and no, I do not dress like a hooker! Or even remotely close)
b ) people with sons, asking my mum if I look like her because they want to find out if I'll marry them (the sons, I mean. And the answer is a very definite NO- I'm only 23!).

A year ago, this guy I knew from college was emailing me on a pretty regular basis, and I knew he was interested, and I really did like him a lot- but not in a 'want to date' kind of way. We ended the correspondence (more like it tapered off) last month, but I'm keeping all the flirty emails since I'm still pathetic enough to need that ego boost even if I didn't want him. It's a sad kind of feeling really, I hero-worshipped him when I was eighteen, but now he's just human, like me..
And it really sucks to be shy. I'm useless at initiating anything, and insanely suspicious of strangers (so the bar/nightclub routine really doesn't work). Bloody Asian-mum prudishness that I've inherited..
Sorry to be letting off useless rants here! and I totally agree about nice guys, like little mixed girl says.

[kkkkk]

(continued from previous post)

We went on a date. It was pretty alright. We didn't get to watch the movie at last but we went walking around instead. She then told me the days she'd be free for the next two weeks. I take that as a "you can ask me out".

Problem 1: i'll be leaving here in three weeks. I'm willing to try out a long distance relationship for her. But i'm not sure if this is a feeling that is mutual.

Problem 2: this girl has been sending the craziest mixed signals. sometimes i get the vibe that she really likes me. and then at other times i'd be wondering if she actually secretly detests me.

Problem 3: this one hasn't been mentioned yet. she said that she still misses her ex very much. not exactly in the very firm "yes i am waiting for my ex" manner. but she did hint that she loves her ex so much, she'll be willing to wait.

Basically i like her, but i don't think she is quite ready for a relationship. Its not like i'm in any position to start one with her now since i'm going away soon. But i want to know what you all think (by that i mean Tuffcore, haha).

[Tuffcore]

(continued from previous post)

We went on a date. It was pretty alright. We didn't get to watch the movie at last but we went walking around instead. She then told me the days she'd be free for the next two weeks. I take that as a "you can ask me out".

Problem 1: i'll be leaving here in three weeks. I'm willing to try out a long distance relationship for her. But i'm not sure if this is a feeling that is mutual.

Problem 2: this girl has been sending the craziest mixed signals. sometimes i get the vibe that she really likes me. and then at other times i'd be wondering if she actually secretly detests me.

Problem 3: this one hasn't been mentioned yet. she said that she still misses her ex very much. not exactly in the very firm "yes i am waiting for my ex" manner. but she did hint that she loves her ex so much, she'll be willing to wait.

Basically i like her, but i don't think she is quite ready for a relationship. Its not like i'm in any position to start one with her now since i'm going away soon. But i want to know what you all think (by that i mean Tuffcore, haha).

haha, i'm suddenly the love guru. I hope my advice is better than that Mike Myers movie...

Anyways, the first order of business is to be clear and specific about what you want. ie. You want a long distance relationship but be more specific than that. Would you call each other daily? Come back to visit often? Arrange for her to visit? etc. Also, be specific about how you want to feel in a relationship like that because it's going to feel different than being in a conventional relationship.

Secondly, let her know you are going away for three years. Judging by what you've told us so far, I assume she has no idea you are leaving soon. If you are not honest with her up front with something so significant, then she's going to question your honesty later on in the relationship and think you're always hiding something from her. You did mention however, "i'm not sure if this is a feeling that is mutual." Does that mean she already knows you are leaving soon?

If you decide you don't want to pursue a relationship and just want to be friends, then be honest with her and tell her that and tell her you are leaving for three years. Then, just be friends if she wants and keep some contact after you move away.

Let's assume you decided to start a relationship with her though. Then whether she's warm to the idea of you leaving or not, your job is to obviously help her make that decision to be with you. Take the opportunity right away to be the man of her dreams and/or hit her with some extraordinary personality traits that will keep her wanting more from you. Three years is a long time to hold a girl's interest so I suggest you begin asap because you have less than three weeks time to get the job done.

Nothing short of some extraordinary experiences and outstanding memories are going to help build a sustainable long distance relationship in the long run because again, you don't have much time left before you two cannot see each for awhile.

Then, there's the issue where you've mentioned she's giving you mixed signals but maybe look at yourself first. You've probably pronounced some interest towards her by your actions but then followed up with hesitancy in delivery and showed contradictory motives. How do you expect her to respond? It sounds perfectly normal what she's doing. She wants to test your interest in her while protecting herself from the total embarrassment of rejection. She's a girl afterall.

NOTE: there's a difference between playing hard to get and showing indecisiveness in making up your mind. One is desirable and the other is a major turn off.

And that's where the importance of knowing exactly what you want comes into play because if you've already decided to pursue a long distance relationship with her then don't start showing her you just want to be friends all of a sudden.

How far did you get with her on the date? Holding hands? Kissing? Whether you two are still "just friends" or well on your way to being together, you have to let her know you are leaving soon and will be gone for three years. If there are opportunities to see each other during your time away, then definitely mention that too. By the way, where are you going for three years again? Are there chances of delaying your departure or returning early?

Lastly, don't listen to that BS about her EX. Actually, don't listen to what girls say in general and judge them on their actions instead. She'll say anything that is going to make her sound attractive. Look at her actions: she's with you on her only day off and she's making time to be with you on her coming days off. Combine this with the fact that she asked you if you like her, it sounds like she wants to be with you plain and simple. It's you who needs to make up your mind first.

[JJM]

whoa where'd you go?
I haven't seen you here for a while.

*waves*

Hi John! *waves back*

My boss branched out and opened a clinic of his own, so I've been really busy getting it up, running, and getting all my people in the right place. That's where I've been.

[mz simmonz]

hrmm do you girls feel uninterested in a person if you think they are "too nice?"
be honest.

so far the responses i got from my friends were yes. they don't want a guy who is too nice
and nice to everyone.

so yea... do you girls feel as if a guy has to have a bad ass side?
not too good to be too nice?

little mixed girl's response pretty much summed it up really well~
I really admire a guy who is nice. Someone who is respectful and has a good heart. He's the type of guy thats genuinely kind because he has basic human decency and he is well mannered. Those traits are definetely turn-ons.

You know what I think it is? I think it's only a turn-off when the only thing the guy has going for him is that hes nice. He has no opinions, no particular interests, no humor, quirks..he's just plain nice. And if he's the same level of nice to everyone..well how am I supposed to know I'm special to him if he treats everybody the same way??
----

I was wondering about something..I feel like I'm 14 again just thinking about it lol. but how normal is it that I'm 23 and have a long-term secret crush on one of my guy friends? it's not just one of those "hehe I think he's cute" kind of crushes..it's more like..ok I'll admit it. I like the guy. I've known him for a few years and we're not best friends or anything but we have lots of mutual friends and we've hung out in groups and alone together many times...but I don't have the courage to tell him for so many reasons. I guess it's because he sends so many mixed signals I've just given up on [over]analyzing them. There are moments when I feel like suffocating from the tension between us..and then there are other moments where he just makes me wonder what's going through that damn head of his. I know in the beginning I made it so obvious that I liked him..one of his friends definetely noticed..and teased me about it >.< So I think I'm self concious when he calls me and asks me to hang out with him I think..is it only because he's bored and he assumes that I will say yes? (Sometimes I agree, sometimes I tell him I'm busy) Anyway about my doubts...when I end up dating a guy, it all starts because the guy made it obvious that he liked me. So I suppose I'm not used to subtle signs..and I assume that if a guy really likes you and wants to date you, he'll make it obvious. And since he's been so hot and cold, I can safely assume he's not all that interested. I want to stop liking him already! I hate feeling so..frusrated?? No matter who I date, what new guys I meet, or how long I dont see him for (he works out of state and comes home ever so often)..he's the one guy that kind of stayed in the back of my mind..ugh. Please somebody stop me.

[watcher]

^ i think the deal with most people is that when they try to start a relationship, they look for interest from the other person. but why does one have to stop there? create the opportunity if you feel he's not interested. a little bit of time and effort can generate the sparks too, but only if you try. and if it doesn't work out, well, at least you tried right?

[chyea dann]

here's a question for everyone- the girl that i've been talking with for some weeks now left for korea- it's been almost a week now since we last talked. should i leave her a facebook comment to see how she's doing? or will that leave an awkward impression?

i mean awkward impression as in..oh i don't know, thinking i'm dying to talk to her, or something along those lines

and say i decide not to talk to her, is that considered playing 'hard to get'? do girls even like this? haha i have no clue!


hopefully this all made some sense -__-

[watcher]

here's a question for everyone- the girl that i've been talking with for some weeks now left for korea- it's been almost a week now since we last talked. should i leave her a facebook comment to see how she's doing? or will that leave an awkward impression?

i mean awkward impression as in..oh i don't know, thinking i'm dying to talk to her, or something along those lines

and say i decide not to talk to her, is that considered playing 'hard to get'? do girls even like this? haha i have no clue!


hopefully this all made some sense -__-

just leave a casual note. say 'what up? how's korea' and just leave it. she may respond soon, or may be busy for a while. you don't worry about it. just leave a simple note and worry about the next one when she responds.

[marvinoppa]

just leave a casual note. say 'what up? how's korea' and just leave it. she may respond soon, or may be busy for a while. you don't worry about it. just leave a simple note and worry about the next one when she responds.

+1

i concur.

[chyea dann]

just leave a casual note. say 'what up? how's korea' and just leave it. she may respond soon, or may be busy for a while. you don't worry about it. just leave a simple note and worry about the next one when she responds.

thanks, soompi is training me very well haha

[Drusilla]

Yeah, leave her a message on Facebook- that's quick, and no one will think anything of it (trust me, I'm a girl). A simple 'What's up/How's Korea?' is a pretty natural message for anyone to leave if you spoke to her just before she left, and it would take a hellishly uptight person to think of that as 'desperate.
I don't know if your girl is into Facebook applications or whatever, but I know a lot of people find them annoying so maybe not sending her random invitations to be a pirate or a ninja might be a good idea, too.
Good luck!