[kkkkk]

Meenuh, [HyuNi]. I have no problem understanding what you two have said. (Okay, i don't get the 'when to say when' part to be honest!) Mostly, i agree with you guys, and won't argue or even try to defend myself.

I know that its a NO sign being flashed right now. Which is why i won't do anything now, but concentrate on other matters instead. Everyone has been through this phase of not letting our liking of someone go so easily. Maybe this will change in a month. Maybe i will forget about her by then. But immature as it sounds, i like her still. But obviously, naturally, and expectedly this feeling will diminish as days go by.

My buddy said maybe i'm looking for closure. I wouldn't say its completely wrong. I just happen to believe that if there was something between us in the first place, there is potential that it could happen again. If i am still as bent on doing these creepy stuff in november, then i will make that call. And then i will tell you guys what happens. (You all can then throw me the 'hate to say i told you so' look.)

I like the frankness that you all reply in. It does sting to realise that i am acting 'creepy' but its a reality check.

[tlydia]

Hi everyone. My name is Lydia and I am new to the L& R thread but read just about everyone's post and find all of you very helpful and knowledgeable when it comes to advices on relationship. Here is my situation and any advice is helpful. I am currently dating a doctor who is everything I could ask for. He's funny, romantic, smart, and the list can go on forever. I really can see myself settling down with him. The problem is his friends who are all also physicians. Unlike my boyfriend, his close friends are cocky and are just plain jerks. They constantly look down on me because I am still in school and don't have a very high position career. I help out at an office while attending my last year of university. These women and men are really close to my boyfriend and he consider them his bestfriends and family. One of his close friend, I'll call her, Julie told me my boyfriend is only with me because I am pretty. She says that my looks can only take me so far and once my boyfriend finds someone prettier, he will leave me. My boyfriend always have get togethers "with them." When I tell him I don't want to go, he always looks sad and I eventually give in and go. Everytime I am there, the guys are always giving perverted looks while the girls just plain out glare at me. They leave me out of their conversations like I am some sort of dumb airhead. I tried to bring this topic up with my boyfriend, but chickened out. I mean, come on, these are the people who went to high school, college, medical school, and even did residency with him. I feel so frustrated like I am in a lose/lose situation. I am even thinking about breaking up with him because I don't want to have him choose between me and his friends. I love him too much to put him in that type of situation. Any advice? Should I just end things?

[watcher]

Meenuh, [HyuNi]. I have no problem understanding what you two have said. (Okay, i don't get the 'when to say when' part to be honest!) Mostly, i agree with you guys, and won't argue or even try to defend myself.

I know that its a NO sign being flashed right now. Which is why i won't do anything now, but concentrate on other matters instead. Everyone has been through this phase of not letting our liking of someone go so easily. Maybe this will change in a month. Maybe i will forget about her by then. But immature as it sounds, i like her still. But obviously, naturally, and expectedly this feeling will diminish as days go by.

My buddy said maybe i'm looking for closure. I wouldn't say its completely wrong. I just happen to believe that if there was something between us in the first place, there is potential that it could happen again. If i am still as bent on doing these creepy stuff in november, then i will make that call. And then i will tell you guys what happens. (You all can then throw me the 'hate to say i told you so' look.)

I like the frankness that you all reply in. It does sting to realise that i am acting 'creepy' but its a reality check.

you don't want closure. you want her. if she says no, you'll keep going anyways. you will find any reason to believe it CAN work. a little bit obsessed? i think so. i been there, i done that, i felt that, etc. save yourself the grief. don't put yourself through pretending to look for closure. most likely, you wont close the deal unless the deal involves you and her and a relationship. therefore, you will probably not make that call in November. you will make the call much later, after the many rejections and failures have chipped away at your pride and confidence.

for YOUR sake, YOU DROP HER
block her from YOUR list. hide your profile from her. funny thing is, she'll notice. she might even get pissed. funny considering she did the same to you. but you don't care. if she raises her voice, you ignore. you're 'busy.' unaffected, unshaken, the tables turned, and now she's the rejected. and if she leaves you alone, then done deal. she don't want you, you don't want her. you both agree, for once, on one thing.

cheers

Hi everyone. My name is Lydia and I am new to the L& R thread but read just about everyone's post and find all of you very helpful and knowledgeable when it comes to advices on relationship. Here is my situation and any advice is helpful. I am currently dating a doctor who is everything I could ask for. He's funny, romantic, smart, and the list can go on forever. I really can see myself settling down with him. The problem is his friends who are all also physicians. Unlike my boyfriend, his close friends are cocky and are just plain jerks. They constantly look down on me because I am still in school and don't have a very high position career. I help out at an office while attending my last year of university. These women and men are really close to my boyfriend and he consider them his bestfriends and family. One of his close friend, I'll call her, Julie told me my boyfriend is only with me because I am pretty. She says that my looks can only take me so far and once my boyfriend finds someone prettier, he will leave me. My boyfriend always have get togethers "with them." When I tell him I don't want to go, he always looks sad and I eventually give in and go. Everytime I am there, the guys are always giving perverted looks while the girls just plain out glare at me. They leave me out of their conversations like I am some sort of dumb airhead. I tried to bring this topic up with my boyfriend, but chickened out. I mean, come on, these are the people who went to high school, college, medical school, and even did residency with him. I feel so frustrated like I am in a lose/lose situation. I am even thinking about breaking up with him because I don't want to have him choose between me and his friends. I love him too much to put him in that type of situation. Any advice? Should I just end things?

how long have you been with him? how often does he hang with these friends? how does he act with you two alone, and when he's with those friends? somethin doesn't smell right... just gut feelin...

[clockwatcher]

Hi everyone. My name is Lydia and I am new to the L& R thread but read just about everyone's post and find all of you very helpful and knowledgeable when it comes to advices on relationship. Here is my situation and any advice is helpful. I am currently dating a doctor who is everything I could ask for. He's funny, romantic, smart, and the list can go on forever. I really can see myself settling down with him. The problem is his friends who are all also physicians. Unlike my boyfriend, his close friends are cocky and are just plain jerks. They constantly look down on me because I am still in school and don't have a very high position career. I help out at an office while attending my last year of university. These women and men are really close to my boyfriend and he consider them his bestfriends and family. One of his close friend, I'll call her, Julie told me my boyfriend is only with me because I am pretty. She says that my looks can only take me so far and once my boyfriend finds someone prettier, he will leave me. My boyfriend always have get togethers "with them." When I tell him I don't want to go, he always looks sad and I eventually give in and go. Everytime I am there, the guys are always giving perverted looks while the girls just plain out glare at me. They leave me out of their conversations like I am some sort of dumb airhead. I tried to bring this topic up with my boyfriend, but chickened out. I mean, come on, these are the people who went to high school, college, medical school, and even did residency with him. I feel so frustrated like I am in a lose/lose situation. I am even thinking about breaking up with him because I don't want to have him choose between me and his friends. I love him too much to put him in that type of situation. Any advice? Should I just end things?

I don't think you should end things just because his friends are annoying. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to him about it. Why are you chickening out? And tell him what Julie said to you and see how he reacts. It doesn't sound like Julie came to confide in you woman-to-woman but instead to sneer at you.

Hmm... you love him too much to put him 'in that type of situation' but you don't love him enough to not want to break up with him? Kinda confusing.

Truth is, the friends treat you badly. You can talk to him about it, and he, in turn, can talk to them. It's not like that would make them think any less of you since they don't seem to think much of you, anyway. There's really nothing to lose.

[tlydia]

how long have you been with him? We have been together for about a year.
how often does he hang with these friends? He is with them most of the time. I forgot to mention that they work at the same hospital He's pretty busy doing rounds at the hospital, but when he has time, he hangs out drinking with them. I know I will see much more of them since football season is starting up.
how does he act with you two alone, and when he's with those friends? He's great all the time. I know it sounds corny but it's true. He treats me very well when we are alone and when we are with his friends. I think he sees and knows how his friends are towards me but choose to ignore it. He is the type who doesn't like confrontations.
somethin doesn't smell right... just gut feelin... I feel the same way too. I know his friends dislike me but don't know why. I think it is because we are in two different social class.

[tlydia]

I don't think you should end things just because his friends are annoying. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to him about it. Why are you chickening out? And tell him what Julie said to you and see how he reacts. It doesn't sound like Julie came to confide in you woman-to-woman but instead to sneer at you.

Hmm... you love him too much to put him 'in that type of situation' but you don't love him enough to not want to break up with him? Kinda confusing.

Truth is, the friends treat you badly. You can talk to him about it, and he, in turn, can talk to them. It's not like that would make them think any less of you since they don't seem to think much of you, anyway. There's really nothing to lose.

Thank you clockwatcher for your advice. To answer your questions, the reason I chicken out is because I am afraid of the outcome. I'm scared that he'll tell me to accept his friends or the relationship is over. I know thinking this way sounds absurd, especially when I am even at the point of thinking about ending this relationship. Pretty much, I am just confused and lost. As for your second question, the answer to that is that I love him too much to put him in the type of situation where he would feel that he would have to choose between his friends and his girlfriend. My boyfriend is the happy go type of guy. He doesn't like confrontations at all and always try to avoid them. Even when we have our little disagreements, he will be the first one to change the subject.

[watcher]

how long have you been with him? We have been together for about a year.
how often does he hang with these friends? He is with them most of the time. I forgot to mention that they work at the same hospital He's pretty busy doing rounds at the hospital, but when he has time, he hangs out drinking with them. I know I will see much more of them since football season is starting up.
how does he act with you two alone, and when he's with those friends? He's great all the time. I know it sounds corny but it's true. He treats me very well when we are alone and when we are with his friends. I think he sees and knows how his friends are towards me but choose to ignore it. He is the type who doesn't like confrontations.
somethin doesn't smell right... just gut feelin... I feel the same way too. I know his friends dislike me but don't know why.

you should just tell him that you don't appreciate how his friends treat you sometimes. he might have noticed it, and while you brushed it aside a few times, you don't really like it. see how he responds. maybe get an idea of what he's tryin to do about it. he might treat you well, but if he can't incorporate you into his circle, there can only be the case of him ultimately choosing you or his friends. you may not want to put him in that situation, but making the decision for him by breaking up is inconsiderate. you leave him out of the decision when relationships are built upon agreements and disagreements between two people.

as for why his friends might dislike you, it could be anything. it's hard to break into a circle of friends, especially a significant other, since you don't know when it could end. plus, if you're really attractive, there's always the stereotype that a pretty girl dating a doctor is with him for the wrong reasons. it's less important on the why as much as how you and your boyfriend will get some good PR among his friends. but it's something you two should work on together.

i don't like that his friends are all similarly disrespectful towards you and acting like they're still in high school. friends who hang with each other often tend to share similar personality traits. the bad gut feeling is that your boyfriend is not as great as you think he is. 1 year might be long, but it's still honeymoon phase. play it by ear. try to make it work and make sure to have a good friend to keep you in check. you might need a guardian angel on standby. good luck

[Meenuh]

Meenuh, [HyuNi]. I have no problem understanding what you two have said. (Okay, i don't get the 'when to say when' part to be honest!) Mostly, i agree with you guys, and won't argue or even try to defend myself.

I know that its a NO sign being flashed right now. Which is why i won't do anything now, but concentrate on other matters instead. Everyone has been through this phase of not letting our liking of someone go so easily. Maybe this will change in a month. Maybe i will forget about her by then. But immature as it sounds, i like her still. But obviously, naturally, and expectedly this feeling will diminish as days go by.

My buddy said maybe i'm looking for closure. I wouldn't say its completely wrong. I just happen to believe that if there was something between us in the first place, there is potential that it could happen again. If i am still as bent on doing these creepy stuff in november, then i will make that call. And then i will tell you guys what happens. (You all can then throw me the 'hate to say i told you so' look.)

I like the frankness that you all reply in. It does sting to realise that i am acting 'creepy' but its a reality check.

aw .. you've never heard that expression before? when to say when? lol. nvm ... i guess i fail.

the problem is that you need to learn that in life you won't always have closure where someone will just tell you NO straight to your face. every person and situation is different. you need to accept the fact that she doesn't want to speak to you. if it's something else that's keeping her from you like presonal problems etc .. don't you think that she'll come find you? just let it go.

i understand exactly what you mean when you say that you want closure from her. just her telling you to go away and leave you alone. that way you may end up hating her ( but atleast it'll make it that much easier to forget her and move on ) but at the same time you need to understand that you may be putting her in an awkward situation. maybe she doesn't like to say no directly to peoples' faces and decides that taking the easy way out ( ignoring you/blocking you) is better for you ( even though in most cases ... it really isn't the case ). honestly i think the only reason you're saying you want closure from her is because you're hoping to speak to her. like i said in my last post. EXCUSES!

go out and have fun. it'll do you loads of good.

[clockwatcher]

Thank you clockwatcher for your advice. To answer your questions, the reason I chicken out is because I am afraid of the outcome. I'm scared that he'll tell me to accept his friends or the relationship is over. I know thinking this way sounds absurd, especially when I am even at the point of thinking about ending this relationship. Pretty much, I am just confused and lost. As for your second question, the answer to that is that I love him too much to put him in the type of situation where he would feel that he would have to choose between his friends and his girlfriend. My boyfriend is the happy go type of guy. He doesn't like confrontations at all and always try to avoid them. Even when we have our little disagreements, he will be the first one to change the subject.

This is someone you're planning on settling with, right? Things will not always be rosy. There are times that you're going to have to deal with confrontations and sticky situations and even though he doesn't like them, he's still going to have to deal with them at some point - that's life.

I know it's unpleasant but you've got to take a deep breath, gather all your courage and confront this. There's no chance of ever solving this problem without doing this. I actually understand how you feel - you'd rather end the relationship and maybe hold onto some dignity than have him choose his friends over you because that would be devastating and proof that he doesn't love you as much as you hoped, right?

The friends seem rather ridiculous, though. Even after a year with him, they haven't warmed up to you? Telling him you don't like hanging around his friends doesn't mean he has to choose between you guys. You're not telling him to drop his friends, right? You're just telling him you don't want to be around them anymore... or at least, you want to reduce the amount of time you have to see them. In all honesty, just talk to him about it.

[tlydia]

you should just tell him that you don't appreciate how his friends treat you sometimes. he might have noticed it, and while you brushed it aside a few times, you don't really like it. see how he responds. maybe get an idea of what he's tryin to do about it. he might treat you well, but if he can't incorporate you into his circle, there can only be the case of him ultimately choosing you or his friends. you may not want to put him in that situation, but making the decision for him by breaking up is inconsiderate. you leave him out of the decision when relationships are built upon agreements and disagreements between two people.

as for why his friends might dislike you, it could be anything. it's hard to break into a circle of friends, especially a significant other, since you don't know when it could end. plus, if you're really attractive, there's always the stereotype that a pretty girl dating a doctor is with him for the wrong reasons. it's less important on the why as much as how you and your boyfriend will get some good PR among his friends. but it's something you two should work on together.

i don't like that his friends are all similarly disrespectful towards you and acting like they're still in high school. friends who hang with each other often tend to share similar personality traits. the bad gut feeling is that your boyfriend is not as great as you think he is. 1 year might be long, but it's still honeymoon phase. play it by ear. try to make it work and make sure to have a good friend to keep you in check. you might need a guardian angel on standby. good luck

Thank you very much watcher for your great advice. I can see you having a love and relationship column in the near future I will see my boyfriend tomorrow and will try to tell how I feel and what is bothering me. Hopefully he can understand what I am going through and we both can make it work. It's great to get advice from people who I don't know because they tend to stay neutral. I told my friends and sisters about this situation. Their answer: dump him

This is someone you're planning on settling with, right? Things will not always be rosy. There are times that you're going to have to deal with confrontations and sticky situations and even though he doesn't like them, he's still going to have to deal with them at some point - that's life.

I know it's unpleasant but you've got to take a deep breath, gather all your courage and confront this. There's no chance of ever solving this problem without doing this. I actually understand how you feel - you'd rather end the relationship and maybe hold onto some dignity than have him choose his friends over you because that would be devastating and proof that he doesn't love you as much as you hoped, right?

The friends seem rather ridiculous, though. Even after a year with him, they haven't warmed up to you? Telling him you don't like hanging around his friends doesn't mean he has to choose between you guys. You're not telling him to drop his friends, right? You're just telling him you don't want to be around them anymore... or at least, you want to reduce the amount of time you have to see them. In all honesty, just talk to him about it.

Thank you clockwatcher. You just about summed up everything I am feeling and thinking.

[je_amourx]

I'm starting to go into the "When-are-you-bringing-home-the-boyfriend?" phase with my family and relatives. I've been asked the same question over and over by different family members. Anyone going through this right now? It gets quite annoying, so much that I just want to take home some random stranger for them,lol. Joking of course. Both of my cousins who are my age got married and is getting married, making me feel a bit out of place? I've got quite a few admires, but I feel as if I'm never ready to have a boyfriend when school and work is eating me up. Throw out school and work, I'll still feel as if my feelings are not 'mature' enough to be in a relationship, I'm like a ... kid, a foolish one.

Sorry, just a random jitter box!

[tlydia]

^^^
My younger sister is going through the exact same situation you are. Well, actually, my family constantly hounds her for information on when she will get a boyfriend. They tell her if she doesn't find anyone soon, she might as well be a nun Here is what I told her, "A relationship can not be forced upon. You should be in a relationship when you are ready. There is nothing wrong with being single. What others think shouldn't matter to you as long as your content with how your life is going." If a relationship isn't your main concern, so be it. You shouldn't feel out of place just because your cousins who are your age are already married. Everyone matures at a different level.

[YUNA!]

What do you guys think of a 22 year old dating a 30 year old?
Most of my exs in high school were younger than me, so I don't have much experience with older men.

[papabear]

What do you guys think of a 22 year old dating a 30 year old?
Most of my exs in high school were younger than me, so I don't have much experience with older men.

In general, I'd be wary of the guy--why is he going after a 22 yo? A 22 yo is usually still in the process of maturing and finding out what she wants out of life. Very likely not looking to get married right away. Now, maybe the 30 yo guy isn't dating a younger woman to take advantage or get something physical out of it. He could just be immature. But at 30 one would expect him to have grown up a little and to be looking for something serious by then. If he is immature and the woman is not looking for something serious, just fun--I'd still advise against it--feelings can always start to develop when it's inconvenient. (And it would seem more than pointless to me anyways, reinforcing immature thought and behavior patterns rather than avoiding them.)

[watcher]

In general, I'd be wary of the guy--why is he going after a 22 yo? A 22 yo is usually still in the process of maturing and finding out what she wants out of life. Very likely not looking to get married right away. Now, maybe the 30 yo guy isn't dating a younger woman to take advantage or get something physical out of it. He could just be immature. But at 30 one would expect him to have grown up a little and to be looking for something serious by then. If he is immature and the woman is not looking for something serious, just fun--I'd still advise against it--feelings can always start to develop when it's inconvenient. (And it would seem more than pointless to me anyways, reinforcing immature thought and behavior patterns rather than avoiding them.)

wuh?! are you telling me i cant date a 20yo??? boooo!!! u suck!!

[clockwatcher]

What do you guys think of a 22 year old dating a 30 year old?
Most of my exs in high school were younger than me, so I don't have much experience with older men.

It depends on the individual. You can try dating him and see how it goes. My friend got married at 22 to a 31 year old and they seem happy.

[papabear]

wuh?! are you telling me i cant date a 20yo??? boooo!!! u suck!!

That was concerning 30 yo guys in general. 1. You're not 30 yet. But more importantly: 2. In your case, I'd warn women of all ages to stay away from you. "Watcher is a byunteh." Maybe the cougars would like that though.

[Tuffcore]

This one is actually for Tuffcore, my personal love guru. (Haha) It is somewhat like the 'conclusion' to what i have wrote on this thread thus far.

Hey, good to hear from you again.

When i left, i sent a note to the girl with a slight modification to what you have adviced me to write. I sent the card with a illustration book. I thought that would warrant at least a "oh you left" or "thank you" email. But nothing. She still blocks me on msn. So that really is it. Its not like i no longer like her or have lost interest based on the lack of reciprocation (although i admit it is one of the factor. i'm not the irritating stalker type!!).

"SLIGHT" modification?!!

Was it at least an e-card or was it a physical card and illustration book? In any event, I think you went too far to get her attention and her lack of response speaks volumes about where you stand with her right now.

And in an extremely odd development, a mutual friend told me that i look/act like her ex a lot. I didn't really notice know how her ex looks like, but now that it has been brought to my attention, i do think the resemblance is there. And eeriely we happen to play the same sport too. I guess thats the heart of the issue: perhaps she had liked me in the first place because i was very alike to her ex. But when she got to know me better, i wasn't really that. When i facebooked her ex, i went .

Every guy will remind girls of other guys in some way, shape, or form but no two people are identical in this world. That's why it's important to be yourself and stick out in that manner because everybody has unique qualities about them that separates themselves from the rest. Maybe you didn't showcase yourself properly or like you said, you just weren't what she was looking for in which case, there's nothing further you can do. Learn to cut your losses and move on.

I just find it very rude and immature to block someone just like that without any 'warning sign', nor a goodbye when i left. I know its stubborn of me but i like to plan ahead. I will be going back for about a month in November/December. Even if i am still blocked on her msn. I will ask her out. If she says a firm no (i really do not think she would outright reject me like that) then at least it would help me in 'giving up', because although i'm really doing nothing now, i don't feel like i have given up on her. Thoughts on this?

If her lack of response to your card and illustration book wasn't clear enough of an outright rejection, then you don't need to wait until November/December, let me say it for her right now.... "NO".

There, she said no. She's dispelled her control over you and now you can move on with your life. I'm being a bit ridiculous yes, but that's pretty much your situation right now. You want absolute closure. You want absolute defeat. You feel like you have more to give and in sensing the window of opportunity closing, you're pouring it on in desperation. I don't mean to be harsh but the window is not "closing." The window is "closed."

Look, i know you're trying to be sweet and all with the card and illustration book but your timing is all wrong, much like most of the moves you've made with her up to this point. I mean, there's a time for holding her hand the first time, there's a time for kissing her, there's a time for stopping her in the middle of chopping lettuce and tossing her onto the kitchen counter and totally giving it to her. And then, there's a time for giving each other cards and illustration books. Now wasn't that time nor did that time ever come yet between you and her.

Again, learn to cut your losses and move on. Learn to find victory in defeat.

This girl chose to ignore you as a means to say no. Learn about that. Like i said before, don't always listen to what girls have to say. Instead, listen to what they are doing and read her actions to see what she's trying to tell you. Anyways, Step back and take a break from her for a week or so and then with a clear mind, go back and review your mistakes and triumphs. I mean, you at least got a few dates with her so you must've done something right. Whatever it was that you did right, know that you will now carry those smooth moves with you for her or any girl in the future.



...and about November/December. You can call her if you want, but don't over do it. I suggest you don't call her at all but of course, you're free to make any slight modifications if you feel it's necessary. At most, i'd suggest a message on facebook and leave it at that. If she replies, that's a positive. Go off that and ask her to come out or if she's busy, then just chat with her on facebook for a bit and work it like that. If she doesn't reply, then don't rush flowers to her house or anything just to get a response.

You know the phrase "you always want what you can't have". It is true for me now (or maybe, and arguably, i really like her quite a bit). I've not seen her for one month or so. But i still think about her everyday. I know this makes me sound like a lovelorn teenager, but its the cold hard truth that i cannot let this die just like that.

Ironically at the same time, you can't have an outright 'no' from her but you want it.

Anyways, take a break from her and then review what you did right and wrong. I suggest doing this before November/December when you attempt to talk to her again so in case she does want to meet with you, you'll be more prepared to handle her next time. If you want, you can post here and i'm sure others will help with advice too so you don't make the same mistakes again and so you can reinforce the things you did right.

[Tuffcore]

What do you guys think of a 22 year old dating a 30 year old?
Most of my exs in high school were younger than me, so I don't have much experience with older men.

I say just be yourself and if you're kind of immature sometimes, just be. You'll find tremendous freedom in youthful expression and you'll find a lot of tolerance for any understandable immature behaviors compared to a guy your age who might not be able to handle that.

A mature guy may be looking for an energetic young woman to give him some spark in life or to give him a fatherly feeling throughout life. Whatever the case, don't listen to papabear entirely because although he may have a point about sex, the combination of an older guy with a much younger woman have yielded a history of success stories. Besides, guys are looking for just sex in general regardless of age so be wary of any guy in general.

The age/maturity factor is also a cultural phenomenon (sometimes a phenomenon among religions too, but mostly cultural.) In North America, generally speaking, people are in search for significant others who are at the same level with themselves. Men and women generally want to find a life partner who can act on their behalves if necessary and make critical decisions when needed. They also want to find someone with established financial situations and have similar goals if possible.

In other parts of the world however, men look to be more like fatherly figures to women who are wanting to be someone's baby girl forever. Men have stereotypical male roles and woman have stereotypical female roles. You see this in many parts of the world and can meet many people with these kind of cultural traditions in your own area too. Age usually comes into play because it takes time for men to get established to the point where they don't need a level partner for financial reasons. In fact, most Asians born in North America have parents married under these cultural traditions and find themselves balancing cultural traditions with social pressures. It's not right or wrong to choose either or lean too much to one side on the issue. It's just a choice.

[.moony.]

In general, I'd be wary of the guy--why is he going after a 22 yo? A 22 yo is usually still in the process of maturing and finding out what she wants out of life. Very likely not looking to get married right away. Now, maybe the 30 yo guy isn't dating a younger woman to take advantage or get something physical out of it. He could just be immature. But at 30 one would expect him to have grown up a little and to be looking for something serious by then. If he is immature and the woman is not looking for something serious, just fun--I'd still advise against it--feelings can always start to develop when it's inconvenient. (And it would seem more than pointless to me anyways, reinforcing immature thought and behavior patterns rather than avoiding them.)

Lol what! I like older men! They are way more mature and they usually look for something serious.

So I dont think it'd be a bad idea to date older guys. You just have to know him first before getting into a relationship. It's the same with any guy of any age. Any of them, young or old, can be looking to take advantage out of your relationship (physically), or is abusive, etc. So I dont think it matters what age they are.