[watcher]

I dunno. I don't agree with everything because of my seriously bad tribulations with dating. I think when you get rejected all the time it hurts and it becomes hard to move on. Especially when you really like a person. It gets even worse when you like a person, they show some interest, and then they discard you. But what you said is something I needed to hear.

yea, it aint easy, but much like any happiness you seek, it all really starts in your head. if you get that straightened out, you're pretty much set. it allows you to keep your source of happiness internal rather than external, and i think in many cases, that makes the entire difference.

[donporkuloin]

Can someone tell me where I went wrong:

It all started when I went to this phone store to see about buying a phone. I met this girl. Let's call her Mia. Mia had a long convo about phones and other stuff. You could tell there was a good vibe going. I should've asked her for her number then. Next time I went into the store I asked her about some phone stuff, and then I asked her for her number. She gave me her card which had her cell number on it.

I waited a day and then I called her. I called once or twice for 2 days. She never called back. I went to her store 3 days after that. I went up to her and I asked her out to lunch. She just looked sort of smiled, blushed, and said she's very busy that day. I said about what about another day. I felt like she just kept coming up with excuses. So I just left. I felt pissed and dejected. Mainly because why give me your number if you don't want to be bothered? That and if girls like guys with confidence why didn't this work out? Was it something I should work on?

[Meenuh]

Can someone tell me where I went wrong:

It all started when I went to this phone store to see about buying a phone. I met this girl. Let's call her Mia. Mia had a long convo about phones and other stuff. You could tell there was a good vibe going. I should've asked her for her number then. Next time I went into the store I asked her about some phone stuff, and then I asked her for her number. She gave me her card which had her cell number on it.

I waited a day and then I called her. I called once or twice for 2 days. She never called back. I went to her store 3 days after that. I went up to her and I asked her out to lunch. She just looked sort of smiled, blushed, and said she's very busy that day. I said about what about another day. I felt like she just kept coming up with excuses. So I just left. I felt pissed and dejected. Mainly because why give me your number if you don't want to be bothered? That and if girls like guys with confidence why didn't this work out? Was it something I should work on?

maybe she just wasn't into you. probably didn't expect you to be that persistent.

[watcher]

Can someone tell me where I went wrong:

It all started when I went to this phone store to see about buying a phone. I met this girl. Let's call her Mia. Mia had a long convo about phones and other stuff. You could tell there was a good vibe going. I should've asked her for her number then. Next time I went into the store I asked her about some phone stuff, and then I asked her for her number. She gave me her card which had her cell number on it.

I waited a day and then I called her. I called once or twice for 2 days. She never called back. I went to her store 3 days after that. I went up to her and I asked her out to lunch. She just looked sort of smiled, blushed, and said she's very busy that day. I said about what about another day. I felt like she just kept coming up with excuses. So I just left. I felt pissed and dejected. Mainly because why give me your number if you don't want to be bothered? That and if girls like guys with confidence why didn't this work out? Was it something I should work on?

maybe she changed her mind, or one of her girlfriends successfully convinced her not to... OR she just seeing how far you gonna go. can't really tell much from that info. the good vibe might just be her being friendly due to work. it's hard to tell.

perhaps maybe the next time you ask out a girl, you can call with an idea in mind. take some initiative and make it easier for her to come out. if you choose the right venue, it can make for good bait to lure her out. maybe find the right words to budge her a little. keep it light, keep it fun, make her laugh and give her a teaser of how fun it could be if you eat with her. you didnt mention much about your scenario, so im just throwing out basic/general ideas.

[7thprincess]

For those who are single AND are looking:
Why do you think you still single?

I've been thinking about this question and I've come to the conclusion that:
1) I think I attract the wrong type of women
2) I'm too quick to put girls in the dongseng/nuna/friend category and never look at them as a woman.
3) Really stubborn on issues that matter to me
4) Women are attracted to me when I treat them as friends, but lose interest when I start liking them because I turn into a 'yes maam' pushover. (I'm terrible at playing the cat and mouse game)
5) I'm at an age where older girls are looking for 'potential husands' and younger girls are still in school and are still wildly immature and haven't experienced independence.

So I guess I know why I'm single. I've got a lot working against me

and you?

I am single because I am NOT looking. LOL. And I guess its because, I'm a younger girl who is still in school and is still wildly immature and haven't experienced independence.

[UglyIsBeautiful]

Please keep this in the 20's+ chat. I want replies from people in somewhat serious relationships, not high school puppy love.

So I hear from my girl friends, coworkers, acquaintances complains they have all the time of their husbands/boyfriends. I have this feeling that the things they complain bout are actually things they LOVE about them.

Why? Because most of these "problems" their husbands/boyfriends have are traits that I do not possess. Hence why I am still single.

Here are some just for example:

1) One of my girl friends complains that her boyfriend always says "its ok" or "its alright" whenever she asks him his opinion of what she's wearing or when she gets a new haircut or does something new with her appearance.

For me personally, I notice the smallest things about girls. I don't know. Maybe its cause my mom always took me shopping with her when I was a kid and asked me questions about how this looked and that looked. I dunno why but I've always been sensitive to things like that.

2) One of my other girl friends complains how her boyfriend's family seems to think she's not good enough for him and constantly say bad things bout her to her boyfriend.

I come from a family that does the opposite. My parents basically would never interfere in any relationship I chose to have unless she's like some drug addict or something. If anything, my parents would berate me on not being good enough for whatever girl that ends up dating me.

3) Complaints that the boyfriend doesn't have interest in the same hobbies as her. For example, I know this girl who likes to snowboard in the winter and rollerblade in the summer. Her boyfriend always seems to be either working at his day job or helping out at his parents' tea shop. He has no real hobbies whatsoever.

I can snowboard, ice skate, rollerblade, ski, and I even play the piano. Why isn't she interested in me?

4) Another girl I know worries about her boyfriend's career in the future. He doesn't have a lot going for him right now. She makes more money than him currently. She doesn't expect much. All she wants him to do is to have a stable job at some small company and make a decent salary.

Enter me. I'm same age as her boyfriend. I've already got 2 years of career under my belt. I make decent salary. I'm financially independent and I'm on track to doing well in the future.



Yet, I am the guy who remains single and girls I know says whatever girl ends up with me will be one lucky girl. Yah right.

I secretly have a feeling that the very things girls complain bout in their boyfriends are actually qualities they love. Because thats what sets them apart from themselves. Cause in the end, girls wanna be girls and they want guys to be stereotypical guys.

[Prot]

Difference is have you pursued these girls? A relationship isn't founded on one factor and is never perfect without flaws.

[watcher]

maybe, but i know they wouldn't drop the relationship if their guys changed for the better. in fact, they'd tell you how much happier they are. i think the flaws do add to a relationship, but there was something else there to begin with. i'd like to say personality. perhaps charm, or charisma... something i really don't see in any of your posts. don't take that the wrong way, i'm not judging your personality, but simply the persona you represent in all your posts on these forums.

[7thprincess]

^dude that was mean.

But sorry I can't help, never been in a serious relationship. Commitment issues? Maybe. lol.

[UglyIsBeautiful]

maybe, but i know they wouldn't drop the relationship if their guys changed for the better. in fact, they'd tell you how much happier they are. i think the flaws do add to a relationship, but there was something else there to begin with. i'd like to say personality. perhaps charm, or charisma... something i really don't see in any of your posts. don't take that the wrong way, i'm not judging your personality, but simply the persona you represent in all your posts on these forums.

yah like i really care to show my "personality" in the posts I make. Forums exist for a reason. And that is to discuss things. I don't really care if you like my personality or not.

[tlydia]

Can someone tell me where I went wrong:

It all started when I went to this phone store to see about buying a phone. I met this girl. Let's call her Mia. Mia had a long convo about phones and other stuff. You could tell there was a good vibe going. I should've asked her for her number then. Next time I went into the store I asked her about some phone stuff, and then I asked her for her number. She gave me her card which had her cell number on it.

I waited a day and then I called her. I called once or twice for 2 days. She never called back. I went to her store 3 days after that. I went up to her and I asked her out to lunch. She just looked sort of smiled, blushed, and said she's very busy that day. I said about what about another day. I felt like she just kept coming up with excuses. So I just left. I felt pissed and dejected. Mainly because why give me your number if you don't want to be bothered? That and if girls like guys with confidence why didn't this work out? Was it something I should work on?

Was she trying to sell you a phone? Maybe that was the reason for the long convo. If she kept on coming up with excuses it either means she's not interested, is already seeing someone, maybe is taken back by your persistence, or maybe she just friendly.

[uhhuh_5]

That's the spirit! But, yeah, don't let it get you down, and especially don't let it affect your self-esteem. As I think about it now, I realize that I had never run into anyone like my wife until I changed my social venues. I started volunteering to work with "inner city" children, and that started the chain of events that led to me meeting my wife. I certainly didn't volunteer in order to change things up and try to find someone, but as I look back, I realize that until then, my social circles were antithetical to the sort of person I was hoping to find. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut in life, and that rut keeps us limited. If you have an interest, then pursue it, have some fun with it, find a group somewhere having fun with it, and see if you don't happen to run into someone else who is having fun with it as well.

What a nice and natural way to have met your wife, especially doing something so generous and compassionate by giving back to the community. It's seems so much more natural and real meeting someone through similar interests/activities rather than having to succumb to internet dating to find a mate, which I really hope it does not come down to. Not trying to say internet dating can't yield a legitimate relationship, but I'm going to avoid it as long as it can! Oh, and I'm really working on that self-esteem issue. No good would result if you put your happiness and self-worth in someone else's hands, right?! So yeah, I guess I need to be more active in pursuing my interests and putting myself out there cuz my life has been stuck in a rut too long and I feel so ready to just shake things up! First step, I'm gonna join a gym!

[tlydia]

yah like i really care to show my "personality" in the posts I make. Forums exist for a reason. And that is to discuss things. I don't really care if you like my personality or not.

He was giving you genuine advice. He didn't mention anything about not liking your personality.

What a nice and natural way to meet your wife, especially doing something so generous and compassionate by giving back to the community. It's seems so much more natural and real meeting someone through similar interests/activities rather than having to succumb to internet dating to find a mate, which I really hope it does not come down to. Not trying to say internet dating can't yield a legitimate relationship, but I'm going to avoid it as long as it can! Oh, and I'm really working on that self-esteem issue. No good would result if you put your happiness and self-worth in someone else's hands, right?! So yeah, I guess I need to be more active in pursuing my interests and putting myself out there cuz my life has been stuck in a rut too long and I feel so ready to just shake things up! First step, I'm gonna join a gym!

Good for you. You seem to know what you want and heading that direction Joining a gym is a great idea. Not only will you get in better shape, but working out relieves stress and clears one's mind. I think when you have time, volunteering would be great. I met my boyfriend (we're on a break right now) while volunteering at his hospital. Volunteering unites people, and it's always good to give back to the community. Good luck on working with your self - esteem issue.

[Nerdy]

Why? Because most of these "problems" their husbands/boyfriends have are traits that I do not possess. Hence why I am still single.

For me personally, I notice the smallest things about girls. I don't know. Maybe its cause my mom always took me shopping with her when I was a kid and asked me questions about how this looked and that looked. I dunno why but I've always been sensitive to things like that.

2) One of my other girl friends complains how her boyfriend's family seems to think she's not good enough for him and constantly say bad things bout her to her boyfriend.

I come from a family that does the opposite. My parents basically would never interfere in any relationship I chose to have unless she's like some drug addict or something. If anything, my parents would berate me on not being good enough for whatever girl that ends up dating me.

I can snowboard, ice skate, rollerblade, ski, and I even play the piano. Why isn't she interested in me?

Enter me. I'm same age as her boyfriend. I've already got 2 years of career under my belt. I make decent salary. I'm financially independent and I'm on track to doing well in the future.


Yet, I am the guy who remains single and girls I know says whatever girl ends up with me will be one lucky girl. Yah right.

I secretly have a feeling that the very things girls complain bout in their boyfriends are actually qualities they love. Because thats what sets them apart from themselves. Cause in the end, girls wanna be girls and they want guys to be stereotypical guys.

Sounds like you're way jaded for things that don't even matter. Start worrying about yourself and how your persona reflects to others, instead of nitpicking why a girl should be more into you because you have more money, status, and are more talented.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone else for a second and learn to be more easy-going and fun to be around.

[Bellatrix]

Sigh, I feel so frustrated. I feel like I'm constantly attracted to/attract the same type of guy. The guy I'm getting to know reminds me so much of a guy from my past, and the one before that guy. WHY??? Initial impression, they are all different, yet when I get to know them, they are all the same. I know it's my own issue and I should work on it, but I still don't know what it is that I'm doing wrong.

And what happened to all the sincerely nice guys? Maybe I'm too old and boring for mind games, but I don't want to play cat and mouse with anyone. And I really dislike guys who are such sweet talkers and don't mean what they say. Why say you're going to do something when you know you're not going to? Why say it then? Don't create expectations if you can't meet it. Or the players and cheaters...they really know how to treat girls sweetly and then break their hearts... two of them cheated on their gfs. That's such a huge turnoff. Given that it's in the past, maybe I shouldn't hold it against them so much, but I can't help it. If they've done it once, they can do it again.

Why do you think you still single?

1. I'm attracted to/attract a certain type of guys
2. I'm very selective of who I'm willing to open up to and have in my life
3. I can be demanding and have high expectations

I guess I allow myself to be stuck in this type of situation. I don't mind being alone, it's good to appreciate your own independence and figure out what you want, but it would be nice to finally meet the right person. Sometimes it gets so frustrating and disappointing.

[uhhuh_5]

Good for you. You seem to know what you want and heading that direction Joining a gym is a great idea. Not only will you get in better shape, but working out relieves stress and clears one's mind. I think when you have time, volunteering would be great. I met my boyfriend (we're on a break right now) while volunteering at his hospital. Volunteering unites people, and it's always good to give back to the community. Good luck on working with your self - esteem issue.

Thanks, tlydia! Yeah, I'm actually excited to join a gym because I think it would be nice to have some place to go and relieve stress rather than being stuck at home... surfing soompi. I actually use to be very athletic but I've stopped for some time because I could never find anyone to workout with that actually has the same or higher level of endurance as me. And that is key because if your only option is running outdoors with someone who is slower and has less endurance you won't build your endurance and won't benefit as much from the workout. Sorry, unnamed friend. keke I also heard there are a lot of cute guys at a local gym my co-worker goes to so maybe I'll have some chance meetings with a lucky guy. Oh, and volunteering seems like a good idea. Of course, my main objective would be to give back to the community, not to scope for guys.

[uhhuh_5]

Okay, so what would you do or how do you feel about this situation:

If you were interested in a guy who initially showed some interest in you but later became disinterested, and actually became more interested in your friend (who btw has a boyfriend and is not interested in the guy) would you feel uncomfortable if they became friends? I mean I guess you could just be friends with the guy if you were really over him, but if you felt slightly rejected by him from before, wouldn't it be too difficult to hang out together? Would it be too much to ask the friend not to become friends with him so you wouldn't constantly be reminded of him when she talks about him? And, I don't think making her hide her friendship with him would really help. So what do you think?

[questions987]

I love this place sometimes. It's pure amusement and sometimes eye opening.

To the poster about why you're still single when you have a lot more potential than those other guys:

1) sometimes its just because they're not attracted to you. You are who you are and when you find someone that's good with you - they'll appreciate you noticing the little things and your talents. Everyone is different - just because these girls don't notice it, doesn't mean someone else won't some day.

2) The comment about the boyfriend's family - totally not true. Yes when the family says bad things about me to my then boyfriend, I appreciated him standing up for me; but at no point in time did I ever want there to be a rift with his family, and I NEVER secretly enjoyed it ever. It's hard to be critized but what I kept telling myself is: "it was how he reacted that matters, not what his family thinks."

So its good that your family is supportive, someone will be lucky for a supportive 'in-law' family. But not everyone is that lucky, and sometimes its just good to have a friend to vent to. That realtionship has a lot of work to do with his family not liking her, but if they've survived thats gotta tell you something good about that - because realtionships wouldn't last if he didn't stand up for her. Trust me, I've been there, done that. It ended because his mother finally got under his skin enough.

So, are you better than these guys - probably yes and no. Do I get the feeling that you think you're better? Yes. It isn't fair to judge someone based on what their Significant other tells you - it's always one sided, and obviously - somethings are good about these guys if they still have these girls. You'll find the right person sooner or later - but you have to give it time. Don't compare yourself to other people, not everyone is the same and no two relationships are the same, so let it be and just enjoy the life you have right now.

------------
Now, why am I still single?

Like I said above, everyone is different and I'm at that age where girls started looking for potential husbands 2 years ago (as apparent by 7 friends getting married/engaged this summer alone). I had to be in the right place to find someone.

1) I'm fiercly independant but have been told for the last 3 years that it scares guys away. It's taken me awhile to accept that it will scare almost every guy away - hopefully one day, I'll find someone that it won't scare.

2) I wasn't ready - I had a major heartbreak 6 years ago and never really recovered from it. I hurt and ached for him for 5 years and I never let myself be put out there again after that because I was afraid of being hurt like that again. I still am worried about it, but I realized recently that the experiance made me a stronger person and I know what I can take now. I'm a better person now than I was 5 years ago and my independance that scares guys away (as commented above) is what made me stronger. Tomorrow if I meet Mr. Right and he and I get married and Mr. Right ends up being wrong - I know I'll still be me, and I'll still be okay because I've built a life for MYSELF and Mr. Right will add a great deal to my life but he isn't my life anymore (something I didn't understand 5 years ago).

3) I'm a busy person, I truly believe that it'll fall into my lap when the timing is right for me. I admit that right now, anyone that got involved with me would have to be content when a couple hours a week on a Friday night and a phone call every other night because thats all I can give. I know thats not fair to ask of someone - so I don't ask it of them. If I meet someone that can deal with that - okay, but until then; I'll stick to work and school and life.

I'm happy with where I am, I'm in a good place and if I never found someone else - I'd be lonely, but I'd be okay. I don't need anyone else to complete me, I'd just like someone to complement the life that I've built and add to the future that I want to build.

[tlydia]

Late last night, I went to a close girlfriend's house (she needed to borrow one of my dresses) Anyways, while at her house, I ran into her brother. I guess he heard what happened to me because the first thing he did was come up to me a gave me a big warm hug. As we were both sitting on the sofa, I felt uncomfortable because I thought he wanted to give me his sympathy and/or talk about my relationship problems concerning my boyfriend. He did the polar opposite. Instead, he started busting out with pick up lines. I mean really cheesy pick up lines. I just sat there and laughed my butt off. I guess he knew I need a good laugh, thus the pick up lines. Anyways, after he finished with his pick up lines, I did what came natural. I patted the top of his head and pinched his cheeks. He informed that was a kick to a man's ego which made me laugh harder. I knew he was joking around but I had to ask. I asked him if he actually used those pick up lines. He informed me he did and it got him the ladies' numbers everytime. My face was like this I don't think he got the ladies' with the pick up lines. He most likely got it because he is attractive. But I still can't believe a 31 year old Pharm D., who basically is the whole package, was actually using pick up lines in the bar. I don't know if he was kidding when he said he used pick up lines. I didn't know people still used pick up line.

My question is:
For the guys, do you guys still actually use pick up lines? And if so, what is your success rate? How many women actually fell for the pick up lines?

For the gals, how do you feel about pick up lines? What is your reaction when a guy approaches you with a pick up line? Would they be dating potential? Did you laugh when you heard the pick up lines?

I'm just curious Here were some of the pick up lines he told me which I thought were funny and unique:
Did you fart? Because you blew me away
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

Okay, so what would you do or how do you feel about this situation:

If you were interested in a guy who initially showed some interest in you but later became disinterested, and actually became more interested in your friend (who btw has a boyfriend and is not interested in the guy) would you feel uncomfortable if they became friends? I mean I guess you could just be friends with the guy if you were really over him, but if you felt slightly rejected by him from before, wouldn't it be too difficult to hang out together? Would it be too much to ask the friend not to become friends with him so you wouldn't constantly be reminded of him when she talks about him? And, I don't think making her hide her friendship with him would really help. So what do you think?

Hey your welcome! Volunteering is awesome.

As for your question, it can be ackward to be hanging out with someone who slightly rejected you. Noone likes to get rejected. Does your friend know that you were interested in him? Does she know that he is interested in her. If she doesn't know, maybe you can fill her in. Then allow her to make her decision on whether or not she want to befriend him. It should be her decision who she choose to hang out with.

Here's my advice for you. Everyone gets rejected. If she chooses to befriend him, hang out with them like you normally would. Don't let the rejection bother you or get the best of you. Find a good guy who is interested in you and move on from that guy.

[Nerdy]

My question is:
For the guys, do you guys still actually use pick up lines? And if so, what is your success rate? How many women actually fell for the pick up lines?

No pick-up lines for me. I just say 'hi', tell her I think she's cute and go from there, lol

Seems to work alright