[p.fish03]

' date='Sep 22 2006, 01:03 AM' post='3795723']
It took me well past 20 years to realize one simple fact about women.

Women usually can feel when a guy likes her, but women will NEVER make the first move on just a feeling.

*sigh* heh...

-John

i know some pretty outgoing girls who make the 1st move..... i would say most of the time i make a move first. whether its saying hi, asking them if they want to hang out, etc... with that being said. it never worked out when i made the first move. i wasn't this bold 1st 3 years of college.. and would have to say whenever i let the guy make the 1st move... it usually worked out a lot better.

i think i'll go back to letting the guys do the initiating. =P

[Aziraphale]

i would say most of the time i make a move first. whether its saying hi, asking them if they want to hang out, etc... with that being said. it never worked out when i made the first move.

That sounds familiar. I made the first move a few times as well, and as always it blew up in my face.

[watcher]

i know some pretty outgoing girls who make the 1st move..... i would say most of the time i make a move first. whether its saying hi, asking them if they want to hang out, etc... with that being said. it never worked out when i made the first move. i wasn't this bold 1st 3 years of college.. and would have to say whenever i let the guy make the 1st move... it usually worked out a lot better.

i think i'll go back to letting the guys do the initiating. =P

That sounds familiar. I made the first move a few times as well, and as always it blew up in my face.

if i may speculate, i think it's because most guys have already made up their mind from the start, and if they did not pursue you first, it's very likely due to that they never intended to. of course, there can be exceptions, especially among guys who are a bit shy and soft-spoken and dont know how to make the first move.

apologies if that came out wrong... cuz for some reason, it doesnt feel like it's exactly what i wanted to say...

[[HyuNi]]

so my question is...if you know women don't make the first move, why don't you?

Right? I ask myself that too.
I don't think I've met someone that gave me enough courage to make the first move.

i know some pretty outgoing girls who make the 1st move..... i would say most of the time i make a move first. whether its saying hi, asking them if they want to hang out, etc... with that being said. it never worked out when i made the first move. i wasn't this bold 1st 3 years of college.. and would have to say whenever i let the guy make the 1st move... it usually worked out a lot better.

i think i'll go back to letting the guys do the initiating. =P

Yeah, I don't think it's a guy's responsibility to make the first move, but I agree that it tends to send a better tone throughout the relationship if the guy makes the first move.

Let me clarify something though. Making the first move to me is officially asking them out. I've asked girls on informal, unofficial dates, but nothing to solidify my feelings toward her.

Hmm...

-John

[HERMIT]

Should the guy make the first move? Or should the girl?
Gah, thank god I gave up on finding anybody altogether. It helps keep my blood pressure and stress level down.

Like Hyuni alluded to above, even defining what the "first move" is can be a subjective thing.
I asked one gal if she'd like me to make the first move. She said, "Sure. No sense in me leaving the state if I don't have to."

[Aziraphale]

if i may speculate, i think it's because most guys have already made up their mind from the start, and if they did not pursue you first, it's very likely due to that they never intended to. of course, there can be exceptions, especially among guys who are a bit shy and soft-spoken and dont know how to make the first move.

apologies if that came out wrong... cuz for some reason, it doesnt feel like it's exactly what i wanted to say...

You could be right. I had an experience where I made the first move (a bit of a joke because I am so lousy at flirting ) and later, he told me he was too shy to make the first move (as if, since he's the extroverted sort) and that I was brave. It didn't last, though. I think the distance killed it.

I think there's still some sort of invisible 'stigma' on girls who make the first move, like they're desperate or something, which isn't always the case.

LOL@Eli.

[p.fish03]

You could be right. I had an experience where I made the first move (a bit of a joke because I am so lousy at flirting ) and later, he told me he was too shy to make the first move (as if, since he's the extroverted sort) and that I was brave. It didn't last, though. I think the distance killed it.

I think there's still some sort of invisible 'stigma' on girls who make the first move, like they're desperate or something, which isn't always the case.

LOL@Eli.

only thing that sucks is that means we're limited in our options... =\

[Risse]

It's long so.. read if you're bored and if you wanna.. avoid if you don't

Let me paint a scenario..

5 good friends. A B C D E. All girls except B. And alll these girls have birthdays alongside each other. A has been in love with B for a long time. B knows and takes her for granted and has asked her to do some things that would in all circumstance give wrong signals that there might be something more than friendship. But B tells all except A that it is impossible between A. And A knows about it even though B never explicity say it to A. B is in love with the notion of LOVE. And he desperately wants to be loved but not by A.

E is married. Rather engaged. Has been for the past 3.5 years. Thye have been together as a couple for 8 years. In the eyes of the Law they are legally wedded. Being chinese though, they have not got through ceremonial rites and in the eyes of their parents they are not married yet. They are living together with E's family. She drinks alot and likes to have fun.

E's husband is in FnB, works hard slowly rose and the company gave him a chance to further his studies while working. Simple man. Traditional man. Wants to earn to provide for the family. No time for E. Doesnt even seem to have time to get married. He leaves E to look for an apartment, for furniture, etc. He still loves her but can't give her what she need time love and attention. E likes to be the princess to be pampered and loved. She isn't sure she is still in love with her husband. Because he is too busy and she unsure and thta they have been quarrelling over her wanting more attention. They decide to postpone the chinese banquet 3 months later from their set date.

C D E constantly tells A to forget B. And B tries to do so but one day E says to A "Hey give B a call he is worried about you and is wondering why you are not calling him" A relents and althought she does not put it explicitly she still cares for him alot.

A B C D E still meet up regularly but C and D think something fishy between B and E but says nothing to A. A C D knows B's sister and they were all including E invited to her son's first month with all her relatives. One day before the party E asks D if it is alright if they all not go to the party. D thinking it is because E doesn't know B's sister hence feels weird and B also in the last minute says he has to work and would be there late. So all of them did not go for the party.

On A's birthday, in a moment of fluke A C D found out from B's sister that E has been taking part in many of B's family's gatherings. And that B's family members all think E is B's girlfriend. And they are very touchy feely lovey dovey in public.. To the displeasure of B's grandma and she reveals to B's sister that E has been going over to B's house to stay and even appearing at their doorstep in the middle of the night.

Definitely ACD especially A feels terrible cos their trust has been betrayed and same too for B's sister and she subsequently questions B and he denies their relationship and avoid her calls. That same day A cancels her birthday plans that she had with B C D E.. citing work issues. ACD decide to meet up without the other 2.

E calls C in the evening unexpectedly. And asks her out but C cites work and dinner plans with D only as reason as they work close to each other. Next E calls A and talks to her.

So problem now is what should A C D do? They are hurt for being taken as fools. And yet they have made plans to meet and celebrate their birthdays together. They can't possibly avoid them forever yet they cant bare to face them.

And such is the dilemma.
What would you guys advice on the next course of action in this Drama?

[HERMIT]

To B E

Or not to B E



That is the algebraic question.



To be honest, I don't know what to think or how this can be resolved.

I wasn't too good at word problems. O_o!

[Shinobu]

And such is the dilemma.
What would you guys advice on the next course of action in this Drama?

The only person who should feel cheated is really E's husband or fiancee rather. I understand that A C D felt hurt but really the only ones who are truly involved in this drama are B E and E's fiancee. A is aware of B's lack of interest and B is not involved with C or D. The truth should be told among friends surely but do give a benefit of a doubt as to why that didn't happen. Sometimes friends also need a certain degree of privacy/secret in their life. Confront and come to an understanding. This is not a big issue to A C or D.

[Risse]

Eli..lol..Thanks for your candid ans Shinobu.

Even though they are appalled by what has transpired.. and in actuality don't think they can face the said 2, B&E, as there have been wilful manipulations, falsehoods and deliberate deception. The element of trust has been shattered.

So ACD shd get off their moral high horse and accept that such things happen and remain friendly and put on a facade that they are oblivious that such things do happen.."welcome to the real world" kinda stance on it and let it be?

Yes A is emotionally involved, so C&D are thinking of meeting E alone to talk specifically on this matter. In fact if E was astute enought she wld have kept it totally underwraps it it is all about sex and flirting then leave it underyour covers.. cos now another strata is involved-B's family. Apparently some words have been exchanged regarding this matter and they are extremely disappointed and feel cheated by B&E.

It's like yes... we can Live to the fullest and Love to the fullest but we're all not living in "little sanitary bubbles" or "candy coated cubbyholes". When everything is revealed like it has bee now.. people are affected by B&E actions.

If E was single, heartful congrats would be extended but things arent that easy. If E divorced, same too, we'd be happy for them.

Perhaps C D have been too judgemental and using their moral yardstick against the actions of B&E but the fact remains the dynamics of friendship has changed because 1) they don't think good on cheating 2)E has always maintained and cited that tradition and morals are important to her hence she told her husband "I am selfish, I am traditional, I intend not to be a divorcee and if i were to marry you or marry somebody else I would want it to be forever." The blatant double standards and contradiction is kinda MEHHH.

I think they are willing to lose a friend E, and possibly B if she intends to cheat behind her hubby's back. They understand too that this would probably be just a physical relationship*cough* and this cld be premarital jitters but they think that E shd wake up and understand that she has a hubby at home and hard at work tryng to provide for her and life and love is not always romance.

Sigh. Tres Sad. Truth hurts.

[B0hemian_Sprite]

Okay. I feel really stupid posting this...but please try not to bash too much. >_< Anyway...I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a bf before...but right now I'm kind of interested in this guy. I just don't know if I should make a move or not.

He's in my wed. night class, which meets only once a week. Well for the past few weeks, when class finished, we'd be the last two in class asking our professor some questions. Anyway, he leaves class before me, and when I leave class, I see him kind of fiddling with his backpack or something else. And then he'll make small talk with me.

But this week, I didn't have a chance to talk to him since class was cancelled at the last minute.
But what do you guys think...should I make a move? Or am I reading WAY into this...

[mickey012]

Okay. I feel really stupid posting this...but please try not to bash too much. >_< Anyway...I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a bf before...but right now I'm kind of interested in this guy. I just don't know if I should make a move or not.

He's in my wed. night class, which meets only once a week. Well for the past few weeks, when class finished, we'd be the last two in class asking our professor some questions. Anyway, he leaves class before me, and when I leave class, I see him kind of fiddling with his backpack or something else. And then he'll make small talk with me.

But this week, I didn't have a chance to talk to him since class was cancelled at the last minute.
But what do you guys think...should I make a move? Or am I reading WAY into this...

...if you don't make the first move, how would you know how he feels?

besides, if he's not interested, he's not the only fish in the sea...

so i say go for it and good luck to you!

[sugarcakes]

I'm having some difficulty remaining a friendship with this important some one. first and foremost, I screwed things up by trying to use her as a rebound thinking I could easily win her, despite this we've been somewhat normal and continued a friendship.. however these days I find conversing with her to be difficult as she always seems to be holding back or not being too talkative.. i also am bothered by some of her actions as I often advise her to do things, but she doesn't.. only to regret it later. and i often find her to be very illogical. I really want to maintain this friendship as I consider her to be very important, but she keeps doing things that make me not want to talk to her anymore.. my friend says she wants to talk to me when I dont talk to her..but when I do, it doesnt seem like she wants to. in addition, sometimes I feel like the worse is brought out in me when I talk to her, mostly due to frustration.

if you feel like someone brings out the worst in you, or you don't like who you are when you're with them, then you don't need to be around them.

It's long so.. read if you're bored and if you wanna.. avoid if you don't

And such is the dilemma.
What would you guys advice on the next course of action in this Drama?

I think the only person that stands to get hurt is E's other half because they are in a committed relationship. As for A, yeah, it's sad that when you're emotionally attached to someone and they don't feel the same, but she should understand that her and B are not in a relationship, so technically. she wasn't "betrayed".

CD should stay out of this thing between E, B, & possibly E's other half. I'm sure as things progress, E's other half will take notice of his gf's action and will definetly take actions in the issue. so they need to work that out on their own. A should take some time and get herself together. I hope she finds a guy who truly cares for her

Okay. I feel really stupid posting this...but please try not to bash too much. >_< Anyway...I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a bf before...but right now I'm kind of interested in this guy. I just don't know if I should make a move or not.

He's in my wed. night class, which meets only once a week. Well for the past few weeks, when class finished, we'd be the last two in class asking our professor some questions. Anyway, he leaves class before me, and when I leave class, I see him kind of fiddling with his backpack or something else. And then he'll make small talk with me.

But this week, I didn't have a chance to talk to him since class was cancelled at the last minute.
But what do you guys think...should I make a move? Or am I reading WAY into this...

why don't you just casually walk up to him and go " hey, wanna go grab a cup of coffee ? " if he likes being around you, he won't say no.

[appledapple]

I posted this here to get advice from other working adults.

Short version is that I am madly attracted to someone I work with. I feel like it's mutual but you can never be 100% sure unless he asks you out or "makes a move", of course. Of course I'm sure he would have to be careful anyways with the whole "sexual harrassment" business.

Our company policy prohibits dating between supervisors and subordinates...Right now I'm his subordinate but I'm in the process of being trained to hold the same position as he holds.

What do you guys think?

[donporkuloin]

Ask him to hangout with you one day after work, or on the weekend. As a friend just get to know him, and see what happens?

[HKS457]

Ask him to hangout with you one day after work, or on the weekend. As a friend just get to know him, and see what happens?

agree

by making this move, you can make sure his true intentions, somewhat express yours without getting in trouble since it is just a "meal"

[HERMIT]

Cool it and wait. Don't initiate anything just yet.

Finish your training first and assure that you will be placed in a supervisory position and you're no longer a subordinate. In the meantime, further familiarize yourself with the fraternization policies of your company. Maybe you're aware of the superior-to-subordinate policy, but you should make sure that there aren't any other conflict of interest stipulations that might still arise even despite your elevation to the same position as your coworker.

Should everything check out after all this has been done, then I believe it would be more prudent to proceed along the course of pursuing your co-worker. There's no sense risking your career for a merely prospective office romance. I wouldn't recommend pursuing anything even if you feel assured that you will become a supervisor anyway. Because if superiors and colleagues alike get wind of your little office romance in the midst of you getting the promotion, then it will only raise questions or possible rumors of favoritism or 'special favors' - or it might jeopardize your assignment into that very supervisory position in the eyes of those that make the decisions.

Now, should you still find company policy prohibiting any kind of fraternization despite you being elevated to a supervisory position - then to me, it seems that the point is moot in trying to pursue any kind of office relationship. Unless you really don't value your standing with the company that much and you feel that it's worth the risk.

[CIRee]

Dating in the workplace is not a wise choice. What happen if things turn bad? thing of all the scenario before you even do anything.

[Majah Flavah]

Okay. I feel really stupid posting this...but please try not to bash too much. >_< Anyway...I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a bf before...but right now I'm kind of interested in this guy. I just don't know if I should make a move or not.

He's in my wed. night class, which meets only once a week. Well for the past few weeks, when class finished, we'd be the last two in class asking our professor some questions. Anyway, he leaves class before me, and when I leave class, I see him kind of fiddling with his backpack or something else. And then he'll make small talk with me.

But this week, I didn't have a chance to talk to him since class was cancelled at the last minute.
But what do you guys think...should I make a move? Or am I reading WAY into this...

fiddling with his backpack isn't exactly the green light, so take it slow. the reccomended course of action i would like to advise is to wait a few days before your next test and invite him out to study with you somewhere. he'll most likely say yes to the invitation regardless of how he feels for you, but it's how well you two click during the course of that study date which will determine your future with him. that part is up to you.