[Tuffcore]

How was it a trap?

It was a kind of like a two part trap.

In my situation, the idea of a 3-some was brought up a few times but i wasn't open to the idea of a 2-guy-1-girl combination and it took the sacrifice of a 2-girl-1-guy invitation to make sure that never happened. If i ever succumb to the lure of 2-girl-1-guy, i knew i had to return the favour...that was the first trap.

The second trap was, she always had to be #1 in my mind or things just wouldn't fly well with her. As simple as that. I never gave her that reason to snap at me or anything, which was not unique to only this topic coincidently enough, but also existing in other aspects of our relationship. The lack of true freedom of speech and thought without consequences was one reason why our relationship broke down as far as I'm concerned... that's a long story though.

Anyways, I can see your BF rejecting the 2-girl-1-guy just because he's not open to the reverse scenario.

I'm not bi-curious, or bi. But I was told that I am "bi-flexible" Hahaha. Lmao. I really dont care. I would like to try 2 guys, and 2 girls. Just for the hell of it!

A 4-some idea was brought up too but again, i was absolutely not interested.

So anyways, my advice is to... try and trap him! lol Because with sex, people can get really religious about it and wouldn't be open to those kind of ideas. Only a trap would guilt them into it.

this may sound petty to u guys but..... i'd appreciate it if anyone can give me any sound advice/comment



we've been friends for over 9 years

we liked each other when we were in middle school..but of course it was a petty kind of thing

he went out with 2 of my friends from hs
i started liking other guys

he broke up with his girlfriend of 3-4 years
it's been 4 months since that thing happened...he said it wasn't something that he just thought about overnight, and that he didn't love the girl anymore...

anyhoo...recently we've been talking to each other a lot
he urges me to go out with him (as in hang out, and not go steady with him), but i refuse to because i'm so busy...

and then he keeps on insisting for me to call him my boyfriend, he says we'll be married 20-40 yrs from now..all those other stuff that makes me giddy because i think i still have feelings for him...but thing is...I THINK HE'S JOKING. i DID clarify this issue with him, and he said it would not suprise him if ever he does end up being serious with me....anyway... i think i shouldn't be overthinking and stuff, but i can't help but be bothered. even when i've told him to stop, he still does it. but still i feel like im in the limbo...

i know we care about each other a lot. and it's definite that we love each other as friends...but then i can't help feeling that i'm crossing the boundaries by feeling something else, even when i think i should believe that it's really just friendship he's offering me...oh well...

i know this is sort of obfuscating, but i'm hoping you can shed some light? hahah

That happened to my co-worker.

He was married for 20-years before he finally got a divorce. Following the divorce, he one day woke up in bed with his best friend of 7-years, who was a much younger woman by the way. For them, it didn't hit them both until that fateful night they slept together that they just knew, "it was meant to be".

He would describe to me how they felt so awkward for a week after that night happened. In the end though, they talked it through and then made the easiest transition they'd ever had to make. They were already best friends and knew each other so well and shared so much in common. She really had to just move in with him and that was it.

They're getting married in a few months.

Anyways, perhaps that gives you some idea of what to do...

[papabear]

Sex should be passionate, intimate, and fun.

If you think that the more the better, I don't have much to say then, except that maybe you should take some time out and think about where you are going with your life. I don't know what your bf's reasons are for saying no, but if he has any sense he may not stick around for the long haul.

[daverovan]

my wife is not faithful to me, she doesn't know that I know about it. waht should I do?

[tlydia]

my wife is not faithful to me, she doesn't know that I know about it. waht should I do?

The best thing you can do is confront her. A marriage consists of two people being faithful to each other. If you don't have trust, then that's not really a healthy relationship. Why would you want to stay in that marriage if she's unfaithful to you?

[hoon-woo]

That happened to my co-worker.

He was married for 20-years before he finally got a divorce. Following the divorce, he one day woke up in bed with his best friend of 7-years, who was a much younger woman by the way. For them, it didn't hit them both until that fateful night they slept together that they just knew, "it was meant to be".

He would describe to me how they felt so awkward for a week after that night happened. In the end though, they talked it through and then made the easiest transition they'd ever had to make. They were already best friends and knew each other so well and shared so much in common. She really had to just move in with him and that was it.

They're getting married in a few months.

Anyways, perhaps that gives you some idea of what to do...

err...sleep with him? haha kidding.... so you mean like i should i just let things unfold on their own?.... but what about the troubling part? and is it better to preempt myself from accepting the possibility of having my feelings reciprocated by him? sorry i just had to push the question further...by the way we're both only 20... so i guess your example's out of our league as of yet? haha...but anyhoo thanks for your response, it'd be nice if u can try helping em further.

[duykato]

my wife is not faithful to me, she doesn't know that I know about it. waht should I do?

Have sex with her, then file for a divorce the moment you're finished. Just be like, "Thanks, now can you do me a favor and sign these divorce papers?" Get all the money you have in your bank in cash. Sell your house for a dollar and give her 50 cents. Sell all your stuff. So when she leaves you can be like "Haha! How's half of nothing?! You rainbow!"

[[HyuNi]]

^

Don't you think you're being a bit insensitive?
I doubt that you think that's good advice or advice at all, but it sounds like you're mocking this guy.
Just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean you should make jokes about it.
He's probably deeply distraught, and as for me, I have no adivce to give because I don't know what it feels like to be married.

If anything, I would wait for coreancc to respond.

[Meenuh]

/me snickers at that comment.

Would you like me to show you what you gotta do to be a fluffer?

-edit-
Awwwww... tLydia got to it first. Oh!! Thank you for the chicken rice porridge, after two tries it came out perfect.. (first attempt was kinda ghetto because I didn't have ALL the right stuff.)

whaaaaaaaaaat? i want some chicken rice porridge .... teach me!

Don't you think you're being a bit insensitive?
I doubt that you think that's good advice or advice at all, but it sounds like you're mocking this guy.
Just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean you should make jokes about it.
He's probably deeply distraught, and as for me, I have no adivce to give because I don't know what it feels like to be married.

If anything, I would wait for coreancc to respond.

i think the only thing he can really do at this point is to get some answers. sit her down for a talk. we don't know if he's 100% sure that she's cheating on him. i think that if he's not 100% sure and he brings this up with his wife it may scar the marraige because of trust issues but i don't think, as a married couple, that the wife nor the husband should be doing things that would bring suspicions like cheating up.

edit: i'm not married either but i think it all just boils down to goold ol' logic & common sense.

[watcher]

The best thing you can do is confront her. A marriage consists of two people being faithful to each other. If you don't have trust, then that's not really a healthy relationship. Why would you want to stay in that marriage if she's unfaithful to you?

i like that. sounds very familiar

[clockwatcher]

Have sex with her, then file for a divorce the moment you're finished. Just be like, "Thanks, now can you do me a favor and sign these divorce papers?" Get all the money you have in your bank in cash. Sell your house for a dollar and give her 50 cents. Sell all your stuff. So when she leaves you can be like "Haha! How's half of nothing?! You rainbow!"

It's not that easy to leave a marriage, you know. And how do you know he wants to end it? Cheating is generally unacceptable but it doesn't mean it's unforgivable. Daverovan, I think you should confront her with concrete proof and decide where you want to go with your marriage after that. Figure out why the cheating occured in the first case and see if your marriage is worth salvaging... and if it is, work on fixing the issues so this doesn't occur again.

[coreancc]

my wife is not faithful to me, she doesn't know that I know about it. waht should I do?

I guess I'm a little late to the discussion, and everyone else has already given such good advice.
I've seen so many friends go through this, and I agree with everyone else: you have to confront her. Try to keep control of yourself during the confrontation, though, or you won't get much accomplished for a while.
These things are hard to survive. Very very painful. But I've seen a few outcomes. First, I know a few couples who decided to work it out, and succeeded - and believe it or not, they are the happiest couples I now know. It is possible to overcome unfaithfulness and go on to have a healthy marriage - sometimes even a healthier marriage - but it is incredibly hard at first. These couples would tell you it is worth the initial pain - but be prepared for one of the hardest things you've ever done.
The one thing I've noticed is this: if both people are truly willing to do whatever it takes, and neither one is defensive, then they are able to work it out. This is usually marked by a very real "repentance" on the one who was unfaithful - but, surprisingly, it is also marked by a willingness of the "innocent" partner to consider if maybe they contributed to some of the things leading up to the affair, and a further willingness to change and grow themselves if necessary. Almost always the couples that survive had the help of a 3rd party, usually a marriage counselor.
On the other hand, I've noticed that if one partner (even if it is the victim!) refuses to give up the blame game, or gets defensive about anything - then, it usually marks the beginning of a long and painful march into the throws of death. Both people must be humble, and they must forgive - which includes killing blame and then making yourself vulnerable.
My personal opinion as I step back and survey my friends (and family!) that have been through this is (stepping on soap box): in marriage, try to make it work if at all possible - it is worth it in the end. ESPECIALLY if there are children involved - there are so many unintended consequences of a failed marriage when children are in the middle of it. It has become so prevalent in our society that we often think, "it happens all the time everywhere - it is so common - what's the big deal if it happens in my case?" But take a closer look at the people who have come out of broken homes - you see the wreckage working itself out in our society everywhere. As a whole, we've just desensitized ourselves to the fallout. But ask anyone who works with the children who are having to cope with this and not succeeding. Ask people who volunteer to work with hurting teens. They'll tell you.
Just off the top of my head, our exchange student had a friend that seemed so happy, confident, and strong... she came from a broken home, and it didn't seem to phase her. Just two months ago she ended up in the emergency room because she tried to take her own life and nearly succeeded. No one knew - she put on an incredibly good act. She told our exchange student that she has been depressed for years because of what happened in her home, and she didn't even admit it to herself for the longest time. And I can tell you stories for hours of the endless drama in our extended family due to broken homes... sigh... yeah.
<steps off soap box>
Sorry about that... I get a little carried away sometimes...

[tlydia]

i like that. sounds very familiar

It sounds familiar? I wonder who told me that.

[duykato]

It's not that easy to leave a marriage, you know. And how do you know he wants to end it? Cheating is generally unacceptable but it doesn't mean it's unforgivable. Daverovan, I think you should confront her with concrete proof and decide where you want to go with your marriage after that. Figure out why the cheating occured in the first case and see if your marriage is worth salvaging... and if it is, work on fixing the issues so this doesn't occur again.

Clearly, joking about this matter here is taboo. Don't mind me, I'm just crazy.

[tlydia]

It's not that easy to leave a marriage, you know. And how do you know he wants to end it? Cheating is generally unacceptable but it doesn't mean it's unforgivable. Daverovan, I think you should confront her with concrete proof and decide where you want to go with your marriage after that. Figure out why the cheating occured in the first case and see if your marriage is worth salvaging... and if it is, work on fixing the issues so this doesn't occur again.

Agreed. My boyfriend cheated on me (though it was a one time thing), I found it unacceptable. But in the end, I did forgive him to a certain extent. Right now, we're a working progress.

[watcher]

It sounds familiar? I wonder who told me that.

ionno, but since u gave that advice, i'm guessing you've mastered following it

[tlydia]

^^^

Nope, I haven't mastered following it quite yet. I say things better than actually doing it. Sometimes I give out advice that seems to make sense but I've yet to follow them. You already know me and how I'm a chicken.

[watcher]

^^^

Nope, I haven't mastered following it quite yet. I say things better than actually doing it. Sometimes I give out advice that seems to make sense but I've yet to follow them. You already know me and how I'm a chicken.

im a chicken too... a rooster actually.

[7thprincess]

It was a kind of like a two part trap.

In my situation, the idea of a 3-some was brought up a few times but i wasn't open to the idea of a 2-guy-1-girl combination and it took the sacrifice of a 2-girl-1-guy invitation to make sure that never happened. If i ever succumb to the lure of 2-girl-1-guy, i knew i had to return the favour...that was the first trap.

The second trap was, she always had to be #1 in my mind or things just wouldn't fly well with her. As simple as that. I never gave her that reason to snap at me or anything, which was not unique to only this topic coincidently enough, but also existing in other aspects of our relationship. The lack of true freedom of speech and thought without consequences was one reason why our relationship broke down as far as I'm concerned... that's a long story though.

Anyways, I can see your BF rejecting the 2-girl-1-guy just because he's not open to the reverse scenario.


A 4-some idea was brought up too but again, i was absolutely not interested.

So anyways, my advice is to... try and trap him! lol Because with sex, people can get really religious about it and wouldn't be open to those kind of ideas. Only a trap would guilt them into it.

A 4some is too much! LOL. I just want to try the two different 3somes thats all. We talked about it and he said he'll think about it. (YAY!) But if he doesnt want to, bummer, but oh well we can have fun doing other stuff.

If you think that the more the better, I don't have much to say then, except that maybe you should take some time out and think about where you are going with your life. I don't know what your bf's reasons are for saying no, but if he has any sense he may not stick around for the long haul.

The main reason he told me is that he doesnt like the idea of someone else than him. And what do you mean by "he may not stick around?"

[HERMIT]

How do you convince a guy to try a 3some when he clearly stated that he doesnt want to?

Well, for starters, you can disguise your intentions and start it off by initially calling it a "soompi meet".

[papabear]

A 4some is too much! LOL. I just want to try the two different 3somes thats all. We talked about it and he said he'll think about it. (YAY!) But if he doesnt want to, bummer, but oh well we can have fun doing other stuff.




The main reason he told me is that he doesnt like the idea of someone else than him. And what do you mean by "he may not stick around?"

Even guys who have relationships primarily for the sex are cautious about the kind of woman they would want to marry.

If there are no other issues involved for you, just lust, good luck to you.