[watcher]

I grew up on Mt. Helix/La Mesa but I live in San Marcos now.




awe - is poor Watcher stressed from all the teasing? Should I try to play nice now?




Prot if you notice: I put "great part of the foundation" I believe that you need friendship to have a realtionshp - I just think you need yourself before you know friendship.

hahaha... i WISH the stress was from ur teasing
dunno what it is yet... i just find my jaws a bit tight in the morning. means that i was biting down hard while sleepin...

[Bellatrix]

i've always believed that relationships are rooted in trust, communication and a common interest. from this you build a friendship which can quickly [or slowly] blossom into a romantic relationship, or perhaps merely stay at a friendship.

i believe that love [in the verb form] builds relationships and supports/maintains relationships through constant acts of kindness. in this sense, it plays its hand in all aspects of the relationship [including the foundation], but i wouldn't say it's the foundation itself as much as it being the blueprint, high quality materials as well as the tools of a constantly growing and rebuilding relationship.

i think relationships are built with love, but founded on basic universal principles of human interaction [of which love has its own special role in]

i may edit this later. my mind is a bit fuzzy. i think i've been stressed lately

I remember this quote from a movie I watched a long time ago, kinda fuzzy on the exact wording but it goes something along the lines of,"sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people."

I think in relationships, there has to be understanding and acceptance of who the other person is, both the best of who they are as well as the worst of their flaws. A romantic relationship would require trust, understanding, and communication. Definitely, it would be good to have common interests, but I've also seen very different people come together and make a relationsihp work... of course its a lot of work and requires a lot of understanding and compromises and meeting each other half way.

Lately, I've going through some issues with this guy and thought about what love means... I think love is kind, sincere, hopeful, and a little naive. Despite all the past heartbreaks, in love, we still allow ourselves to be vulnerable to be hurt, hoping that this time, this is the one.

don't know if i'm making sense right now, didn't get enough sleep.

[watcher]

Yes, I can see what you are saying... and it's definitely got me thinking... <brain churning away>
I think much of what you say here is what I hold in mind when I use the word "love" - which is why I was so hesitant to use that word, because everyone tends to think of it in different ways. When I think of love, I think of both a noun and a verb component intertwined together - creating one strong band. I focused much on the verb component, because that tends to be a weakness in our society these days. However, I have to admit, it brings additional clarity to the conversation to split it out the way you have... I may adopt that approach in the future.

yea, it's easy to fall in and out of love. if the emotion of love [being 'in' love] is the foundation of a relationship, it'll crumble as these types of relationships become highly turbulent. i won't deny the emotional component that love brings, as it's like the icing on the cake, and perhaps this is where the fulfillment part of the relationship comes [at least in terms of how one feels]. however, as much as people say 'i love you' in place of 'i am in love with you,' when people break up, it's not because they're not in love with each other as much as the reality that they failed to love each other. even emotions need to be sustained and built upon through constant acts of kindness and positive thought, almost like a personal will that goes deeper than your feelings. perhaps this is why [IMHO] love is an intertwining of all the body, mind, heart and soul.

in the end love becomes a decision influenced by all faculties of your personal being, where the final decision is a soulful one. as such, i believe marriage is an everyday decision. an every-second decision to love the other person with one's entire being, and if one relied on feelings, sexual urges, intellectual conquests, etc... that person will find him/herself in a world of trouble, or worse, cause a world of trouble for the involved parties [spouse, kids, etc].

this all sounds very mechanical, i know. im a pretty big mushball myself, but when it comes to serious decision making [like promising to love someone forever], i shift gears and run on an extra couple of cylinders. my heart will let me know my destination, but my thoughts will decide how to get there, and my fuel will be my personal will to achieve balance in both.

my mind is still fuzzy... bleh!

...

I think in relationships, there has to be understanding and acceptance of who the other person is, both the best of who they are as well as the worst of their flaws. A romantic relationship would require trust, understanding, and communication. Definitely, it would be good to have common interests, but I've also seen very different people come together and make a relationsihp work... of course its a lot of work and requires a lot of understanding and compromises and meeting each other half way.

...

if two people wanna make the relationship work, that's a common interest

[coreancc]

yea, it's easy to fall in and out of love. if the emotion of love [being 'in' love] is the foundation of a relationship, it'll crumble as these types of relationships become highly turbulent. i won't deny the emotional component that love brings, as it's like the icing on the cake, and perhaps this is where the fulfillment part of the relationship comes [at least in terms of how one feels]. however, as much as people say 'i love you' in place of 'i am in love with you,' when people break up, it's not because they're not in love with each other as much as the reality that they failed to love each other. even emotions need to be sustained and built upon through constant acts of kindness and positive thought, almost like a personal will that goes deeper than your feelings. perhaps this is why [IMHO] love is an intertwining of all the body, mind, heart and soul.

in the end love becomes a decision influenced by all faculties of your personal being, where the final decision is a soulful one. as such, i believe marriage is an everyday decision. an every-second decision to love the other person with one's entire being, and if one relied on feelings, sexual urges, intellectual conquests, etc... that person will find him/herself in a world of trouble, or worse, cause a world of trouble for the involved parties [spouse, kids, etc].

this all sounds very mechanical, i know. im a pretty big mushball myself, but when it comes to serious decision making [like promising to love someone forever], i shift gears and run on an extra couple of cylinders. my heart will let me know my destination, but my thoughts will decide how to get there, and my fuel will be my personal will to achieve balance in both.

my mind is still fuzzy... bleh!

Your mind might be fuzzy (did you not take your poprocks today?), but your writing is clear, and I agree with you 100%. I hate to repeat myself, so I won't (at least, not this time) - but everything you've said above I have also said at one point or another in these forums... I even have a bunch of quotes by dead guys to go along with it, haha. I firmly believe, and try to live on a daily basis in my marriage, that love does indeed require the whole being, but its root must come from an act of the will, not from the flowery emotions that shift with the wind. Like I told someone recently, sometimes I have to do those "mushy" or romantic things in my marriage in faith... because at that particular moment I'm not really "feeling" it - but I have faith in our love for each, no matter what I feel like in the moment, and I choose to love and romance my wife, regardless of my feelings. I also have faith that in so doing, the feelings will come in their own time. They are like the aroma of love. Sometimes it is there, depending on how the winds blow, and sometimes not... but the love remains constant just the same, by an act of the soul, as you say.
Maybe I'll pull out my dead guy quotes again if this conversation gets interesting enough.

[tlydia]

Actually, I've got a question.

What is the foundation of a relationship?

To me, the foundation of a relationship is trust and honesty. Simple as that. Without one or the other, there's nothing holding the relationship together. Trust and and honesty is the foundation of a relationship that keeps it together.

[watcher]

To me, the foundation of a relationship is trust and honesty. Simple as that. Without one or the other, there's nothing holding the relationship together. Trust and and honesty is the foundation of a relationship that keeps it together.

you should click into pangieee's profile and see wut i wrote in her comments section...
why you gotta copy me?! huh?!

[7thprincess]

So how does one person stop being stubborn?

[tlydia]

So how does one person stop being stubborn?

That's the problem. They don't.

[7thprincess]

That's the problem. They don't.

Hahahaha. Lmao.

[tlydia]

Hahahaha. Lmao.

I wasn't trying to be funny.

[watcher]

I wasn't trying to be funny.

you cant change how they think, but you can certainly change how they behave. it's a matter of how far you're willing to go

[HERMIT]

So how does one person stop being stubborn?

It depends.
For me, my streak of stubbornness as a child ended when my mom punched me in the stomach.
When I yelled out in pain, she was able to take that window of opportunity to shove the Flintstones vitamins down my open mouth.

[donporkuloin]

So how does one person stop being stubborn?

It just depends on what the person is stubborn about, and why?

[tlydia]

you cant change how they think, but you can certainly change how they behave. it's a matter of how far you're willing to go

That's what I thought too But in the end, you can't change stubborn people no matter how hard you try, even when you're willing to go past your limits.

[watcher]

That's what I thought too But in the end, you can't change stubborn people no matter how hard you try, even when you're willing to go past your limits.

walking out and doing your own thing is still an option. you don't have to live within someone else's little world they made for you.

[Tuffcore]

So how does one person stop being stubborn?

Are you asking about yourself or your S/O?

If it's your S/O, i would suggest you just let them be because if you succeed in changing your partner, then your partner will feel defeated and controlled. If you are unsuccessful, then you will feel heartbroken and annoyed. Just let them be and evaluate your tolerance for whatever they won't change or improve.

Remember, it's easy to love someone at their best but what lasts forever is that two people can love each other even when they are at their worst.

[7thprincess]

Are you asking about yourself or your S/O?

Myself. I have come to the realization that I am pretty stubborn. Or maybe its selfishness. Are those two the same thing?

[questions987]

Myself. I have come to the realization that I am pretty stubborn. Or maybe its selfishness. Are those two the same thing?

No they aren't the same thing - at least I don't think so. If they are the same thing (then I'm extreamly selfish, and I don't like thinking i"m selfish).

You should ask watcher - he's stubborn, REALLY STUBBORN.

[donporkuloin]

Myself. I have come to the realization that I am pretty stubborn. Or maybe its selfishness. Are those two the same thing?

No. They're 2 different things.

Selfish
Stubborn

[7thprincess]

No they aren't the same thing - at least I don't think so. If they are the same thing (then I'm extreamly selfish, and I don't like thinking i"m selfish).

You should ask watcher - he's stubborn, REALLY STUBBORN.

No. They're 2 different things.

Selfish
Stubborn

Thanks.

So yeah, I'll admit that I am pretty stubborn. Which, at times, it is really really bad. (Like last night. Ha. Ha.)