[7thprincess]

So I was planning to visit this one guy that I was talking with, but now I don't want to. Its more like I can't afford to AND I don't want to. How should I tell him?

[derrek]

Just give the "can't afford" response with a hint of "don't count on it soon". I know it sounds confusing, but here's an example:

"Some things have come up and I really can't afford to do any traveling right now. I'd like to visit in the future, but I'll have to see how things go on my end."

That gives an immediate reason why you can't go, and leaves it open for the future! Then just wait for things to cool down

I have no idea if this will work, so don't hold me responsible hahaha!! Just my thoughts.

[7thprincess]

^^^Oooohhh....I like that. THANKS!

[coreancc]

No, I don't. Just because the person isn't there doesn't mean I'll stop thinking about them. Take for instance, my current situation. My best friend is out of my life, but yet I still think about him, worrying if he is eating healthy, is he doing okay, wondering if his business is doing alright and how he's holding up. Just because he's not here doesn't mean I don't miss him and think about him.

Like I said, given enough time...

[watcher]

Just give the "can't afford" response with a hint of "don't count on it soon". I know it sounds confusing, but here's an example:

"Some things have come up and I really can't afford to do any traveling right now. I'd like to visit in the future, but I'll have to see how things go on my end."

That gives an immediate reason why you can't go, and leaves it open for the future! Then just wait for things to cool down

I have no idea if this will work, so don't hold me responsible hahaha!! Just my thoughts.

works on some people, but the sharper tools in the shed will take it as a copout. put into other words, it says 'i dont really wanna see you that badly. there might be something better coming up, but you'll make a find 2nd choice in case nothin else goes down.'

[tlydia]

Urgh, I knew it. My boyfriend is like the biggest health nut and has been getting on my case to eat healthier. I should have known something was up when he took me to McDonald's today. Turns out, his colleague is throwing a birthday party for her daughter's first birthday. I actually like her and she's been really nice to me. Problem, I will be seeing his friends there. These people have such a dislike for me, it's ridiculous. And the reason is even more dumb. My boyfriend really wants me to go because his colleague invited the both of us. I really don't want to go because his friends really make me uncomfortable. Should I just bite my tongue and agree to go?

[derrek]

haha, that's exactly what it means... if the sharper tools understand that, they'll back off

[watcher]

Urgh, I knew it. My boyfriend is like the biggest health nut and has been getting on my case to eat healthier. I should have known something was up when he took me to McDonald's today. Turns out, his colleague is throwing a birthday party for her daughter's first birthday. I actually like her and she's been really nice to me. Problem, I will be seeing his friends there. These people have such a dislike for me, it's ridiculous. And the reason is even more dumb. My boyfriend really wants me to go because his colleague invited the both of us. I really don't want to go because his friends really make me uncomfortable. Should I just bite my tongue and agree to go?

yes. be the better person. try to be good friends. be nice to the kid. get her a nice gift. u might not like them, they might not like you, but you and your boyfriend have a stronger bond now. ur gonna have kids together. it's time to up public relations a notch... =T

[derrek]

tlydia, I hate to say it, but I think it's time to take one for the team! Maybe if you give these people another chance it'll get better!

As long as its not a weekly thing, you can handle it once, right? Then in return you can make him do something! mwahaha!

[watcher]

haha, that's exactly what it means... if the sharper tools understand that, they'll back off

if someone plays that trick on you, then you proceed to make fun plans without em, but conveniently remind them later on what you're up to. if you're nice, you can tell them soon enough to change their mind. often times, you'll see a shift in their plans while they start to feel like they're the one that somehow got rejected. bleh... no more games...

[derrek]

That confused me, but I think I understand what you're getting at!

[motheritried]

I still think about my pen pals from years ago. I wonder about them and wonder if they think about me too. I have some on facebook, so I can lurk them whenever I feel like it. Still, I miss the good old days.

[derrek]

Nothing is stopping you from bringing them back! Send them a letter, see what happens! Unexpected is nice...

[tlydia]

yes. be the better person. try to be good friends. be nice to the kid. get her a nice gift. u might not like them, they might not like you, but you and your boyfriend have a stronger bond now. ur gonna have kids together. it's time to up public relations a notch... =T

Try to be nice to whom? The host who invited us or my bf's friends? It's not that I really dislike them. It's just they have a way of making feel like trash. Why is it that a girl who is considered attractive and dates a guy who is well off considered a gold digger? To have a feeling that you're unworthy of someone is the worst feeling ever. That's how they make me feel. At least my boyfriend said it was up to me instead of pleading to me to go which he usually did before.

[HERMIT]

Urgh, I knew it. My boyfriend is like the biggest health nut and has been getting on my case to eat healthier. I should have known something was up when he took me to McDonald's today. Turns out, his colleague is throwing a birthday party for her daughter's first birthday. I actually like her and she's been really nice to me. Problem, I will be seeing his friends there. These people have such a dislike for me, it's ridiculous. And the reason is even more dumb. My boyfriend really wants me to go because his colleague invited the both of us. I really don't want to go because his friends really make me uncomfortable. Should I just bite my tongue and agree to go?

Ultimately, the party is being thrown by someone that you like and the invitation was such that it was extended to specifically include you and was not exclusively meant for just your boyfriend (with you just being a presumed tag-along). So bottom line, for you not to go may or may not be perceived as a slight to the person that matters most in this situation: the one who invited you, someone you actually like. In this case, I say you should graciously accept going and make it your focus that you are going for her and for her daughter and that you'll enjoy and conduct yourself accordingly for the occasion.

In the grand scheme of things the mere fact that your boyfriend's friends will be there are secondary in this scenario. Somehow, your concern over them and their dislike of you became a primary factor in this situation. What might have gotten lost in the shuffle is the impact your non-attendance might have on the birthday celebrant's mother, the person who invited you, someone you might actually care about out of the whole group you might encounter there. Would her feelings be hurt if you declined the invitation? Anyhow, just be the bigger person, check your reservations at the door, and attend the birthday party. Besides, while there you shouldn't feel obliged to even have to make nice and socialize with people that obviously dislike you. It's not their party. Just hang out with the mom and dote on the 1-year old birthday girl. With you being an expectant mother-to-be and the friend also being a mother of a relative newborn, I'm sure there'll be plenty for you two alone to talk about.

[tlydia]

Ultimately, the party is being thrown by someone that you like and the invitation was such that it was extended to specifically include you and was not exclusively meant for just your boyfriend (with you just being a presumed tag-along). So bottom line, for you not to go may or may not be perceived as a slight to the person that matters most in this situation: the one who invited you, someone you actually like. In this case, I say you should graciously accept going and make it your focus that you are going for her and for her daughter and that you'll enjoy and conduct yourself accordingly for the occasion.

In the grand scheme of things the mere fact that your boyfriend's friends will be there are secondary in this scenario. Somehow, your concern over them and their dislike of you became a primary factor in this situation. What might have gotten lost in the shuffle is the impact your non-attendance might have on the birthday celebrant's mother, the person who invited you, someone you might actually care about out of the whole group you might encounter there. Would her feelings be hurt if you declined the invitation? Anyhow, just be the bigger person, check your reservations at the door, and attend the birthday party. Besides, while there you shouldn't feel obliged to even have to make nice and socialize with people that obviously dislike you. It's not their party. Just hang out with the mom and dote on the 1-year old birthday girl. With you being an expectant mother-to-be and her being also being a mother of a relative newborn, I'm sure there'll be plenty for you two alone to talk about.

Thank you. Thank you for pointing out that I shouldn't be concerned with my bf's friends. All that matters is that I should put my feelings aside and attend the sweet pea's birthday. I really do want to go just to see her but was too worried with having to deal with my bf's friends. I guess I'll be the bigger person.

[Nerdy]

Do you guys believe in the saying: "Out of sight, out of mind"?

Definitely. I came across hard times when I was younger when it came to getting over things. Not seeing certain people made a world of a difference.

[coreancc]

yes. be the better person. try to be good friends. be nice to the kid. get her a nice gift. u might not like them, they might not like you, but you and your boyfriend have a stronger bond now. ur gonna have kids together. it's time to up public relations a notch... =T

I was about to reply and say the exact same thing, but then I happened to see watcher's reply - he beat me to it. Anyway, he says it well, so, yeah - I agree 100% with watcher.

[HERMIT]

Do you guys believe in the saying: "Out of sight, out of mind"?

Yeah, but only for people I can't stand.
Otherwise, it's "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

[Prot]

Urgh, I knew it. My boyfriend is like the biggest health nut and has been getting on my case to eat healthier. I should have known something was up when he took me to McDonald's today. Turns out, his colleague is throwing a birthday party for her daughter's first birthday. I actually like her and she's been really nice to me. Problem, I will be seeing his friends there. These people have such a dislike for me, it's ridiculous. And the reason is even more dumb. My boyfriend really wants me to go because his colleague invited the both of us. I really don't want to go because his friends really make me uncomfortable. Should I just bite my tongue and agree to go?

Yeah uh basically what Hermit said in a single line: Go to the party for the colleague's daughter whom you said you like since it is the daughter's birthday and you wouldn't wanna skip out on a kids birthday now would you? Plus you got invited.