[watcher]

This is what I don't understand. Why do some people insist on making a move on someone when they perfectly darn well know that the person they are trying to get with is already in a relationship? What bothers me is that there are millions of men/women out there who are single yet that person insists on getting with the person who's already taken. Why is that?

sometimes you poke anyways. who knows? maybe it'll work. if you want something bad enough, wouldn't you try it despite the odds?

questions987, maybe you should keep a super soaker filled with holy water that you can shoot at him when he comes too near

[tlydia]

sometimes you poke anyways. who knows? maybe it'll work. if you want something bad enough, wouldn't you try it despite the odds?

The answer to your question is yes but I would also know my limits. If I knew someone was in a relationship, I would not poke even if I wanted that person bad enough

[derrek]

Some people aren't as thoughtful and moral as others though. I wouldn't do that personally, but I know many people that would... unfortunately.

[misturrho]

hi everyone,

I'm new to this section and I want advice on what to do with the poker boyfriend. I'm Edith, 20 years old. I have a boyfriend named Moe and we will be together for a year as of Nov.

So I met my boyfriend through my really close guy friend from high school, Mike. Mike, Moe and their other friends Narb and Abo have a HUGE poker addiction. It's to the point that 4 to 5 nights outta the week they play poker together. My boyfriend just got his license back cuz of DUI, so it's really hard for him to find a job bcuz of his record, they would have an interview with him but after background check, he will not receive a call. I understand that we live 40 miles apart and I work fulltime, I cannot spend time with him on the weekdays. But when he hangs out with his friends, the only thing I hear is poker and casino. Everyone is typical working "college" student that doesn't really have classes because the sessions are full. So everyone sleeps like at 4, wakes up after 1, do whatever they do then after 7pm I already know I will somehow be in contact with the word poker. Another thing is, everytime my boyfriend Moe goes to casino with his friend Narb, SOMETHING always happens. There's no night that they just play smoothly and go home, he's not 21 and he wanted to go to the casino in Commerce, CA and he got caught and kicked out, so they went to Bicycle Casino, they tried again 2 weeks later and he got caught again, so they ended up in Bicycle. When they go to Morongos with their under age friends, there's someone that won't leave the table and keep playin poker/blackjack... and my boyfriend would get home like at 7 when he went like at 11. I used to love poker (not in casinos) but now I'm starting to hate the game and the players, I get very irritated and frustrated whenever I come in contact with just the word poker. Everytime I tell my boyfriend to be home by 3 whether it's casino or house games because he wants to fix his sleeping schedule so he can go to work and school normally unlike what he did before, but somehow there's an excuse everytime as why he's minimum an hour late. I've heard he had to wait for (name) because he wouldn't leave the tables, I've heard everyone lagged it so they arrived late so they stayed longer, just this morning at 6:30 I heard he was down $60 cuz of bad beats and the bad hands were winning hands so he withdrew more and more... he was down 2 bills but he knew I will kill him so he stayed to the point he came up $15. I told him so many times he's "grounded" but I understand he's bored so I told him, leave your house by 11, get home by 3. His friends even asks him to play on the weeekends when I'm with him and my f.ucking boyfriend actually has the nerves to ask me if I want to play or go to the casino, I'm like are you f.ucking serious? One of his dreams is to have his own poker table (like solid wood), a high quality set of chips (which is coming in the mail), and enter a WSOP to play with players like Scotty Nguyen and Daniel Negraneu. I'm sure my words are out of order and somethings are not mentions but I'm sure you guys get the point. I can't stand it anymore..

[derrek]

It may come to the point of him deciding what is more important, you or poker. I've heard this same situation with a video game player before, the person played instead of doing other things (usually more important things were left undone). And when they were together, all he wanted to do was play games. Eventually she made him choose because it was destroying their relationship, and he would still sneak and play and lie behind her back... he made his choice, and she left him.

I don't mean to sound like such a drag, but no girl deserves to be treated like this. A game of poker is never more important than your loved one. I don't care how obsessed someone is. I think you two should just talk it out and see what happens.

[questions987]

tlydia: I don't know if that was in response to me but I didn't really make a move on him - I took a depressed friend out for some haunting fun and he made the move on me. He's also legally seperated from her so yes and no he's not in a realtionship.

And no - I didn't insist on getting with him, I just have always felt something for him and he made the move - maybe it was morally wrong to give him a hug and not say anything when he kissed my forehead but I promise you - when he made a move for the lips, I moved my head.

You can't always help who you fall for or have feelings for - you can help how you react to situations and I did make errors in logical judgement because I wasn't very logical in those moments because it felt nice to have someone hold me and kiss my forehead and want me and make my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat because you know what? It's been too damn long since I've had that. Not everyone is as blessed as you are to have someone that, despite their flaws, want to be with you. And yes it is my fault that I've been single for so many freaking years - but I didn't meet Dave to find love and I didn't meet Dave with any intention of ever being more than a friend, and when I told him to get his butt out of bed because we were going out - I had no intention of anything more than to make a friend laugh because they hadn't been able to laugh since they got home from a war zone.

Maybe it's me, but if someone made the move to call me when they were depressed and needed a buddy - turning my back on them isn't an option, no matter what the situation. I got caught up in the moment and now I seem to be trapped in a bad situation, but I've taken myself out of the equation and I've told him that he needs to consider forgiving his wife for her affair and let bygones be bygones because he's made the same mistakes.

**Overly defensive about this subject because I felt guilty for even going that far with him, thats beyond my better MORAL judgement and I know that. But at the same time - I didn't really do anything wrong and I know that too. They're adults and they made a decision and from that decision he decided I was more than a friend and made a move on me. I'm sorry I didn't stop him completely but I am stopping him now.

[tlydia]

^^^

Nope, wasn't referring to you but my younger sister Sorry if I made it seem like I was directing it to you

[watcher]

The answer to your question is yes but I would also know my limits. If I knew someone was in a relationship, I would not poke even if I wanted that person bad enough

then you simply haven't wanted someone bad enough

[tlydia]

^^^

watcher, yes I have. It's just I know what I can have and what I can't

[watcher]

^^^

watcher, yes I have. It's just I know what I can have and what I can't

you can have whatever you like. you just live with consequences. the elasticity of one's guilty conscience, however, changes from person to person.

[misturrho]

It may come to the point of him deciding what is more important, you or poker. I've heard this same situation with a video game player before, the person played instead of doing other things (usually more important things were left undone). And when they were together, all he wanted to do was play games. Eventually she made him choose because it was destroying their relationship, and he would still sneak and play and lie behind her back... he made his choice, and she left him.

I don't mean to sound like such a drag, but no girl deserves to be treated like this. A game of poker is never more important than your loved one. I don't care how obsessed someone is. I think you two should just talk it out and see what happens.

Thanks for your response, he never treated me wrong in anyway, but he just has this addiction to poker. He said it himself before... he will give up poker for me, but I'm sure he won't do it completely, maybe he'll play less but there's no way he will stop playing. Even his mother knows he has an addiction but he tells his mom it's not gambling, it's strategy.. yeah for you to read the player but not for the cards! I know this sounds insane/crazy/physco, but I am going to make a written agreement to make him actually do it, if he breaks any part of it he will not see me for a weekend and I can already imagine he will say I'm threatening him.

[derrek]

haha, I think that sounds like a great idea. Yeah, he definitely wouldn't have to stop playing, just slow down to the point it's not interfering with anything!

[watcher]

Thanks for your response, he never treated me wrong in anyway, but he just has this addiction to poker. He said it himself before... he will give up poker for me, but I'm sure he won't do it completely, maybe he'll play less but there's no way he will stop playing. Even his mother knows he has an addiction but he tells his mom it's not gambling, it's strategy.. yeah for you to read the player but not for the cards! I know this sounds insane/crazy/physco, but I am going to make a written agreement to make him actually do it, if he breaks any part of it he will not see me for a weekend and I can already imagine he will say I'm threatening him.

if this is a dealbreakfer for you, i say you walk away.
all this contract writing and negotiating will get you nowhere.
you'll only struggle a little more until you get fed up even more.
he will either come back reformed, or let you go.
it's not easy, but this will make your life simple.
*my 2 cents worth of guidance counseling*

[wantan]

there's this girl who i felt like she is looking at me very often in class. i am interested in her, but when i approached her, she was like "who are you?" and made it sound like she never noticed me before... that broke my heart, but i felt much better for just having tried... still though, it is the first time, that my senses have deceived me that hard. at least at that moment i thought so. now i am just confused. because one week after she tried hard to get into conversation with me, stick with me and getting touchy... i was and i am still confused , thats why i showed her that she can't do everything with me by ignoring her most of the times. anyway, i was already forgetting her and live with the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me. but as soon as i am fine again she appears out of nowhere to give me a hard time figuring her out. she is very popular and always has guys around her... i just don't know what i should think of her :*(

[watcher]

there's this girl who i felt like she is looking at me very often in class. i am interested in her, but when i approached her, she was like "who are you?" and made it sound like she never noticed me before... that broke my heart, but i felt much better for just having tried... still though, it is the first time, that my senses have deceived me that hard. at least at that moment i thought so. now i am just confused. because one week after she tried hard to get into conversation with me, stick with me and getting touchy... i was and i am still confused , thats why i showed her that she can't do everything with me by ignoring her most of the times. anyway, i was already forgetting her and live with the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me. but as soon as i am fine again she appears out of nowhere to give me a hard time figuring her out. she is very popular and always has guys around her... i just don't know what i should think of her :*(

what u wanna do about it?

if u wanna poke around, then ask her out on a date. go watch a movie. let her do most of the talking. buy her a meal but if she thanks you just say 'whatever.' when she gets all touchy, go for the kill and give her a smooch, but dont talk much about it afterwards. hold her hand, but if she lets go just shrug it off. u a cool guy, and you the one that she can't read, not the other way around.

[HSuke]

i just don't know what i should think of her :*(

I believe that she's poking around a bit. She probably wants to see if you can handle her, if you are good catch, and if you're man enough to make a move. The choice is yours.

[questions987]

^^^

Nope, wasn't referring to you but my younger sister Sorry if I made it seem like I was directing it to you

Sorry I got so defensive - it's just a touchy subject for me.

On a side note: we said goodbye yesterday because I just couldn't deal with it anymore and he wouldn't let me go, so I told him to not call me until he had life with his wife figured out and he swore he would call me in a couple of weeks/months. I guess it's a waiting game now - he seemed really hurt when i told him I didn't want to deal with it anymore. He kissed me (really kissed me) yesterday too. DAMNIT.

Did I make a mistake? Because I haven't cried for a guy in a few years and I actually cried yesterday.

[Prot]

^^^

watcher, yes I have. It's just I know what I can have and what I can't

Agree with watcher on this one. So long as the ring isn't on the finger, it's all fair game. There is a reason they aren't married yet.

[sidney]

what do you think are some signs/actions a guy/girl do or show that they are in love with their bf/gf deeply?

[Risse]

Hi guys.. It's been a long time since I've visited Soompi. How are things here??

Anyway I'm facing a real-world situation and am kinda bothered by it so here goes..
------
I suppose it's great when your friends from different eras and sectors of your life get along. But this friend of mine who's sorta like an "attention rainbow with good intentions" crashes into my meet-ups and somehow manages to become "friends" with my friends and acquaintances. She is a nice person and sincere, a fun person to be around with but I feel like rolling my eyes when she goes on and on about her life story, her successes, her failed marriage etc and ALL THESE to my friends and colleagues that she barely knows at their first meetings.

She tell people things about me that I get embarrassed about like..
how I never answer my phone and reply her sms and that i'd be the last person to call in an emergency ( I do actually work during office hours)
how lazy I am, that I'd rather stay at home and rot than go out shopping or partying (Cos am tired and I need to rest my brain+body)
how well I cook and how domesticated I am that I'd be the perfect wife cos I can do housework (Am a journalist not a domestic help)
how my mom still "controls" me even though am 26 and should do something about it (I know abt it and am living with it)

Stuff that I dun really want people I dun really know to hear. I mean she can be frank and open with people about her life but heyyy she's talking about my life.

She's the same age as I am but in her eyes I'm like the little girl that hasn't really experienced much.. the Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes. The one that has not dated for along time, not fallen in love, not gotten fired, not gotten a divorce, not living outside on her own.

Sometimes these friends that meet up with her can get along with her and want to include her in our 'gatherings' (mainly my colleagues, cos she is fun to be with), some that are not just smile and grin when she is around (My friends from Grade 1). Perhaps she takes on the role as an elder sister or someone that has been there and done that to assess who am hanging out with. I dunno if it is because she is lonely that she 'adopts' my friends or that she simply just be friends with them cos they are my friends.

I feel bad sometimes when I lie that she's busy or I try not to let her know am heading out with my other friends when she asks me out.

Gosh this feels like a juvenile situation and not someone past a quarter of a century would be bothered about..
... but I dunno how long more I can handle this.

Am tired of being a two-faced-friend.