[UoMDeacon]

I'd say a good rule of thumb for a majority of guys is to just be up front and blunt. Sure it might hurt, but in the long run it's the better thing to do. Think of it as doing him a favour; if he keeps having some hope of getting back with you, it's preventing him from meeting someone else. So just eliminate that hope, and help him move on.

In regards to your original question about the gift. Well...a gift is a gift. When a person gives a gift, it shouldn't come with any strings attached, be it some unlikely hope that it'll entice you to get back together or what not. If that's the reason he gave it, then it's his own fault. So just enjoy the gift.

well, of course i care how he feels... that's why i don't want to ignore him. but no, i don't feel the need to be friends with him, particularly not if it's more painful in the long run. i don't know. i guess it's not a big deal. i think he'll be okay regardless of what i do.

thanks for your help!

YUNA: You should probably document instances in which you feel uncomfortable, and bring it up with management. That guy sounds like a creep. Have you made it known to him that he makes you uncomfortable?

As a male, if I knew of some guy hitting on my GF like that...well there are certain things that I'd be inclined to do personally on a physical level.

[Godotology]

no, he doesn't know. i don't think it's his business and i don't think the information will help him. yeah, i've been trying to cease contact but like for every few times he emails or calls, i feel the need to pick up and make sure he's doing okay.

its not his business to know..but if he had the knowledge, it certainly would push him to face the fact that he's lost you, you've already moved on, and its time for him to move on and get over you.

[B0hemian_Sprite]

Is anyone questioning/has questioned their sexuality? I'm confused

[ilovebinderclips]

Melkimx - how do you meet all these guys? Or to be more precise - how do these lucky, lucky guys get to meet you? I'm really curious. PM me, too, since I don't go on soompi all that regularly.

[watcher]

Is anyone questioning/has questioned their sexuality? I'm confused

you mean... 'i like people of the same sex' or... 'i wanna be the opposite sex' ???

[B0hemian_Sprite]

you mean... 'i like people of the same sex' or... 'i wanna be the opposite sex' ???

More along the lines of..."Am I straight, gay or bi?"
I knew I shouldn't have taken Human sexuality right now. --;;;;

[watcher]

More along the lines of..."Am I straight, gay or bi?"
I knew I shouldn't have taken Human sexuality right now. --;;;;

it really depends...on why you like certain people. it could be physical (aesthetic/sexual) or it could be on a social/psycohological level. based on your reasoning, you may find that you're attracted to a certain quality to the point where physical orientation does not matter anymore, or that you simply find the physical aspect of certain people very appealing.

on that note, IMO, i dont think human sexuality is confusing. i treat it the same way i do as studying different cultures. i was given my identity as a korean and as a male. the courses i took describe in more detail of who i already am, and do not serve to help identify identify who i 'really' am.

[B0hemian_Sprite]

Well I talked to my human sexuality professor about it. And he says that he thinks my real problem is that I'm worried about being 20 and never having a substantial relationship and so forth. Which is true...
I feel sort of hopeless being 20 and never even having my first kiss. It never seemed to really bother me until now, but I guess it's just something I'll have to accept.

And the whole being attracted...I think you're right. It does seem purely aesthetic. I guess I just really appreciate beautiful women. Haha.

But who knows for sure. I'll just have to go with the flow and see where it takes me from there. Thanks watcher You've been good help.

[melkimx]

i just emailed my ex and told him again that i was sorry but that i couldn't keep in touch with him anymore because it's really over and i don't want to lead him on. as for the gift, instead of going through the hassle of mailing it back insured, i'm just going to send him a check or gift certificate. i've been thinking about my motives behind this and i think it's possible that the reason i feel the need to pay him back is that it puts me in the position of being the mean ex who accepts an expensive gift and then refuses even to talk to him.

i think because it was my birthday i have people dealing with me who normally don't bother? this guy i dated for a couple weeks some years back emailed to say happy birthday, ask me what i'm up to, and tell me he's married and has a kid. now i KNOW he's married; his wife is this older woman whose head resembles a large round melon. i didn't know he had a kid but i suspected it based on the speed with which he got married. and i know he knows what i'm up to as well and that he doesn't need to ask me these dumb questions like whether i graduated and where i'm working. and why pretend like we're all chummy? we never were. there's only one guy i've ever dated for whom i wouldn't exactly cry if something horrible happened, and that's this fellow, because he really was a manipulative jerk (i wrote about him in this thread in the past). and a shotgun wedding? that's soooo classy. i'm not planning to acknowledge him in any way, but it surprises me that so much time has passed and i still have issues with him. (sorry just venting... nothing anyone here can do to give advice.) you ever have anyone you haven't dealt with for awhile, but that you'd still just like to maybe push into a lake or something?

Melkimx - how do you meet all these guys? Or to be more precise - how do these lucky, lucky guys get to meet you? I'm really curious. PM me, too, since I don't go on soompi all that regularly.

not until i figure out why your SN sounds so familiar...?

[watcher]

time to pitch in a bit from myself...

as mentioned a little over 2 months ago, i've been working on courting a girl 2 years older than me. i was given the option to either strike fast and show my feelings from the start, or take the 'little brother' role and really get to know her without her feeling pressured.

ive taken the latter option, and i've come to know her much better. we've become closer, though not as close as i'd like to be. for example, she'll call me up once in a while when she's in the area to meet up, or when she needs help with certain things, i'll usually be one of the first to be asked.

the next reasonable step would be to set up more personal settings, and meet up 1 on 1 more often. i live about an hour away, so it'd really be out of my way to just go see her, but i can always tell her one of those 'im in the area for businss and happened to be done' excuses.

however, i find myself hesitating. over the past couple months, she and i have picked up quite a few common friends. well, it's more like she's the newcoming in my circle of friends, and i find myself not wanting to mess with the balance of friendship between her and myself and all of our friends. if things work out, there should be no problem. however, if things dont, i can see things getting a bit too complicated.

i still dont know how she feels about me. as it is, i am a younger friend to her. (and we all know most girls would prefer an older guy) im guessing there should be better ways to test her interest without making it obvious to her my feelings, but i'm not quite sure which way is best.

at this point, i like her, but not to the point where i feel i MUST be with her. perhaps i just need more time, but i know that at a certain point in a relationship, i will lose the small window of opportunity i have left to etch my own special place in her heart

if anyone has some creative ideas, please do share

[UoMDeacon]

I don't think girls want to date older guys generally, but in terms of maturity, maybe. I think the biggest factor for dating older guys is usually financial security.

As for the whole becoming a friend first type of deal when trying to court a girl...I've always disagreed with that route. I'd say just go for it. Don't pussy-foot around the issue, and just deal with it head on. Think of it this way. You can settle once and for all if a relationship is possible, all within probably 1 date. If not, then cut your losses and move on.

i still dont know how she feels about me. as it is, i am a younger friend to her. (and we all know most girls would prefer an older guy) im guessing there should be better ways to test her interest without making it obvious to her my feelings, but i'm not quite sure which way is best.

at this point, i like her, but not to the point where i feel i MUST be with her. perhaps i just need more time, but i know that at a certain point in a relationship, i will lose the small window of opportunity i have left to etch my own special place in her heart

if anyone has some creative ideas, please do share

[CIRee]

watcher: I repeat NEVER! confess your feeling to her, give her mix signals like "i like you... like a sister" you have to play the push and pull game if you want her. I think age doesnt matter once you are over 20, the oldest i dated is 27 and she wanted MORE in the relationship. The "M" word came up so i pull out quick *wipe sweat off forehead* shoot im still have 10 years ahead of me before i even thing of that. Anyways back to you. You might want to move in quick before you are in the "Lets be friend" zone, once your there its 10x as hard to go back.

[UoMDeacon]

watcher: I repeat NEVER! confess your feeling to her, give her mix signals like "i like you... like a sister" you have to play the push and pull game if you want her. I think age doesnt matter once you are over 20, the oldest i dated is 27 and she wanted MORE in the relationship. The "M" word came up so i pull out quick *wipe sweat off forehead* shoot im still have 10 years ahead of me before i even thing of that. Anyways back to you. You might want to move in quick before you are in the "Lets be friend" zone, once your there its 10x as hard to go back.

You're kidding right? The push and pull game?

[HERMIT]

^
Yeah, I have never heard of that either. "Push and pull" game?
I suppose there's some validity in playfully engaging in this as a way to gauge one's standing in the eyes of the other. But I can't fathom playing this game for too long - or you'll just end up yanking your own chain, if you know what I mean.

[melkimx]

i still dont know how she feels about me. as it is, i am a younger friend to her. (and we all know most girls would prefer an older guy)

well i don't know about the rest of it... but maybe you're being kinda sensitive about the age thing... two years either way is nothing, and i don't know any girls who have a preference for older guys. well no, i know one, but she's horribly old-fashioned in the worst way possible and i'm positive she's an anomaly. actually i feel like the older girl/younger guy setup is more popular now than it's ever been. if she's gotten to know you and she likes you, the age difference probably isn't going to be a deal breaker or whatever it's called.

[B0hemian_Sprite]

Well with me...I tend to be attracted to guys who are MUCH older than me, or guys who are 1-2 younger...so...

Unless you really act substantially younger and immature compared to her, I don't think the 2 year different would pose as a problem.

[watcher]

the general culture among my friends are more traditionally rooted. most of them grew up in korea and came to the states while in high school and college. i'm actually the only person that was born in the states, but i get along with them better than i do my americanized friends. hehe...anyways...that's why i face the 'girls prefer older guys' obstacle. none of the girls i know are dating younger guys, or have dated younger guys.

im not out to play games. im not out to make confessions either. i'm just looking for a more tactful way of figuring things out so that after the fact has been realized, whether or not i succeed, she can still comfortably meet up with myself and all our friends.

[sugarcakes]

time to pitch in a bit from myself...

as mentioned a little over 2 months ago, i've been working on courting a girl 2 years older than me. i was given the option to either strike fast and show my feelings from the start, or take the 'little brother' role and really get to know her without her feeling pressured.

ive taken the latter option, and i've come to know her much better. we've become closer, though not as close as i'd like to be. for example, she'll call me up once in a while when she's in the area to meet up, or when she needs help with certain things, i'll usually be one of the first to be asked.

the next reasonable step would be to set up more personal settings, and meet up 1 on 1 more often. i live about an hour away, so it'd really be out of my way to just go see her, but i can always tell her one of those 'im in the area for businss and happened to be done' excuses.

however, i find myself hesitating. over the past couple months, she and i have picked up quite a few common friends. well, it's more like she's the newcoming in my circle of friends, and i find myself not wanting to mess with the balance of friendship between her and myself and all of our friends. if things work out, there should be no problem. however, if things dont, i can see things getting a bit too complicated.

i still dont know how she feels about me. as it is, i am a younger friend to her. (and we all know most girls would prefer an older guy) im guessing there should be better ways to test her interest without making it obvious to her my feelings, but i'm not quite sure which way is best.

at this point, i like her, but not to the point where i feel i MUST be with her. perhaps i just need more time, but i know that at a certain point in a relationship, i will lose the small window of opportunity i have left to etch my own special place in her heart

if anyone has some creative ideas, please do share

If you feel like you need more time, then you're probably right. There is no rush, don't worry about if you don't tell her your feelings now she'll go for someone else. if she likes you, she'll stick around. if she goes for someone else. that pretty much tells you how she feels

good luck!

[Shinobu]

im not out to play games. im not out to make confessions either. i'm just looking for a more tactful way of figuring things out so that after the fact has been realized, whether or not i succeed, she can still comfortably meet up with myself and all our friends.

I see two scenerios:

1. Just observe and don't do anything (while deepening friendship): The only way to know her feelings without making it obvious to her how you feel is to give yourself time observing closely how she acts around you or if she shows any signals at all. With this you probably will find out eventually how she feels (and I don't know how long that takes) but it could mean that you might loose your chance. In the end, it's a 50/50 chance. There's a chance that your friendship will turn into love naturally but there's also a chance that you'll loose your opportunity since you didn't show your interest. You'll find out after a period of time.

2. Subtle gestures and expressions: You don't have to confess to show your interest but you can do little things to show that you're interested in her and see how she responds. Females like sensitive and thoughtful males. Sometimes, the lady doesn't really look at you that way until she realizes you're interested in her. So if you can hint subtly you probably will be able to find out something. However, if she's the type who runs away once she realizes you like her then I guess that's that (but since there's no confession here it shouldn't be too awkward). This is also a 50/50 chance also but you'll probably know the result quicker than the other option.

In the end, your tact depends heavily on how well you know her and see which way would work better.

[[HyuNi]]

This is the first time I've been attracted to someone that is actually younger than I.
I had a period when I only liked older women because I liked their maturity level and they knew what they wanted to do in life.

I think I just admired their maturity and now that I've gained some wisdom under my belt, I don't really look for that in a woman anymore.

Does that make sense to anyone? I may be coming from left field.

On a side-note, who are we kidding. This thread is no different than the threads on the L&R section. We only sound more mature because we use more extended vocabulary than "like, yeah, totally, etc."

-John