Oh here I go again--woe about my parents.
So I've been hiding my relationship w/my boyfriend for about 4 months now. We decided it'd be best for us to do so first because of our age gap, second because my parents are somewhat strict? I guess I've changed a bit since we've gotten together...I've became more "human". I don't spend all my time with my face stuck into a book. Instead I go out more often, I actually feel happy...and my boyfriend and I are great. The longer we are together, the more I want to spend time with him...
And my parents have been snooping and they've kinda figured out I have a boyfriend based on checking the cell phone bill. My mother basically lectured me about how I'm screwing up my life, and karma is going to get me good by having a s/o. She also said that I'm a bad person and by having a boyfriend who's influencing me in the wrong way, he will never be accepted into the family 
...I didn't deny that I have one. But I didn't lie that I didn't. Honestly, my boyfriend is an amazing person. He works hard, never pressures me to do anything, if anything he supports my ambitions. He support his brother and parents and he's probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. It's not that he's influencing me in a negative way, I just want to spend more time with him because we have completely opposite schedules.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I just want some feedback because it sounds as if my mom has already decided she isn't willing to accept him. I don't want this to be a war between my parents and him. I just wish she'd leave me alone and let me do my own thing. It's so fricking frustrating... We have a foreign exchange student living with us at the moment (Korean, high school), and I've been reminded once again how difficult parents can be sometimes. Her mom and dad will call, ask only about her grades, and then if they are not all straight A+s, go on to yell, scream, and otherwise make her feel like crap. She doesn't tell us this unless we ask... but we ask because we can freakin' hear the yelling coming from the phone, even from the next room over! Anyway, my wife explained it to her like this... she said, "you know, think of your parents as an archer, and you as an arrow. They have a target they want you to hit... they are going to notch you, pull you back, and then release you, at which time you will be freely flying through the air on your own... but, until then, the more they pull back and aim, the more tension and stress forms on the string and the notched arrow. It is just before release, just before the arrow flies off into freedom, that the tension is tightest. This is because you are growing up and becoming more independent and opinionated, while your parents are getting ready to release and are so wanting you to hit the mark. Between these two forces, alot of stress forms, but it is necessary for the arrow to fly true. So, hang in there, be patient, be strong, endure a little longer, and soon enough you'll be free. That doesn't mean you can leave your parents behind and disregard them, only that you are free to make your own decisions - and free to factor the wisdom of your parents into those decisions if you so desire."
From what you've said before, I know your parents are very difficult. But they want you to fly true, and even though their methods may be painful (and may not be what I would personally choose), at least they care. I admire that you've made the effort to work with them. Yes, you've had your fights and difficult moments, but you are still there with them, trying your best to work with them.
I think it's important, if at all possible, to get your parents on board with this guy, and Prot has some good ideas on how to approach that... the thing that could make it difficult is waiting until you are independent to introduce your b/f. Your parents might not let you wait - they might force the issue... and if that is the case, it may be a better approach to just sit down with them and be open and honest, but in as loving and respectful a way as you can muster. Something like, "look, I want to honor you, but you have to understand that I'm getting older and will soon be on my own, making my own decisions. I want to make this decision, but it would be nice if you could be a part of it. A compromise might be this: if you let me make this choice, then I will include you in on this part of my life... let you meet him, let you know what's going on with us, etc." I don't know... I mean, it's going to be very different for different parents, and I have no idea what your parents are like. You do know what they are like, though, and I would recommend you take some time and brainstorm for some creative approaches on how you could turn your moms heart and maybe get her on your side. And let me share something with you about your parents... now that I'm a parent myself I understand something I never understood before. As a child, then teenager, then young adult, you get this mental image of your parents - and it can become very inhuman, actually, for some people. You might thing of your mom as always negative, or tough as nails, or unemotional, or only angry, or whatever it is she is like. But, no matter what your mental image may be, the reality is, she is still human. She does have a heart, she does have a soul! She has her own insecurities, just like the rest of us, and all these outward things are most likely defenses she has erected around those insecurities. But I can almost guarantee you that deep inside she feels things that might surprise you - she can get jealous of your affection, she can miss you terribly, she can feel incredible love and fondness for you. She might not ever let you know - you might believe she is only motivated out of a desire to make herself, or the family, look good. But, my point is this: be willing to think of her in a different light - be willing to consider that it might just be possible to break through the defenses and reach her heart and actually connect with her and win her over. The question is, how? And that is going to be quite an exciting adventure for you to embark on. Just don't lose hope - don't give up.
Good luck!
