[Pogichinoy]

I agree with you Derrek, but people in society are dumb. They expect to always meet someone at their best, and judge a person on their looks in most cases.

It's not dumb, people just expect everything up front and don't want to waste their time on those that will not be suitable to their needs and wants. I don't have a problem with that at all.



I wouldn't want to spend months to wait until I finally break the ice and the girl I'm interested in finally talks and lets her personality out.

[Mr Boo Boo]

^ ^^^ life is tough. she'll get over it.

you can't do something because of a schedule. things change and we grow and learn from it. anh marry early and it becomes an issue you don't want to divorce. is she asian? tell her to go to vietnam, she can find many husbands there.

where in sd? does that mean i have a new sd friend? yay!

yeah she is vietnamese too and yeah i guess that meanas you will have a new sd friend

[questions987]

whats that look for? only perswon i have here is hermit and he never appears so i think hes imagimary

[HERMIT]

whats that look for? only perswon i have here is hermit and he never appears so i think hes imagimary

Omg, I hate to break this to you, but I'm not imaginary.
And what makes it even more ironic is that Mr Boo Boo can attest to that: he's actually met me in person before and we go back like - sheez, iono .... something like around 6-7 years ago at least?
Not that he'd recognize me nowadays as I'm going gray on the sides and putting on the middle age paunch in the ol' midsection.

[Mr Boo Boo]

Omg, I hate to break this to you, but I'm not imaginary.
And what makes it even more ironic is that Mr Boo Boo can attest to that: he's actually met me in person before and we go back like - sheez, iono .... something like around 6-7 years ago at least?
Not that he'd recognize me nowadays as I'm going gray on the sides and putting on the middle age paunch in the ol' midsection.

that was what when we went to see the mummy or something like that and yes i have met hermit and he is not imaginary but hermit i am sure you havent changed that much

and questions987 about the look...well i dont know lol but it would be nice to have more friends when i am out there

[tinasarangg]

Hello all...

I'm just curious how do you forgive your significant other/spouse for saying things they didn't mean?
Even if they apologized a million times, and you said you forgiven them (but you really haven't?) how do you tuck it behind you and move on?

[derrek]

You just have to keep in mind everyone is human, and makes mistakes. When people are in certain frames of mind they'll say things they don't mean... it's important not to hold this against them, because doing so is only a burden to you.

[coreancc]

You just have to keep in mind everyone is human, and makes mistakes. When people are in certain frames of mind they'll say things they don't mean... it's important not to hold this against them, because doing so is only a burden to you.

Yeah, Derrek is completely right...
As for tips on how to pull it off - remember that you, too, will find yourself exactly in his place some day (maybe something comes out wrong and he takes it the wrong way) - how would you like to be treated when that happens? Sometimes, this kind of thinking gives me the perspective I need to be able to release whatever it is I'm holding on to.
Also, have you thought about why it hurt so badly? I've found that when someone hurts me unintentionally, it is very often because of pain I experienced in my past - and usually inflicted by someone else. By really thinking it through, you may be able to find the root and weed it out. By way of illustration, say a little child runs up to you in joy to give you a big hug... it's a sweet moment and brings a smile to your face. Now imagine that you broke your toe a while back, but it never healed, and is very very sensitive. Now, when you see that child running toward you, you cringe and put up some defenses, maybe putting your hands out so they can't get near your toe - if they happen to step in the wrong place, they could really hurt you. Sometimes it's good to find the real source of pain so that you can mend it and bring healing.
Oh, and as for forgiveness, I find that if I focus for a while on really loving that person and building up new good memories, eventually my grip relaxes and I'm able to move on. Sometimes, when we aren't able to release bad feelings, it can work to replace them.

[coreancc]

*UPDATE*
So the break is tech. over but he got in trouble at work and since hes a marine, he had to work all weekend. no christmas party, no wedding, so sad. next week the crazy ex leaves so no him this week because of finals i'll be busy and when im free, he'l busy because crazy is leaving. won't see him till sunday. don't know if he misses me, he was disappointed he can't see me this week, but never said he missed me. i think the plan blew up in my face, but i gurss i'll find out after crazy leaves.

In a way, I'm glad you are so busy these days... I would guess it helps distract you from what's going on with this guy and his ex. So, he's a marine, eh? My father-in-law is a marine, and I know a lot of marines as a result... and... well, there's something about those marine's. <trying to think of nice way to say it...> ah, intense... yes, they are intense. Don't know what they do to them in boot camp, but, they are left with quite the perfect mentality for doing their jobs... since they are often the first ones to rush in and face an enemy.

[questions987]

^^^

In all honesty, I'm kinda over it. You can only get punched in the face so many times before the pain becomes numbing and that's where I'm at. Numb. I'll give him the time to deal with her, I'll give him the space to deal with the situation, but he knows I won't wait around anymore. He needs act and soon or I'm gone.

The weeks apart have been good for us, I know he misses me but can't allow himself to say it, and I know I miss him but I'm getting over it. I have a crapload of friends that are keeping me busy and I have to say that a week of nothing but christmas party planning and arrangements has left me with a sense of accomplishment. Company Christmas Party 1 was a huge success, so successful, in fact, that a weekend later and I'm still getting compliments from everyone. Now, I just have to finish party 2 and my family's party - But first - I must pass all of my Finals with flying colors.

I think that I needed to prove to myself that I could get past the difficult weeks without needing to be comfort to get back to me. I forgot what kind of a strong person I am, and how independant I have taught myself to be. When I met him - all of my rules went out the window and I was so excited to find love again, that I forgot to remember me. I need to love him the right way, and I need to love myself the right way - I just let that thought slip with the beginning of a relationship. it's been a rollercoaster, sometimes his fault, sometimes my fault but the coaster ride ends now. He swears that it'll change when his ex leaves - I'll believe it when I see it.

PS: I'm supposed to go on a date Thursday night and I'm not playing games but since he calls me his friend - I'll make sure he knows and I don't care if he has a problem with it

[derrek]

You can do eet questions! you can do eeeeeeeeet!!!!!!

[coreancc]

^^^

In all honesty, I'm kinda over it. You can only get punched in the face so many times before the pain becomes numbing and that's where I'm at. Numb. I'll give him the time to deal with her, I'll give him the space to deal with the situation, but he knows I won't wait around anymore. He needs act and soon or I'm gone.

The weeks apart have been good for us, I know he misses me but can't allow himself to say it, and I know I miss him but I'm getting over it. I have a crapload of friends that are keeping me busy and I have to say that a week of nothing but christmas party planning and arrangements has left me with a sense of accomplishment. Company Christmas Party 1 was a huge success, so successful, in fact, that a weekend later and I'm still getting compliments from everyone. Now, I just have to finish party 2 and my family's party - But first - I must pass all of my Finals with flying colors.

I think that I needed to prove to myself that I could get past the difficult weeks without needing to be comfort to get back to me. I forgot what kind of a strong person I am, and how independant I have taught myself to be. When I met him - all of my rules went out the window and I was so excited to find love again, that I forgot to remember me. I need to love him the right way, and I need to love myself the right way - I just let that thought slip with the beginning of a relationship. it's been a rollercoaster, sometimes his fault, sometimes my fault but the coaster ride ends now. He swears that it'll change when his ex leaves - I'll believe it when I see it.

PS: I'm supposed to go on a date Thursday night and I'm not playing games but since he calls me his friend - I'll make sure he knows and I don't care if he has a problem with it

Woohoo! Congrats on the accomplishment! Man, you seem like you have everything under control. Don't let no marine get in your way!
Oh, and you'll have to tell us how finals go.
Hope your date Thursday is awesome!

[Mr Boo Boo]

so question when i am in SD can i have a date with you =p

jk jk

[questions987]

we can date anytime you like mr. boo boo. you name the place and day and i'll make myself pretty for you.

[Mr Boo Boo]

we can date anytime you like mr. boo boo. you name the place and day and i'll make myself pretty for you.

awesome! i will let you know for sure onces i am out in SD

[tinasarangg]

You just have to keep in mind everyone is human, and makes mistakes. When people are in certain frames of mind they'll say things they don't mean... it's important not to hold this against them, because doing so is only a burden to you.

Yeah, Derrek is completely right...
As for tips on how to pull it off - remember that you, too, will find yourself exactly in his place some day (maybe something comes out wrong and he takes it the wrong way) - how would you like to be treated when that happens? Sometimes, this kind of thinking gives me the perspective I need to be able to release whatever it is I'm holding on to.
Also, have you thought about why it hurt so badly? I've found that when someone hurts me unintentionally, it is very often because of pain I experienced in my past - and usually inflicted by someone else. By really thinking it through, you may be able to find the root and weed it out. By way of illustration, say a little child runs up to you in joy to give you a big hug... it's a sweet moment and brings a smile to your face. Now imagine that you broke your toe a while back, but it never healed, and is very very sensitive. Now, when you see that child running toward you, you cringe and put up some defenses, maybe putting your hands out so they can't get near your toe - if they happen to step in the wrong place, they could really hurt you. Sometimes it's good to find the real source of pain so that you can mend it and bring healing.
Oh, and as for forgiveness, I find that if I focus for a while on really loving that person and building up new good memories, eventually my grip relaxes and I'm able to move on. Sometimes, when we aren't able to release bad feelings, it can work to replace them.

You both are right =\
I know I shouldn't hold neither of us accountable for whatever was said. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it. And its true, my last relationship I had a verbally abusive ex. For a minute I was getting flashbacks. Right know, knowing I'm still upset about it I want to distance myself away from him...but if I do so I find myself thinking about it even more. Ughs

[B0hemian_Sprite]

I think my dad's having an affair. The other night, I heard my mom just bit...ching at my dad about these questionable phone calls and asking who the hell is "baya"??? Normally he would yell right back, but he was quiet and had nothing to say. and this morning I heard my mom on the phone saying over and over "Leave my husband alone and don't ever call him again." and the fact that he's now sleeping in the basement and she's sleeping in the living room is just weird to me too.

I sneaked and got the woman's phone number off of my mother's cellphone. I'm really tempted to call and curse her out. What do you guys think I should do?

I already have this elaborate plan of hiding my dad's cellphone and then calling that woman from his phone saying to meet. I want to see this woman for myself and quite possibly beat her up talk to her and ask her why she's doing this to our family. But I know that might be too dramatic and risky. What should I do? I never thought this would happen to my family but...never say never...

[Prot]

I think my dad's having an affair. The other night, I heard my mom just bit...ching at my dad about these questionable phone calls and asking who the hell is "baya"??? Normally he would yell right back, but he was quiet and had nothing to say. and this morning I heard my mom on the phone saying over and over "Leave my husband alone and don't ever call him again." and the fact that he's now sleeping in the basement and she's sleeping in the living room is just weird to me too.

I sneaked and got the woman's phone number off of my mother's cellphone. I'm really tempted to call and curse her out. What do you guys think I should do?

I already have this elaborate plan of hiding my dad's cellphone and then calling that woman from his phone saying to meet. I want to see this woman for myself and quite possibly beat her up talk to her and ask her why she's doing this to our family. But I know that might be too dramatic and risky. What should I do? I never thought this would happen to my family but...never say never...

This happened in a TV series and it turned out that it was the supervisor that was calling the personal number about work related material or her personal life because she couldn't find someone to talk to, and the girlfriend heard the wrong parts of the conversation. Maybe you should try to talk to your dad instead because what will talking to this woman who may or may not be his affair do really? The only path that you are left with regardless of how you proceed is your dad making the decision to talk to your mother or not about this issue.

[B0hemian_Sprite]

No, I don't think it's his supervisor or anyone work related because during the phone call with my mother, the lady screamed a lot in Korean and my dad works for the government, he's like the only Asian in his subdivision. Not to mention, why would the lady say something like "Nuh nah jahl hah seh yo" if she didn't feel guilty about something. and honestly, if it was someone work related, the phone call would have ended better, instead of that other lady just hanging up.

and I don't know how to approach my dad with something like this. I can tell something's up, I just don't know how to approach this kind of situation.

[questions987]

My family was in this situation a few years ago. My sisters and I stayed away from it until mom and dad brought it to us. My parents finally brought it to us when they decided to get a divorce. The active decision among most of my sisters and myself is that we take a neutral stance on this. My father's sins are towards my mother and not us - we are in no place to judge him and when my parents got a divorce - we didn't take sides (even if my parents begged us to). I have one sister that took a side and to this day still activly hates my father - but their relationship was shakey to start out with.

I think that you should leave it be, and not say anything - your parents will bring it to you when they are ready to and you can deal with it as you will then. His sins are sins against your mother and not you.

Dad still adaptly denies the affair to this day and I confronted him with it when they came to us. My only request of him was to never lie to me, and whatever happened I would defend him. He lied to me and actually left the country to see her less than 6 months after my parents split (he told me he was going to Chicago). The only time I was ever really enraged with my father was when he lied to me about it. I confronted him, I called his hotel and I left a message for him. I also found her phone number on a cell phone bill and called her to find him - when I called her, she and I talked, which turned into screaming - and me telling her that she was no respectable female and if she thought for a moment that she would get a dime of his money - she had another think coming because I have power of attorney over his estate and I will block her from all of it. She told me to go home to my husband and ask him about life's lessons. I told her I wasn't stupid enough to marry a man like my father and that when she wakes up in the morning - know that she's a rainbow that sold herself to a married man for money, and in the end - she'll get nothing because his children were smart enough to force him to sign over his estate to us. So when she ask him for that new car or new home - good luck, because she wasn't getting a dime - I'd rather send my father to a home before I allow him to give her a dime.

As far as I know, the woman is gone - she left sometime after that conversation or my father got rid of her. It's now an unspoken part of our family, dad is out of the country most of the time now, and he comes home every few months to catch up with us but we don't really talk to him and he lives his life like he chooses to. I've since given power of attorney to my oldest sister and what she chooses to do with that - is her decision.

Anyway - back on subject, when your parents bring it to you, you can confront your father - but until then, I'd just leave it be. They'll talk to you when they're ready to.