Hi all,
I'm getting married in a few months time. I should be happy, and busying myself with the wedding preparations, but as the days go by, I find myself detaching myself from the marriage preparations.... Everyone is so happy and excited about me getting married to this guy, simply because they think we're suited for each other.. but the more time we spend with each other, the more time i think we will not last. I have hinted to him before that i am not optismistic about this marriage, but he does not seem to get the hint, nor share my concern. I'm at a lost on what i should do, and i can't tell my family members and dearest friends my deepest thoughts for obvious reasons. I dont know what i want out of this post, maybe just an anonymous outlet for me to express my deepest thoughts, or a desperate attempt for some advise - for someone to tell me that i'm being irrational, immature, or someone to tell me i should postpone the marriage before it is too late....
I keep thinking about the time when he first proposed...I never expected it, but if i truly loved him, shouldn't i be happy? I remember feeling shocked, but not happy...and i knew he was observing my reaction when he first presented the rings, and because i did not want to disappoint him, i had to force myself to pretend to cry tears of joy. This act has been haunting me since the day he proposed, and i keep wondering why did i not feel happy then?
im not sure if i'm the one who has a problem here, sometimes i think it could just be me, having a very bad case of commitment-phobia, or just me being petty, and immature...i know i shouldn't compare him other guys, but comparison is hard not to do. In all fairness, i know i like him, i still laugh at his jokes, but the feeling of course is not as strong as say, a year back. I can feel it dissipating... he earns the same amount of money as i am, it's not a lot, but enough to let us have a comfortable life. But i do not understand why then do i have to go dutch on almost everything? I do not expect to be showered with my shopping wish list regularly of course, but surely its not too much for me to want to be treated to a nice bag (i adore bags) every now and then? An example in case - I couldn't help but compare him to my friend, where they have been dating only for a few months, but he bought her a $2k bag for xmas. For my birthday cum xmas present, he bought me something, well, functional, but also because he could use it too, and it was 1/4 of the price. Sure, love should not be measured by monetary terms, and i have the ability to buy myself my own $2k bag, but wouldn't it just be nice to be spoilt occasionally? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to go dutch on everything, from movie tickets, to our dinner bill?
When we do go out for dinners, just two of us, most of the time he will start surfing the internet on his mobile phone. i have told him many times that there is no point having dinner together if he wants to surf the net, but he just shrugs, and many months on, he still surfs the internet whenever we go out. its bloody annoying and i have given up nagging on him on that. In fact i have given up on him on a lot of things, so much so that i no longer bother answering him if i deem his question as irrelevant and insignificant.
i know he still loves me, but im not sure if its because we're going to get married so he doesnt see the reason to show me as much as affection as used to, but the perception i get now is that he sees me more as a companion more than a significant other, if you know what i mean... im getting very tired of pretending. i like him, yet i am not ready for marriage, and want to postpone the wedding. i guess all i want is....I wish he could be more fun loving, i wish he could pamper me more, i wish i could love him more....
sometimes i wish i could hurt him real bad emotionally. i guess ultimately to test how much i really mean to him. i feel like telling him i want to call off the wedding in his face and see his reaction. ah, immature behaviour on my part, but i really wish to hurt him bad. i am wondering why would i do all that for? But i *think* that if i do find someone better than him before i am married, i will have no regrets cancelling the marriage. However, if i have no better alternative, i will end up hurting a lot of people if i do not carry on with this marriage.
As you all can tell, i'm pretty much in a confused state of mind. i dont know what i want out of this post....but i do feel better admitting out loud my thoughts now. Thanks all for reading.
20+ Love And Relationships Thread
#4552
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Posted 10 January 2009 - 12:12 PM
Well I think you need to confront him with these issues. Some people just aren't romantic to spontaneously surprise you with a gift, love or whatever. Also ask yourself, have you ever done something like that for him? If you have, are you sure he has never attempted or tried to do something like that?
As for going dutch, when you get married, most people generally share the money so why does it matter that you are splitting it or not splitting it? Why don't you offer to pay? Why don't you ask him to pay? Also, why wouldn't one of you pay for the bill in the first place? Isn't it a hassle if you have to break out your change so you can split it properly?
Small things build up. You should discuss them, not just say it and leave it at that. You need to discuss whether he cares that much about the internet that he cannot just give it up for the time that you are eating. Tell him how annoyed you feel, present the issue and resolve it between you two. If he ignores small issues like these, how will a marriage work out where many more issues will arise and require compromise between the two partners?
Anyway, for many people, love to their partner isn't as strong as when they first met. That is only natural because you become comfortable with them. But love will persist. I think what you're getting at is that he isn't romantic. Is this acceptable to you is the question. People marry each other for different reasons. Some for looks, money, funny, compatibility, romantic, etc etc list goes on and obviously people do not fall into one category. Does he have to be romantic for you to marry him? I think you need to define what you are looking for in a husband. Do not rush marriage.
As for going dutch, when you get married, most people generally share the money so why does it matter that you are splitting it or not splitting it? Why don't you offer to pay? Why don't you ask him to pay? Also, why wouldn't one of you pay for the bill in the first place? Isn't it a hassle if you have to break out your change so you can split it properly?
QUOTE (-rin- @ Jan 10 2009, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When we do go out for dinners, just two of us, most of the time he will start surfing the internet on his mobile phone. i have told him many times that there is no point having dinner together if he wants to surf the net, but he just shrugs, and many months on, he still surfs the internet whenever we go out. its bloody annoying and i have given up nagging on him on that. In fact i have given up on him on a lot of things, so much so that i no longer bother answering him if i deem his question as irrelevant and insignificant.
Small things build up. You should discuss them, not just say it and leave it at that. You need to discuss whether he cares that much about the internet that he cannot just give it up for the time that you are eating. Tell him how annoyed you feel, present the issue and resolve it between you two. If he ignores small issues like these, how will a marriage work out where many more issues will arise and require compromise between the two partners?
QUOTE (-rin- @ Jan 10 2009, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i know he still loves me, but im not sure if its because we're going to get married so he doesnt see the reason to show me as much as affection as used to, but the perception i get now is that he sees me more as a companion more than a significant other, if you know what i mean... im getting very tired of pretending. i like him, yet i am not ready for marriage, and want to postpone the wedding. i guess all i want is....I wish he could be more fun loving, i wish he could pamper me more, i wish i could love him more....
Anyway, for many people, love to their partner isn't as strong as when they first met. That is only natural because you become comfortable with them. But love will persist. I think what you're getting at is that he isn't romantic. Is this acceptable to you is the question. People marry each other for different reasons. Some for looks, money, funny, compatibility, romantic, etc etc list goes on and obviously people do not fall into one category. Does he have to be romantic for you to marry him? I think you need to define what you are looking for in a husband. Do not rush marriage.
#4553
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Posted 10 January 2009 - 12:16 PM
If it doesn't feel right, then don't do it. Many ppl get married because it's "convenient". It just gets worst the longer you drag out. Not to mention the legal, financial and (children) implications. It's about you. Not about your parents or your friends, and what they say you should/shouldn't do, or what's a good match. Doesn't matter if he loves you. If you don't love him back, the relationship is doomed. it's an unfortunate situation, but the sooner you break it off, the sooner each party can move on with whatever healing is necessary.
#4554
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Posted 10 January 2009 - 12:36 PM
Don't marry him because you want the marriage to be based on your love and you don't love him.
I don't think marriage should be based on love because love chages. You're balancing on the wire. Marriage could be long and happy if it's not founded on such a fragile thing, love.
Look at money, family, career, religion...etc. Things that don't change as much as mere emotion, love.
I don't think marriage should be based on love because love chages. You're balancing on the wire. Marriage could be long and happy if it's not founded on such a fragile thing, love.
Look at money, family, career, religion...etc. Things that don't change as much as mere emotion, love.
#4555
- Dubya A. Teacher
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Posted 10 January 2009 - 01:10 PM
rin, be true to yourself. marriage is a big decision. it's meant to be an all or nothing deal. no gray zone except when it comes to how you're going to design your home 
also, i'm thinking that 2K bag is not really a huge thing. you're just nitpicking. it would be nice and youd love him more for it, but you'd like to know your boy loves you by making some kind of statement that he does by words and action. giving you more attention, perhaps getting you a gift that makes you think that he was thinking a lot about you, i bet that would beat a 2K bag. if not, then i may have misjudged you, but that's what i think.
you're still with him. there's still something there. you just need to work out a few kinks before you can confidently say 'i do' to the guy. that confidence may or may not come. the dood might turn out to be a douche. or he might turn out to be a pretty awesome guy. but in the end, you have to be sure for yourself. having pressure from family and friends are tough, but don't be a hero when you don't have to be. once you get married, the praise ends, the glory stops, and all there is left is the man you married and maybe your kids. whether this will be a good or bad thing will come down to what you decide to do today.
best wishes
also, i'm thinking that 2K bag is not really a huge thing. you're just nitpicking. it would be nice and youd love him more for it, but you'd like to know your boy loves you by making some kind of statement that he does by words and action. giving you more attention, perhaps getting you a gift that makes you think that he was thinking a lot about you, i bet that would beat a 2K bag. if not, then i may have misjudged you, but that's what i think.
you're still with him. there's still something there. you just need to work out a few kinks before you can confidently say 'i do' to the guy. that confidence may or may not come. the dood might turn out to be a douche. or he might turn out to be a pretty awesome guy. but in the end, you have to be sure for yourself. having pressure from family and friends are tough, but don't be a hero when you don't have to be. once you get married, the praise ends, the glory stops, and all there is left is the man you married and maybe your kids. whether this will be a good or bad thing will come down to what you decide to do today.
best wishes
#4556
- hobbit
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Posted 10 January 2009 - 01:22 PM
QUOTE (-rin- @ Jan 10 2009, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi all,
I'm getting married in a few months time. I should be happy, and busying myself with the wedding preparations, but as the days go by, I find myself detaching myself from the marriage preparations.... Everyone is so happy and excited about me getting married to this guy, simply because they think we're suited for each other.. but the more time we spend with each other, the more time i think we will not last. I have hinted to him before that i am not optismistic about this marriage, but he does not seem to get the hint, nor share my concern. I'm at a lost on what i should do, and i can't tell my family members and dearest friends my deepest thoughts for obvious reasons. I dont know what i want out of this post, maybe just an anonymous outlet for me to express my deepest thoughts, or a desperate attempt for some advise - for someone to tell me that i'm being irrational, immature, or someone to tell me i should postpone the marriage before it is too late....
I keep thinking about the time when he first proposed...I never expected it, but if i truly loved him, shouldn't i be happy? I remember feeling shocked, but not happy...and i knew he was observing my reaction when he first presented the rings, and because i did not want to disappoint him, i had to force myself to pretend to cry tears of joy. This act has been haunting me since the day he proposed, and i keep wondering why did i not feel happy then?
im not sure if i'm the one who has a problem here, sometimes i think it could just be me, having a very bad case of commitment-phobia, or just me being petty, and immature...i know i shouldn't compare him other guys, but comparison is hard not to do. In all fairness, i know i like him, i still laugh at his jokes, but the feeling of course is not as strong as say, a year back. I can feel it dissipating... he earns the same amount of money as i am, it's not a lot, but enough to let us have a comfortable life. But i do not understand why then do i have to go dutch on almost everything? I do not expect to be showered with my shopping wish list regularly of course, but surely its not too much for me to want to be treated to a nice bag (i adore bags) every now and then? An example in case - I couldn't help but compare him to my friend, where they have been dating only for a few months, but he bought her a $2k bag for xmas. For my birthday cum xmas present, he bought me something, well, functional, but also because he could use it too, and it was 1/4 of the price. Sure, love should not be measured by monetary terms, and i have the ability to buy myself my own $2k bag, but wouldn't it just be nice to be spoilt occasionally? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to go dutch on everything, from movie tickets, to our dinner bill?
When we do go out for dinners, just two of us, most of the time he will start surfing the internet on his mobile phone. i have told him many times that there is no point having dinner together if he wants to surf the net, but he just shrugs, and many months on, he still surfs the internet whenever we go out. its bloody annoying and i have given up nagging on him on that. In fact i have given up on him on a lot of things, so much so that i no longer bother answering him if i deem his question as irrelevant and insignificant.
i know he still loves me, but im not sure if its because we're going to get married so he doesnt see the reason to show me as much as affection as used to, but the perception i get now is that he sees me more as a companion more than a significant other, if you know what i mean... im getting very tired of pretending. i like him, yet i am not ready for marriage, and want to postpone the wedding. i guess all i want is....I wish he could be more fun loving, i wish he could pamper me more, i wish i could love him more....
sometimes i wish i could hurt him real bad emotionally. i guess ultimately to test how much i really mean to him. i feel like telling him i want to call off the wedding in his face and see his reaction. ah, immature behaviour on my part, but i really wish to hurt him bad. i am wondering why would i do all that for? But i *think* that if i do find someone better than him before i am married, i will have no regrets cancelling the marriage. However, if i have no better alternative, i will end up hurting a lot of people if i do not carry on with this marriage.
As you all can tell, i'm pretty much in a confused state of mind. i dont know what i want out of this post....but i do feel better admitting out loud my thoughts now. Thanks all for reading.
I'm getting married in a few months time. I should be happy, and busying myself with the wedding preparations, but as the days go by, I find myself detaching myself from the marriage preparations.... Everyone is so happy and excited about me getting married to this guy, simply because they think we're suited for each other.. but the more time we spend with each other, the more time i think we will not last. I have hinted to him before that i am not optismistic about this marriage, but he does not seem to get the hint, nor share my concern. I'm at a lost on what i should do, and i can't tell my family members and dearest friends my deepest thoughts for obvious reasons. I dont know what i want out of this post, maybe just an anonymous outlet for me to express my deepest thoughts, or a desperate attempt for some advise - for someone to tell me that i'm being irrational, immature, or someone to tell me i should postpone the marriage before it is too late....
I keep thinking about the time when he first proposed...I never expected it, but if i truly loved him, shouldn't i be happy? I remember feeling shocked, but not happy...and i knew he was observing my reaction when he first presented the rings, and because i did not want to disappoint him, i had to force myself to pretend to cry tears of joy. This act has been haunting me since the day he proposed, and i keep wondering why did i not feel happy then?
im not sure if i'm the one who has a problem here, sometimes i think it could just be me, having a very bad case of commitment-phobia, or just me being petty, and immature...i know i shouldn't compare him other guys, but comparison is hard not to do. In all fairness, i know i like him, i still laugh at his jokes, but the feeling of course is not as strong as say, a year back. I can feel it dissipating... he earns the same amount of money as i am, it's not a lot, but enough to let us have a comfortable life. But i do not understand why then do i have to go dutch on almost everything? I do not expect to be showered with my shopping wish list regularly of course, but surely its not too much for me to want to be treated to a nice bag (i adore bags) every now and then? An example in case - I couldn't help but compare him to my friend, where they have been dating only for a few months, but he bought her a $2k bag for xmas. For my birthday cum xmas present, he bought me something, well, functional, but also because he could use it too, and it was 1/4 of the price. Sure, love should not be measured by monetary terms, and i have the ability to buy myself my own $2k bag, but wouldn't it just be nice to be spoilt occasionally? Wouldn't it be nice to not have to go dutch on everything, from movie tickets, to our dinner bill?
When we do go out for dinners, just two of us, most of the time he will start surfing the internet on his mobile phone. i have told him many times that there is no point having dinner together if he wants to surf the net, but he just shrugs, and many months on, he still surfs the internet whenever we go out. its bloody annoying and i have given up nagging on him on that. In fact i have given up on him on a lot of things, so much so that i no longer bother answering him if i deem his question as irrelevant and insignificant.
i know he still loves me, but im not sure if its because we're going to get married so he doesnt see the reason to show me as much as affection as used to, but the perception i get now is that he sees me more as a companion more than a significant other, if you know what i mean... im getting very tired of pretending. i like him, yet i am not ready for marriage, and want to postpone the wedding. i guess all i want is....I wish he could be more fun loving, i wish he could pamper me more, i wish i could love him more....
sometimes i wish i could hurt him real bad emotionally. i guess ultimately to test how much i really mean to him. i feel like telling him i want to call off the wedding in his face and see his reaction. ah, immature behaviour on my part, but i really wish to hurt him bad. i am wondering why would i do all that for? But i *think* that if i do find someone better than him before i am married, i will have no regrets cancelling the marriage. However, if i have no better alternative, i will end up hurting a lot of people if i do not carry on with this marriage.
As you all can tell, i'm pretty much in a confused state of mind. i dont know what i want out of this post....but i do feel better admitting out loud my thoughts now. Thanks all for reading.
If you have serious doubts, at the very least you need to put the wedding on hold, and consider getting some couples/pre-marriage counselling.
As for the $2k bag... well. Do you think your life revolves too much around things? Is there enough substance on both of your parts to the relationship to make it last? What would you two do if one of you lost your job tomorrow?
#4557
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Posted 11 January 2009 - 07:23 PM
my best friend has just broken up with her bf of 8 years
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
#4558
- You Know My Steez
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Posted 12 January 2009 - 06:38 AM
QUOTE (*wenDzie^^* @ Jan 11 2009, 10:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my best friend has just broken up with her bf of 8 years
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
Your right she should move on..
If she stays with him she'll always have that in the back of her mind whether he's cheating on her or is going to..
She should just cut her loss and move on, even though it's gonna hurt..
i think she'd be hurting herself more if she went back and always had to question him or herself about their relationship..
#4559
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Posted 12 January 2009 - 11:00 AM
QUOTE (*wenDzie^^* @ Jan 11 2009, 09:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
my best friend has just broken up with her bf of 8 years
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
they were together since they were 15
it started off with him saying hes lost feelings for her and needs to regain that feeling
but 2 weeks later, she found out the reason why he lost feelings for her is coz he cheated on her while she went overseas with a gf and he decided to go on a road trip with his friends 3 months ago
he wasnt planning to tell her... she found out coz his sister bailed on him.. lol...
anyway.. as a friend, i am there for her... i kept her company etc etc...
but i just hope im not making situation worse for them..
she told me he wants her back.. but he refuses to propose or anything.. if he doesnt get back with her then he never wants to see her again.. unlike her, she still wants to be friends even though its him that cheated and she cant forgive him for cheating on her, after 8 years
so i tell her that he should know better.. he shouldnt have cheated... even if she gets back with him, she'll never trust him the same way.. so might as well move onto something else..
i hope i am not hurting her in the long run
ahh i just need to vent out i think..
What you basically told your friend is the truth. As a friend, you had her best interest in mind, so it's the reason you informed her what you thought about the relationship. I don't think you're hurting her in the long run. I don't think she is going to hold anything against you. So don't worry.
Just be a good friend and comfort her when needed and let her vent out her frustrations. If it's anyone who is hurting her, it's her ex. From reading your post, it seems he's lacking in the committment area. I think she should've have left the relationship once he told her he lost feelings for her. If she takes him back, the relationship won't work because there is no trust holding it together. She'll just be left with the feelings of insecurities and uncertainties always questioning if he's cheating on her since he has done it before. It's best if she just moves on. Easier said than done, though.
As for friendship, I could understand where she is coming from. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I still wanted to remain friends, though he didn't want to. Why does she want to keep a friendship with him? Maybe it's the same reason why I wanted to stay friends with my ex.. Because they are an around good person (in our eyes) and just because the relationship doesn't work out, doesn't mean we still can't hang or chill with each other (especially if we share the same interests). Even though he cheated on her, in her eyes, he's still a good guy. I'm the type that believes though the relationship ends, the friendship shouldn't. I asked my boyfriend how come he didn't want to remain friends with me when we broke up. He told me it's hard to maintain a friendship with your ex because there are still feelings involved and it's hard to move foward if you still think there's hope for a reconcilation.
I'm not a relationship expert and I have alot of flaws when it comes to relationship. I'm just offering you my two cents.
#4560
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Posted 12 January 2009 - 11:04 PM
QUOTE (Stiizy @ Jan 13 2009, 01:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your right she should move on..
If she stays with him she'll always have that in the back of her mind whether he's cheating on her or is going to..
She should just cut her loss and move on, even though it's gonna hurt..
i think she'd be hurting herself more if she went back and always had to question him or herself about their relationship..
If she stays with him she'll always have that in the back of her mind whether he's cheating on her or is going to..
She should just cut her loss and move on, even though it's gonna hurt..
i think she'd be hurting herself more if she went back and always had to question him or herself about their relationship..
thats exactly what i told her as well
8 years is really hard to let go, i dont know if i can do it personally
but with strong friends around, she will cope hopefully
thank you for your input
QUOTE (tlydia @ Jan 13 2009, 06:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What you basically told your friend is the truth. As a friend, you had her best interest in mind, so it's the reason you informed her what you thought about the relationship. I don't think you're hurting her in the long run. I don't think she is going to hold anything against you. So don't worry. Just be a good friend and comfort her when needed and let her vent out her frustrations. If it's anyone who is hurting her, it's her ex. From reading your post, it seems he's lacking in the committment area.
I think she should've have left the relationship once he told her he lost feelings for her. If she takes him back, the relationship won't work because there is no trust holding it together. She'll just be left with the feelings of insecurities and uncertainties always questioning if he's cheating on her since he has done it before. It's best if she just moves on. Easier said than done, though.
As for friendship, I could understand where she is coming from. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I still wanted to remain friends, though he didn't want to. Why does she want to keep a friendship with him? Maybe it's the same reason why I wanted to stay friends with my ex.. Because they are an around good person (in our eyes) and just because the relationship doesn't work out, doesn't mean we still can't hang or chill with each other (especially if we share the same interests). Even though he cheated on her, in her eyes, he's still a good guy. I'm the type that believes though the relationship ends, the friendship shouldn't. I asked my boyfriend how come he didn't want to remain friends with me when we broke up. He told me it's hard to maintain a friendship with your ex because there are still feelings involved and it's hard to move foward if you still think there's hope for a reconcilation.
I'm not a relationship expert and I have alot of flaws when it comes to relationship. I'm just offering you my two cents.
Just be a good friend and comfort her when needed and let her vent out her frustrations. If it's anyone who is hurting her, it's her ex. From reading your post, it seems he's lacking in the committment area. I think she should've have left the relationship once he told her he lost feelings for her. If she takes him back, the relationship won't work because there is no trust holding it together. She'll just be left with the feelings of insecurities and uncertainties always questioning if he's cheating on her since he has done it before. It's best if she just moves on. Easier said than done, though.
As for friendship, I could understand where she is coming from. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I still wanted to remain friends, though he didn't want to. Why does she want to keep a friendship with him? Maybe it's the same reason why I wanted to stay friends with my ex.. Because they are an around good person (in our eyes) and just because the relationship doesn't work out, doesn't mean we still can't hang or chill with each other (especially if we share the same interests). Even though he cheated on her, in her eyes, he's still a good guy. I'm the type that believes though the relationship ends, the friendship shouldn't. I asked my boyfriend how come he didn't want to remain friends with me when we broke up. He told me it's hard to maintain a friendship with your ex because there are still feelings involved and it's hard to move foward if you still think there's hope for a reconcilation.
I'm not a relationship expert and I have alot of flaws when it comes to relationship. I'm just offering you my two cents.
i think what i was afraid is that my opinions will change her mind about things.. if she decides to forgive him and give him a second chance, because i gave her such advice, she will listen to me and not act how her heart really feels... but im glad she agrees with me..
i mean after 8 years together, i think marriage should be on the table since both are working now.. turning 24.. even engagement.. but he just wants to stay where they were and as a girl, our body clock is ticking.. hahah
u are right! once he said he doesnt feel the same way for her anymore, she should consider break up but she was gonna take him back if his mum didnt tell her that she suspects her son cheating on her.. his mum really loved her!!
i wanted to be friends with my ex too.. but he doesnt want to either.. and its been 4 years.. we have same friends and hes making it awkward for everyone
i think once both realises that theres no 2nd chance, u can be friends with the ex..
lol but then again i feel bad for her future bf
either hes incredible or she'll unconsciously compare him to her ex of 8 years
sigh.. too complicated
thanx for your view!
#4561
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Posted 12 January 2009 - 11:16 PM
[ranting]
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
edit:
these are her cars... (i took it from my friends fb.. hope its ok ><)
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
edit:
these are her cars... (i took it from my friends fb.. hope its ok ><)
#4562
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- Joined: 19-July 08
Posted 13 January 2009 - 12:00 AM
QUOTE (*wenDzie^^* @ Jan 13 2009, 02:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[ranting]
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
*Jaw Drops*
Does he have a single, rich sister??
Anyways, I think that your advice to your friend is really helpful. I can kinda relate to her, because I was cheated on by my ex-girl during our LTR. At the time we broke up, I still wanted to at least remain friends with her, and possibly try to get back together. But, my two good friends pestered me not to. I'm glad that they really did take a lot of effort to dissuade me cause even if I hung out with her as just a friend, I would always have this lingering thought of what made the other guy better and why she would go for him, even after being with me for so long. My friends were trying to prevent me from getting hurt, and it helped a lot.
So be a good friend! And make sure she doesn't dwell too long on it!
#4563
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 12:10 AM
QUOTE (luckymonkbrand777 @ Jan 13 2009, 07:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
*Jaw Drops*
Does he have a single, rich sister??
Anyways, I think that your advice to your friend is really helpful. I can kinda relate to her, because I was cheated on by my ex-girl during our LTR. At the time we broke up, I still wanted to at least remain friends with her, and possibly try to get back together. But, my two good friends pestered me not to. I'm glad that they really did take a lot of effort to dissuade me cause even if I hung out with her as just a friend, I would always have this lingering thought of what made the other guy better and why she would go for him, even after being with me for so long. My friends were trying to prevent me from getting hurt, and it helped a lot.
So be a good friend! And make sure she doesn't dwell too long on it!
Does he have a single, rich sister??
Anyways, I think that your advice to your friend is really helpful. I can kinda relate to her, because I was cheated on by my ex-girl during our LTR. At the time we broke up, I still wanted to at least remain friends with her, and possibly try to get back together. But, my two good friends pestered me not to. I'm glad that they really did take a lot of effort to dissuade me cause even if I hung out with her as just a friend, I would always have this lingering thought of what made the other guy better and why she would go for him, even after being with me for so long. My friends were trying to prevent me from getting hurt, and it helped a lot.
So be a good friend! And make sure she doesn't dwell too long on it!
haha if he does, im bagging her, even if im not lesbian >_< i don't care, i want ferrari!!!
aww i hope you have recovered
i think shes more cut to know that the other girl is uglier and fatter too hahaha
i just tell her karma~~~~~
#4564
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 12:27 AM
woooooooooooooooooowwww..........DAMN!!!!
#4565
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 08:12 AM
QUOTE (*wenDzie^^* @ Jan 13 2009, 02:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[ranting]
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
edit:
these are her cars... (i took it from my friends fb.. hope its ok ><)
ok, i saw my friends being tagged at a girls 23rd bday. i don't know the girl but i knew a lot of her friends.
anyway... her bday presents were OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT type. makes me wonder
a: what does her bf do? geez..!!!
b: why can't it be me T___T
the following presents were ALL from her bf!!!
1st: surprise entrance by Delta Goodhram (Aussie singer) to sing her happy birthday.
2nd: 2 albino horses!!... and he probably had to pay pple to look after them
3rd: a smart car.... this was a decoy!!!!!
4th: a red Ferrari!!
5th: inside the Ferrari, there was a diamond ring within a diamond ring. Rumoured to be 200k
!!!! T___T;;; I'm happy to have a smart car
and her bf gave her a Merc SLK some time ago for present too...
im officially jealous..
girls.. time to dump our bf's asses and get one like that!!
edit:
these are her cars... (i took it from my friends fb.. hope its ok ><)
lol I thought this was L&R thread not how much material wealth I can obtain from a s/o.
#4566
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 03:06 PM
QUOTE (Prot @ Jan 13 2009, 11:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
lol I thought this was L&R thread not how much material wealth I can obtain from a s/o.
Still about love and relationships and the poster wants that in a relationship.
Wendzie, let me help you out:
Here's a list of eligible bachlors for you.
Why get one Ferrari when you can get two for twice the price?
#4567
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 04:01 PM
The richest one is a real dream boat
#4568
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 04:49 PM
I'd hit that. Fo'sho and fo' serious!
#4569
- gatorade distributer
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 05:15 PM
You could slide your fingers through his curly toupee
#4570
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- Joined: 04-October 05
Posted 13 January 2009 - 06:40 PM
QUOTE (derrek @ Jan 13 2009, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You could slide your fingers through his curly toupee
Yeah.
While he's in the next room, taking a shower.
And while you're doing that, I'll slide my fingers through his fat wallet.
Once more into the buffet
Into the last good bite I'll ever know
Live and eat on this day. Live and eat on this day.
Into the last good bite I'll ever know
Live and eat on this day. Live and eat on this day.
