[Longshot]

so ive read some posts on here about people who have feelings for a girl / guy in a relationship already and id say a good 85% of people say " forget about it and move on and find someone who is single... if she becomes single then you can go for her " now i understand where these people are coming from and where they say " if you really care about her and want her to be happy then you'll let them be cause obviously they are happy if they are still together "

but i disagree..

sometimes people are in relationships from an early age and change over time and that change could also be with the person they are with.. but since they are in deep its hard for them to let go and see another light if all the light just keeps passing by.. here comes the refernce for the animal kingdom.. when anytype of animal say " lion, goat, chipmunk, beaver, even slugs " if they see a mate or partner that they want to be with or are interested in they go after that mate and wont' back down to anything... they all give it a shot and try to be with that mate.. never wondering " what if " cause they tried too..

ever situation is different but i think if you know your feelings are true and you know that her feelings are more than just friends and not just flirty / attention.. than yah you give it a shot and sooner or later its gunna have to come out cause its only going to go farther and farther until you both talk about it.. if she gives you that " im confused yatta yatta " then step back.. let her take her time and make a desicion.. i would even not contact her and not hang out with her for awhile.. let her see what life is like with and without you.. " but it ultimatly comes down to her since who knows whats going on behind closed doors... she is obviously with him for a reason but yet there is still something there between you to that she has to figure out if its real or not..

overall i just wanted to say that people should give it a shot and give it a chance before backing away.. cause who knows what might happen if you don't try...


Heres my situation... ive known this girl for over a year now.. i asked her out 2 months from knowing her and she said " yah sure well figure something out " but never came around to anything.. weve hung out as a group for a long time and joke together on a regular basis and during the last 3-4 months when we party with our regular crew we end up hooking up everytime ( just makingout, lovey dovey stuff ) mean while the whole time everyone knows she has a boyfriend but nobody really says anything.. now it got to a point where we did this at a huge party with around 60 of our friends and even out in public with different friends from our regular crew... right now i have strong feels for her and right now im going to pack up and sail from this... we both know whats going on and she is confused about everything so i think the best option is to cut contact. ( text messages, and hanging out ) and probably everything will go back to normal.. we work together only 1 - 2 times a week in a reasturant environment... but ive tried and she knows my intentions after our last encounter since we actually talked about it.. but what do you guys thinks about the whole situation.. think im doing the best option..

[Harbl]

The girl i want right now is taken. I wouldn't pull anything though, because she's happy.

I'm better than any lion, goat, chipmunk, beaver or slug for a reason, with them it's all about instinct. People have feelings.

Inb4 animals have feelings too. john teshing prove me wrong.

[Longshot]

how are you better though ?

if you not doing anything and just passing all those feelings by than arnt you just like 85% of everyone else who does the same ?? your not following your heart or your feelings, your pushing them aside just to be that nice guy and get some respect from yourself towards the other guy who is with the girl who you have feelings for ! ? !

why not take her out on some friend dates that show how creative you are and are different from everyone else and see if there is any connection back ...

you can't just sit back and wait while all these potential suitors go by.... they are tacken for a reason right ? cause they are the ones worth taking leaps for the ones to atleast take a chance on..

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

I didn't quite catch what you're trying to say there... my english is pretty poor... so.. but.. you told us the main point, so that's good

Well what you're trying to say is like stealing.
Imagine you are in a really long line waitting to buy something
Then you just suddenly go to the front of the line and knock out the guy in front.
The feeling of happiness is same like in your situation.
But think about the other guy who you knocked out.
He's been there waiting for long, and when he's in front, he just get knocked to the back again?

What if you are that guy?
You might say, Well if she doesn't want to be with me, then so be it. NOw that is a good answer, coz you can't do anything anyway, but the moment you know that she left you because some other guy, i bet you will burst into anger.

if you really care about her and want her to be happy then you'll let them be cause obviously they are happy if they are still togethe

That is so drama xD I bet you got that from the girls lol. That is total bs, if you can make her happier why should you leave them?

I know my reply may sound kind of confusing. But.. I suggest you just keep being friends with her, or at least wait maybe?
MAYBE, you could make her happier, but, it's just not right to steal it from the other guy.
It's like you stealing a brand new expensive car from someone, knowing that you could use it better than that guy. but it's just not right, coz it's his not yours. who cares if he can't drive the damn car, you still can't steal it.

Why are we shouldn't be stealing? not because it's the damn rule, because of what the vicitim has to go through.

Hope i changed your mind somehow... That's just my opinion though, everyone is different.
good luck anyways

[Harbl]

I don't respect the guy she's with, i respect her feelings. She's happy and i don't want to mess around with her relationship.

Different strokes for different folks i guess.

[Longshot]

That is so drama xD I bet you got that from the girls lol. That is total bs, if you can make her happier why should you leave them?

that's a good way to think of it, but if she was trully happy she wouldn't be all lovey dovey with me and making out with me everytime right ?

if your in a really long line up waiting for an ice cream cone, that's assuming that over a period of time im gunna end up with that ice cream cone it will just take longer...

don't think that metaphor works for what i was saying cause your assuming if i just wait it out i will eventually have her.. im just saying if there is a guy at the front of the line talking to the cashier and he's not gunna stop talking to her till the day you die.. you gatta do something about it or else your never gunna get to that cashier.. you have to do something and make a move... yes their are other cashiers in the store but you know there is a connection and you know there is something back so you have to try see if there is something there in the first place to know that you can move on and go to other cashiers or else that one cashier might be in your head for awhile...

ive had a girlfriend leave me for my ex-bestfriend.... at the time i was upset but understood we wernt sapposed to be together and it wouldn't have worked out and yah i wanted her to be happy. now they are married and she is happier... when it comes down to it i care but i also want to look out for my own needs..

yah you could call it stealing in a way.. and yah you do not do it cause the pain it will cause the victim... but look at life in general. why do rules differ in relationships then they do in work, or school or daily life... people go for jobs they backstab and cut throats to get where the are going and to get what they want,, the other people that got backstabbed who were all trying for the job were the victims.. its happens all the time..

Harbl Posted Today, 05:10 PM
I don't respect the guy she's with, i respect her feelings. She's happy and i don't want to mess around with her relationship.

Different strokes for different folks i guess.

you respect her yes of course, she is the one your after.... and you dont' respect him so they why wouldn't you mess with the realtionship... she knows you and your just trying to show her a better side of life and why would you be hurting her at all.. your only making it better. and you don't respect the other guy so it wouldnt' matter..

[Harbl]

you respect her yes of course, she is the one your after.... and you dont' respect him so they why wouldn't you mess with the realtionship... she knows you and your just trying to show her a better side of life and why would you be hurting her at all.. your only making it better. and you don't respect the other guy so it wouldnt' matter..

If i knew that for certain, then i'd be in there like a flash, but i don't and it might turn out she thinks i'm a total rainbow. So for now i better not risk it.

[Longshot]

If i knew that for certain, then i'd be in there like a flash, but i don't and it might turn out she thinks i'm a total rainbow. So for now i better not risk it.

well no-one will ever know if its going to be trully better.. but its the risk you gatta take right ? nothing ever comes easy in life.. what are her feelings towards you ?

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

don't think that metaphor works for what i was saying cause your assuming if i just wait it out i will eventually have her.. im just saying if there is a guy at the front of the line talking to the cashier and he's not gunna stop talking to her till the day you die..

But how do you know that she won't break up?
okay well fair enough, I didn't really know what your age is, so if you're like 20 under, I doubt there will be marriage involved which means they'll break up at some point. if you're over 20, there might be marriage involved, but maybe not?
So what makes you think they won't break up lol? I mean, they will break up at some point, unless they're going for marriage.

Then again, if they are thinking of getting married, then that means she really love him. And girls are different, it's basically really hard to change their mind once they liked someone.

Well I don't really get the last bit of your post, so I don't really get what's happening between you two now.
But Best thing you should do is just act normal I think. You cant do much more than that. You really can't confess, coz that is very risky. if she don't like you, she'll be gone forever, and from your story she doesn't really show any sign of liking you yet lol.

yah you could call it stealing in a way.. and yah you do not do it cause the pain it will cause the victim... but look at life in general. why do rules differ in relationships then they do in work, or school or daily life... people go for jobs they backstab and cut throats to get where the are going and to get what they want,, the other people that got backstabbed who were all trying for the job were the victims.. its happens all the time..

Well yeah thats actually quite true lol
It's because humans are selfish I guess. But then again, if you ask someone "can I steal something?" I bet they will say no. Like in the job, if you ask to backstab, of course they will say no you cant. yea it does happen a lot of time though.
But I mean, you're just asking for advice, and best advice is not to steal that's what everyone would say I guess lol.

[heheimawesome]

Heres my situation... ive known this girl for over a year now.. i asked her out 2 months from knowing her and she said " yah sure well figure something out " but never came around to anything.. weve hung out as a group for a long time and joke together on a regular basis and during the last 3-4 months when we party with our regular crew we end up hooking up everytime ( just makingout, lovey dovey stuff ) mean while the whole time everyone knows she has a boyfriend but nobody really says anything.. now it got to a point where we did this at a huge party with around 60 of our friends and even out in public with different friends from our regular crew... right now i have strong feels for her and right now im going to pack up and sail from this... we both know whats going on and she is confused about everything so i think the best option is to cut contact. ( text messages, and hanging out ) and probably everything will go back to normal.. we work together only 1 - 2 times a week in a reasturant environment... but ive tried and she knows my intentions after our last encounter since we actually talked about it.. but what do you guys thinks about the whole situation.. think im doing the best option..

I think that you deserve to get beat up for messing with another guy's girl.

[ShadowMax76]

i reckon the girl's just messing with the two of you. >.>' and i'd grow some hatred towards her, despite or even because of my feelings for her.

I wouldn't even look at a girl that had a boyfriend unless
we were already friends and i didn't feel anything for her.

In that case I'd let her be happy with her bf, cuz i love her enough not to bother her life by getting her to cheat on her bf with me.

would i regret it.?
=.=' these days it's rather easy to shut off my heart. so i wouldn't get too hurt from a short moment of feeling something for her.

as opposed to letting my feelings control me _ and hurt me .

love is not possessing someone. it's doing what ever you can for their good. at any cost.
especially at your own.

[rachilde]

I'm a very sure girl so when I choose to be with a guy, I expect my choice to be respected. Of course, my relationship is a very unconventional one in which me and my boyfriend are very open to each other about each others' feelings. My boyfriend and I have messed around with other girls together (I'm bisexual); we talk about people we're physically attracted to each other; but we both expect respect from each other. When I say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to have a threesome with so and so," I completely expect him to back off. When I say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with you spending so much time with so and so," I expect him to respect my feelings on the matter. I am not a jealous individual. I am no possessive. And I know I could be with men and women who are much more physically attractive than my current boyfriend. But I am someone who is constantly aware of the choice of being with my boyfriend, and I honor my own choice by being faithful. Certainly, I acknowledge I can be physically attracted to others. I can even be emotionally attracted to others. But my boyfriend knows about all of this. It's his right to know and it's my duty to tell him.

If it ever got to the point you've described, then I would just break it off. There's no point in dating someone if you're not honest. It's not about how much you like someone--it's about how much you respect the social contract you've made with that person. And, frankly, I'd break it up in one day. That's how many days it takes to break up with someone: one. Not two. Not three. Not five. If she's sure about breaking up and being honest to her boyfriend then she'll do it. If not, that means she's willing to stay in a dishonest relationship--meaning she'll be willing to stay in a dishonest relationship again and again. Meaning she'd probably be willing to do it again and again. Meaning she'd probably be willing to do it with you.

If you're willing for that then that's your decision, but it's not really a decision many men would be comfortable with.

[supplayarr]

sometimes people are in relationships from an early age and change over time and that change could also be with the person they are with.. but since they are in deep its hard for them to let go and see another light if all the light just keeps passing by.. here comes the refernce for the animal kingdom.. when anytype of animal say " lion, goat, chipmunk, beaver, even slugs " if they see a mate or partner that they want to be with or are interested in they go after that mate and wont' back down to anything... they all give it a shot and try to be with that mate.. never wondering " what if " cause they tried too..

your animal metaphor is uhm interesting.
you realize that for animals, its survival of the fittest. they die fighting to protect their land or to claim a mate.
an animal's fitness isnt what we call as physical or mental strength, its how many offspring they make and that survive...
we humans have it good. so if you're going to use the whole animal metaphor, you should realize that means you only want her because you want to mate with her and create offspring.
i should also see you stepping up to her bf, telling him that you want her, and then starting a fight. but. i dont recommend it.
so rather than use extensive metaphors that you cannot possibly handle, stick to something easier.

overall i just wanted to say that people should give it a shot and give it a chance before backing away.. cause who knows what might happen if you don't try...

so why are you posting here then? go take your shot...
and what makes you so special? oh wait. your not.

that's a good way to think of it, but if she was trully happy she wouldn't be all lovey dovey with me and making out with me everytime right ?

people get drunk.
people get horny.
people get flings.
people lower their standards.

Heres my situation... ive known this girl for over a year now.. i asked her out 2 months from knowing her and she said " yah sure well figure something out " but never came around to anything.. weve hung out as a group for a long time and joke together on a regular basis and during the last 3-4 months when we party with our regular crew we end up hooking up everytime ( just makingout, lovey dovey stuff ) mean while the whole time everyone knows she has a boyfriend but nobody really says anything.. now it got to a point where we did this at a huge party with around 60 of our friends and even out in public with different friends from our regular crew... right now i have strong feels for her and right now im going to pack up and sail from this... we both know whats going on and she is confused about everything so i think the best option is to cut contact. ( text messages, and hanging out ) and probably everything will go back to normal.. we work together only 1 - 2 times a week in a reasturant environment... but ive tried and she knows my intentions after our last encounter since we actually talked about it.. but what do you guys thinks about the whole situation.. think im doing the best option..

so since youve read soooo many posts in this thread, you've probably also bumped into the
"he stopped talking to me and i dont even know why. is it cause hes an bubble gum?" thread.

i think youve gotten yourself in quite a mess. im surprised her bf doesnt know.
and are you even sure you have strong feelings?
or do you just like it cause shes the only girl willing to make out with you.
dont get me wrong, im sure you atleast like her a bit. but really. what are your feelings.
lust, love, or lonelyness (and yes i spelled this wrong on purpose cause im not lonely at all. therefore i dont know how to spell it)?

[insanelyCRAZY]

erm. i get where youre coming from too.

just some people want the easy route to take and steer through life right? so its just easy to say "move on" =/

[twig*star]

the majority of people who get into a relationship like yours, longshot, don't survive it in the long run. your ex is actually a rare exception especially if the relationship never has issues of insecurity & fidelity cropping up.

anyway, this scenario you've created is called cheating. are you trying to justify your actions? because i get what you're saying. i just dont respect it. maybe if there was only 1 guy left on the island and 10 girls i might consider cheating .... but then again probably not. (i'd rather turn lesbian xD)

[Longshot]

i reckon the girl's just messing with the two of you. >.>' and i'd grow some hatred towards her, despite or even because of my feelings for her.

I wouldn't even look at a girl that had a boyfriend unless
we were already friends and i didn't feel anything for her.

I dunno if she is messing with us.. i think she is just confused.. we started off as friends and i asked her out and she sortive blew it off.. but a year has gone by and things have gotten to another level.. when i asked her out i didn't know she had a boyfriend.. 2 weeks later i found out and then just considered her as a fun friend. over that time we flirted and just had fun with each other and nobody thinks that feelings could have surfaced and realized the traits of a person you could possibly want to be with... you could be in a great relationship but if its not fo-filling of course you gunna see other possible suitors cause your missing that in your life.. i know its bad to act before you are out of one relationship but somtimes its hard to hold back..

I'm a very sure girl so when I choose to be with a guy, I expect my choice to be respected. Of course, my relationship is a very unconventional one in which me and my boyfriend are very open to each other about each others' feelings. My boyfriend and I have messed around with other girls together (I'm bisexual); we talk about people we're physically attracted to each other; but we both expect respect from each other. When I say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to have a threesome with so and so," I completely expect him to back off. When I say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable with you spending so much time with so and so," I expect him to respect my feelings on the matter. I am not a jealous individual. I am no possessive. And I know I could be with men and women who are much more physically attractive than my current boyfriend. But I am someone who is constantly aware of the choice of being with my boyfriend, and I honor my own choice by being faithful. Certainly, I acknowledge I can be physically attracted to others. I can even be emotionally attracted to others. But my boyfriend knows about all of this. It's his right to know and it's my duty to tell him.

If it ever got to the point you've described, then I would just break it off. There's no point in dating someone if you're not honest. It's not about how much you like someone--it's about how much you respect the social contract you've made with that person. And, frankly, I'd break it up in one day. That's how many days it takes to break up with someone: one. Not two. Not three. Not five. If she's sure about breaking up and being honest to her boyfriend then she'll do it. If not, that means she's willing to stay in a dishonest relationship--meaning she'll be willing to stay in a dishonest relationship again and again. Meaning she'd probably be willing to do it again and again. Meaning she'd probably be willing to do it with you.

If you're willing for that then that's your decision, but it's not really a decision many men would be comfortable with.

i understand where your coming from and agree with you to some extent its just when you know you have a connection with someone and you know they are feeling the same way ( we talked about our situation ) its hard to ignore it and just put those feelings aside when you know that there could be some great potential... i see where you coming from since she is doing this it makes it a dishonest relationship and if we were together it could possibley happen agian. but isnt' that a chance your gunna have to take if your already this far for starting to go for a girl with a boyfriend.. sortive have to expect it in the first place..

your animal metaphor is uhm interesting.
you realize that for animals, its survival of the fittest. they die fighting to protect their land or to claim a mate.
an animal's fitness isnt what we call as physical or mental strength, its how many offspring they make and that survive...
we humans have it good. so if you're going to use the whole animal metaphor, you should realize that means you only want her because you want to mate with her and create offspring.
i should also see you stepping up to her bf, telling him that you want her, and then starting a fight. but. i dont recommend it.
so rather than use extensive metaphors that you cannot possibly handle, stick to something easier.




so why are you posting here then? go take your shot...
and what makes you so special? oh wait. your not.




people get drunk.
people get horny.
people get flings.
people lower their standards.




so since youve read soooo many posts in this thread, you've probably also bumped into the
"he stopped talking to me and i dont even know why. is it cause hes an bubble gum?" thread.

i think youve gotten yourself in quite a mess. im surprised her bf doesnt know.
and are you even sure you have strong feelings?
or do you just like it cause shes the only girl willing to make out with you.
dont get me wrong, im sure you atleast like her a bit. but really. what are your feelings.
lust, love, or lonelyness (and yes i spelled this wrong on purpose cause im not lonely at all. therefore i dont know how to spell it)?

im posting here to try and get more people to take a shot and go for it... but to a certian extent. rather than just sitting back and not trying anything at all.. and yah i am taking a shot and thats what im doing right now and thats why im in the position that i am cause weve both know how each other feels and its just at the stage of figuring out whats real and what is not and what the future could hold..

yah people get drunk and horny and could lower standards true.. but i know its not that in our case.. yah we mess around when were drunk but i also think feelings are reserved when your sober but when you drink it can come out and you don't think of anything else really you just go for it.. and when your having so much fun you get caught up in the moment and things steam roll from there.. but when they happen agian and agian and agian.. and you talk about what the future holds.. i think its more than just drunk horny lust..

What are my feelings.. well obviously strong and real.. i wouldn't be going into this situation if i didn't know why i had feelings for her in the first place.. is it lust ? no ( even though i find her highly attractive ) is it because we make out and do the lovey dovey thing ? no... and is it because im lonley ? no... my feelings are based on our compatability and how much fun we have.. based on how well we understand each other and how much we have in common. also the way we make each other feel... we talk everyday, the way you lookforward to seeing someone or even just a text or phone call.. that feeling.. not just a fling or a infatuation.. its real.

the majority of people who get into a relationship like yours, longshot, don't survive it in the long run. your ex is actually a rare exception especially if the relationship never has issues of insecurity & fidelity cropping up.

anyway, this scenario you've created is called cheating. are you trying to justify your actions? because i get what you're saying. i just dont respect it. maybe if there was only 1 guy left on the island and 10 girls i might consider cheating .... but then again probably not. (i'd rather turn lesbian xD)

i understand its rare but i think its rare cause everyone does back off and just let it go by them.. you know.. in a way i could see how this could be trying to justify my actions.. but ive taken the extra step and made some progress to let her know when we both realized its gone to another level.. and now there is nothing else i can do but step back and let her make a desicion.. im not gunna wait around and not gunna push anything but im still gunna do everything normal just like before.. but at the same time.. im not gunna call her.. ask her to hang out, text her or anything.. cause thats what we were doing everyday.. if she does that stuff to me.. yall ill answer or reply to her text but not everytime am i gunna say yet to going out to hang out with her.. cause then she is just having her cake and eating it too..

the scenario is cheating and i understand that my actions could have repercutions and i am what they like to call " a homewrecker " but it takes 2 to tango and there is obviously some intrigue and some feelings there for this to have gone this far...

[twig*star]

understand its rare but i think its rare cause everyone does back off and just let it go by them.. you know..

No, i don't know. I meant it's rare that the relationship SURVIVES because infidelity is not rare. Your situation is not rare. Rare is the cheating couple actually getting married and staying together for years.

[Sleepy213]

Well I disagree to your view.

If it comes to situation as..the bf treating her badly than I would help her out and work something out.

But if it comes to like just regular relationship and you try to break in or try to move in.
I dont agree to that.

Basically your trying to steal someones relationship, WHICH IS WRONG.

You wouldn't want your gf to be taken away from some other guy who seems to be better.

It shows how much the person you love isnt really commited to relationships.

I dont know how people describe love, but when I choose to go ask someone out
in this never ending struggle world, it means that I'm choosing HER out of ANYONE in this freaking large world.

I dont like to bother anyone and their relationship.

Noone said it was gonna be easy to just move and find someone single

That's why you gotta try.

Dont compare animal kingdom and relationships.

They really dont go together. It's just a random fact, that is added to this topic.

Sometimes, people gotta understand the meaning of life.

you gotta move on..sometime.

[Rainbow-lotus]

whoa i didnt know guys like girls who party and are easy... can i ask you something before i answer your question... im actually pretty shock u would still like her even though she cheated on her bf (do u think u are that special? i guess so right?) so then this IS a flirty/attention thing if u want her even though she made out with you while she is in a relationship O_O


Ask yourself WHY do u like her anyways? Its the way she makes you feel? How sweet, nice, friendly she is? Think about it...
Are you REALLY the only guy she is like that with? Sorry, sounds like u liek the attention she gives you...

I re-read my post it does sound mean from reading in on words.. but eh your a big boy, u wont be offended.

[Longshot]

A little update for anybody who was following or is interested.. i have given her space and just gone on with life and trying to ignore the feelings that i still have for her... we still talk everyday but just about nothing and its pointless.. shes changed a bit you know ? acting a bit different.. i thought it was me and the whole situation but i found out that shes breaking up with her boyfriend.. pro's and con's are that i feel like mini cooper cause i might have caused it and i just want to see her happy.. but pro's are that maybe she's realized that the man she was with isn't what she is looking for long term. i might have helped her out.. as for me and her i think there is nothing there anymore and its not a time or place to discuss.. so im gunna be sitting back and just being there for her for anything that she needs as one friend would do.. and im still going to go on with life and not pursue anything just yet.. cause its a really hard time and i feel our connection isn't where it was before.. i duno if it is from her breaking up with her boyfriend or our connection or both..