[crayon851]

This is generally directed to the male population of soompi because... they know exactly what benefits come to with developing confidence

Anyone here feeling like they lack confidence in life?

generally most people will lack confidence in their physical attributes and social life. So I've given my opinion on what portrays confidence and why people get the impression that I am confident.

If anyone wants to add to this feel free to. Someone will definitely find some benefit to this.



Dating?
career?
Socially?

What I talk about below is a way to portray confidence.

Portraying confidence:

When speaking, speak slowly. Not in the sense that you drag out every word as in the movies and the word becomes distorted; but rather, spoken calmly and unrushed as if you had all the time in the world. This lets people know that what you have to say is important. People also tend to be more attentive when something said is done so in a calm manner. People lacking confidence will often speak too quickly, in the fear that they will lose the attention of the group they are addressing.

Be content. Take into consideration what you've been blessed with. We tend to be blessed with a lot more than at first glance. Once doing this you will find yourself to be happier. This will show in how you carry yourself. The grass will always be greener on the other side, that is why it is important to have goals. This is true, but it doesn't mean to not be happy with what you already have. If you're unhappy with your appearance, work on things you can change and worry less on what you can't.

Do not slouch, head up chinup! This is absolutely vital in portraying confidence. When you slouch you often display yourself as a submissive individual who will take ideas of others over their own. A confident individual will always stand up straight with their chest puffed out (males), this relates back to nature. I won't get into that since that is too much to explain. When you slouch, others will often act superior to you, this is the whole "I'm bigger than you" mentality that we learned in the play ground. For example, if you're giving a presentation during a board meeting and you're slouching, it will display a lack of confidence, energy, and will make you look uncaring of the material.

Be relaxed. Take your time when doing things; time is at your disposal, unless you have a deadline to meet and were procrastinating. Be relaxed and take your time in your tasks, provided that you weren't a douche and put things to the last minute. When you're completing a task, there is no need to rush, especially if you are helping someone. You are the one helping them, and they are better off with your help, they have no need to rush you. A benefit to taking your time is that it also gives you enough time to assess a situation and tackle it in the most efficient and effective way possible. The quality of the job will be better and there will be no mistakes. You don't make mistakes, you are confident.

Be patient. This is similar to being relaxed. You don't like when people are rushing you, not that you'd submit to their uneasiness, and so you shouldn't be rushing people. Of course, that depends on the situation. If you're just going to go hang out and there are no timings to meet, why rush? What's waiting an extra 5 minutes? This will display that you don't care what other people do and that their actions do not affect you. It relates somewhat to being content. IF you are content, you're happy with the way things are. When you start to let others' actions affect you, it means you aren't content. This makes sense to me, probably could be worded better though.

unapologetic. You don't make mistakes. You're never wrong. However, that doesn't mean you do not compromise. If you refuse to compromise you're an idiot and most people won't like you. However if you and a friend or co-worker have a disagreement, maintain your opinion but settle for a compromise. This saves you and your friend/co-worker your pride and maintains your relationship without any malice towards one another. Of course, you aren't wrong, you're just humouring them.

Feel free to add to this list, I'm absolutely "confident" that someone will get something out of this. I know i have!

[Tuffcore]

To me, building confidence begins with yourself. By that i mean, you have to know yourself, your likes, dislikes, limitations, boundaries, beliefs, ideologies, etc. You have to experience things. From there, you have to make mistakes and learn.

Like if i was to ask you, how confident are you at dribbling a basketball down court while blindfolded? Well, if you've never done it before, then you probably have zero confidence. If you've done it many times before, then you'll probably reply and say you're absolutely confident. You would even dribble between your legs up court at the same time just to show off. But, how does this confidence begin? It begins from practice, making mistakes, and learning.

Such is the same with all aspects of life.

Like how confident are you at approaching the girl by the bar and asking her for her number?
How confident are you at walking into your client's office next Tuesday and selling them your company's idea?
How confident are you at walking into a room of strangers and owning the room, being the life of the party?

An important thing is, nobody is perfect and you have to understand that it's okay you are not either. Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. For example, my weakness is approaching a girl at any bar and asking for her number whereas my strength is a classroom setting or playing co-ed sports. I'm confident with that and this is so because of practice, mistakes, and learning. Also, it's because of knowing my limitations and abilities.

Anyways, doing it once (or many times) before and succeeding (or until you succeed) changes everything. If you need to build confidence with anything, it begins and ends with doing it often and learning to find success. Once you have confidence, it will just portray naturally. You don't have to try or fake it.

[Prot]

I think the main factor of confidence is overcoming fear of not succeeding/negative judgement by peers.

[fobsquad]

be unique
you are who you are, and no one but you can change that.
and no one knows you better than yourself, so don't let other people affect your personality.
if you do change something, it's because you wanted to, not because someone convinced you.

be cocky (YET understanding)
you do what you do best, and whatever that is BE the best at it.
but don't brag or you will get shot down when the situation arises.
just do whatever it is and appreciate the masterpiece after.
and when someone DOES come and beat you, understand and accept defeat. for you put up a good fight.
but if someone comes and and you beat him, understand and accept victory. you can celebrate, but do not boast.

i'll add more if i remember/think about it/am bored.

[badboy yardy]

be happy!

when someone you are talking to is displaying a sense of humor, laugh with him/her!

when you meet someone, smile!

[Tuxedomask]

Be social. If you and a person make eye contact while walking by don't be afraid to say Hi or smile. It builds confidence.

Right now I'm 22 and I can honestly I say that I can read people well.

I interview people for jobs weekly and it has helped me a lot with reading people. I can usually tell when a person is lying and what not about their past experiences.

[crayon851]

Like someone said earlier, confidence is something that portrays almost a disregard for fear of not succeeding. With regards to tuffcore's example of dribbling a basketball blindfolded. Someone confident will do it regardless of whether they fail or succeed. Someone who is lacking confidence will show this and try to explain their inability. Of course, if something was put on the line (i.e a bet) then a confident individual would probably be reluctant. Otherwise, he/she would do it without a doubt.

I think thats what describes confidence best. If you lack confidence, you just have to overcome a fear of receiving negative feedback. Ways to do this are mentioned above, and you just have to not care.

[jon]

I believe confidence has to do with your outlook on life, more specifically are you an optimist? Do you look at a situation as glass half full or glass half empty? You can always pretend to be confident, but putting on an act can only get you so far. If you have confidence, you know it and others will know it as well.

There are several things that help you with your confidence. Someone mentioned repetition and experience. I would like to add life stability and your support system. If you just got laid off from work as part of the massive layoff at a major financial institution, it is going to be difficult to be confident. However if you have a network of business contacts that can hook you up with a new job, then you can be confident that you will weather through the crisis. If your girlfriend just broke up with you, it's going to be difficult to confident. However if you have a support group of friends, you can be confident that you will meet someone else that is better for you.

Having said that, if you are stable in your life with work, finance, family and social life, you will have confidence. It is when one part of our life is lacking, we tend to doubt ourselves and look at life as glass half empty. But if you are an optimist, you can live life with confidence.

[rubyj]

and whyyyy may i ask is this thread directed at the males?

[Ogihara_Hideki]

You just have to run your own race and be patient about things. As more time passes by, you'll realize that most the things that you thought were absolutely critical, become rather trivial. (age and wisdom play a big role in this process) I think people need to invest in themselves more. For guys, a really simple thing to do is get a workout routine going. Go pack some muscle on those bones! All the cliches you hear about improving self-confidence, are well, rather effective. Be goal orientated, march to the beat of your own drum, down give a crap about what others say or think etc. The slogan of my life has been the Nike one. "Just Do it". I was once the most laziest piece of crap I ever knew. Now, I write out what I need to get done for any give day and without thinking twice, I "Just Do It". My weakness is, if I start thinking about it too much, I usually 9/10 end up losing to myself and I don't get anything accomplished. I think that's the beauty of it too. Once you decide to get going and look for all the great positive things about yourself, you come to realize you've accomplished so much and that you're capable of doing more. The best thing about getting started is, you have just give it a good effort just one day at a time.

[crayon851]

and whyyyy may i ask is this thread directed at the males?

It's on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know The rest of the male pop knows why.

[rubyj]

It's on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know The rest of the male pop knows why.

Oh, I'm sure females don't "need to know" or understand the importance of confidence in their lives. Confidence solely pertains to the male population and the entire female population just does not need to be concerned with it at all. Matter of fact, only the "male population" knows what you're talking about. I mean, the differences between the genders are that great.

[Pogichinoy]

and whyyyy may i ask is this thread directed at the males?

I assume its because typical Asian guys are generally the more timid of both genders.

[jewely]

all you asian men are hot!! own it!

[Jay Chou]

thanks.....it was a good read =)

[coreancc]

I get e-mails all the time promising to help boost my confidence, especially with women... never looked at them myself, but if you want, I could forward them to this thread...

[ramenhero]

i think all people really need to do is just be themselves. it aint hard. lol just talk like how you usually do thats what i call swagger! lol ;d

[santarito]

alcohol = confidence

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[Pogichinoy]

^From my observations I find alcohol = false confidence.

[ILuVTiTTiEZ]

"You have a large Penis."

There. If that doesn't give you confidence, I don't know what will....

Note* I can say Penis!? Fantastic! Lol....