[doori]

&& lah.

[Flicksityy]

It really depends on herself.

[doori]

It really depends on herself.

i suppose so, but i can't just sit by and watch her hurt the people around her.
like, my uncle practically called our family in desperation to help, but we can't really do anything.

[heheimawesome]

I'm sorry that this will be of no help, but one of the things that I've learned is that people cannot change unless they want to. Quitting smoking, even if a girl threatens to break up with him he will smoke again after they really break up, or he will smoke when hes at home privately.

Try to make her WANT to change... Even if you have to be harsh..

"what have you been doing lately? =D"
"<insert answer>
"ohh.. you used to be so cheery what happened..? isnt that a little boring?"


make her feel embarrassed if you have to. its for her benefit in the end.
But you have to face the consequence that she'll probably hate you if she doesn't decide to get her ass back to school or work. She'll just think you're a pinkberry.

[tofu plushie]

Well, there is only so much you can do. I guess just show her kindness and support but, she is in charge of her own life. It's up to her to take the right direction. Maybe you can encourage her to go back to school? Or if she doesn't have a job maybe can earn money to go to school.

[Seraphyx]

You can try your best to motivate someone, you can try your best to give them the best, you can pick them up and dust them off. It's solely her choice in the end, it is her choice on if she will pursue a successful future. It is also in your best interest to recognize a dead-beat when you see one and know when to give up on a dead-beat. Either way you look at it, I either just used reverse-psychology or I'm speaking the truth.

[ShadowMax76]

inspiration never lasts long.
motivation... :] works better as if it was a massive shark swimming towards you. LOl.


_ if she has respect for herself, someone could point out that she's a slob.

or she could hang out with the 'right crowd' . there's nothing better than an uplifting environment of successful or aspiring people.


_ i remember being in a rut. and i think it takes a realisation of one's own pessimism and self-denial of the pleasures + challenges of life.

where people believe "i'm not meant for the high road." or "i can't be a doctor! HAHA!" or " i can't study"

that it IS possible. and they ARE meant to do ANYTHING they want.
not just what they can do. but WANT.

..though. realistically, people edge closer to their dreams. through climbing the ladder.


i remember writing a poem about "the people who thought they were in a hole".
it's not that great, so i won't quote it. lol.

_ funnily enough. i'm the biggest hypocrite when it comes to motivation. >>' unfortunately people don't take my advice because of that. their loss....

[iyseal]

I can honestly say I used to be like this, except in high school. I would go to school, sleep there, come home and eat, then take a nap, wake up and watch TV, and then go to sleep again. I basically gave up on life. I used to want to go to Johns Hopkins U and studied really hard to get straight A's but at that point in my life, I either just wanted to die, get drunk, smoke, or sleep.

Thankfully, by junior year, I woke up and decided that I couldn't live like that and I DID still want to go to college.

But I remember my mom yelling at me every single day, telling me to stop sleeping so much and start studying, and get my grades up. I did NOT listen to a word she said. It just made me feel worse.

The only thing that made me feel better was constant encouragement from one of my teachers, that I was a good writer, that I should try and be an English major, that I was a very bright student. Like, she didn't heap on the praise but over time, all the stuff she said to me added up and I slowly began to see my own potential.

I don't suggest you say anything like, "WTF are you doing with your life???" Just compliment her on something that you know means something to her, something that actually matters, not like "Oh, you look so thin/pretty." Hopefully, she will find a little hope from your words and be able to lift herself up. That sounds all really clicheed but I am speaking from experience.

Hope that helps.

[LOVE&FREEDOM_beautyofX]

something similar happened to me.. sort of. my cousin started dating this girl that was a horrible influence on him.. she had no manners, always went clubbing, drinking, and smoking.. and that's the total opposite of my oppa (cousin) and all of my relatives tried to get him to break up with her by calling him and giving him lectures but he got pretty pissed about that so he started ignoring everyone... so i was basically his last hope in our family.. and i just told him straight up how i felt buut in a gentle way.. he actually listened to me and like a month later, he broke up with her i think that you should show her that you sincerely care for her and break it down for her as gently and nicely as you can ^^ gluck!

[Namine]

sometimes if you try to force someone
they will rebel even more

and only get irritated by the comments people give to her
so really, it does depend on herself, unless you think she is crying out for help

[ixsaetbyul]

so sorry about your cousin & how its affecting everyone :/

well i guess for someone in her position, just knowing that the people closest to her still love & care for her will ease her mind.
open up new suggestions to her.
perhaps a new hobby....anything you found appealing that you want to share with her, or maybe you guys can bond together.
watch a movie...share gossip about music, celebrities, fashion...
but don't make it seem like you're going to force her into changing, yknow?
open up her mind to new things, new people, new opportunities,
give her chances to do kind deeds, and let her feel the love & support your family has for her
slowly, time will heal everything. when she's ready, she'll open up to you slowly more & more
hope all goes well!
my prayers go out to your entire family <3

[小甜密]

Send her to bootcamp or military school? That should be something good.

[dory06]

is ur cousin depressed?? sounds like she could be depressed

[naoto]

But I remember my mom yelling at me every single day, telling me to stop sleeping so much and start studying, and get my grades up.

That's what my parents did. Yelled at me so much, every single day. It didn't do anything. Like everyone else said, you wake up on your own. If the parents can't motivate her as a cousin you wouldn't be able to either.

[First Blush]

It's not something that can probably that can be solved in one night or one xmas, that said props to you and your family for trying to do something. The best thing you can do is tell her that you love her unconditionally and want to help if she'll let you, that you believe in her and will support her if and when she is finally ready to do something herself about her situation. Wow she's a lucky girl to have a great extended family. =)

[Meenuh]

Have a nice conversation with her. Ask her what she's doing with her life and maybe that'll embarass her out of her dream world.