[babybuggyY2K]

we're like 2 weeks into the relationship. we're both busy people (friends, work, school) so it's too early and we havent establish trust, bond, intimacy, stability etc yet. we both kkind of got the vibe that we're not going to be together for long because we both have so much other things to care about than to just focus on a relationship. but somewhere deep down we just keep trying . weboth would act like we dont care because we're afraid to look too clingy to each other. but that's just too hard to hide either becuse we actually do care that we get jealous at times and pissed. cause when he wants to see me i'm busy and when i have time to see him he's busy. so usually we end up seing each other when our friends ask us to go chil at a bar or something at night..and yes i smoke. i've always smoked. he knew it even before we got together.

about a week ago something just pulled us a little closer.

he doesnt like that i smoke. even though he doesnt say anything about it you can tell. we were in his car and we were talking about the topic of smoking.

him:'smoking is really bad, it damages the lungs...etc etc'
me:'i know'
him:' then why do you do it?'
me:'it's hard to quit'

silence*

me:'you never said anything about me smoking'
him:'even if i did you wouldn't, i know it's not easy'
me:'yes i will!if you cared i would. but it didnt seem to bother you whether or not i was a smoker'
him:'i dont like my girlfriend smoking'
me:'......................'
him:'you're an exception'


the moment he said he doesnt like his girlfriend smoking we took it as a unspoken promise that i would quit .we were closer... kind of stepped in to each others life a little bit more. usually when he studys - he studies alone and so do i. but this week we would be together nd i would cook for him and he'll massage my shoulders as we're doing school work.

so it's been one whole week of no smoking. but i swear to god it ISNT easy. my girlfriend asked me if i wantd one after we got off work. and i was like no thank you. and she said to quit pretending and that i should let him love me for who i am and if he loves me then he shouldnt try to change who i am. ok that made a little sense but the situation is he didnt try to change me, i'm trying to change to show i'm willing to put effort into making our relationship work out.. and i know smoking really is bad.

my girlfriend lit up two cigarettes and i knew how expensive they are these days. so i vowed to myself that would be the only reason i took this offer.

and then AWESOME, he NEVER picks me up from work cause we werent that close before. and just today he wanted to surprise me and even bought me a bouquet of flowers. he pulled his car up at my work place. . . . and there i was smoking. . .=OOO

i got into the car and threw it out knowing that i WRECKED our relationship . now we're back to the beginning. like how it was before that conversation about smoking. i swear i REALLY was quitting. he drove at 110mph we were quiet all the way to the restaurant and all the way back home. except when i told him to be careful driving because i was horrified at the speed we were going and when i ask about the flowers. i asked ' what's that for?' and he said 'just take it if you want to' without even looking at me.

it's my fault he probably think i've been smoking this whole week as well. i cant promise him that i'd quit again becaus4 that would just sound plain stupid. nothing can describe the way i feel right now.

i mean would you think my friend is right? i think that it's not about wanted to turn me into what i'm not , it's more because i'll be healthier.
what should i do . i feel like i owe him a explanation but i cant think of what to say because i was in the wrong . how should i say it?

one week of happiness and now i'm back in dirt and mud

edit: let me make this really clear.i was quitting.and i'm being honest the reason i took that cig was ONLY because i knew how expensive they are. like 9$ a pack. and i havent bought any. even after the one my friend offered. i am honestly quitting.

[Daikirai]

It's time to quit smoking.. o_o

Tell him you tried to rationalize about the cost of cigs, so you felt you had to.
Then tell him you won't do it again.

[Eijiro]

My girlfriend also hated me smoking. She never asked me to quit, although she did hate it when I did it around her. One day I just decided myself to quit, and though I have had the odd cigarette here and there... I don't consider myself a smoker anymore. It's not that hard to quit if you have a reason to and motivation. By some gum, get some patches or whatever... I feel so much better after quiting. Not just because it makes her happier and more comfortable with me, but because my body actually feels more alive too.

[Sleepy213]

All of my friends smokes or smoked before.
I never did or even tried. I don't choose to go out with a girl who smokes because
I know for the fact that it's hard to quit.

But in your situation, you just got peer pressured from a friend.
It doesn't matter how long you quit. It matters if you really quited or not.

You weren't commited to your relationship.

It's funny how some people say it's impossible to quit.
Think about it this way, It's your choice to quit or not.
Not only you smoked but you broke a promise with your boyfriend but nobodys perfect right?

Make it up, show him the real CHANGE of you.

I believe people can change, so can you.

[Menda]

wrong place wrong time eh. sorry about that
If I were in your shoes, I really wouldn't know what to do either o.O
but I wouldn't try to explain if he didn't ask for an explanation, cause it would sound like I'm making an excuse.
And I don't think he's trying to change you either, your friend is wrong. He just wants a healthy girlfriend that isn't trying to kill herself. And second hand smoking....? Do everybody a favor and try harder.
I'm sorry if I sound mean, but if you really want to quit, you shouldn't be looking at a cigi in the first place. I wouldn't know how hard it is to quit but people did it before and so can you. Don't give in!
For the boyfriend, action speak louder than words. Say sorry, he can see your sincerity.

[ShadowMax76]

it has never ceased to make me cringe when i see anyone smoke. and this is after i got over the 'acceptance' stage.

especially when i see a pregnant woman on the street puff smoke..

funnily enough, later in the day i saw a retarded 10yrold boy pestering his grumpy mother.

karma, aye?

_ that aside, you definitely will have a hard time getting his trust back.
if you do break up with him, quit smoking anyways.

maybe you can settle for friendship.

. the only glimmer of hope i see is that you get your friend to explain to him.
even if she does believe smoking is 'a part' of a person. ==' that's similar to saying a gambler is a gambler, or a drinker is a drunk - by nature.

-pat- don't stress too much. and good luck with everything.

[Eijiro]

What is there to explain?

The whole "they're expensive" thing is obviously an excuse. $9 a pack? That means that cigarette was worth less than 50 cents.

You had a choice whether to accept it or not. You could have said no. Your friend would understand if you told her you were quitting, I am sure.

[babybuggyY2K]

expensive or not varies between different people , for me i'm making like 800 a month and i used to spend 36$ a week on cigarettes and the rent is 350 on my part. and i'vebeen supporting myself for 2 years so for me it IS expensive. ther4fore when i hear cigarette i think expensive

it kills me financially and also but i was addicted

[Eijiro]

expensive or not varies between different people , for me i'm making like 800 a month and i used to spend 36$ a week on cigarettes and the rent is 350 on my part. and i'vebeen supporting myself for 2 years so for me it IS expensive. ther4fore when i hear cigarette i think expensive

it kills me financially and also but i was addicted

Yes, they are expensive when bought often as a long-term addiction. But that said, she only offered you one single cigarette (Approx 50 cents value). Even if you had said no, it wouldn't have been any kind of financial loss for her. It's obviously an excuse because you feel the need to explain yourself. But by doing that you just make yourself look more guilty.

If you can quit, quit. If you can't, tell him that and hope he can understand you. There's no point making promises to quit if you can't say no. Obviously he will be disappointed in you, anyone would be.

[babybuggyY2K]

easy enough to be said. it's not like i'm being offered by a stranger. i was being polite to her. and as i have already said, i didnt smoke that out of addiction. and no it's not an excuse , i wouldnt need an excuse to explain to myself.. if i really wanted an excuse i would've been smoking this whole week and saying to myself that it takes time to quit.... wouldnt that be a better excuse to smoke?... than to say it's because a friend offered it.

[Eijiro]

easy enough to be said. it's not like i'm being offered by a stranger. i was being polite to her. and as i have already said, i didnt smoke that out of addiction. and no it's not an excuse , i wouldnt need an excuse to explain to myself.. if i really wanted an excuse i would've been smoking this whole week and saying to myself that it takes time to quit.... wouldnt that be a better excuse to smoke?... than to say it's because a friend offered it.

Like I said, I used to smoke. Pretty heavily, since I was 15 years old. I quit for my girlfriend and I have been in the exact same position as you. I've had co-workers and close friends offer me cigarettes and been unable to turn them down before due to the exact same thinking as you.

But now that I am finally clean I know that I should have been able to say no at that time. It's not about being polite or not; if you don't want to smoke you don't have to. That's like a non-smoker being offered a cigarette and having to accept just to be polite, it's a ridiculous notion and I'm sure she wouldn't have looked down on you for saying no.

[latina]

it's hard eh?
we had the same situation..
my bf doesnt like it when i smoke.
he really got mad when he caught me smoking.

i know that he really cares about me that's why he acted that way.

as for me, i try my best not to break my promise AGAIN.
i stay away to the things that trigger me to smoke.

[babybuggyY2K]

oh of course i wouldnt have took it, but since she light up both of them AND THEN she offered it to me(it was already lit), if she offered me a un-lit one i would've rejected. but she lit it up i felt it would be mean if i threw it away like that after she lit it up for me. but either way i admit you're right to an extent.

[Eijiro]

oh of course i wouldnt have took it, but since she light up both of them AND THEN she offered it to me(it was already lit), if she offered me a un-lit one i would've rejected. but she lit it up i felt it would be mean if i threw it away like that after she lit it up for me. but either way i admit you're right to an extent.

Even still, if you were 100% committed to quitting you still would have said no, I'm sure because I know from personal experience.

[smiile]

explain to him its not as easy to quit and you did try, but at that moment it was only right of you to smoke the lit cig
if hes a good bf he will give you another chance

[MNLV27]

even if you thought it was expensive, you should have just said no firmly and didn't take it because by taking it, she'll do that again next time and the next and so on..and by the time you know it, your smoking again...
personally, your bf wanted you to stop for the better, not because he doesn't like it, but because he wants only the best for you...and that isn't him not liking you for who you are, it's him showing to you that he cares about you enough to ask you to stop smoking because it's harmful towards your body..

[Eijiro]

explain to him its not as easy to quit and you did try, but at that moment it was only right of you to smoke the lit cig
if hes a good bf he will give you another chance

I still don't understand how it was right of her to accept it at that time? And I even say this as an ex-smoker. I mean if you don't want something, there's no obligation to take it... especially in the case of cigarettes/alcohol/drugs/whatever. It's a personal decision she has to make and she made the decision subconciously to smoke because she wanted to, even if she belives it was for other reasons.

That's what we call addiction.

even if you thought it was expensive, you should have just said no firmly and didn't take it because by taking it, she'll do that again next time and the next and so on..and by the time you know it, your smoking again...
personally, your bf wanted you to stop for the better, not because he doesn't like it, but because he wants only the best for you...and that isn't him not liking you for who you are, it's him showing to you that he cares about you enough to ask you to stop smoking because it's harmful towards your body..

Agreed 100%

[wees2dee]

if you value the relationship that you two have, you should try and keep substain it. quit smoking.. it IS bad for you, it might be hard at first but its worth it if he is the one.. you dont wanna lose him over something as simple as smoking

[kuroxkitsuneX3]

I don't get why you couldn't had stressed the fact that you were quitting before hand. But I think it's both of you guys faults, you and your girlfriend because you gave in and your girlfriend offered it even after she knew that you were trying to quit. So first you should talk to your friend and be serious about it. Explain the situation to her. Even though she may think it's unnecessary, if she's your friend, she'll respect your decision and help you. As for your boyfriend, talk to him and say that you made a mistake and that you tried and you'll keep trying. He knows that it's hard and he should be helping instead of letting you quit just cold turkey. It doesn't work that way. Though it may be slightly hard regain that trust back, it wasn't on the level of cheating or things like that, so I believe it can be regained.

[PhuongNguyen]

Sorry but you broke a trust, and a big one at that... so honestly, there's no excuse to it. Whether or not you're trying to be polite to a friend, wouldn't matter in his eyes because all he knows is that you promised him you will quit.

And your friend is full of crap, I'm sorry but what kind of a person would encourage another person to destroy their body? The whole "love me for who I am" is ridiculous and I find it absurd that you even took that BS. It's not as if you got a mole and your boyfriend dislike it; it's not as if you're ugly and your boyfriend dislike it. This is an addiction, and a terrible one at that. How would you feel if your boyfriend start doing drugs or stealing and goes and say that it's "who he is". I honestly doubt you'll buy that crap. If it's bad for you, it's bad for you. Your boyfriend wants you to quit, not because he wants to change you... but because he doesn't want to be with someone who's basically killing themselves.

The only thing you can do now is try to earn his trust again. If you're POSITIVE that you want to quit smoking, then it's time to let the action speak rather than words... because I honestly doubt your boyfriend would take your words for anything now.