[starperson]

Hello all~~
If you love someone and they are your first love, bf/gf, first kiss, first time, why can you not stay with them?
Adults say "You are never going to end up satying with your first bf/gf, you need more experience, more time, more chances to meet other people, you will get bored with them, this and that and blah".
My qusetions. More experience for what? What more time do you need? More chances to meet other people, so I will let the one I love go now so I can find another that may or may not be as good? If you love them get bored of what?
If I love a boy and feel as if we will stay forever, and he is my first boyfriend, whats the problem? People say "oh, that will never happen, you will not last to long". Why? Do people really need to date more than one person to be satisfied?
I have a cousin who married her first boyfriend and as far as I can tell, they are just fine. And people still say they will not work out.

So my lovely soompiers, what are your thoughts on staying with your first bf/gf? Why do you think people say it will not happen? Do you miss your first bf/gf or your first love? Lets chat about it~~

I know what I sound like, a little naive girl who is just a dreamer but these are my opinions and thoughts, so please dont be rude or critisize me or other people. It's not nice. Thank you and have fun~~~

[Jamila]

I'm actually curious about this also..I just guess it has alot to do with the way our society is nowadays..hmm..idk
maybe someone has to experience being with someone that doesn't fit them to be able to know when they have found that right one..maybe the whole process leads to a greater appreciation when you have found that person..
I'm really not sure..

I guess a person needs to know themselves before they can truly expect know anyone else.

Me myself..I'd be fine with not dating around..as for experiences, certain things are not that important to me. ex. clubbing, parties or other things a spouse may not be comfortable with..

Do people really need to date more than one person to be satisfied? For some people..yes
what are your thoughts on staying with your first bf/gf? If I were happy I'd stay, but if I were also his first I'd feel I was holding him back and want him to see what it's like with other girls before he became committed so he'd know what he wanted.

[dropdeadbarbi]

Cheers to the first lovers then!

People say that it will never happen, because it'll never happen to them.

What are my thoughts about staying with my former significant other? If we did stay together, I wouldn't be the person I am now.

Do I miss my former significant other? I miss the times we shared together.

[Tuxedomask]

I don't think you have a choice in the matter. Why? Because you should NEVER EVER change yourself for someone.
You can TRY to make it work, but at some point you start to realize it's too stressing then you have to just give up.

If something is not going to work DON'T FORCE it to work.

You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can definitely choose you end up with.

[han.yung]

took the words right from my mouth.
i completely agree with you. why not? the first love is just as special, if not more, than all your other loves.
i've always dreamed about staying forever with my first bf, though the chances of that are shot now. i really honestly love him and miss him.
i think a lot of people say that the first never lasts because honestly it really depends on ur first relationship. some have a first fling instead of relationship :x
i suppose realistically the first never really lasts. many people have their first relationships in hs or college, right? those are the times when you are changing, and sometimes changing into who you'll be. maybe by the end of the relationship you are a completely different person. and the two of you are no longer compatible. maybe if you're really 'meant to be', you'll meet again sometime later down the road, when experiences have molded the both of you into perfectly matching puzzle pieces.
some people also have that insane nagging feeling inside, that's keeps telling them 'what if you are missing out on something even better?' when they have something amazing already. and they need to go out and experience all they can. and sometimes they do find something better.
but also, when you first get into a relationship, most of the time you don't know what you are looking for in the other person. you have all these fairytale notions in your head, or things you've heard others say, and you find that it's always different when it's actually happening. i suppose as you get into and out of relationships, you continuously redefine your definition of 'significant other' so when the right one comes along, you really know.
but then again there are those of us who are so unbelievably lucky that they meet the right one on the first try...:x

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

well kind of depends.
I mean, most people have their first gf/bf around their teen years.
Nowdays it's geting crazy, even 13 year olds started dating, if this is the case, would you believe that they will last until like age 20 ish to marry?
I don't think so.
But if your first love is in... say 18/19, then It's possible that you'll end up with him.

Like my cousin, she dated this guy at age of 19, which is her first love, and now she's married to him.

and the reason why you should not have your first bf/gf as your partner for life, is because it's very true, you need experience.
Experience for what? you don't know what guys is like. I mean, there are many types of guys. When you are talking about marriage, you have to take consideration about many things. Not just the fact that you love him. You have to think about the fact that he will be capable or protecting you, providing enough income, and all those stuff.
The more guys you date, the more you see which kind of guy will suit you, coz clearly all guys are different.

UNLIKE Teen love. Where you just case about "oh they are fun to be with~ he's funny, bla bla"
When you're talking about marriage, you take into consideration whether he can be a good DAD. not a good boyfriend.
This is why nerdy guys tend to shine on this age while bad guys tend to suck.
While on teen days, nerdy guys can't shine their light while bad guys shine really brightly

but anyways, there's no reason why you can't marry your first love though.
but what they're saying about experience is true as well.

[sidney]

first of all, how old are you?
and to answer your question, NO, you are not naive for thinking your first love can be your last. However, this doesn't apply to most people because the majority of people out there start dating at a young age, 15/16 etc. At that stage you haven't discover yourself and doesn't know what you want in a relationship or the opposite gender. Also, the transition from HS to college, different friends, idendities, expectations, begin to alter. Your first love CAN be your last if both are mature emotionally, know exactly what you both want, both love each other strongly, and is stable in other factors. For example, I have my first boyfriend this year, and i am 20 years old. Even though this is my first love, I really don't need anymore experiences or chances. I know he's the one. I know exactly what I want in a relationship and have a strong sense of who I am and what I need, and so does he (he's 23)
. I do want him to be my last love, but you have to take other things in consideration. What if he cheats? what if i move away? what if his parents doesn't accept me? what if he commits a crime and send to jail? stabillity is the key.

[maaxroy]

OMGSH! Yay! Im not the only one who thinks this way...

Seriously, people nowadays think that its important to date around in order to find their person. Like, sure, whatever floats their boat. It takes a bunch of problems to teach us lessons that would help us in the future. If there was something that we didnt know as ourselves, then the other person would open our eyes for us to tell us what we need to learn and get ready for. Alot of the people we meet in life help us learn more about the person we are...so its the same with dating around.

I think if people dont take it seriously at first, then it doesnt last. In order to make it work, you need to be serious about it and mature.
Like, if you knew your right from wrong, and you knew what it would take, then you put efforts into making it work...ofcourse it would work. Oh yea, the significant other needs to work too... You both need to make it work, by putting in alot of effort.

But you need to be wise at first and clearly know the differences between infatuation and love in order to choose the person whom you would want as your first and last love, your first and last spouse.

Anyways, I am hoping that my first bf would be my last and only one. and the same for him as well.

[Meenuh]

I think it's because majority of the people choose their "first love" at a very young age(usually where they think it's love but it really isn't). I think if you were to find your first love at an older age it'd be more likely that your first love can be your last.

Honestly, for me, I don't consider any of my ex's my first love. I mean, i've been with them for a long time and felt i loved them but if that were the case I think we'd still be together (also, when I think back on it now ... I think it was more infatuation if anything). I'd like to think that my first love will be the one I choose to marry. That way they will be my first and only love. Haha. I'm so corny and old fashioned.

[KateLove]

I have absolutely no idea why you cannot marry your 1st love. Most people say this
probably because you're young when it happens, and .. times/personalities change ...
I had my 1st love at 15 --- and most people won't even believe you love someone at that age.
(Not true . BTW, you can love young). Of course I'll always love my 1st love ... he was my 1st love!
We talk occasionally still even though he's back in Korea now (Army) -- and of course if I saw him, I' probably
smile or something ... but IDK if a future would work out now, ... do I even know him anymore? We broke up
4 years ago.

Personally, I hate dating around. If you find someone, don't let them go so easily! If it's
an inevitable situation ... then I guess there's nothing to do. But you don't need to sleep
around AKA "date" around so much to fine true love.

Now I'm completely and utterly in love with my current BF - he's not my 1st love, but I'm so
glad we're together .... but the odds are against us (I have to stay in school in the states for
another 3 1/2 years; while he has to go back to Korea for University + then find himself a job there).
But I'll never stop trying.

[Beautiful*Nightmare]

My mom married her first love, which is my dad

So marrying your first love/ first bf or gf definitely can happen, although it's rare sadly enough. But I think those people that said you can't marry your first love is because that's what happen to them and also like everyone said most people have their first love when they were young, so other people jsut assume that they should look around first before settling down.

I personally don't believe in that. Why would you wanna look around when you already have someone you love? i wish i can say my first love last forever, but it didn't, which is sux, eventhough i got over it already. But even now, once in a while, there's always something that would reminds me of him. I guess that's the magic of first love, it never goes away.

[小甜密]

LOL my first relationship was almost like a joke. thinking back on it makes me realize how naive I was back then. it was a bad choice from the beginning lol. that's right, lack of experience. but when i date the exes after him, i realize they're better than him. people say first relationships RARELY last because people changes throughout the course of the relationship. mostly likely, first relationship are like puppy love. Nevertheless, some first couples really do last. It all depends on how the partners work things out. And NO. I do not miss my first crush or bf. It's all in the past.

[heheimawesome]

Prove everyone wrong.
If you're so meant for each other, you can prove everyone wrong.

I think it's possible, but both have to be mature. Reason a lot of people break up with their first bf/gf because their inexperienced and run at the first sign of trouble. Just like me. I did that with my first gf.

[Torento <3]

My parent's were each of their own first relationships and they are still together

[EscR4Fantasy]

sounds like someone never dated before =O

sorry for being mean. but if you have dated before you will know that not everything go as smoothly as you think where , love is enough

[rOothx33]

I don't see why you can't marry your first love. Parents say things like that because there are so many cases where a person will marry their high school sweetheart/first love and end up leaving them for someone new. (This is where the phrase "Don't leave someone you love for someone you like" applies). That's why adults say that we should date around. They want us to experience being with different people with different personalities so we can learn for ourselves what we want in a future spouse. I totally disagree with this, but this is my aunt's philosophy. My parents are each other first loves (or so they say) and they're still happily married.

I've been with the same guy for four years and we're each others first boyfriend/girlfriend. Everyone asks how we make it last and whether we're bored of each other, and to be honest, at times it gets repetitive and I don't get butterflies whenever I see him anymore, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[ino_tenten]

Probably cuz ppl's first love is like.... Ohh.. hi... we meet in grade 10.... lets date.... when your that young you will run into alot of problems... ppl ARE to young to know what love is you know?

When i was at that age i had my first bf.. when i was 14... i thought we were gonna get married and stuff. Now that im older u understand reality love is much different from fantasy movie/fairtale love.

And maybe you dont understand because your AT that stage right now. Your scared u wont find a better person... but thats not true.... i loved my first love.. but my second love was a better person.

Another thing as ppl get older, ppl change... you dont really know someone until 5 yrs into a serious relationship.

The loyal sweet guy u met when u are 14 may be the complete opposite when he is 23 or whatever.

[natsurei]

Uhm, depends on today's society.
There's a lot of distractions. I'm sure this whole first-first would have worked out back in the 60's. Haha.
WEll, I'm not saying that's all entirely true. But yeah..

There are just some stuff that will happen. First, you're inlove, and caught up in the moment and think it's forever. But I think, there are times where the drifting apart issues can't be solved. And finally, you learn from that.
I dunno, my sister thinks her and her boyfriend(first) will be forever. They're working on it. It's hard to see though, when they RARELY even see or talk to each other. Who knows.
=S My boyfriend feels the same thing.

But I guess there's a difference between just dating, relationships, first relationships and the whole "first love" thing. Haha. You can go through a bunch of relationships, and never find your "first love". So technically, I don't know. =_=;; People change?

If ever, =\ you can just never marry them. or remarry. Yay.

[Emerald Snow]

It's rare I guess, but not impossible. Call me naive, but I would also want to be able to point to my husband across the room while telling my grandchildren, "Yup, that's my first love right there." I don't even have a first love yet and I'm pretty old already.....so, who knows, it might actually come true for me.

So now the question becomes: Why date around?

So you will know what to look for in a significant other. But if you are already perfectly happy with the one you are with now, and he happens to be your first love, then I don't see why you should leave him to try out new things.

My parents are also each other's first relationships, and they're still pretty happily together now. =)

[LOLWTF]

"People change over the years and it's these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too - and not always in ways that we want."