[Inspector]

Okay, so this topic came up when my cousin (19) told me how embarassed she is that she confessed to a guy that she liked him. I mean she NEVER talks about those kinds of things but apparently she has no clue what to do. So what happened was, she liked a guy, and she barely knew him. He works in a store right by where she works (kind of a open mall type place) the store is owned by the same person so there is times she have small conversations with him. Finally she decides to give him signals that she is interested so he can ask her out. Things like purposely seeking him out at his job to say hi, go sit by him during his breaks and talk, and flirt I guess. (she just says it was obvious signals. She didn't want to get into details because she thinks I'm going to laugh at her.) So this goes on for weeks, and she says the guy visits her once a while, and he talks to her about different stuff, so anyway she overheard her boss on the phone with him, and he was calling out because his gf was sick. So she kind of freaked out, and felt stupid for being so "flirty" with him when he had a girlfriend. So she decided to confess to him that she liked him and thats why she was "making passes at him", and now that she knows he has a gf, she decided to tell him because she didn't want things to be weird between them. She didnt want her to make him feel as though he had to avoid her or something.

And she said his basic response was, "Really?..." "Well you were being so obvious..." <-- talking about how obvious that she liked him. "You're so funny." <-- She said thats what he told her after she said "forgetting all of that and starting over". She said he was laughing and smiling, and it didn't seem to be weirded out.

BUT NOW she thinks about it, she starts feeling REALLY embarassed. She thinks he probably thinks she is weird, desperate, etc etc etc.

I told her don't worry about it. Guys don't think too much about that kind of stuff. He probably just thinks it funny that she made such a big deal out of her giving signals or something. And I tell her so many times, I think its awesome when girls initiate.

So question is,

Girls, so if you were in this situation, would you confess? what would you do?

and

Guys, what would you think if a girl confessed to you and you had a gf?

*This girl is seriously sitting next to me right now as I type this...

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

wow.
I dont know why, I actually feel sorry and sad for this girl.
Normally I would be pretty angry coz what she's doing is actually kind of dumb.

But yeah It's actually true that if you confess you're showing signs of desperate.
But To guys, I don't think it's much of a big deal. I mean, we don't really think about it.

Unlike girls, if a guy confessed, she'll probably leave him alone..

Well I don't know... coz it's kind of rare for girls to confess, but I'd say it shouldn't be a big deal.

so just told her to not worry

[rachilde]

Awww...that's such a cute story! Frankly, there will be many men in a girl's life and many opportunities to meet many men. Just because you dropped the ball with one guy doesn't mean your love life is doomed. I think the guy probably thinks she's really cute and adorable--not necessarily desperate, though perhaps innocent and naive. I know my boyfriend would be completely tickled if something like that happened to him. Guys are just as happy when they find out a girl likes him--even if that girl isn't someone he personally likes romantically--it's really a flattery situation.

As for my personal preferences: I wouldn't have confessed after knowing he had a girlfriend because I wouldn't want his girlfriend to view me as competition. I don't like to waste time competing over a guy unless I absolutely know he's worth everything; but visiting each other in a store doesn't really sound like much of anything--so I wouldn't announce myself as having affections for the guy to begin with. At the same time, if I went ahead and told him everything already, I would just lay low for a while and let the situation blow over. If he comes to me, I'll just tell it like it is: I feel embarrassed. Seriously, I think a lot of guys appreciate sincerity. So many people on this forum seem obsessed with projecting an image that is untrue to their person in hopes of appearing cool or suave. For me, if I feel embarrassed, I'll go ahead and admit it. There's no shame in having real emotions and reactions.

[ShadowMax76]

a cute memory to laugh back at. nothing more.

and it's probably the best way to tie loose ends . to tell him . i feel.


move on. :]

_ and girls. for YOUR sake, TELL US if you like us. ==' but meh . that's just blurting the first thing

[Inspector]

Thanks for the replies.

And yeah, I was telling her how he probably thinks she cute and funny. But the girl gone through some things with her past realtionships so she freaks out about everything. Now shes calling her sisters, and friends and telling them the situation, and they all think shes crazy for doing that. She been looking a little down, and I want her to be able to talk to me, but I'm not that kind of guy... I'm not too good at cheering people up or talking to about problems. Thats why I was so surprised when she came to me with this.

[Flicksityy]

I wouldn't confess if I was in her situation, I'll feel more like a home wrecker telling him that I'm open whenever he breaks up with his girlfriend.

And well, as a girl I have this pride thing in which I find it low to confess to a guy. It's not the case for all girls, but I guess the ones that watch too many dramas and have too much self pride? ROFL.

[영원한 사랑]

I think guys should confess to girls cuz it works out better. Girls confessing to guys seem to go wrong alot of the times. I confessed to the guy I like through a friend....well i think he knows now that I like him and now he seems to avoid me whenever we are near each other. We never really talked, but it seems like when we get near each other, he acts like I don't exist or he doesn't give a crap. Yeah I'm never confessing to a guy again. gonna wait for them to come to me.....

[Inspector]

I wouldn't confess if I was in her situation, I'll feel more like a home wrecker telling him that I'm open whenever he breaks up with his girlfriend.

Well the REASON she confessed was because she knew he had a gf, and she told him something like..."I had a big crush on you, but I didnt know you had a gf... and I dont want you to feel awkward and feel as though you should avoid me." So she told him so that he wont think shes trying to be the third wheel. I seriously dont know why girls think so much like this.

And well, as a girl I have this pride thing in which I find it low to confess to a guy. It's not the case for all girls, but I guess the ones that watch too many dramas and have too much self pride? ROFL.

Self pride? I don't think thats what you call it. I think its more of insecurity and not wanting to be embarassed. Guys don't like being rejected as much as girls do, but a lot of girls think guys should do everything. How would it be low for a girl to confess to a guy? I'm curious, I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything.

[Malice X Innocence]

My simple VERY simple reply:...... "Sorry I'm taken"

or my other reply : " *chuckles a bit* Sorry to burst your bubble but i'm already in love... though there's lots of Apples in the tree just pick one out and leave me alone kthxbai"

[Flicksityy]

Well the REASON she confessed was because she knew he had a gf, and she told him something like..."I had a big crush on you, but I didnt know you had a gf... and I dont want you to feel awkward and feel as though you should avoid me." So she told him so that he wont think shes trying to be the third wheel. I seriously dont know why girls think so much like this.



Self pride? I don't think thats what you call it. I think its more of insecurity and not wanting to be embarassed. Guys don't like being rejected as much as girls do, but a lot of girls think guys should do everything. How would it be low for a girl to confess to a guy? I'm curious, I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but why would you confess to him that you use to like him when it's the past? Things should be put and left behind, and some things are better off unsaid. After telling him that you had a crush on the guy, wouldn't that make things even more awkward? After all instead of such a flirty approach, the guy is aware that she use to or even still like him. That's even more awkward in my opinion. The flirty approaches can stop, whereas him knowing that she use to like him wouldn't just brush off until he has amnesia.


Just admit it, you're not a girl. Insecurities or whatever don't really concern most of us. It just looks desperate as girls, for many of us believe it's a guys job. While guys like being confessed towards, we girls do too. And with the stereotypes or whatever going around that a guy is more dominant, that they should take the first step, a lot of girls like me are influenced by such matter as we age. Guys have the pride of being approached towards, we girls do to. It's a girl thing where we see girls who approach guys aren't willing to wait for the guy to approach them instead, as if they are desperate to get the guy to notice them.

Like said, not all girls think like this.

[forgottenmemories]

Wow. Major props to your cousin. Unfortunately, I will never have the guts to do what your cousin did! So tell her to be proud of herself and not be embarassed about it. It takes a lot to confess to someone that you like, even though he has a girlfriend.

[miss_lion]

What you're cousin did is a big deal, I think, for girls. Most girls I know do not confess because they don't have the guts or maybe because of self pride. Either way, I still think what your cousin did is pretty awesome.

Tell your cousin to move on. It's not her fault that she did not know the guy has a girlfriend. ^^ There are lots of fishes in the sea, as they say.

As for your question, I would have done the same. I mean the confessing part, but I won't flirt. =] I have confessed to almost every guy I liked. Most of the time, if they don't like me, we become really close friends. I mean..it's just liking. It's not like you're in love with the guy or anything. =]

[Inspector]

Flicksitty- Well I'm not trying to say what she did was right, I was just telling you her intentions of confessing. And I admit...I'm not a girl. I would rather me chase a girl, then the other way around. We guys like to chase girls. And we don't have a pride thing about approaching girls and wanting to be approached. We don't mind to approach girls. All I'm saying is that I don't think girls should think that confessing or making a first move is low. Trust me, if you want to play in the gender roles, we guys would be happy to play along. We actually like that.

[Flicksityy]

Flicksitty- Well I'm not trying to say what she did was right, I was just telling you her intentions of confessing. And I admit...I'm not a girl. I would rather me chase a girl, then the other way around. We guys like to chase girls. And we don't have a pride thing about approaching girls and wanting to be approached. We don't mind to approach girls. All I'm saying is that I don't think girls should think that confessing or making a first move is low. Trust me, if you want to play in the gender roles, we guys would be happy to play along. We actually like that.

I never said what she did was wrong did I?
I just expressed my opinion --"
Every girl thinks differently, what I said was just a generalization.
In your case the girl did a personal honest approach, fair enough.

Well say the low thing to millions of women. That's what most women think, it's really a matter of stereotyping really.

[Inspector]

I didn't say you said that she was wrong. I didn't want to spark something when I asked the question, and I defintely didnt want to start a argument, because then I would just talk to my girlfriend. lols jk. No hard feelings.

[luckie_r4bbit]

I am in the same situation. There are times I contemplate of just telling him my true feelings and see what he says. But I am too shy to actually do that.

My friend told me his story of how someone confess to him while he has a girlfriend which propel their break-up. But he says that he didn't regret anything because it was a good thing at the end.

I told him my situation. He told me to just be friends with him and wait. I'm following his advice, and plus I don't want to be a home wrecker. But there is times when I kinda flirt with him cause I can't help it. I heard that you shouldn't confess to someone but show them. For instance, I brought him hot chocolate during a really cold night.

But I think it is good that your cousin confess and let it out in the open. But the way he responded was kinda mean. Just see what he does now and go from there. If she likes him, she would still want to be friends with him. Hopefully this helps. =)

[shudder_V]

I think guys should confess to girls cuz it works out better. Girls confessing to guys seem to go wrong alot of the times. I confessed to the guy I like through a friend....well i think he knows now that I like him and now he seems to avoid me whenever we are near each other. We never really talked, but it seems like when we get near each other, he acts like I don't exist or he doesn't give a crap. Yeah I'm never confessing to a guy again. gonna wait for them to come to me.....

are you kidding me? what you wrote was a joke right?

it doesn't work better and girls SHOULDN'T EXPECT the guy to make the first move or ask them out, cause they think it'll be awkward for them to ask the guy? LET ME TELL YOU THIS; it's equally as awkward when a guy confesses to a girl, it doesn't "work out better" it's just more guys are MADE to confess cause girls automatically accepts that fact, just like some girls expect's the guy to pay for everything...

if all girls think like that, their might be a lot of single girls out there...guys are equally as shy when it comes to this stuff, however their are obviously exceptions here and there. I'm also sure these are probably the girls that complain about not getting a guy or how they're single and what-not. if you like the guy, CONFESS TO HIM; DON'T WAIT AND MISS YOUR BOAT

Bottom Line: If you like him, confess! Don't wait and hope one day he actually confesses, that day might take FOREVER. It's awkward for both sexes so don't automatically assume it's better for the guy to confess cause you can be the one avoiding the awkwardness and doing the rejecting..

What you're cousin did is a big deal, I think, for girls. Most girls I know do not confess because they don't have the guts or maybe because of self pride. Either way, I still think what your cousin did is pretty awesome.

Tell your cousin to move on. It's not her fault that she did not know the guy has a girlfriend. ^^ There are lots of fishes in the sea, as they say.

As for your question, I would have done the same. I mean the confessing part, but I won't flirt. =] I have confessed to almost every guy I liked. Most of the time, if they don't like me, we become really close friends. I mean..it's just liking. It's not like you're in love with the guy or anything. =]

Yeah, your cousin did a great job in confessing, if I had just a slight interest in a girl and she confessed to me, then i'd probably give her a chance or actually think about it as opposed to, if she just waits for me to some-how fall in love with her out of the blue..cause that isn't going to happen..

[twinkle_l0ve]

I've always had this traditional mindset that guys should make the first move, but then it made me think about how the girl also should have the courage to express her feelings too
I guess times are changing
props to your cousin for confessing - she's got balls

[xrockstar]

Girls, so if you were in this situation, would you confess? what would you do?
I confessed once, well my friend did it for me because I got crazy scared. And the next day he found out who I was.

[LunaDiviner]

In a rational state of mind I don't think I would. But if I got all emotionally worked up and it led to that topic who knows what I'd blurt out. xD