[mz simmonz]

I felt like my social life took a huuuuge nosedive around late last year and it's been going up and down all this past year. I guess the biggest contributing factor is graduating college...I'm still not used to it, since I lived an active sorority life, was roadtripping every weekend, partying, socialzing, etc and kept in touch with most of my high school friends whenever I could.

I'm one of the only single girls out of all my close girl friends so that already makes me feel kind of loserish. I don't mind being single but it's no fun when it feels like you're the only one..when they can't come out because they're on a date with their boyfriends..what am I supposed to do, hang out with my guy friends all the time? It's just not the same =T and, on top of that, a lot of my friends drifted a part from each other and they've told me that I'm the only common factor between them and if it wasn't for my random reunion/get togethers they would never bother hanging out w. each other. And my old friends and my new friends are indifferent towards each other so I feel like I'm ping-ponging btwn different groups every week. I don't know if this is just natural, people drifting a part so quickly or if the problem is me. It just feels so strange having all these friends and yet still feel this lonely. I try to do things I enjoy by myself so I can have my own life but I can only take being alone for so long..and I do think part of the problem is something inside me. Even when I'm hanging out with friends, I'm not happy or having as much fun as I used to. I don't feel carefree and on top of the world like I did a few years back. Is this normal post-grad socialization? How long is it going to last?

[Prot]

Well I can say one thing for sure that a lot of the activities that were fun a few years back aren't as great as they were before because it isn't fresh and isn't new like it was before. As for friends, I know what you're talking about and I think it is a matter of sorting out who really is your friend and who are the people that are just acquaintances. I personally think it is whoever you can sit and talk to for the entire day, that is truely your friend and that is someone you can open up to and not feel lonely. It aint about the amount of people you know or how long you know them, or the things you do, but if you can connect with them.

The way you phrased it seems like you are deeming hang outs a chore, which it shouldn't be. I usually am the one that organizes hangouts between me and some of my friends who go to different universities simply because everyone else is lazy to do it and because I know everyone wants to hang out but doesn't want to go through the hassle of organizing it. I think that it will definately get worse when we all graduate as everyone has their own goals in life and time conflicts but friends will put their effort to make certain dates free.

[lilyrose]

Is this normal post-grad socialization? How long is it going to last?

Pretty much. Social life is very different after college or grad school life. It will get worse from here out as people you know get married and have children and get busy with bills and mortgage and life. Find joy in your work and get used to socializing occasionally.

That's life.

[terrorist]

Welcome to the real world.

It's obvious you just miss the old lifestyle, partying and being wild.
But isn't it time to move on and start really thinking about your future?
You graduated college, it's time to start a career, thinking about having a family.

I'm not saying you can't party anymore, but as people get older, time for fun is really hard to find.
You're not a loser, your friends are busy, spending time with their mates.
This is normal, but abnormal for you.. since you haven't exactly adjusted to the new lifestyle.

If you don't like the career or family oriented lifestyle, i suggest you go to college again and join a sorority again.
I'm very sure everything will get back the way it used to be.

But if you choose to move on, and become mature.
It's going to be a little bit lonely.. but not too lonely..

For instance, observe the old people.
Their lifestyle is working daytime... coming home in the evening to spend time with their family and enjoying themselves.
on a weekend,If you're 50 and male, you'll probably go to the local park like another other old people and play chess with each other.

Do you think 50 year old people would like to go to bars and party?
Prob, some may.
But most moved on from that lifestyle.

It's just adapting to your age.
I'm 20, i should be partying..
but for some reason.. i want a family and a career.
but thats probably because i've grown up in a poor family( just me and my mom) and i want some money.

[switchlanez]

And my old friends and my new friends are indifferent towards each other so I feel like I'm ping-ponging btwn different groups every week.

Same here. Some just don't "click" and keeping them separate saves drama.


But I'm in a similar situation to yours. I graduated late last year and moved to a COMPLETELY new area (family is far away, only knew a handful of people from college) so I've had to meet new people. It's fun when it's still fresh and new but after a while people tend to drift away and very few hang on in the long term. Sometimes I blame myself for not making it last but I've come to realize that I shouldn't have to try so hard. Meaningful relationships have a way of coming out to prove themselves. Once in a while I'll say hi to those who have drifted so they don't drift completely away. But it's also good to not demand so much attention from friends because they have their own things to worry about. I can't expect everyone to maintain the same level of friendship with me all the time.

Like you, I was so accustomed to social activity from college. And now post-college, I'm finding my social demands are uhh... overinflated (?) compared to the current supply available to me. So I've had to adjust. Since summer I've been finding new activities to keep myself busy. Things I always wanted to do since I was a kid but didn't have the green to do so, like ride a motorcycle. Sometimes through these activities I make new friends or give existing friends more reasons to hang out.

Like others mentioned, it's a matter of adjusting to your new life. The best thing I can suggest is to keep yourself busy so your mind doesn't wander off worrying about such things.

[derrek]

As you grow up you'll realize you lose friends, navigate circles, make new friends, and might even meet up with someone you didn't like originally and now enjoy. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I found myself ready to leave all my old friends about a year ago... I still consider them friends, but we've all changed and now I look for something different in a friend. I dunno, its just life, people change, things come and go...

[je_amourx]

I'm feeling this nosedive as well but I'm not even a graduate! Still in college, how pathetic. However, I do find socializing at work is great.

At the end of the day, I find that it's not the quantity of friends that are important but the quality in the few friends that makes life simpler and nicer .... (if that make sense)

[nanis_alldaway]

I'm feeling this nosedive as well but I'm not even a graduate! Still in college, how pathetic.

In this case - IM MORE pathetic. In not even in college and my social life took a dive. I couldn't afford college anymore; due to OTHER responsibilities... So most of the friends i had are still in school and have numerous things to talk about while all I can say is "oh, really - thats cool"
Of coarse we drifted. Now I have one friend left (she has a family and is much older) So we don't have many social events either. I feel like Im missing out on going places and hanging out but I'd be doing them by myself??? How do I make friends when most of the people around me don't have anything in common?

[PaNgIeE]

We all go thru phases and right now you're probably in one. I'm sure in time you'll bond with other people and form new friendships and experience new things. Sometimes you have to go through all that crappy stuff to get to something. I don't know what else to say. Don't feel bum. We all love you on here.

Anyway, you do what you have to do, even if you're the only one left. Remember, there are a lot of people out there. Go out and explore, meet new people, mingle, and have a good time. We all change. Life changes. We have to go with the punches as they say. Good luck!

[milk-o]

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.

You gotta take a lot of sacrifices once you step out to take a career-induced life. Heck, I'm probably younger than you (I'm only 22) but I already took that road when I was 20 (blame high IQ and accelerated studies). I missed the old life, but I don't regret being in the path I chose, OR I would hate everything that I've become because when I took the step towards adulthood, it simply means I'm taking responsibility for myself and for my actions. When we were young, we let other people mold us, or rather, prepare us for this stage... Shouldn't you feel that it's your turn to mold yourself as the person you're intended to be? Why look back now when obviously you're just starting to move forward?


milk-o

[jurassic5]

As you grow up you'll realize you lose friends, navigate circles, make new friends, and might even meet up with someone you didn't like originally and now enjoy.

thank God for facebook keeping me in touch with all my friends from high school, college, Yonsei, Korea etc etc.

just got back from meeting up with a group of friends that met while we were all "studying" at Yonsei. we only see each other at weddings and other things so we only see each other maybe once or twice a year.

as for a lot of my friends, they live around the US, so it's hard to even go out and get a drink or two, or three or four these days. so now i just go to work, come home, we eat dinner, watch tv, then sleep. it sounds boring...but you begin to enjoy it.

[Pogichinoy]

I don't mind being single but it's no fun when it feels like you're the only one..when they can't come out because they're on a date with their boyfriends..what am I supposed to do, hang out with my guy friends all the time? It's just not the same =T and, on top of that, a lot of my friends drifted a part from each other and they've told me that I'm the only common factor between them and if it wasn't for my random reunion/get togethers they would never bother hanging out w. each other.

And my old friends and my new friends are indifferent towards each other so I feel like I'm ping-ponging btwn different groups every week. I don't know if this is just natural, people drifting a part so quickly or if the problem is me. It just feels so strange having all these friends and yet still feel this lonely. I try to do things I enjoy by myself so I can have my own life but I can only take being alone for so long..and I do think part of the problem is something inside me. Even when I'm hanging out with friends, I'm not happy or having as much fun as I used to. I don't feel carefree and on top of the world like I did a few years back. Is this normal post-grad socialization? How long is it going to last?

I completely understand how you feel. There were times where most of my highschool friends/uni friends had partners and had less time for me. We still hung out, even with their partners and it was great. Maybe what your friends need to do is to do group activities with you. They don't always have to be on an one-on-one outing with their partner.

Sorry to say but it appears that you're the straw that stirs the drink amongst your circle of friends. They should have some drive to meet up with your circle of friends because they are that, friends.

From experience, I wouldn't advise you to mix old friends and new friends, this also applies with friends from highschool with friends from college/uni or with friends from a hobby. Why? Because your different friend groups will compare themselves with others and I'm a better friend than mz simmonz's other friends. Ping pong between your friends, spend a weekend with one group and another with the others.

What makes you feel care free? Are there any responsibilities tieing you down?

[aznboi1107]

seems more like you didn't fulfill your social goals earlier in life, start now cause it's better late then never.

[redzone85]

I envy people who still keep in touch with their high school buddies.

I virtually lost all contact with people from high school, except church friends who i grew up with. I am also losing friends from uni now, havent talked them pretty much since i finished. Im not so socially active, i like to sit in fornt of my pc with a beer in one hand and play poker or surf the internet.

[twinky81]

..a broken record, that's what I'm going to sound like.
My social life took a dive when I left college to take a break from school. Like the poster above me, I sometimes find myself in front of the PC (like right now) with a beer and a pack of smokes.

My social life has become an enigma as I get older. I'm a full-blooded Korean raised in Arkansas living in Texas. I have no exposure to other Koreans other than my family. I speak Konglish, and love Korean food. I'm often outcasted by other Koreans (most notably by FOBs). I stick out like a sore thumb whenever I go to my Grandparent's Korean Church in Fullerton for Christmas. I want to meet/marry a Korean woman, but how do I accomplish this when I can't even seem to meet one?

I digress.

I believe that we are in control of our social lives, duh! We can only live for ourselves right? I don't mind being a home-body some nights. I'm back in school finishing my BS so it works out for me anyway. I think it's a maturity/growing up part of your life. I don't really even have the desire to go out to clubs or bars any more. Sure, I'll go if some of my good friends are inviting me, but otherwise, I'd rather stay at home with a good movie and a beer.

Don't feel bad, you're not alone. Too much self-reflection is a bad thing.

Do what makes YOU happy.

[hangook/korea]

Pretty much. Social life is very different after college or grad school life. It will get worse from here out as people you know get married and have children and get busy with bills and mortgage and life. Find joy in your work and get used to socializing occasionally.

That's life.

That's not true. It all depends on who you are and what you make of your social life.

I think what makes things different after graduation is the lack of an easy outlet to meet people. School is an easy place to meet people.
Also, even in a close group of friends, differences in success can lead to problems. You may make the most money and make your other friends jealous. Everybody else may have SOs or are getting married and you're the only single one. Everybody grows up thinking they're going to be making millions and end up dating movie stars and models. But not everybody lives that life and you may have to come to terms with not being able to date the hottest guy or not having a Ferrari by 30. Another thing is that work is tiring. Me and my friends sometimes are just too tired to do anything. I had one friend fall asleep on the floor while folding laundry. I've had friends fall asleep on me while on the phone. I've done the same.

That carefree feeling can disappear once you graduate- there is a big amount of responsibility now. Job, taxes, paying bills, 401Ks, no more summer vacation, no more spring breaks, you are now an adult. It's easy to fall into a routine and forget to enjoy life.

For me, it's important to keep an open mind, be good with time management, and enjoy life. Find happiness in the everyday things and go with life. There will be good times and bad times. Also, things change. Just because you're not up all night drinking doesn't mean you're a loser.

[brighteyes]

i've heard it's normal for your social life to dwindle after you graduate, and it seems logical enough (less time for friends, less people your age around you, etc). i think you'll just have to adapt to it the best way you can. if the lack of social life is so dissatisfying that it drives you insane, then it's probably time to make new friends. or you can learn to be happy with time by yourself... and perhaps start trying out new things.

i was such a loser in college that my social life improved quite a bit after i started work, but i had to be really active about it and start getting in touch with people and maintain relationships, instead of letting them die out. it's kind of hard for me because i feel like it drains a lot of my energy, but i think people need at least some form of socialization from time to time. but i also really value time alone, and i guess i'm lucky in that i can entertain myself quite easily. ultimately you need to balance time with others and time by yourself, because you need both and it's impossible to have just one and be happy.

[Sooshii]

The same thing happened to me. I don't think it's uncommon for friends to grow apart after graduation. They say that after high school {or I suppose college too}, you'll realize who your real friends are because they'll either still stay in contact with you after school or won't.
Like the person above me said, it's logical that after school people drift apart due to work or moving.

Personally, my group of friends is quite small. I like it, because we're close and know each other well, but at the same time, I get sort of depressed about it and wish I had more friends.

The same thing happened to me. I don't think it's uncommon for friends to grow apart after graduation. They say that after high school {or I suppose college too}, you'll realize who your real friends are because they'll either still stay in contact with you after school or won't.
Like the person above me said, it's logical that after school people drift apart due to work or moving.

Personally, my group of friends is quite small. I like it, because we're close and know each other well, but at the same time, I get sort of depressed about it and wish I had more friends.

The same thing happened to me. I don't think it's uncommon for friends to grow apart after graduation. They say that after high school {or I suppose college too}, you'll realize who your real friends are because they'll either still stay in contact with you after school or won't.
Like the person above me said, it's logical that after school people drift apart due to work or moving.

Personally, my group of friends is quite small. I like it, because we're close and know each other well, but at the same time, I get sort of depressed about it and wish I had more friends.

[cutegit]

omg i feel that my friend and i should hang around this thread XD

i'm a 4th year college student and i still have a year to go since im taking double majors... everything was fine last year but then everything started being different this year... things just dont seem fun anymore? and i dont feel like hanging out with friends too... and i just started to not care about school... and the thing about high school friends is that everyone's graduating already - except us. it seems like so many people are leaving.

but the weird thing is i'm still close with my high school buddies but i never had that same closeness with my college friends... i dont know why.. it's just different.... my friedn's experiencing the opposite... she and ehr HS friends are drifting apart and it makes her sad... but then she gained real friends in college (which i think i didnt >.<) so i think it's all good...

i dont even know what i'm saying @.@ i've been thinking too much these apst few months... maybe it's the sign that i'm really growing old i dont think i'm ready for the real world yet T.T

[naoto]

Im glad I was able to read these posts guys. I thought something was wrong with me, why friendships with high school friends werent the same anymore. I guess it is time to just accept it.