[derrek]

Some people are so insecure they become skeptical of help.

Person A drops their groceries, you help them pick their bags up and smile at them. They appreciate this. It even makes their day!

Person B drops their groceries, you help them pick their bags up and they insist that they can do it themselves. What, do you think they're weak? Are you trying to steal their wallet? They don't need your help. And why are you smiling at them? Are you retarded?

Needless to say, while you have a soft spot in your heart for helping everyone (even the stubborn Person B!), eventually they begin to wear on you. You can do the exact same helpful gesture that makes one persons day, and it will infuriate and insult another person. So what do you end up doing? Well, you can't go on trying to help the unwilling. I understand continuing selflessly to help everyone without being insulted and dragged down by Person B would be ideal, it's just not realistic. So usually just end up keeping to yourself. You don't know who's going to react how on any given day, so eventually it seemingly becomes less and less worth it.

And if there's actually a particular Person B that struggles a lot, but is unwilling to accept help, to not waste your time trying. In fact, listening to the constant struggles is only effecting you negatively, so do you stop communication with this person?

So I guess the ideal is to only reach out to the people that are requesting help or will definitely appreciate it. Not to be a super hero of any type, aiming to help everyone, but only to those that are open to your help. Everyone just looking to find their balance.

Does this seem like a fair stance? What do you think?

[Prot]

I have no idea what you are trying to say. This is what I'm getting: Do you help people whether they want it or not? I would say yes. If it isn't something that is too much effort, why not help someone? If they say they do not need your help, then don't help them.

People sometimes do not help others because they think someone else will do it. That is called the bystander effect. Another instance is people simply not helping because they are afraid of the social judgement that may be given if the help is misinterpreted.

[derrek]

No, it's just something to think about. The question was more "Where do you draw the line when it comes to helping people?".

[Prot]

No, it's just something to think about. The question was more "Where do you draw the line when it comes to helping people?".

If the effort is too much for the "amount of help" actually being given.

[HERMIT]

I'd help you out in answering this, but right now I just don't feel like it.

[derrek]

haha!! Thanks anyway Hermit!

I apologize if I was unclear Proto.

[chinkboye22]

umm it depends if its worth it or not,
if it is to help ppl who don't want it or appreciate it than screw them, no need for sympathy for them unless its something very big like life threatening, starvation, or something along the lines of that, I would help them but if its just a little thing screw them and move on

if they don't care about me, why should i care for them???like i said ONLY if its something big then i would make an exception, if its something little like opening the door for a person and they are a pinkberry about it then f them and move on; both of yall are just living your own lives

but some people misfortunes are their own doings, and they don't deserve ne help b/c they need to learn a lesson from experience and life, of course there are always exceptions

[Raito!]

hmm i dont want to help ppl unless they force me too =__=;; i guess thats where i draw the line bw helping and not helping.

unless they reward me handsomely =) whether the reward is a date or monetary based xD

[erure]

Generally I don't help people unless they look like they seriously need it. Like your post, I've had a different attitude about helping but it seemed that I was helping too much and other people wanted to be left alone, so I've toned it down

[motheritried]

I'll help someone if it looks like they need help. It makes me feel good when people help me out and when I help others. The other day, I lost my balance on the bus and stepped on this girl's foot while I was falling back and she caught me! She asked me if I was ok and it made me smile and think what a nice kid she was.

[Tuxedomask]

I know what you mean man.

During Christmas time in Toronto I always go down and buy homeless people food. Every weekend I'd bring like $50 with me and buy Mcdonalds (haha) for the homeless and just walk by and hand it to them.

One weekend something happened that changed my outlook I was feeling extra generous and walked by a Subway and happened to notice a homeless person sitting in front. So I walked up to him and asked him if he was hungry, he said he was so I walked into subway. GOT HIM A FOOTLONG Chicken Brest with everything on it and walked it out to him. You know what he said.

"I don't want that, I'm not hungry but I could use $10. You got $10 buddy?"

I was pissed off. I sat there and ate that thing in front of him.

Anyways got carried away. But yeah. Don't let one person get you down. Keep helping it makes you feel good

[megs]

my first instinct is to help. so i do. if they seem weary.. i can only think that someone was a jack@ss to them in the past. so i respect their boundaries. i think it'll be a sad world when people stop being kind and helpful. that's why i try and keep to this mentality. help, and if they don't want it.. respect them and back the hell away. lol

[derrek]

Thanks for your responses everybody. I was interested to hear where you drew the line. I'm still trying to find my balance, and I may never... which is fine. But I will continue to help people regardless...

I love you all!

[7thprincess]

I will help people. I like helping people. Why? Because if I needed help I would want someone to offer their assistance. That is why I do it. Maybe it is because I am naive. I really think there is still good people out there. I really think there is still people who do good things, even simple ones, just because its the right thing to do.

Where do you guys live?! Because where I am from, people are nice.

[derrek]

Ok Princess, but where do you draw the line? Who do you help and who do you let learn on their own? What makes you decide?

[7thprincess]

Ok Princess, but where do you draw the line? Who do you help and who do you let learn on their own? What makes you decide?

I draw the line......ok I admit it. I am pretty judgemental. If you look crazy, I'm gonna run the other way!!!!! And sadly, sometimes, it is the "crazy" ones that need the most help. Oh man. I feel kinda bad....

[derrek]

haha see! It's not so black and white, it's all very gray!

[dokkaebi]

That's a toughie. I wonder that myself, especially when it comes to folks in wheelchairs. I hate watching 'em struggle, but I also don't want to be that supercilious turd that assumes that just 'cause a person can't walk, they need to be babied. And I know people whose pet peeve is when someone offers to help them with heavy lifting.

I can see how getting bad reactions from people you'd just like to help can wear you down. But I've also had days that have been salvaged entirely by a random kind gesture from a stranger. I guess it just depends on whether you're willing to let a handful of nasty people turn you into the same self-involved automatons they probably are, or if you'd rather just soldier on in the Good Samaritan business--overworked, underpaid, but with some pretty nifty benefits.

[PaNgIeE]

To draw the line on helping people? Hrm...well, I don't know. I'd help whoever I can and if I can't then I can't. I'd like to think that if I help someone then in return they help me too. I believe in karma, but then again not everyone is as willing to accept or offer help. I really don't know when to draw the line, but when it comes to where I feel an person is taking advantage of my time and kindness then that's where I feel that helping them is not necessary.

[coreancc]

I know exactly what you're talking about. The reality is, each of us is finite - we can't help everyone, so we are forced to make these sorts of decisions. I think learning where to draw the line is a life long process, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But over the years I'm learning that it differs in different situations. For example, if it were my own daughter who needed help but was unappreciative... well, I'd keep helping her anyway - for as long as it was actually doing her good (and by good, I don't mean enabling, haha, but actually allowing her to grow as a person). I wouldn't persevere so long with a stranger, however.
I can share with you what one man shared with me years ago. This man used to be a youth minister at a church. He worked with teens, and in this church there was a core group of teens that were healthy and growing. They cared, and wanted to help others themselves. Then, there were the other teens, who didn't really want to be there (their parents forced them to go), and seemed to be always struggling with problems in their lives. He figured the healthy teens were doing fine on their own, so this youth pastor poured his life into the needy ones, trying to do everything he could to help them overcome their problems and start to grow. He tried to get them to care, but despite all his best efforts, they remained apathetic, cold, skeptical, and unappreciative. One day, the core group came to him and said, "look, we want to grow, we want to help others, we want to make a difference - but we are still young and inexperienced and could really use a mentor. You've left us to ourselves, and we are progressing at a snails pace, it seems... with your help, we could thrive." So, this man decided to drop the needy ones and instead focus his energies on the ones who cared. In no time, he was seeing amazing results, and it wasn't long before those growing teens began to reach out to the apathetic teens and make a real difference in their lives. They were able to accomplish with their peers what he was never able to accomplish on his own. So, in his own life, he draws the line at those who care, because his efforts would produce a real return on investment that ultimately touched the lives of the needy anyway. I'm not sure if this is right for everyone or every situation, but it works for him.