[새라짱]

This is a really personal and painful story but since I'm anonymous here, I'm just going to tell it like it is so I can get some real advice, without being judged.

***Here's the backstory:

I went out with this guy, who I'll call Chris. We had a really great relationship in the beginning but basically, to make a long story short, he ended up being verbally and physically abusive. He was the most jealous guy ever, and one time he made me literally beg him for forgiveness because of something he thought I did. I thought I loved him but I was also terrified of him.

Anyway, about 6 months into that relationship, I met this other guy, who I'll call Daniel. He and I had a little thing going on, but I didn't tell him that I was still involved with Chris cause I didn't want to scare him off. At that point I was also planning on leaving Chris, so I didn't think it would be a good idea to tell Daniel.

Daniel and I ended up having sex. We became a "real couple" and though I was still with Chris, I didn't tell Daniel. I was really going to break up with Chris but for some reason, I just chickened out and I didn't. So I was living a double life pretty much.

Unfortunately, after about 3 months of dating Daniel, Chris found out about him and we had a huge fight. He hit me and threw things at me and that day, I broke up with him for sure and I moved in with Daniel.

***And this is what is happening now:

Daniel and I were fine, and he never knew what happened between me and Chris. But last week, Daniel confronted me and told me that Chris called him and told him EVERYthing, including the dates and times when I was dating both of them at the same time. And Daniel was totally pissed, naturally.

All during this time, people have been talking so much crap about me, calling me a sl-t and wh-re, and Chris started talking about me too, telling everyone about personal details and stuff.



I know that what I did was wrong, but I wish people would understand that I felt literally trapped by Chris sometimes. I dated him for over a year and a half and he controlled me and hit me and made me feel so worthless. Then I finally met someone who was kind to me and treated me with respect, but I didn't have the courage to do the right thing and break up with Chris cause I was too afraid of what might happen.
My cousin, who I trust the most out of anyone in the world, told me I should forget about both of them and move on, but I don't know. I want to stay with Daniel but I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. He was so good to me and told me he was in love with me and things like, and I loved him too, but he probably wouldn't believe me if I told him. He told me he totally lost respect for me and can't trust me anymore.

What should I do? Was I that wrong to do what I did? Should I take my cousin's advice? Or should I work to gain Daniel's trust back?

And a lot of people are saying how I deserve to be talked about cause of what I did and now I'm really feeling like I do deserve it... I'm so depressed these days and I don't go out or do anything except stay inside and study.. Any advice??


*EDIT*
UPDATED on the last page! THanks

[derrek]

You should just be honest too. Tell him (Daniel) you realize it's no excuse, but you were afraid to break up with Chris because of what he might do to you. And that your feelings for him are real.

[7thprincess]

Honey, the only thing you did not deserve was an abusive bubble gum boyfriend. I agree with derrek, you should tell Daniel the truth, and if he doesn't accept it or believe it, it is his loss.
And if you still have any scars or marks from Chris, take pictures, and if he bothers you or stalks you, press charges. I would also recommend to not go anywhere by yourself, just for your safety.

[BBL0V3x33]

ohmahgah =[
this story is so sadd..

i think you should tell daniel the truth and say you were trapped in chris
he should trust and believe you. if he dosent then maybe he's not worth it.
as for the people who call him sl-t and wh-re tell them to shutup when they dont even know the real side of the story.

GOOD LUCK

[babybuggyY2K]

slut do for fun with anyone and possibly everyone. there are rumors because there is jealousy and some people have no life. when people talked poop about that to me all i could do was prove it with time. as long as you stick to one guy they will stop talking about you in half a year or so. and when guys act interested in you, ignore them -that would be saying 'i'm not that easy. i have class.i choose and pick who i want to talk to' ... these are the times where you cant be nice to everyone. people that talk crap about you ... act like distance friends to them . it kinda shows them that you know they've been talking crap about you and some may even feel guilty because even though you know ... you're not gonna make it hard onthem by confronting them about it.. or some people you dont know that is also talking crap you can just totally ignore them.

i say you explain to daniel about chris being abusive and that you dont love him(situation). also tell him you were terrified of him. and tell him what people say out there you dont care. as long as your own boyfriend is on your side .. thats what's most important to you.

good luck

[Angxizzle]

no one deserves to have a boyfriend like that guy "chris" yes it was kinda messed up what you did but i understand where your coming from,
i think you should talk to daniel like derrek said and hope for the best. if it doesnt work out then try to move on, hope it works out for you tho.

[KareBear]

Not telling Daniel was wrong, sorry. But overall, you still DON"T deserve being called slut/rainbow. People who follow along with Chris's actions are not worth paying attention to. It just shows that they're that self-conscious about themselves that they need to put other people down in order to feel better about themselves.
You should talk to Daniel. Right now, he only knows what Chris has told him. Tell him how you felt during your relationship with Chris, and why you kept it a secret from him. If he believes you then that's great. But if he doesn't- take your cousin's advice and just move on.

[terrorist]

you're just immature, taking matters very immaturely.
i suggest you leave both of them, saving each others pain.

[Screen Name]

Well, nothing is gonna go the way you want it to be anymore.
If you cheated on Chris and had sex with him too, than you're obviously a sl-t.

[새라짱]

Not telling Daniel was wrong, sorry. But overall, you still DON"T deserve being called slut/rainbow. People who follow along with Chris's actions are not worth paying attention to. It just shows that they're that self-conscious about themselves that they need to put other people down in order to feel better about themselves.
You should talk to Daniel. Right now, he only knows what Chris has told him. Tell him how you felt during your relationship with Chris, and why you kept it a secret from him. If he believes you then that's great. But if he doesn't- take your cousin's advice and just move on.

I tried to tell him my side, but he was just like, "I can't talk to you right now" and we never really got to talk. I really want to tell him, but I feel like he wouldn't care anyway.

People are talking about me so badly right now you don't even know, but I have no excuse or defense, cause I know what I did was bad. And no one would even believe me about how Chris treated me cause everyone thinks that I am the slut and Chris and Daniel are the victims, who both got played, which is sort of true.

I feel so stuck.

[prisonerzero]

I think if you would have told Daniel what was going on, there'd be a little more understanding.

- - Yehro

[Screen Name]

People are talking about me so badly right now you don't even know, but I have no excuse or defense, cause I know what I did was bad. And no one would even believe me about how Chris treated me cause everyone thinks that I am the slut and Chris and Daniel are the victims, who both got played, which is sort of true.

People are talking about you so badly, because what you did is pretty messed up. You should know that by now.

[새라짱]

People are talking about you so badly, because what you did is pretty messed up. You should know that by now.

What's wrong with you? Didn't I already make it clear that I know what I did was wrong?

[Screen Name]

What's wrong with you? Didn't I already make it clear that I know what I did was wrong?

Who cares if you made it clear? I feel bad for both of them for going out with a girl like you.

[oneandonlysarang]

awww im sorry that hapenned
tell the Daniel guy that it is important
and for him to atleast listen to what you have to say
and look serious too. and if he still doesn't listen
its his loss. that chris guy is messed up >:O

[rachilde]

Well, in some circles, slut is actually an empowering term (usually in ultra-liberal urbanite circles). On that note, the term 'slut,' as an empowering term, is used to denote someone who enjoys sex and is not afraid to admit it--furthermore, it denotes a sexually-open person who is not afraid of sexuality or sexual experiences, perhaps with multiple partners. Unfortunately, this variation of term does not apply to you because the 'empowered slut' has none of the derogative personality traits the 'traditional slut' has--namely, the personality trait of deception. People are not sluts because they enjoy sex; after all, in this day and age, enjoying sex is considered a personal right; people are sluts because they deceive others--and that's why being called a slut is so derogative. Did you deceive people? Yes. Under that sense, you are a slut.

But I don't like to use terms like slut or rainbow--they're so old-fashioned and usually used by little people with little lives and little minds. If I had to pass judgment, I would simply say that you were dishonest in that situation and you were unfaithful to two men--one of whom was abusive but, let's be frank, two wrongs don't right a wrong and it really only takes one day to break up with someone...not three months. But do I think that necessarily makes you a bad person? No, I don't subscribe to the idea that just because someone screws up once, they will be a screw up for the rest of their life. I don't think I can ever judge if someone's a bad person--simply if their past actions have been bad actions. I can't forecast anything about your future actions and I think it'd be narrow-minded of me to do so. I don't believe that people can't change.

But frankly, you know you screwed up but that's not going to save you from Daniel's or society's wrath. Sometimes we truly are at the mercy of others, and sometimes others take advantage of that fact and don't show mercy. You can't do anything more than to sincerely apologize and try to explain--but even with an explanation, the most you can hope to achieve is sympathy and maybe forgiveness--but never forgetfulness. The only thing I can say is everyone experiences pain but not everyone has to be miserable. Certainly pain is unavoidable but whether or not you will let this make you miserable is your choice.

[xo_sugar_ox]

you should tell him the truth about how your ex was abusive and you didn't want to break up with him because you were afraid what he would do, and if he is still pissed off, just leave him and follow your cousin's advice. don't listen to those calling you names because they don't know the real situation, just ignore them and walk away. hope this helps!

[JazzyMina]

^ To Screen sumfing XD ^ Wat she did wasnt bad at al >.> dont be saying things like that.

ignore the people who r caling u a slut rainbow or watver cuz they dont no the real story.

In my eyes, wat u did wasnt bad enf to be classified as a slut,

U were scared of dumping chris becz he was abusive etc, why dont u tlk 2 daniel and tel im about tt and tel im why u did it. Sluts r people who sleep around for fun nd go with lots of guys, from wat u said, its nt even clse to being a slut.

If Daniel really loves u, hel acept the truth when u tel im wat really happens and believe u.
If not hes not worth it. =]]

Good Luck Girl =D

Alsoo u dont deserve the stuf wats hapend to u.. nobody does. Ur ex treated u bad and hit u, who wod deserve tht? ( Though i wod say if u didnt like the way a guy was treating u, u sod hv dumped im a long tym ago. )

[CitrusFlower]

Who cares if you made it clear? I feel bad for both of them for going out with a girl like you.

Sure what she did was wrong and she's paying for it right now.

If I were in a physical abusive relationship I would be like you too scared to break it off but I think you should of told Daniel about Chris before all that had happen and he would of understand

[새라짱]

And if you still have any scars or marks from Chris, take pictures, and if he bothers you or stalks you, press charges. I would also recommend to not go anywhere by yourself, just for your safety.

That night when he broke up with him, he threw a picture frame at me which left a huge bruise on my shoulder, and he smashed like these 3 decorative dishes we had and pushed me down into the glass so my hands got all cut up....

But none of those scars are still on me. The cut/bruise I had on my shoulder is still noticible, but it's pretty much all healed. You can't really tell. I really wish I had taken pictures. That's something I'll regret for a long time.