[insanelyCRAZY]

I'm actually afraid of marriage.
I'm only 16 and yes I understand that I'm still young but, every one of my friends want to get married. I'm like the only one who doesn't.
It's like I'm afraid of commitment or something..

My parents are divorced since I was 3..is that what affected me?
My excuses behind why I don't want to marry is..
"why marry? just live together and have a kid why do you have to have your signatures down on a stupid piece of paper"
"i dont want to share my money with a husband"
"everybody is only going to get divorced anyway, whats the point of staying together with one person for the rest of your life?"
"no way, i'd get sick of seeing the same person every morning and every night"
"i dont want kids"

is anybody else afraid of marriage?
or just doesn't want to marry?

i dont really get what im scared of..i think im scared of disappointment or something of the like. idk. >___<

[0908]

"why marry? just live together and have a kid why do you have to have your signatures down on a stupid piece of paper"

Omg, someone that thinks the same way as me! lol..

Yes why is "marriage" such a huge deal?
It's just a religious public announcement.

I have nothing against it, you don't NEED to marry just to be with someone you truly love for a long time period.
Same goes with the whole "Prop 8" thing, banning all "gay" marriages...~ Pshh, that doesn't mean you can't be with the same gender. You know?

Well I'm not afraid of marriage, I just think it's not THAT important~

:]

[insanelyCRAZY]

Omg, someone that thinks the same way as me! lol..

Yes why is "marriage" such a huge deal?
It's just a religious public announcement.

I have nothing against it, you don't NEED to marry just to be with someone you truly love for a long time period.
Same goes with the whole "Prop 8" thing, banning all "gay" marriages...~ Pshh, that doesn't mean you can't be with the same gender. You know?

Well I'm not afraid of marriage, I just think it's not THAT important~

:]

Oh wow. okay.
thanks for putting it in a different light.
I was never able to put it in those words..."its not that important" but yea thats exactly how i feel towards marriage.

i just thought that there was something different or wrong with me because every girl and guy that i know
say they want to get married some day and have kids.
well, its not like i did a survey but..my friends..lol

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

You're still young that's why.
I just turned 17 and I never even think about marriage yet.
and yes your parents might be the reason why you're afraid.

This is why I dont' get why people keep on making threads about what's the point in dating. Because clearly this is the point. You need that right someone to be with you forever. You can only find and know other people through dating in early stage of your life. Dating is simply not just for fun, there's actually the thing called experience as well.

why marry? just live together and have a kid why do you have to have your signatures down on a stupid piece of paper

See I think you're kind of young, even you realise that
I don't see much threads on sex here, mainly coz majority of members are quite young
But on the other forum I go to, people are complaining "I had sex with my gf... now she's pregnant... she wants me responsible.....But I don't want to.....I never thought she would get pregnant... I don't wanna marry her.."
When you have a kid, you obviously will want a dad. I mean, if you're in the situation above, I'm sure you would do the same thing. You can't just live together with a guy and have a kid without marrying, coz simply the other guy won't want to relate to you and he probably want to get married anyway.

i dont want to share my money with a husband

You're not sharing it with him. In Fact, when you are old, you will barely get any money.
Think of it now, does your mom/dad get more stuff than you?
No. When you're older, 50% of your money goes to your son most likely, 20% to buy for your everyday needs, and the other 20% for paying rents, bills, etc. You barely got any money to do anything. if you don't co-operate with him... you're gonna have a pretty rough life. Unless you're some rich woman like a boss lol.

Plus, Loneliness is one major factor in not marrying I think. You obviously realise that you will be extremely lonely i'm sure. Are you in a relationship now? if not, then I'm sure you know how it feels to be lonely. Maybe you can still hang out with friends now, but not later. Coz they are all married and need to get on with their jobs.

Anyways, don't worry too much. You're still young. too young to think about marriage.

[insanelyCRAZY]

You're still young that's why.
I just turned 17 and I never even think about marriage yet.

...

Plus, Loneliness is one major factor in not marrying I think. You obviously realise that you will be extremely lonely i'm sure. Are you in a relationship now? if not, then I'm sure you know how it feels to be lonely. Maybe you can still hang out with friends now, but not later. Coz they are all married and need to get on with their jobs.

Anyways, don't worry too much. You're still young. too young to think about marriage.

I have a boyfriend, and honestly, I can see myself living with him.
but im also his first gf, so thats what kinda kills my dreams of spending the rest of my life with him.

and yea..that also came across my mind, that im still too young to think about this
thank you. (=

[GOOMBA]

"everybody is only going to get divorced anyway, whats the point of staying together with one person for the rest of your life?"

Wow. How bitter.

You can`t expect to think the same way forever.

I mean, as kids a lot of us liked Barney and Sesame Street. We danced to it, sang along to it, worshipped the purple dinosaur. I doubt any of us likes him now

[0908]

Oh wow. okay.
thanks for putting it in a different light.
I was never able to put it in those words..."its not that important" but yea thats exactly how i feel towards marriage.

i just thought that there was something different or wrong with me because every girl and guy that i know
say they want to get married some day and have kids.
well, its not like i did a survey but..my friends..lol

Everyone has their own opinion on marriage.~
It's your life, no one can tell you how to run your life.

You get advices and, it's all up to you whether you want to take them or not.
Do what you want, don't live a life under people's control. ^^

I agree to one thing, having children is very controversial especially if you don't go through marriage, but the thing is, if your partner is serious about the relationship without being married, then he'd be there for the children no matter what.
That's what I believe.

[Kimbree]

"why marry? just live together and have a kid why do you have to have your signatures down on a stupid piece of paper"

Its to show you are dedicted to living with that person forever and show your true feelings in front of your friends and family.

[Humilious]

I actually think it's more romantic to just live together and have a family out of marriage, but I guess marriage just officially binds two people together.

[AlyM37]

Yeahh, I totally agree with you!! XD I'm young so maybe it'll change when i'm older?

pretty much for the same reasons as u:

-why get married when u can just live together and stuff.
-divorce is getting more and more common >_>
-all tht legal stuff tht goes with divorce.....
-I'd get tired of tht person?
-I'd feel tied down.


Again, maybe i'll change when i get older =/

[insanelyCRAZY]

my dad told me that every woman goes through some stage when they just WANT to get married.

[MNLV27]

I use to be the same way, I use to think
what's the point in marriage when you can just live together and start a life?
what's the point of getting married when there's always a chance of getting divorce or something?
all that other stuff, but when I found my s/o, he opened my eyes to marriage, like the
significance of being in a marriage and now I'm more open to the thought of getting married one day.
I think right now you're just going through a phase of not taking marriage seriously, since you are too young
to start thinking about it.

[tian`tian]

Everyone has their own opinions about marriage. Your thoughts may be that way because your parents divorced when you were young, I don't know.

I've had some of the same thoughts as you when I was younger (22 now). But at my age now, I'm thinking more and more about marriage. I haven't personally experienced an extremely close family (my dad works overseas now) but many of my friends have very close families. They hang out with their parents, all eat together, etc and you can see there's a close bond. Part of me really wants that and believes that it comes with marriage. Not saying that all marriages will end up like that, there are of course, divorces, but there also are many families where the parents stay together.

Also, I believe that marrying someone is a big commitment, and it symbolizes the dedication you have to one another, the love, the trust, etc.

Of course you can always make things work, have a family, without marriage and have it be fine (celebrity example - Jolie/Pitt, Johnny Depp). In the end, it's just a personal choice.

As long as you are both happy!

[lovejack]

marriage should be a beautiful thing but unfortunately in this world there are so many problems in life and love that it doesn't seem possible to have a "marriage" anymore. Divorce is common and so is cohabitation. But with marriage it can be good for your kids, and marriage is responsibility as well. That is why when marrying one should not just do it out of the blue. It takes commitment and it is really scary.
Plus people marry because of health insurance and legal matters. And in the eyes of the law, they see yu as a couple and when it comes to being represented in the state and all that, the law covers couples that are registered. Something else one can look at. But come on you're 16. Date around and then you will see that possibly being with someone in the future isn't too bad.

[tetsuya]

well that "stupid piece of paper" can benefit you a lot

if you're already with someone and have a child it's best to be married, because of tax/insurance benefits also... it's easier to support the family that way... since you're 16 you probably haven't thought about the real-life responsibilities you have to deal with especially involving finances... granted that money isn't everything, but it's also a necessity... just like good health... especially with today's healthcare...

[Dreamss]

im only 15, and im like you, i dont really want to get married when im older.
but my decision might change as i grow. maybe if you really do find the person you
can life with for the rest of your life then you might change your thoughts.

[schadenfreud1c]

well that "stupid piece of paper" can benefit you a lot

if you're already with someone and have a child it's best to be married, because of tax/insurance benefits also... it's easier to support the family that way... since you're 16 you probably haven't thought about the real-life responsibilities you have to deal with especially involving finances... granted that money isn't everything, but it's also a necessity... just like good health... especially with today's healthcare...

In california, domestic partnership is ALMOST the same as Marriage. Meaning, you get most of the benefits but not all. You still have to publicly declare (contract) that you'll be responsible for one another. Now imagine you're not even willing to be in a domestic partnership. You don't even have any of those rights.
In some places you may not be allowed to decide on behalf of your significant other if they are in a hospital. You might not even be able to visit them in a hospital. You cannot take sick leave to care for your partner's children if something happens. You might not be able to be the beneficiary if they have family and s/he happen to die.

I don't know where you live and the legal matters in your area.

You're 16. I'm not judging you for your age. I know that when you're young (and old) you don't want to be tied down. However, maybe you should research a bit more before coming to a conclusion.

[ShadowMax76]

remember how you used to say "EWWW I HATE BOYS" ...rofl. well. that's what the girls said.
then hits highschool.

_ then it's how we used never want to study for an exam
..then the BIG one comes up. and we desperately study . [or give up and msn till the midnight before the exam]

_ then you probably met a bunch of jerks , and gave up on dating/love.
and then you find one.


. my english teacher still isn't married to his girlfriend_ ..actually. they decided it'd be the gf to propose. but yeah.. they're happily together since yr11. lol. mature old souls they always were, so it seems like.

_ my own opinion..... PFT. neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. o_o' guys are scared of commitment . you know us.
but really... >>' i'm one of those guys scared of girls in general... LOL. [experience.... ROFl]

[babybuggyY2K]

well marraige to me is a type of written commitment. yea sure it should have commitment with or without papers but idont know it's like shows everyone. it just makes you happier when you are in love and it's the part where that special someone 'proposes' to you andthat means he's willing to share all that with you and it's official. oh and also marraige will help if you have kids. for example if you get a divorce and you cant afford to raise the kids with your income your ex husband will have to help whether or not he wants to. etc etc. there are other factors.

to say it doesnt need to be written paper is like saying -why eat? you're going to get hungry again anyways.... or why get in a relationship, all relationships are doomed anyways [but does that mean you shouldnt try? at least you'll see the results and learn from it]

maybe you are affected by your parents but dont worry a lot of people feel that way when they are young.. at least i can tell you that you're not the only one.

[rachilde]

There are legal benefits to marriage, so it's not just a glorified living arrangement. For example, if you were madly in love with someone fresh off the boat and you are a citizen of the United States and they would have to go back to their country of origin in like 3 months, the marriage would make them a citizen of the US. Marriage entitles you to your spouse's property should your spouse die without a will. Marriage also allows you to make health decisions for your spouse should your spouse be seriously injured and cannot make them for him or herself. There are also some tax benefits under certain circumstances.

But mostly, people marry as a form of public announcement of commitment. Marriage is not just a religious institution--it's a secular institution as well: so long as you have a marriage certificate, you are married regardless of what religious affiliation you are. Non-religious countries have marriage just as well as religious ones (China, for example, and Soviet Russia had plenty of marriages). Marriage is a social and political institution. When the state recognizes two people as married, the state recognizes the union of two people as legitimate--which is why Prop 8 is a big deal. When a state refuses to recognize the union of two gay people as legitimate, it's really like saying 'gay couples don't exist with the same legitimacy as straight couples.' Frankly, I don't ever plan on marrying a woman, but even so, I fight for gay marriage because I feel like the state should recognize gay couples--and gay problems and the gay community in general. Frankly, ignoring something like the gay community was one of the reasons AIDS was allowed to spread without adequate public health announcements for so long. The government viewed AIDS as a gay thing and decided to ignore it. Truthfully, AIDS isn't a gay thing and the first infected people were not gay; but, in the end, both gays and straights ended up suffering from the failure of governments to act.

As you can see, marriage isn't just about living together, it's about state and social recognition as a couple who have made certain commitments--not just a bunch of religious mojo.