[KuraiHime]

I've been really depressed for a few years now. After my grandma passed away, I've been spending all of my time on my computer. I don't believe in God. I used to cut myself but I've stopped. I don't have any close friends, only a few people I sit with at lunch. I'm not close to my family. I don't have a job right now but I'm considering getting one soon. I might wait until the summer though, because it'll be really tiring with school...I don't talk to anyone and I spend all of my time doing pointless things on the internet. I've tried opening up, trying to talk to people, and no one cared. I told my family I wanted to kill myself a few times and they just shrugged it off. I don't see myself getting anywhere. I'm not living for anything, and everything is a drag. I don't know what to do. I tried seeing a psychiatrist but I was so nervous about talking to a stranger about personal things that I lied about everything he asked me about. I have low self esteem and no confidence. I don't know what to do.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

you know what to do.
be confident of yourself.
those things you said above are because you have low self esteem, you think that you're useless.
Thats why.

[NotFromThisPlanet]

you have tried getting yourself help before. that's a great step forward to changing the the way things are. i think you should go back to the psychiatrist, or a counselor at school. it may be hard expressing your thoughts and feelings to a stranger, but you and have stated above that you are unhappy. you must be honest about your feelings both emotionally (depressed, low self-esteem, lack of confidence) and physically (tiredness).

[freya47]

If you have low self-esteem, work it out. You can't live like that just because you're thinking like you are not part of this world. Maybe you should confess to the psychiatrist because you can hurt yourself being like that.

[asianpanthers]

i would say go back to the psychiatrist and be honest. they have to uphold confidentiality regardless of the person and problem.

try being more open with them. you may actually suffer from clinical depression.

it looks like you have more than a few self destructive tendencies and depression could be the problem.

[rasppery]

I told my family I wanted to kill myself a few times and they just shrugged it off.

Hello,
have you ever think of going to a psychiatrist/counsellor?
It's the best way to help yourself, and they are willing to listen to you.

Please stop hurting yourself.

My sister is having some sort of weird thoughts, i persuaded her to go to psychiatrist to help herself, but she rejected.
She's still having problems now in life.

[Left_King]

Im sorry to hear that...

But hey...since im writting this i might as well cheer u up a bit! ^^

1st of all...since ur grandpa passed away...u've let him down...If he saw u like that, im pretty sure he'd be distraught...
Everyone's gonna go someday...Do something that can make him Proud of u!!!

I dont hv close frds too...but i guess we'll hv to get on with it...since u still hv ppl around u (even tho ur pretty reserved) dont mind asking them to go out with u...idk...maybe go shopping? go hv a treat(ice cream)? movies? go to the park? do some HW together?

To be honest with u...i'm not too sure how a Psychiatrist will help u out...!?!
OK (s)he may give u advices n give u some distractions and possibly give u medication...!?!
That sucks, and is really bad for ur health cuz it has ldz a side effects...!?!

What i recommend u...:
Do so Sports/Exercise...
Is there a sport u like...!?!
Like jogging? goin to the gym? Aerobics? Pilates?
Go out...where u can find grass...buy a volleyball n play around with ur frds...go hv a laugh...seriously...!!

Exercise triggers the release of the "Feel Good" compound called Endorphin which basically does what it says on the tin...MAKES U FEEL GOOD ^^

Be Positive my frd...
Challenge urself... Set Goals...

[KuraiHime]

I actually have PE every day and we run every day...so even when I don't exercise at home, I get exercise at school and I don't feel any better afterwards. I've thought about getting antidepressant meds on and off and didn't want to get them because I wouldn't be able to tell real happiness from happiness stimulated from drugs, and I didn't want to rely on something like that, but I'm considering getting them...but my mom just lost her job and I don't want to waste my parents' money on something expensive that may or may not work. I'm not sure if I could handle working after school.

I guess I expected a lot from life. Often times I think "That's it? That's all that life is about?" I know people say life is what you make of it, which would mean I've let myself down, but I'm just disappointed with people in general. I used to be naive and I thought everyone had good intentions and cared about other people, but I've realized that people are really selfish, and if you're nice, they'll simply trample you over like a doormat for their own needs.

I've only "clicked" with one person before, but over the years we've changed, and he's a new person who's busy with his girlfriend and school. I feel a lot of the time other people see something I don't see, and I just don't understand them.

[Gucci Mama]

I've been really depressed for a few years now. After my grandma passed away, I've been spending all of my time on my computer. I don't believe in God. I used to cut myself but I've stopped. I don't have any close friends, only a few people I sit with at lunch. I'm not close to my family. I don't have a job right now but I'm considering getting one soon. I might wait until the summer though, because it'll be really tiring with school...I don't talk to anyone and I spend all of my time doing pointless things on the internet. I've tried opening up, trying to talk to people, and no one cared. I told my family I wanted to kill myself a few times and they just shrugged it off. I don't see myself getting anywhere. I'm not living for anything, and everything is a drag. I don't know what to do. I tried seeing a psychiatrist but I was so nervous about talking to a stranger about personal things that I lied about everything he asked me about. I have low self esteem and no confidence. I don't know what to do.

I was just like you and ended up telling my counselor/psychologist that I was suicidal and cutting myself. The doctor suggested that I took some medications, but I refused. I believed (back then) that it was really my choice to live or die.. I had no idea that it was illegal to suicide or attempt to suicide (because they obviously can't do anything if you're dead). I didn't want to live a life with artificial happiness (chemical compounds composed into a pill, that simply produces your happiness). They called the police to escorte me(in handcuffs) to the nearest emergency room for scanning. They do drug testing (for overdoses), urine test, etc.. And ask you a bunch of questions.. The screening took 8 hours, just to make sure that I wasn't really going to kill myself. I had a bill of $4500 with no insurance. Luckily, I told myself to bull mini cooper and tell them that I wasn't that depressed, that I just had ups and downs. If they have any idea about your suicidal attempts, they'll keep you in the hospital.

And you're right.. Doctor's are strangers.. Unless if they're genuinely nice people, they don't care sh*t about you.. That's how my doctor was.. She was nonchalant and just wanted me to be on a bunch of pills. Find other people like friends.. Maybe even online friends.. They're much better to talk to.

Learn from my mistake, and don't tell them that you're trying to kill yourself. I say this because I learned that things 'can' get better. Then you tend to regret the time, the money, and other things. If they find you really suicidal, they keep it in your records, and it can screw up your life (if you choose to live). It can be hard to find a job..

If you really need something now, tell your psychiatrist that you're 'depressed' rather than suicidal. They may want to scan you... And you know, I have no doubt about those medications... They work. Humans are composed of chemical compounds as well, so it's only common sense that other chemical compounds can alter you..

But always keep in mind, that you don't want to live an artificial life.. When you're more stable, get off the pills and live your life. Find what you enjoy. Make friends (they were my best support), and do what you want with your life.. Don't waste it. I found my life a lot fuller when I was helping other people by volunteering. Maybe you'll enjoy it too.. Try different and new things. Even if it means watching stupid comedy to make a glimpse of smile in your eyes.. Do anything to love life.

If you want someone to talk to.. you're more than welcome to talk to me. :) Best of luck..

i would say go back to the psychiatrist and be honest.

don't take this suggestion..
this person obviously has no clue..

doctors that legal responsibilities before you.
the legal stuff comes in first.. and then it's you

This means a lot of things, as well as the privacy agreement that you had with the doctor.
If they had any idea about you being suicidal, that have the right to completely drop your privacy agreement.
As well as emergency care, etc..

Only tell things to people you trust, not the people you pay for.

[escents]

i totally understand what you are going through. you relate to me. these days are really tough for me as well. i was really depressed. i even told my parents about it. they thought it was a joke until i went into the kitchen and cut myself in front of them. i didn't tell this to my friends so they have no clue.

try not to think in a negative way. i try not to think of it although it's hard. try to talk to someone. i talk with my close friend all the time about problems. although it doesn't help much, i feel that someone knows i am in pain and i am not alone.

[oubliette]

^2 above me said it all.

Good friends, honestly, will help more than anything else in such situations. Online good friends too. Trust me. I was in a very similar position three years ago, and although I don't have any very close RL friends...my online friends helped me get through it. I owe them everything :]

If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a PM or we can talk over e-mail or something. best of luck :]

[radicalCHOPSTIX]

what you probably need is a new environment.

get some new friends and reestablish yourself.
get some exercise and work this negative energy into something else.
learn to enjoy yourself, do things that you like even if your on your own.


what i like to do, when i feel like mini cooper is go somewhere that i can be alone at and reflect. think about all the negative/positive things and just let it all go. a great place to go is a park, where there are trees and stuff. breathe deep, and discover on what you need to do.

[hankyungsaranghaex3]

i don't know you personally, but i seriously hope that yuo don't suicide/cut yourself/hurt yourself

if you're not comfortable talking to a psychiatrist, maybe try writing in a diary to vent your feelings?
try starting up convos with other people?
maybe join a club/sport/etc to get new interests/meet new people

ur welcome to pm me if u want

[paper*hearts]

heyy, first off, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way..but heyy, your taking a biiig step by expressing it out to strangers in a forum
I understand that your not too happy with your life right now and that you feel as if things don't get better.. but you gotta give yourself some hope and tell yourself that things do get better, and will get better because your gonna make it get better

if you don't feel comfortable talking to a psycholgist about your problems, maybe you can write it out in a letter and give it to him/her. or if you want, you can request the psychogist to give you an mmpi test or some other specialized test for depression. that way, eventhough you won't tell the psychologist what's wrong with you..atleast he'll know that you're having depressive thoughts

I feel quite connected to you, because you sound like somebody that I care for, and that I know..so feel free to pm me if you want to talk

[colloquy]

I personally think you should try to find something that you're passionate about... and find a reason for living. I think you've discovered that people are, indeed, cruel and that you have to live mainly for yourself. Of course, don't be cruel and too selfish, but I find that a little selfishness has helped me out in the long run. As somebody who also had a hard time realizing that people will indeed take your generosity for granted, I realized that those awful experiences allowed me to grow up and focus on what was more important to me - my studies, family, friends, etc. I think that life is ultimately what you personally make of it - you may think now that this is all there is to life, but there could be more.

[Clix]

I've been really depressed for a few years now. After my grandma passed away, I've been spending all of my time on my computer. I don't believe in God. I used to cut myself but I've stopped. I don't have any close friends, only a few people I sit with at lunch. I'm not close to my family. I don't have a job right now but I'm considering getting one soon. I might wait until the summer though, because it'll be really tiring with school...I don't talk to anyone and I spend all of my time doing pointless things on the internet. I've tried opening up, trying to talk to people, and no one cared. I told my family I wanted to kill myself a few times and they just shrugged it off. I don't see myself getting anywhere. I'm not living for anything, and everything is a drag. I don't know what to do. I tried seeing a psychiatrist but I was so nervous about talking to a stranger about personal things that I lied about everything he asked me about. I have low self esteem and no confidence. I don't know what to do.

Did you not have a dream when you were kid? Something you wanted to do, someone/something that inspired you, or something that fascinates you? When I was a kid, I was fascinated by cars, inspired by the mechanics. Somehow I forgot about my fascination until I was 17 where I turned that fascination into a career field.

We all have our likes and dislikes. What are yours? Is there anything that you enjoy doing? Do you think there might be a possibility of turning it into a career?


Keep your head up and don't look down, there are alot of people here who are willing to help you. If you're not going to live for today, you should at least live for tommorrow.

[j00n]

Well it seems like you tried to talk to friends and family and they didn't care. What have you got to lose by talking to a stranger (psychiatrist)? Maybe it's better to talk to a psychiatrist, they can offer an unbiased perspective and i'm sure they've heard worse.

Step 1: is recognizing your own problems, and are willing to change it.
Step 2: is getting help because you can't fix it alone.

[iMMA D0Rk XD]

Look we all go through our bad times and our good times. Just remember tomorrow is a new day. We`re all going to say the same things.But honestly I don`t think you can actually receive any help from this forum for your depression unless YOU choose to listen to our advice and take action. Its really all up to you.

[JerseyLadi]

ever since i went to college i've been depressed. And do random stuff on the internet. I have friends and roommates my age but i just avoided everyone. i have a boyfriend i've known for year and it just doesnt help either. Some times i dont go to school for a whole week cuz i'm so depressed and sit in my bed all day. I still get depressed and want to be alone but I have a job now and look at going to school as something to do and keep myself busy. Working helped a lot. I mostly do customer service and talk to a lot of old people because i was in pharmacy and they usually make me smile even when they're sick. And also, making money makes me feel better in general. I always buy myself something from each paycheck wether it might be nice dinner for myself or makeup (makeup is my passion/hobby). or a magazine or get a manicure. Just to cheer myself up. You have to work at being happy but keeping yourself busy helps a lot. or get a little animal like a hamster or something. They might not talk but they appreciate you taking care of them and sometimes thats all you need.

[funkyliv]

I've been really depressed for a few years now. After my grandma passed away, I've been spending all of my time on my computer. I don't believe in God. I used to cut myself but I've stopped. I don't have any close friends, only a few people I sit with at lunch. I'm not close to my family. I don't have a job right now but I'm considering getting one soon. I might wait until the summer though, because it'll be really tiring with school...I don't talk to anyone and I spend all of my time doing pointless things on the internet. I've tried opening up, trying to talk to people, and no one cared. I told my family I wanted to kill myself a few times and they just shrugged it off. I don't see myself getting anywhere. I'm not living for anything, and everything is a drag. I don't know what to do. I tried seeing a psychiatrist but I was so nervous about talking to a stranger about personal things that I lied about everything he asked me about. I have low self esteem and no confidence. I don't know what to do.

Seriously?I think you should see a psychiatist... families often shrug it off... and hope... best of luck:)