[epique.]

Well I don't really know how to explain it.
Well two years my friend came to my school - and we instantly connected.
Me and my bestfriend along with her used to roam around my school everytime.
Everyone knew that the three of us hanged around each other.

Then the start of the academic year she met a boy and started hanging out with his group (which consists of girls&boys)
Me and my bestfriend were okay with it - AT FIRST.
But then suddenly she'd not even say hi to us in the morning (when we head to class)
And anytime we invited her to shop with us - she'd just smile and blank as in ignore us and walk away.

We're all in the same class as each other. (I live in the U.K)
But when we have group projects (assignments) she'd come to us. - because her new group of friends are not in our class.
It's like she's two different people.
I honestly don't understand.

A few days was her birthday and she didn't even bother inviting us to her party.
Then my bestfriend got really upset - she was so close to crying.
And so I tried comforting her by saying that if she was a true friend she wouldn't leave us like that.

Then me and my bestfriend thought to confront her about her behaviour around us - yesterday.
We said what's wrong? Don't you want to hang around with us? And all that.

All she said was that she'll hang out with us, and 'them' as in her new friends.
One week with us.
One week with them.


I honestly think she should just pick either us or them.
I mean other people have been asking me and my bestfriend that my friend has changed and she's a user and all that.

I don't think as a user though.
Just not a true friend.

I don't want to go up to her and say.

"Choose them or us."

... simply because I don't want to her to think we're jealous or something.


I honestly am sad, about how she's ignoring us.
But I don't know.
She's not the same.

I guess people change, but she should at least admit that she's changed and tell us not to be her close friend anymore, right?
And not leave us hanging?

So what should I - and my bestfriend - say to her?

& thanks for those who are willing to comment.


:)


- mary

[touche`]

To be honest, your friend doesn't know how to prioritize her time with you guys and with her other friends. I find her quality time quite weird, a week with you guys and a week with them? Sounds unusual. Usually people like her would try to find time for both of her group of friends.

I honestly think she should just pick either us or them.
I get what you're saying here, but this sounds like it is referring to "pick them or us". Talk to her and ask her why she hasn't been hanging out with you guys lately, and if she doesn't give a clear answer, then it's clearly that she rather spend time with her other friends than you guys.

If she doesn't come back then she doesn't come back. You still have your best friend and nothing has changed between the two of you. I think that you should focus on your best friend and spend time with her.

[epique.]

okay thank you touche` for your advice.
:)

i think you're right.
ah well.
:)
- mary

[inthesoul-k]

Your friend suggesting she hang with you for 1 week than her other friends the next week is retarted. With friendship you shouldn't have to make a schedule. Though I think theres nothing wrong with her making more friends but the way she dissed you by ignoring shows that something is definately wrong. Why cant you guys all hang out together with her new group of friends? (just wondering) Either way I would just accept the facts that it seems she has moved on. Just make sure she doesn't ride on your coat tale any longer.

[RYUUSEi]

Err ... the girl who ditched you guys is, and I quote LC from the Hills, "a sucky person"! I mean, she just blew you guys off for her "new and fresh" friends, while crawling back to you ONLY when they are not around? Forget bestfriend, is that even considered a real friend?

If you don't like confrontations, I suggest you and the remaining bestfriend just hang out by yourselves and forget about that third chick. Once she and her bf break up, she'll come crawling back - and then it's up to you guys wether you want to be a doormat and welcome her back or let her know that what she did was wrong and it's gonna take alot to regain your trust.

But for now, just forget about her and be happy you still got a bestfriend with you. I know it's hard because you three were close for so long and all, but do you two honestly even want a "bestfriend" that can so easily ditch you guys for another group of friends? I wouldn't.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

wow what the hell, your friend is dumb.
I mean seriously. I got 4 groups of friends, and I managed to hang out with all of them.
It's not like your friend is going out with them everyday, so why can't she just hang out with you while not hanging out with them?
That's pretty stupid.

All I say leave her. Forget about her. When she needs you, like the assignment, ditch her. She'll know how it feels.
Either you're hurt, or she's hurt. you gotta pick one. And seeing that your friend nearly cried because of the bday thing, which is to me.... a very.... ugh, I don't know why you need to cry, but anyways, seeing that she cried anyways, you should ditch this other friend of yours.

I mean, if I were you, I'll pick to hurt her rather than her hurting me.
But maybe that's me, because I take revenge on people lol xD

Plus, people has their own will, so you can't really force her to come back to you, and if you did ask her which one to choose, I bet she's gonna pick the other group lol... so just find another friend lol.

[jiraffe]

I don't think there's anything left to say to her. If she were a true friend, as you said, she would have stuck around and made time to hangout with you and her new friends. And also, if she were your best friend, don't you think she'd want to introduce you and your other best friend to her boy friend and her new friends? Why don't you try hanging out with them, too? It wouldn't hurt to try. (: Although from what you've explained, she doesn't seem like a very good friend. You should move on and if she wants to talk to you, then let her talk to you, but don't make it seem like you need her back.

[Left_King]

I'm assuming all of u are 15...

...u know...at that age, ppl rebel, ppl want to experience new things... so i wouldnt be too surprise ur goin thru this...
At the end of the day...when u look back, u'll see who ur true frds are and who arent...

I'd wouldnt careless if my bestfriend ditched me...its life...u gotta get on with it...
Just make sure u treat ppl as u want them to treat u...dont be mean to her cuz she ditched u... she has her own reasons for her actions...u just gotta accept it, whether u think its rite or wrong...

One more or One less doesnt really make a big diff does it? ahhaha

What im trying to say is...

Let Nature take its course...dont worry too much...
What she did wasnt rite, but, sometimes...u gotta understand... ur still teenagers, still a lot to learn n go thru...

Hopefully u'll hv teenage yrs that can make u smile when ur older ^^
Wish u all the best....dont let this affect u...

[kimchi hana]

"Choose them or us."
Big no. No no no no. No one has a right to tell her to choose between the two.
A lot of people are like your friend. They change depending on who they're with.
Just ask your friend not to separate you and her other group and make a "schedule"
Maybe you can ask her to introduce each other and you guys can become friends.
If nothing seems to work, just be straight forward and ask why she's doing it.

[kishycathiee]

"Choose them or us."
Big no. No no no no. No one has a right to tell her to choose between the two.
A lot of people are like your friend. They change depending on who they're with.
Just ask your friend not to separate you and her other group and make a "schedule"
Maybe you can ask her to introduce each other and you guys can become friends.
If nothing seems to work, just be straight forward and ask why she's doing it.

Yeaah, I don't think she should choose between two different groups.
But honestly, if I was in that situation, I'll totally ignore her. She's not a real friend.

But if you're a really nice person, you could stand at the sidelines and when
she's hurt or something, she'll come to you, knowing you're always there..

[Desda]

"choose them or choose us"

well, it's evident who she's already chosen.
move on with it.
there's nothing you can do to change it.
you miss her, but she's not even worth it.
she's clearly ditched you. there's no such thing as 'hang out with them one week and you guys another.'
i guess some people just end up more fitting with some others.
esp. when your other friend cried over it...that's unnecessary. it mad me angry. that ditching friend really has no idea of her unexplained abandoning does she? she has no idea what she's caused.
let her go.
and as for her leaving you guys hanging? i doubt that. some things don't have to be outright blunt. it's obvious as it is. do you really want someone to go up to you and declare your end of friendship? isn't that just slightly odd? lol. unrealistic?

"akhem. I don't think we're friends anymore coz i've found these other cool people."

lol.

honestly, her not inviting you guys to the party is sort of a huge hint.

you'll find better friends [= what goes around comes around ^^ don't bother working with her on projects.

[ly*chee]

Why not treat her the way shes treating you?
Next time she goes up to you guys to join your group for a project, get up and walk away.
Immature? Yes. But she should at least know to be a better friend ;
But thats just me, I tend to get revenge and make people feel the way they made me feel.

And what? Are her new friends too cool for you guys to meet too?...
Don't make her choose, that will only drive her farther away, I think you don't want that.
You've talked to her, and she knows how you guys feel.
If she'll still continue to treat you like nothings, then perhaps you guys really are nothing to her, just a cushion for when her "cool new" friends ditch her.
If you're one of those nice people, she'll keep counting on you and your friend, to keep being nice to her no matter what =.=;

[be_mellow]

Let me tell you from my pov......

Friendships change over time. Anything can happen. I wouldn't ask her to choose a side. I'll just let it be naturally because I don't believe in, "I can't live with out _____." It's true, you'll realize that sooner or later. One day you'll find yourself another group. I know it's hard to accept.
I'm not saying that you don't need her, but when things change you just gotta accept it. You can tell her how you feel if she have the time to listen. That is, call her up (assuming she's home and not out with that group) and talk about it.

For me, it was the transition, you'll meet people in the new school and that's what make the friendship to drift apart. I remember someone telling me, "You know, you can't always stick with the same people. You gotta make new friends, meet new people." And it's true.

[PEARLeffects]

yea seriously, shes not a true friend.
if she was a true friend, she would of known better not to treat you & your best friend that way.
to me, it just seems that she doesnt want to be seen hanging out with you guys anymore just because shes hanging out with her "new friends".
but you know, who cares because you have your best friend & your best friend have you around, so even though that friend of yours changed & she doesnt bother hanging out or whatever, you guys dont need her seriously cuz she seems like obviously she doesnt need you guys anymore, and that kind of friendship isnt worth it.
im sorry if i sound offending, im not very good at trying to explain what im trying to say, so yea.
but you know, it's okay, you still have your best friend & if that other friend of yours doesnt care or whatever, then nvm her, she only cares about herself, its her own fault for losing 2 good friends.
anyways i hope you & your friend will feel better about it soon :]

[LiizziieN]

Let me tell you from my pov......

Friendships change over time. Anything can happen. I wouldn't ask her to choose a side. I'll just let it be naturally because I don't believe in, "I can't live with out _____." It's true, you'll realize that sooner or later. One day you'll find yourself another group. I know it's hard to accept.
I'm not saying that you don't need her, but when things change you just gotta accept it. You can tell her how you feel if she have the time to listen. That is, call her up (assuming she's home and not out with that group) and talk about it.

For me, it was the transition, you'll meet people in the new school and that's what make the friendship to drift apart. I remember someone telling me, "You know, you can't always stick with the same people. You gotta make new friends, meet new people." And it's true.

Agreed, absolutely.

No matter how old or young you are, friendships WILL change. Even the best of friends will part each other, though that's the cruel harsh reality of life. It's something you'll learn to adapt to.

All and all, let things be. If your friend decides to turn around and stops being a two-faced friend to ya, then best of wishes to you and you friend.

[KaiLien]

IA with what everyone else has said. I think you should be asking that question to yourself. She doesn't need you to ask her to choose as she obviously already has. Just let her be. If she can't appreciate you then she isn't worthy of being your friend anyway. It seem like you have already confronted her about it. I'm sure deep down she knows what is going on too. I think the best thing you can do is just go on with your life and if she feels like hanging out with you, she will. Things haven't and probably won't be the same. It's sad and I think she's rude but there's nothing you can do. We all lose wonderful friends at some point in our lives. Don't fret, just make new ones.

[mahyuni]

DON'T let her choose~
just DON'T. *sweatdrop*

anyway, what kind of friend is that? i think that's being selfish~
try to talk to her again and maybe let her realize her mistake.
why doesn't she just introduce you guys to her 'new' friends anyway?
that way everyone's good! XD

if that doesn't work then she's NOT a good friend - she's probab;y thinking only about herself.

[natsurei]

This happened so many times to me now.
And what I usually do, is..I don't like drama or confrontation. And it's the friend's choice anyway.
As long as your friend, I guess is even giving efforts about still keeping in touch with you guys. I dunno.

When my friend/s did that, I didn't bother chasing after them. It's their choice to replace and they seem happy with it. So, I'm happy, although sometimes, I'm jealous and sad because, we used to be like that(with her new friends).

Just let her be. When she comes crawling back, be nice. You're gonna go through the same phase sooner or later. Especially, if you find a boy that you really like, and you have to ditch your other friends for it. If what you want is for her to come back, imagine that awkward ness anyway. Haha.
Goodluck.