[from_the_depth_of_dreams]

Here's the background information:

Wendy and I have had something going on for quite a while. We've been acquainted in the past, but never really talked. I thought she was cute and decided to talk to her. We text each other usually. This was around late August. By mid September, the texting from her came in a heavier volume. She'd also reply to me within a minute and of course I replied to both of them. We decided to go out, but never did so until later due to conflicting schedules and she lived about 45 miles away. I eventually asked her if she'd like to go the beach and boardwalk with me, and she said yes.

Our first outing was actually random. It was now late October. We saw each other and got coffee, then after that I decided to take her up some hills and get a good view of the city. Then we went to the beach after that. The following week we went to a different beach. Then we got dinner and talked a lot and I took her home. For the following weeks, I'd get texts from as soon as she wakes up until she went to sleep. Also, any text that I sent came back within a minute. She'd also make the effort of driving 45 miles to see me this one time where she came without telling me to surprise me. She wanted to get to know my friends and get to know me better. So I invited her out to drink with some of close friends. I drove to pick her up in my little hatchback, and then we drank. At the end of the night, I was about to get on the freeway to take her home, she just said "You know what!? Let's crash at your place." I was fine with it and let her do so. So, I slept on the floor, but she insisted that I joined her. So I did, but was being a gentleman and taking it no further than that. The following morning I took her home and then went to work and the class in the afternoon. From that and the bombardment of text messages, I assumed we've had something going on. As time went past, we saw each other more often and I took time to get to know her friends and drove to see her more. I've also crashed at her place too. Then her birthday came, which she spent with only me for some strange reason and not her friends. She's also asked if I was talking to girls who I used to flirt with, and I told her I stopped and she said the same when casually asked her the same thing after she asked me and she said no too. I thought I was in a great position from these so called "signs."

Now here's the problem:

She's a big flirt when she's sober and an even bigger flirt when she's drunk. She's also been on two of these escapades when she was drunk where she made out with people she thought were cute. She also catches the attention of many guys. Everything seemed fine until lately. So, one time we were on the phone and she asked what I was doing and I told her I was going to see my friend one last time before she moves out of the country. Then after a while she starts texting me when I was going to be home and I tell her later because I was still hanging with my friend before she left. Then she tells me that her friend she thinks is kind of cute is coming to pick her up to hang out. Then she tells me later when I'm home she's at his place and he's flirting with her. Then the next day she said she was going to party with him for the weekend. She later brought in the bad news, she said she was making out with him while she was really drunk. Now, was that a poorly executed act of jealousy towards me for seeing my friend, or was that intentionally done just because? I believe that there is nothing I may do about this because I did not establish if our relationship was a relationship earlier. Perhaps, she was playing on the technicality that she has no commitment between us. Perhaps, she's just a big flirt and I never had her in the first place and was just plain led on. I truly do care about her and all, but obviously this isn't cool at all.

Here's my fork in the road:

I'm thinking of whether to let that go because we never really established what were are as far as a relationship goes. Perhaps, I would have a talk with her about what happened and let her know that I really do care about her and see how she feels about it. I've also thought about just telling her that I did once had interest in her, but I no longer do because I feel that she's interested in him. Although, I myself feel that I have a knife in my back and you've heard our sick story thus far, please do give me your opinion and input about my dilemma.

:EDIT: Sorry for the long read everyone, but thanks for your input. I appreciate it though.

[eximius]

Quick summery or Sparknotes please? o_o

You gotta admit, that's a lot to read.

[toreshi]

maybe she's just a little insecure...?

[~~PuhPuhMuh~~]

just talk to her about what you are to eachother

[Meenuh]

Personally, I wouldn't put up with it. As horrible as ultimatums are sometimes they are necessary. Tell her that what she's doing is bothering you. Establish what it is you two really are. I think she'll be one hell of a jealous girlfriend though.

I think she's immature and is trying to make you jealous at the expense of her dignity. It just makes her look bad.

[xlila]

Well, you said you don't have an interest in her anymore, so why have a talk with her?

[bluecarrot]

because it wasn't clear on whether you guys are officially a couple, it gives her a reason to just keep doing it.

and if i were you, i wouldn't want to be with this person..

you probably care about her because she's careless when she's drunk, but you can't always keep sympathizing with her when she's drunk and careless..

and because no one's told her that its not cool to smooch with guys she thinks is cute, she's just gonna keep thinking its fine with everyone because if they're not saying anything about it, than it must mean that she thinks its cool with them.

and maybe if she keeps dragging you on like that, then make it clear to her how you feel about it.. and how you feel about her...

i'm not sure if i make sense to you.

[Prot]

1) Did you ever officially ask her out and she say yes? If no, then maybe it is time to decide whether you want to ask her out or not. People can get confused if it isn't official.
2) You ever ask her how she felt about you?
3) Tell her everything you just said here, how you felt, how you thought about her, what you thought of this incident. Assumptions and miscommunication gets you nowhere.

Hopefully you'll have your decision made after that.

[choot]

two words: forget her

She's probably a type of girl who you would want to get drunk with and all. Relationship-wise, she wouldn't be all that great. The fact that she wants you to sleep with her (like nap nap NOT rated R kind. lol) is a big step for a girl. If a girl tells you about other guys who are cute, its a sign that she doesn't take you into consideration? she might have in the past, but probably not now?

if i like a guy alot....i would text him a lot as well....but i would take things slowly.

i say........go wherever u met the girl at....there might be better looking girls and girls who are more real. =]


i know one! she works, and drives a ferrari

[snowsky]

i think she was just trying to get you jealous
if you really like her, tell her
make your relationship official and then if she is still acting so flirty with other people
there is no more second chances

[misschika]

knowing how she is, the question is are u willing to put up with it or will it bother u? If u think u don't mind then i say go for it work things out. If it does bother you then don't waste your time. hope this will help.

[小甜密]

maybe she's just a little insecure...?

A little? Please, this girl is beyond jealous if she texted him to tell him that she's about to make out with another man. So dude, don't put up with her.

[rachilde]

Honestly, it doesn't sound too sick. Perhaps I've been desensitized by having people around me date gang members and drug lords, but even on a more typical level, I don't think it's too far fetched: boy meets girl, girl turns out to be a jealous psychobi.tch, boy is stuck figuring out what to do about the girl. It's a pretty common theme in relationships and I've seen it happen a lot. I would have personally been tipped off by the fact that she texts you like mad throughout the day--that kind of hypercommunication is usually not normal between two people who are just starting to see each other. It's one thing when you're madly in love with each other, but it's quite another when you're just 'hanging out.' The fact that she wants to maintain a connection with you throughout even the most trivial everyday events simply suggests that she's the type of girl who's going to be butting into everything all the time: where are you, who are you with, when will you be back, etc. etc.

There are men for girls like that, but in my experience they're usually lazy men who don't want to put effort into relationships but still want the stability of a relationship; these men usually seek women will cling to them automatically (like velcro)--so it's a fair, though slightly psychopathic, arrangement all around. On that note, you'll have to decide if that kind of situation is right for you.

If she didn't make herself look like such a psychob.itch, however, I would say that it would be just a misunderstanding of relationship boundaries: when neither party signs the proverbial social contract that is called 'going steady,' both parties are theoretically free to do whatever they want. As that new Beyonce song says, if you want it, you'll have to put a ring on it: if you want to insure exclusivity, then you should have asked her to be exclusive. This is observing from a purely contractual standpoint and I think it's fair to say that such a perspective is important to maintain when judging actions: do you or do you not have any right to feel betrayed when there was no working 'contract' in place even if you guys have slept in the same bed together? I would say, form a purely objective position, you have no right to feel betrayed because there was no explicitly stated mutual agreement in effect--perhaps there were unstated agreements that you both thought were there, but really, how can you be sure you guys are agreeing to the same things when no one's talking about it?

But that said, I'm about 99.9% certain that she exhibits the basic symptoms of a psychob.itch.

[nubbie]

a girl like her is trouble. Even though you care, you should cut it off before you fall any deeper. If you think its hard now, believe me when i say it'll be a lot harder for you later if you continue with it. Forget her. You can find a girl who won't hurt you like that cause think about it: She hurt you and you guys AREN'T even together. Think about the ways she'll hurt you when you guys ARE together. Its not worth the trouble. She made out with another guy and told you about it and hurt you. It doesn't matter if it was because she's jealous or because she simply could. She said she stopped flirting with other guys when she met you. So the b.itch lied to you.

Just stop talking to her. Trust me, it'll be easier for you now than later. Nike. Just do it.


EDIT: And like another poster said, she sounds like a psycho. She texts you constantly, and she even wanted to stay over. I didn't stay over my bf's house until at least a half year (of exclusive dating) later. She seems clingy too.

[Flicksityy]

Summarized notes please, I'm not a quick reader.

[CupOfNoodles]

She's playing a little game... the thing is, she knows she's popular and she's clearly taking advantage of that. Have the talk with her first, that may probably clear up a lot of things.

[myxo]

It doesn't matter. Even without a mutual agreement signifying your exclusivity, a girl who is interested and is investing so much time in you wouldn't waste her time participating in silly acts to strain your relationship. If she really liked you or even so much as showed she cared, she wouldn't have shoved her tongue down another guy's throat and expect you to be okay about it. If it were me, I'd not only feel betrayed but foolish for investing so much time in a girl to have her blow it off in one night.

[°..a²]

Summarized notes please, I'm not a quick reader.

He never specified for you to read his post within any amount of time. So why does it matter whether you're a quick reader or not? I'm sure he'll summarize his post because he needs your help so much.

Anyways, you've stated a couple of times that you guys don't have an "official" relationship yet. From what you've wrote, she seems pretty jealous. What she did was definitely intentional and quite disrespectful. Even though you guys aren't dating yet, you've seem to have established that you're both into each other, and the relationship part is only a matter of time. Honestly though, she seems a bit crazy and possesive. If you really like her, and you're able to look past everything she did, then go for it. But be aware that she's going to be that 24/7 clinger type.

[shinrie]

Well, I think you should not continue seeing this girl as your relationship will do no good for both of you. I think she wants to make you feel jealous for not paying attention to her. When a girl is serious about a relationship, she will not make out with other guys like your girl did.

[EMPORIO]

That is not the type of girl you have a relationship with, that is the type of girl you slip out on in the middle of the night, get what you want from her and bounce.