[minwoogrl]

I'm tired of being the nice girl that everyone takes advantage of. Not only by friends and associates but also w/ family. I'm the only girl and also the middle child. I have a little spoiled brother and 2 older bros. And I feel like they have it sooo much easier than me b/c they are boys and b/c they are in college away from home while I'm stuck at a community college. I get crap from my family and I feel unappreciated for everything i do b/c my mom takes her stress out on me since I'm the only one at home other than my 10yr brother. I think that the only reason my mom wants me to stay at home is b/c she needs someone to share her stress but it's really not fair to me. I told her I want to transfer next semester to the college are going to but she threatens to not support me. WTH? she supports my brothers so why not me? I mean I dont care if I have to start paying for my living expenses but for her to say that really made me feel unappreciated for all I do and makes me think that they mean more to her than I do...My dad doesn't take care of anything and sometimes I REALLY feel bad for my mom b/c she gets all of the stress. But I think that there are situations that does not involve me to begin with but ends up with me being the bad guy or the one in the middle. I hate it but I'm stuck. If I dont do anything I get in trouble but if I do I still get in trouble. But I ask myself sometimes why I put up with these things when I didnt do anything wrong and why i have to sacrafice myself for someone else. It's just not fair.

The same thing goes for my friends. I go all out for my friends but sometimes I think they only like me b/c I'm nice and I do what they say. I hate it when I upset people b/c it makes me feel guilty but I dont see the point in going out of my way to make someone else happy when they wont do the same for me. They are so use to me being nice though when I disagree with them or tell them I dont want to do something they make me feel guilty and crap.

Can anyone relate to this? I'm tired of being nice and getting stepped all over. Is there anyway i can be meaner w/o becoming a B****?

[akiralove]

i can relate to you almost perfectly..
im kind of like a push over. im really nice to my friends and id pay for them for small things usually
my best friend said that i was too nice to the point where it go annoying.. lol
but i do feel like i get taken for granted
in the end i learned that i just have to take care of myself before others

[Shikabane Hime]

So if you've been used all this time by your friends, why do you keep doing it? I'm confused.

Why don't you just say no? That doesn't make you a sore loser despite how much childish "see, I told you she won't do it" flame baits you get.
One of my friend once had two of her guy friends come over and they asked for sexual favors. She declined, but one of them told the other "see, told you she won't do it." Being the pushover she is, she reluctantly agreed. What a failure, and I had to deal with the crying afterwards. Yes, I should be more supportive of her, but there's only so much you can do to tell someone to stop being a doormat for your friends, or your so-called friends.

[supa'Wanki]

I go to a community college and I taking care of my mom at the same time, and I don't mind at all. If you want to transfer to a 4 year, do it. That's pretty messed for your mom to say that she won't support you if you transfer. Did your mom say it's because of stress? Talk to her about it. It's your life, don't let your family hold you back if they're not supporting you. And for your friends, just say no. Don't feel bad because obviously you have your own life to live.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

the reason why you are being taken advantage is because they don't respect you.
Why don't they respect you? Because you always follow what they say. If you say no, you feel guilty, which is not even needed.

It's very ok to upset people, as long as it's not to the point where they will hate you.
It's ok to disagree with people, in fact, the more you agree with them, the less they will respect you lol.
The more you say no to them, the more likely they will respect you. Of course, you have to show fairness as well, you can't just say NO all the time, otherwise you'll be a b*tch like you've said.

That's for ur friends ^

For your family, uh I can't say much, I have a good family

[Jentage]

I can relate to your situation....

People in school know me as the nice guy who lets anything occur and never gets angry?

Eh...Well I am a bit tired of being nice and friendly, but I am afraid to be the big mean bubble gum type of person....eh... Well not bubble gum but someone who doesn't give in to most situations and is able to form an opinion of his or her own and stand by it .... eh~ I hope you can understand what I am trying to say..

[azn3dvietboy]

speak ur mind! stand up 4 urself!

[akiralove]

its true.. when i say no to someone it makes me feel guilty as well...
but you have to learn to deal with it... they can always find someone else
then you wont feel taken for granted and they realize that they cant use you the same way anymore :]

[Blu_Velvet_Sea]

but I dont see the point in going out of my way to make someone else happy when they wont do the same for me.

wouldn't someone who's genuinely nice do nice things without expecting anything back?

What exactly are your friends asking for you to do?
What exactly are you doing for your family at home?

If I dont do anything I get in trouble but if I do I still get in trouble.

If you get in trouble either way, mind as well get in trouble and not do it

They take advantage of you because you let them push you around. So don't think that they are all to blame. It's preventable by you.

You just need to change your mindset. You got to know who's using you, and who's not using you. Who's ever using you, don't feel guilty because jackasses for taking advantage of you. Who ever is not using you, just let them know why you can't do it. Good people will be understanding of your situation. As for your parents, they have the right to boss you around. With them, it's hard to make them understand from your point of you because they have their own beliefs. You might have to just deal with it and do what they say or move out lol How to deal with it? Well since your emphasizing on how your mom is bossing you around maybe you shouold just see where your mom is coming from. She doesn't seem to know how to handle stress well, so just be understanding of that and do things that stresses her before it stresses her =P

This post has been edited by Blu_Velvet_Sea: 16 December 2008 - 08:22 PM

[shudder_V]

Wow...you got to be kidding me?! Your mom is supporting your brother through college and she won't support you? that's pretty damn messed up...honestly, I think you should talk to her about it, i'm sure she only said it out of anger or stress, you know how people say hasty things without really meaning it?

you should tell her how much you want to study abroad and how it could help you, cause it is your life after-all right? shes your mom...she should support your ideals and if you want to study abroad she should just let you...like comeon...you actually want to study and get a nice job in the future..i have NO idea why she would stop you from doing that...*sighh*

[Shikabane Hime]

wouldn't someone who's genuinely nice do nice things without expecting anything back?

But would you be genuinely nice even if they step all over you?
That's just stupid.

[chll51]

dude. i can totally relate. i felt like that all the time, only with friends though. i always thought that i had to be nice just so i can have their friendship or having them like me. but you know what, those who are worth your friendships won't do this to you. so if you don't want to do something for someone, and feel sick when you're being taken advantage off, let them know. that's what i did. if i don't feel like doing my friend the favor because it causes trouble for me, i just say no. i mean, why please someone if they don't return the same thing to you? right? lol. good luck ^^

[Swtess]

Grow a backbone and tell them no.
Don't just sit there and listen when they try to guilt trip you.

[touche`]

wouldn't someone who's genuinely nice do nice things without expecting anything back?

You don't find these kind of people these days because we're all selfish. I do believe that there are people out there who are genuinely nice and do nice things without expecting anything back. It's just the matter how your motives respond to these type of things.

As to the topic starter, you can still be nice but there are times when you need to say no. You can't always say yes to everyone who asks from you. If your friends try to guilt trip you, then tell them NO. There are things that they can do without your help. Step up for yourself at times.

But would you be genuinely nice even if they step all over you?
That's just stupid.

these people are genuinely nice without letting their selfish motives taking over them.

[Jamila]

I've been like you before..time to stand up for yourself..sure you may lose some "friends" but hey obviously they aren't worth having. You need to toughen up. Learn to say no. If they can't stand that let them leave.

As for your mom I can relate..she hasn't said they she'd cut off my money if I went off to school, but she doesn't pay for anything while I'm here...it's understood that she wouldn't give me any money..lmao..Sure she takes alot out on me..My older brother lives in a different city..actually different state and he only comes home every once and a while. I've learned to deal with the fact that as long as I live with her I'll be treated that way...lol Now I understand why my brother rebelled so much.

As for being treated unfaily..don't even think about saying that to your mom unless you're looking for an argument. My mom helped my brother get a car, and a job, and other things..While she refuses to do the same for me. If I bring it up..obviously I'm comparring..lol

I feel you..My advice is to get a job, save your money, and move out.

[derrek]

Next time you feel rage, don't hesitate to karate chop someone in the throat.

[sushiwhore]

there have been so many situations wher ei can relate i've had freinds just use me and even take credit for things i showed them how to do so i've just learned to grow apart from them o_o

[ILuVTiTTiEZ]

Nope. And I'm sorry for your misfortune...Just stand up for yourself or just say No.

The last time I was "taken advantage" of was last week. But that was in someone's bed, and I don't think that counts! LOL

[HappyExpress]

The same thing goes for my friends. I go all out for my friends but sometimes I think they only like me b/c I'm nice and I do what they say. I hate it when I upset people b/c it makes me feel guilty but I dont see the point in going out of my way to make someone else happy when they wont do the same for me. They are so use to me being nice though when I disagree with them or tell them I dont want to do something they make me feel guilty and crap.

yeah, same here. You got to ask yourself honesty why do want to be nice to other? I noticed its because I fear being judge by them and want to feel accepted - don't you feel that way as well? Don't worry about people being upset.

Can anyone relate to this? I'm tired of being nice and getting stepped all over. Is there anyway i can be meaner w/o becoming a B****?

Yes, be honest with yourself and other around you. for instance, if you don't want to do something then don't! who care what others judge/think about you that's there problem. I realized if you being dishonestly your just giving them your power away.

(self-honesty is the key and the key to stand up within yourself)

[`Koko]

I used to be like that,
always taken advantage of and all of that being used kind of thing.
I was always like that. I'm still nice, and I'll do favours,
but not to the point where I'm stupid and get used.
You just have to learn to put yourself first.
Tell them off.
Treat yourself a little better. : )
You shouldn't feel guilty.
I used to feel guilty if I said no, and then I would end up
doing whatever my old 'friends' asked me to.
But now, I don't really care.
And plus, my real friends don't use me like that.