[JeSuisMoi]

Problem Solved Thanks to all the great advice! <3

[fi1993]

i hate it when that happens..not that ive had that much of a love life or life experience
but u rly dont want to go out with a guy who doesnt take the initiative
he could liek you but i think u should wait a bit and see if he takes the initiative

sorry for not being much of a help
but good luck!!

[mintcracker]

yah quit dwelling on things. If the guy ain't man enough to tell you for certain how he feels, move on and too bad for his loss lol.

[Shikabane Hime]

Why can't you just do what guys do: make the move.
You afraid? LOL

[sweetcream]

I think maybe you should just wait it out or let it go.
Right now he's become your crush again, but I think he's just being a good friend to you.
Except for the part about initiating conversations.
Well that might give you an idea that maybe he's not interested.
Good luck.

[ching22194]

Why can't you just do what guys do: make the move.
You afraid? LOL

yeah make the first move.. see how he reacts.

I think maybe you should just wait it out or let it go.
Right now he's become your crush again, but I think he's just being a good friend to you.
Except for the part about initiating conversations.
Well that might give you an idea that maybe he's not interested.
Good luck.

if youre the one who always initiating the conversation maybe he's not interested.
ive done that before.. their actions can be misleading and sometimes your hoping and waiting for nothing

[JeSuisMoi]

Why can't you just do what guys do: make the move.
You afraid? LOL

Hell yea I'm afraid.
I've never been one to hold back on my feelings. I've never felt scared to tell guys how I feel. But a year and a half ago, I went through my first rejection. It was a pretty hard ordeal. And since then, I've been a shy, and timid girl. I stopped being as outgoing and outspoken as I use to be, and in replacement of that was insecurity and second guessing. And I know that's probably the stupidest thing to happen, but it did. And everytime I imagine telling this guy straight up how I feel, I just relive that moment all over again. Lame analogy, but you know how some people couldn't go swimming after watching Jaws? Well that's how I feel. lol

I appreciate all the input given!
And I guess now I just play the waiting game, and see how things pan out, but you guys may be right. Maybe he's just being a good friend. I shouldn't put too much hope and time into something that sprung up so randomly. It just felt good to let it out and get some 2nd opinions.

I'm still open to whatever else you guys have to say!

[Shikabane Hime]

Hell yea I'm afraid.
I've never been one to hold back on my feelings. I've never felt scared to tell guys how I feel. But a year and a half ago, I went through my first rejection. It was a pretty hard ordeal. And since then, I've been a shy, and timid girl. I stopped being as outgoing and outspoken as I use to be, and in replacement of that was insecurity and second guessing. And I know that's probably the stupidest thing to happen, but it did. And everytime I imagine telling this guy straight up how I feel, I just relive that moment all over again. Lame analogy, but you know how some people couldn't go swimming after watching Jaws? Well that's how I feel. lol

Just stand up and do it again. There lies the distinction between someone with ambition and someone that just wants things to happen (aka, majority of girls out there).

Don't become another statistic.
Ya, when I first asked someone out, I got rejected, it was like "damn." But I got over it, cause being a guy, I'm expected to make the move. Why? Cause you girls are too damn insecure and afraid to do anything yourselves. Yet half of them talk about how "they can do it easily, but it's traditional for guys to make the move." I call BS.

Girls should be making the move more often. You've made one step towards equality, but you're going to shy away because of a small obstacle that occurred a year and a half ago?

[HaruNov]

Yeah seriously I don't get that. Why do girls go all nuts when it comes to gender equality like women should be treated fairly bla bla bla hoopla and then when it comes to having to get your hands dirty the same girls go "oh, that's the guy's job! I'm a girl so oh dear excuse me."

Why don't you take some risks? GUYS AREN'T MIND READERS.

[JeSuisMoi]

Just stand up and do it again. There lies the distinction between someone with ambition and someone that just wants things to happen (aka, majority of girls out there).

Don't become another statistic.
Ya, when I first asked someone out, I got rejected, it was like "damn." But I got over it, cause being a guy, I'm expected to make the move. Why? Cause you girls are too damn insecure and afraid to do anything yourselves. Yet half of them talk about how "they can do it easily, but it's traditional for guys to make the move." I call BS.

Girls should be making the move more often. You've made one step towards equality, but you're going to shy away because of a small obstacle that occurred a year and a half ago?

It's really easier said than done. I know everyone faces rejection at one point or another. I just never knew how difficult it was to get over it. Granted, in retrospect, I think it was nonsense that I would feel like that over some guy. At the same time though, it doesn't make putting your heart out there any easier.

Sure I use to be so carefree and outgoing about my feelings. And you're right, I shouldn't let one incident scare me off from being forward, I know I may be missing out on something great if I don't step up. I just really really reaaaaaaaaally don't want to risk losing that friendship AND going through that emotional turmoil all over again.

HaruNov: Girls aren't mindreaders either. lol Sometimes you guys do things or say things that are so misleading, making us think otherwise when really you just think you're just being nice. It's hard to tell!

I'm totally down with girls who make the first move. I commend those girls for being so gutsy, and I use to be proud of myself for always having that courage. Now though, I'm all skittish and worried and overanalyzing everything. And I hate that.

But I really do appreciate your opinions. And I'm slowly starting to move back into that mindframe about being more forward. It's scary though cause it's so up in the air right now.

[Shikabane Hime]

It's really easier said than done. I know everyone faces rejection at one point or another. I just never knew how difficult it was to get over it. Granted, in retrospect, I think it was nonsense that I would feel like that over some guy. At the same time though, it doesn't make putting your heart out there any easier.

Actually, it's not that hard to do. It's only hard cause you magnify it a hundred times lol
You're giving yourself the illusion that it's some really hard task when in reality it's not. I thought it was hard, then I realized it wasn't and I overthought everything.

It's not standing up that's the problem, you just don't want to cause you're afraid of being rejected and being alone (from what I'm reading). Well actually, there could be more, but those are the basic excuses I hear from girls that explain why they don't make the move.

[JeSuisMoi]

Actually, it's not that hard to do. It's only hard cause you magnify it a hundred times lol
You're giving yourself the illusion that it's some really hard task when in reality it's not. I thought it was hard, then I realized it wasn't and I overthought everything.

It's not standing up that's the problem, you just don't want to cause you're afraid of being rejected and being alone (from what I'm reading). Well actually, there could be more, but those are the basic excuses I hear from girls that explain why they don't make the move.

I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of being alone. I'm not a believer when girls say that they need a guy to be happy. But you're right about my being afraid of getting rejected again. Thats the big factor here.
You do make a good point, maybe I am making this into such a big deal, when in actuality it isn't. What I find difficult is grasping the idea that I can do it cause right now, I feel like I'm such a lost cause. It's so hard to block out the "what if" images in my head, and when I think about it, I get more scared.

[Fui]

Recently, I started talking to one of my high school crush (we've been friends of 8 years now but never really talked until now). The feelings that I used to have for him isn't the same anymore due to the fact that I have a boyfriend.
I used to be in the same situation as you. I didn't have a cell phone before so I couldn't wait for him to text me, but he called my house every now and then to talk to me and we always use MSN messenger to chat. It was fun while it lasted. Then something happend during our sophomore year of high school and we drifted off. We were friends but didn't talk like we used to. I knew that he liked me earlier, but over the summer of freshman year something changed. Now, we're talking like old times and I'm starting to feel as though I've went back to my freshman year of high school with him. Sitting in front of the computer, chatting to him via MSN messenger. All of the feelings came rushing back to me, yet I have a boyfriend. He knows I have a boyfriend as well but we're just good friends. However it's good to have those old feelings again. Seems as though I've missed those feelings without knowing so.


You can just continue doing what you're doing with him. Go eat with him when he asks and hang out with him. Just talk to him. Maybe he just wants your company like before. Then work something if you guys feel the spark between you two.

[Shikabane Hime]

I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of being alone. I'm not a believer when girls say that they need a guy to be happy. But you're right about my being afraid of getting rejected again. Thats the big factor here.
You do make a good point, maybe I am making this into such a big deal, when in actuality it isn't. What I find difficult is grasping the idea that I can do it cause right now, I feel like I'm such a lost cause. It's so hard to block out the "what if" images in my head, and when I think about it, I get more scared.

It may be a big factor, but guys have to do it even if the odds are against him 99% of the time. Girls have the convenience of falling back on 20th-century traditions, and therefore have had less practice. Having other girls tell you "it's the man's job" or "you don't have to make the move you know" doesn't help either.

If I were putting friendship on the line, it's like walking across a crappy old bridge overlooking a deep ravine: look down, and you're screwed. What if you fall? What if you slip? What if the bridge shatters? What if someone pushes you off? No one wants that, which is why it's so much easier to just ask some stranger you met 3 days ago and see if it works out. If it doesn't, oh well, no harm done.

This "friend zone" people keep talking about after a certain period of time elapses. Sounds a lot more like "I don't want to lose a great guy, therefore I won't take any chances with him"

Close your eyes and take your chances. What if it works out? The worst thing when you're on your deathbed is regretting that you didn't make the move.

[~*Anja*~]

Oh man, I swear human nature is so complex.. I mean, we have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger.. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals -- as long as our will, conviction and desire are present.. Humanity has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters.. And yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most of us, women/men, the fear of -----> REJECTION..


Dearest OP,

Oui, I understand your fear of getting rejected 2x because well, it lowers your self-esteem even more so.. But really the important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone's tastes.. Each man has his preferences, so if he rejects you, it just means that you do not fit the description of what he desires.. So toughen up, get over it already and approach as many men as possible in order to increase your chances of finding one that is looking for a woman like you..

[miirage]

Oh man, I swear human nature is so complex.. I mean, we have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger.. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals -- as long as our will, conviction and desire are present.. Humanity has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters.. And yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most of us, women/men, the fear of -----> REJECTION..


Dearest OP,

Oui, I understand your fear of getting rejected 2x because well, it lowers your self-esteem even more so.. But really the important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone's tastes.. Each man has his preferences, so if he rejects you, it just means that you do not fit the description of what he desires.. So toughen up, get over it already and approach as many men as possible in order to increase your chances of finding one that is looking for a woman like you..

Pure rubbish!

Your post signifying nothing! Thanks for taking away 1 minute of my life I can never get back.

[~*Anja*~]

Dear Miirage,

Tell me, why must you embarrass yourself??




*I offer my sincerest apology to JeSuisMoi for derailing your thread..

[D R E A M]

wait, just one reject and you changed yourself?
why?
it's just one guy
there other fish out there, like your old friend :]

have more confidence and make a move or something.

[JeSuisMoi]

If I were putting friendship on the line, it's like walking across a crappy old bridge overlooking a deep ravine: look down, and you're screwed. What if you fall? What if you slip? What if the bridge shatters? What if someone pushes you off? No one wants that, which is why it's so much easier to just ask some stranger you met 3 days ago and see if it works out. If it doesn't, oh well, no harm done.

This "friend zone" people keep talking about after a certain period of time elapses. Sounds a lot more like "I don't want to lose a great guy, therefore I won't take any chances with him"

Close your eyes and take your chances. What if it works out? The worst thing when you're on your deathbed is regretting that you didn't make the move.

You've got some pretty damn good metaphors lol
Thanks a lot for all your input though. It's really given me a whole different perspective.

~*Anja*~: Don't worry about it! & Thanks.

D R E A M: I know it's pretty stupid right? How one guy, one situation can have such an impact on me is so ridiculous. But like I've stated before, it was really my first taste of rejection and it hit me hard. I think everyone deals with it in a different way. I just went about it in the wrong way, you know?
I don't think it's something that I can change over night though. But I do feel like I'm gradually working on it.

And I am gradually working on being more forward with this friend. But baby steps. I just want to test out the waters first. Maybe I can get some kind of feedback and work with that? :x

[Shikabane Hime]

Just don't take too long. No one likes to wait. Girls lose interest maybe a week or two? And that's already pretty good for a guy.