[skadoosh!]

does anyone ever feel like this stupid everlasting popularity contest is just..well..plain stupid? but you still care?
as in, you need to belong somewhere?

[xxiaoMEI]

Ehh, I can relate.
I dont even know where I belong..
I've had different group of friends, and I dont feel like I belong in any of them.
Right now, I have a group of friends, I have a few close friends, but in my group, I just feel left out ><

sighh...i dont even care if im populr or not, i just want real friends that can stick with me through thick and thin. are they so hard to find? D;

[supa'Wanki]

There aren't any cliques. YOU need to stop thinking that way. In high school, I used to have loads of friends/aquaintances, and I still talk to them frequently after high school. Make friends with individuals, not groups. If you like someone, befriend them. Don't worry about all that high school drama.

[GaeasX]

I can sorta relate. In my first year of university, I hung out with a buncha people who I considered my groupies, we were always doing things together and talking with each other. We practically lived in each other's dorm rooms. But then one friend decided to give me a hard time and we ended up stopped being friends and slowly, my other friends left me to hang out with her cuz she was, I dunno, cooler or something. I spent the rest of freshman year and half of sophomore year constantly depressed because I had no close friends who I could depend on to hang out with regardless of time or whoever else was there. Didn't know who to sit with at mealtimes and who to talk to when I was bored. You're definitely not being shallow, and it's good that you decided to stop getting yourself involved in all that drama. That stuff is like a tornado that's ready to suck you in at anytime and really mess you up.

I think that because a lot of people are striving for this or that in the social system of cliques, it's hard to find actual friends who, regardless of who you are, are ready to stick with you through thick or thin. But there are people like that, and we really just need to keep an open mind because sometimes, the closest friends aren't exactly the kind of people we're looking for: personality, looks, social status, etc. Like I used to hang out with really asian girls who were into those cute asian cartoon characters and asian actors. Ironically enough, after they left me, I found real friends among the Drama Club people. They call me when they feel like eating dinner and I always bug them when I need someone to talk to.

So don't worry, you'll find real friends sooner or later. =) And who knows, mebe you just need a longer conversation with your current friends to get closer to them. That's how my friendship started with the Drama kids, I knew them before but never really talked to them until I had no one else to talk to. There are cliques, but what matters is whether or not you acknowledge them and let them get in the way of your relationships. You don't need to fit in to any particular group to socialize and make friends with people.

[schadenfreud1c]

There aren't any cliques. YOU need to stop thinking that way. In high school, I used to have loads of friends/aquaintances, and I still talk to them frequently after high school. Make friends with individuals, not groups. If you like someone, befriend them. Don't worry about all that high school drama.

+1

That's the type of mentality I try to tell the little kids I work with when they feel lonely because nobody wants to play with them.

[Apple.Mint]

I'm rather a lucky person =]
everywhere i go, i always somehow find a way to make friends =]
in the beg it was hard to find "bestfriends" because of language barrier but i always have people to hang out with
soon enough, in 8th grade
i found my own group of friends [only three girls but still O.O]
ahhah and we've been really good friends ever since [almost five years now]
so like what Wanki said, make friends with people you like, people you get along
not because of "groupies" or whateverr
whether it be guys or girls, whoever you along with <3

[nowayin]

I moved to another country, so I can somewhat relate.
I have had some really good girlfriends here in Canada, but I don't really feel like i belong either.
All my friends who has been me thru the crazy times are not here with me.
I make do with whatever I got.

ahah I have to agree, guys are less complicated, and sometimes alot easier to talk with.

I agree with the supa'Wanki you have to make individual friends, cliques usually don't last and they make you feel like crap later.
I'm sure you will find a nice small grp of friends who will accept you who you are and will be there.
Sometimes you got to exert some effort too.

[~Tropical.Mists]

Wow... I can't relate but I can definitely understand how it must feel to not have a "group".
I'm in second year uni now... but back in high school, ever since gr. 9... I had formed a solid CONCRETE group of friends. I don't really know how it happened either >_> It just so happened that we all had lunch together and we clicked. Eventually the group grew and now it's practically 30+ people with a mix of girls and guys. A lot of people use to envy our group... not cuz we were "popular" and the "it" group... I think it's cuz we were so close and big and everything we did, we did together. Parties would be huge, we had a routine of going out to drink bbt and see movies... and I guess people envied how family-like we were.

I don't know the feeling of not having a group, but I get how it must really suck. And it really DOES matter, especially when you don't have that group.
I suggest you find someone you really click with... someone you really like and someone you get along with...
Then eventually maybe you can meet her friends... and you can then merge into their group ^^ it takes time don't worry!
Also, guys are definitely the way to go!! In gr. 12, I practically hung out with all guys except my best friend and one other girl lol XP I know they seem alright now... but sometimes I really appreciated girl time too so I don't blame you for wanting that group to belong to.

--xoxo.
TM

[350125go]

Spend time with more down-to-earth people. Even if they aren't the kind of material you're looking for in a group.

[v13tnammer]

uh yea...guys are SOOOO much more easier to hang out with..i unno why..
try to make new friends, hang out, make more plans with the friends you do know now.
somewhere along the way you'll find a friend who you'll connect with most =)
or you might already have great friends but just dont know it!

[skadoosh!]

There aren't any cliques. YOU need to stop thinking that way. In high school, I used to have loads of friends/aquaintances, and I still talk to them frequently after high school. Make friends with individuals, not groups. If you like someone, befriend them. Don't worry about all that high school drama.

having LOADS of friends/aquaintences isnt the problem. i have LOADS of them.
i just dont have my own super close group of people i can be with; if i am really good friends with one, then the other doesnt really hang out with each other.
i'm not the one whos like YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER, YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER AND YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER, but there are mutal feelings between each ..group? and i hate that. there ARE cliques, believe it or not. so since i'm a 'floater', and have friends among everyone, i dont have any close friends. i just dont feel like i belong with a group.






thanks everyone for your replies <3
i will do personal replies later, but i just wanted to point that ^ out.

[derrek]

I have lots of people I can hang out with, not many close friends. But I really enjoy being alone... not in a depressing way, I just like quiet.

[Jnn]

Forget about those shallow who use and dispose you. Think of the people you would want to hang out with if you have your own close group...make friends/maintain your friendship with them and show others how fun you can be. take the initiative to make your group, invite other people to hang out with you...don't wait for someone to include you. That is what real popular people do imo...they don't depend on being in a clique to be popular...they straddle cliques and bring together friends with their individuality and personality.

[marasshi]

I'm friends with most (all) of the people I went to high school with, but I've also made friends with new people I met in college. As someone posted earlier, make friends with individuals, not groups.

I have a couple of close (girl) friends and they're all pretty close with each other but I prefer hanging out with them one-on-one. If there are more than two of us together they start gossiping about other people, and even though it is sort of entertaining, it just grates on you after a while. Maybe you can try hanging out with your acquaintances one-on-one. You'll get to know each other better and you might become closer friends.

'Group' activities, I think, aren't really that important once you get older. You can just have your work friends hang out with you to get drunk or something.

[happiisunshin]

having LOADS of friends/aquaintences isnt the problem. i have LOADS of them.
i just dont have my own super close group of people i can be with; if i am really good friends with one, then the other doesnt really hang out with each other.
i'm not the one whos like YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER, YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER AND YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER, but there are mutal feelings between each ..group? and i hate that. there ARE cliques, believe it or not. so since i'm a 'floater', and have friends among everyone, i dont have any close friends. i just dont feel like i belong with a group.






thanks everyone for your replies <3
i will do personal replies later, but i just wanted to point that ^ out.

Man, your problem isn't having "super close friends" but more rather having a close friend. Trust me on this, I'm a social butterfly too and I went through exactly what you went through.

I felt that despite all the kinds of friends I have, I was not "close" to any of them outside of school. I started to realize that it wasn't my FRIENDS that was the problem. It was me. So I started hanging out after school with them, started supporting them more in their dilemmas, plan hang outs with them (i.e. movies, shopping, etc.), brought up topics that would bring the friendship to a deeper level, etc. In short, I went my way with friends I feel I have a chemistry with. I now have several friends I can depend on when the time calls for it with a rocketing social life. With this, I feel even more comfortable among one certain group even though I "look" out of place in an outside point of view.

I hope you obtained the message and the key point in that story. Good luck.

[theonlyrealone]

You know what? I used to be like that too, back in high school, and I always worried about the same things you did. What was worse for me was that I was basically being ostracized by my classmates and I had no friends at all, except for one particular clique who sorta took pity on me and let me hang out with them during breaks.

But anyway, what you have going for you is still kinda good, 'cos yeah, guys are much less complicated than girls. Believe me, if I hadn't come from an all-girls high school, I wouldn't have had all those problems, 'cos like you, I can click better with guys too.

So what I'd suggest is, continue hanging out with those guys if you feel more comfortable with them than with any other people, because honestly, who cares what people think about a girl hanging out with a group of guys anymore? It's the 21st century!

Also, I'm a floater as well, so I don't really have a specific group of friends I stick to, which might also cause a bit of a problem. I guess the downside is that they'll always be closer to each other than to you, but then again, the advantage is that your social circle is much wider too.

I know you're probably worried that you don't have someone or a group of people that you're very close to, but perhaps you might want to ask yourself whether is it because you want a best friend, or you need one? There's a difference, you know.

When people used to mention their best friends, I got kinda down, 'cos I realized I had no best friend too, but I asked myself the same question I asked you just now, and I came to the conclusion that actually, I'm ok without a best friend.

So as long as you're able to trust the people you mentioned you're pretty good friends with, you should be able to trust them with little secrets here and there. Gradually, it'll turn into your little secrets between each other, and they might even reciprocate it too, meaning they'll come to you with their little secret. Sooner or later, they might even turn into your close/best friends without you knowing it. These kinds of relationships really do take time, but yeah, it's whether you want to nurture them in the first place. Every friendship has to start off somewhere, you know. =)

[mango-iee]

I don't like to "belong" to a certain group.
i just make friends to whoever seems like a good person. either way, i'm just making friends and not searching for a miss popular name.
what's the point in making friends, if you are making friends to "belong" in a group?