[coreancc]

I'm writing this simply for an outlet... it may be wandering, meandering, but it is thereputic.
My wife and I are friends with another couple roughly our age. They have several children. In fact, she just had a baby. The Dr. discovered some irregularities during normal monitoring after delivery, and ordered a CAT scan, through which they discovered cancerous growths.
Things were hopeful then... the growth was small, well contained... a type of cancer that rarely gets out of control... they immediately performed surgery.
We were there as she went through powerful chemo. We helped watch the kids, make meals, etc.
We were there as she seemed to recover.
Their family is so brave, so courageous. Always positive.
Because of the chemo, she came down with a bad flu. Had a hard time breathing, so her husband takes her in... they order another CAT scan and discover the cancer has spread... everywhere... her chances of survival are slim.

I'm beginning to realize now... all my life, cancer has been everywhere. I always heard of someone fighting it or dying of it... but it was always a friend of a friend of a friend, or a distant relative... someone I never really knew. It was far off, even though it was all around. But now, my own friend... someone we care about enormously, someone still young... she is an incredible mother... and has so much ahead of her. I don't know. There is a very good chance that sometime in the next year I will be consoling my good friend as he mourns his wife. Is it bad for me to think about this? I don't know... but I am. I can't stop thinking about it. We just found out and the news is hitting me hard. Yet, through it all, their faith is so strong. They are all at peace, you can see it in their faces... but me... I'm sad, I'm torn, I'm angry... angry... at the cancer! How ridiculous is that? Being angry at something without sentience. I'm angry at this thing that seems to ravage our entire nation... hundreds of thousands of people die every year from it... we hear about wars, we hear about disease, we hear about hunger... but we seem to have grown accustomed to cancer. Yeah, we're fighting it, but it doesn't receive the attention - it doesn't seem to receive the sympathy or empathy from our society as a whole. Have you ever seen what someone who has cancer goes through? I mean, beside the awful horror of the cancer itself, and all the nauseating, sickening, life changing side effects of the chemo... beside all that, they go through this cold, uncaring system - it is so incredibly difficult to find a doctor that REALLY CARES! You are just another number to them, just part of their job. The whole system is incredibly complicated, with forms here, insurance hassles there - oh, you need to find this specialist - oh yeah, you really should have been looked at by such and such a specialist... oh, we told you that? Call this number, and navigate the menus and humans and see if you can find someone who knows something... blah.. blah.. blah... Have we all become so desensitized to this monster? It's killing us! And we make it so hard for anyone to figure out how to get help!
Oh, of course, if we know someone with cancer, we show them all the empathy we have - I know this from personal experience now! But, where is the coverage from the media at the same level as, say, the Iraq war? Not to disrespect those who have died in that war, but over 500,000 people freakin' died from cancer in the USA in 2008 ALONE!!! Gah... where is the nonstop coverage on that? Why don't we care the same?
OK, I apologize for the rant.. anyone who knows me knows this isn't like me at all... I'm just venting... the emotions that are washing over me right now.
I have a friend who has been given a death sentence. She will watch herself slowly die. She will feel life slowly seep from her own body. Her family is holding on to her with the tightest grip they can muster, yet, she will be pried from their grasping hands and taken away forever. She is the very center and heart beat of their family, the light of their radiance... her candle stick has only just begun to burn down, it has so much left... yet, the wind has started blowing, her flame is flickering, and despite all our efforts, that bright flame is wavering. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way... and, honestly, writing this all out is helping.
Sigh...
And now I gather myself and prepare to shower this family with all the love, joy, life, light, and happiness I am capable. We celebrate her life and the time she does still have remaining. Knowing her, she will make the best of it... she will accomplish more in this year than most people do in a lifetime. Yes, there is much joy to be had, and though there is sorrow, it is a sweet sorrow indeed. Joy and tears flow mingled down.

[mikomi]

Part of the sad reality is that there are so many causes of cancer that you can't really put your finger on it anymore; it is everywhere. Perhaps, as we see massive growth in cancer numbers we see correlating growth in other things* which I wont discuss since it's really not set in stone. Now, everyone knows someone, or indirectly connects to someone who has had cancer and may have died of cancer. As we slowly watch each other die we are stuck in the same predicament; what is there that we can really do about it?

I'm sorry for your situation, but I wont say loss because you just never know. One person may say it's a death sentence and another could say it's so much more thant hat.

[derrek]

Just last year I lost a very close friend to cancer. It shook me really really bad. I was with him throughout it all...

We worked together and he said he felt something weird and I asked him to go see the doctor because I didn't want anything bad to happen. He battled cancer for over a year, and was finally recovering. Then out of the blue he passed away. It was one of the saddest times of my life, I've never cried so much.

Now that I've had the time to process things, I really am thankful for ever having him in my life at all. He was a really special person, and when he left in his physical form, his spirit stays with us every day motivating us and keeping us cheerful with his quirky sounds and caring smile. I can't express how much losing him effected me positively as a person. I feel like he's right by my side all the time, and still laugh when I think about all the things we did together. I understand that everyone has a time and place, and nothing is permanent, but it never prepares you for something like this. But he left me with a gift when he passed away, and I'm really grateful for him.

RIP Adam, you know I love you buddy!

Seeing as I just went through this, if you ever want to talk about it with me, I certainly welcome it.

[PaNgIeE]

Andrew I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have never been with anyone and/or known anyone personally who had cancer, but I have lost loved ones nonetheless. It is always a tragedy to lose someone so close to something you know you can't help take away. I wish in some way I can find the words to express to you that I know what you're going through and that I'm here for you, but I can't. All I can provide is a willing ear if you need one. Vent away b/c we are all allow that especially at times like this.

You're doing the best you can at being there for your friends and that is by far the best thing you're providing. We seldom lose track of time and waste so much of it so when you can spare your time and your presence then that's the best gift you've given them. I'm sure in more ways they are thankful for you and your family for being there. If you need anything, please feel free to let us know as well. We are also here to support you.

Isn't it always the ones you loved and the best out of us that goes first? I hate the feeling of losing someone, but you know what...I don't ever lose sight of what they mean and what kind of impact they've made in my life. They are never fully gone. Be strong Andrew. There's no need to hide your emotions.

Praying for your friend and her family. *HUGS*

[coreancc]

Wow... thanks, guys, for your support! <hugs>
I can't tell you how much this all means to me. I wrote that original post in the heat of the moment... I'm almost afraid to go back and read what I wrote, lol. I know these emotions will pass, and we will all find again our strength and do everything we can to shower this family with love... I also know I shouldn't be assuming the worst, and I'm sure I'll get past that feeling too.. but, it's nice to know that you guys understand all this, and are experienced enough with life now to know the phases people go through when they hear this sort of news.
Also, I do want to say that there are doctors, nurses, and others (including those amazing administrators ) who care, and there are wonderful people that are just full of love and understanding who volunteer to work with cancer patients. Sometimes it can seem like they are the minority, but they are there, and that's what's important.

And Derrek... I'm so sorry about your loss, and I so hope I'm able to come to where you've come in your spirit and attitude. Maybe time will show me the way.

[cakehead]

I'm sorry. My mom died in September from bone cancer at the age of fifty. She had it for 10 years and managed to live a good happy life even while getting chemo (thanks to smoking weed the whole time, it really worked no matter what they say) but then she had to stop the chemo because of an infection. She became paralyzed when it spread to her spine and couldn't walk, see, or even speak for a month and then died. They induced a coma and she died in hospice without me and my sister, as we live 1,000 miles from her. No one there told us this happened until it was too late, even when I called to find out what happened to her for all that time. It was so weird how she was perfectly fine and happy on the phone with me, then all of a sudden in a month she was gone. It was the first time I experienced a death in the family.

The most important thing is to make the best of the time you have. Unfortunately, I didn't even see my mom for two years before she died. That is the biggest regret and the saddest part of the whole thing. Just try to have fun with her when you can, don't treat her differently and please give her something nice to think about. Talk about fun memories and hope for the best. You never know, my mom was supposed to die in 2000, then it went in remission for years. Same could happen for her even if all the odds are against it. Good luck with everything, hopefully you all find peace and enjoy the time you have together. She would want you to be strong I'm sure.

[Wayves]

The most important thing is to make the best of the time you have. Unfortunately, I didn't even see my mom for two years before she died. That is the biggest regret and the saddest part of the whole thing. Just try to have fun with her when you can, don't treat her differently and please give her something nice to think about. Talk about fun memories and hope for the best. You never know, my mom was supposed to die in 2000, then it went in remission for years. Same could happen for her even if all the odds are against it. Good luck with everything, hopefully you all find peace and enjoy the time you have together. She would want you to be strong I'm sure.

I agree. It's important to enjoy the time.

[be_mellow]

Sorry to hear that. I've lost a friend who died of leukemia 2 years ago.....it was so random when I got a call from her cell number....except it was her mother who's on the phone telling me what's going on.....at that moment I felt so lost and depressed...I wished I hanged out with her more, but she lived in another state....I always think, "it's kinda true, you don't know how to cherish something until you lose them."....sigh....
Life is so fragile.....You should enjoy all the time there is with her.....it's the best you can do.....One advice is, you shouldn't cry in front of her....I know patients doesn't want others to cry in front of them...it make them feel worse.....cuz I remember I hold my tears in, until I left the hospital each time I visited...

[thermopyle]

I'm going through a similar situation. It's not my friend but my aunt. She's one of the closest relatives I have and someone who really defines 'young at heart'. I found out only a few weeks ago that she had colon cancer. She's had three surgeries and the last time time I visited her, my heart just fell at the condition she was in. I can't imagine her not being here, or enjoying the holidays together, or telling bad jokes to each other. Like most people, I'm a selfish person. I don't want her to die, to leave my life before I really start it, but all you can do is just enjoy the moments you have with them. I still believe she can pull through, and I won't give up like I know she won't.

She's still good for a bad joke from me though. Being in the hospital sick does not preclude her from our torture sessions.

[Prot]

Rather than dwell on negatives, focus on positives and have a positive outlook towards the situation. I mean, we all die one day (with our current technology atleast), so dwelling on that negative aspect of life doesn't get you anywhere. I mean, there are just too many things in life that can go wrong, (random murder from hit and run, stray bullets killing random people, etc list goes on) but also too many things that can go right. Enjoy life while there is time to enjoy it and also there are recoveries from cancer being developed as there are medications that target the mitotic phase of the cell cycle but affect the target as a whole not just the cancerous part, and there are also certain cancer specific drugs that are out there as well so who knows what is next.

[JTH]

I lost my father to cancer and I barely knew him but it affected me a lot.

Just be strong; It may be overwhelming physically but don't let it also overpower your mentality. That is the one thing you must fight for and keep in order to move on in life.

[*wenDzie^^*]

i read the line 'cancer is everywhere' - that applies to me... i was like u, never thought it'd happen to ME.. it's always pple i knew, but not related to me..
but my grandparents.. my uncles, aunties, great uncles and aunties, even my mum all passed away from cancer...
it is really hard for me sometimes as well, i start to think whether i will end up in the same road.. since cancer is genetic

but sometimes i forget how selfish i was when my mum was sick - she was fighting the disease with such courage while i was too scared of losing her, which caused me not wanting to be home and see her suffer (i was 17 at the time and she weighed only 31kg)

i've learnt through all the people around me that patience and tolerance is the most valuable trait when dealing with cancer patience.

we don't understand their sufferings but have to be patient and tolerable towards them.. whether they are getting angry or sad or happy, we have to be there for them... it must be stressful for them to know there is no hope sometimes, no matter how hard they tried...

my mum joined a cancer help group which helped her through a lot of pain, talk to pple who understood her

sorry i am going off track here...

but you are right, please bring joy and happiness and spend as much time as you can with your friend.
help her accomplish goals and be her rock
optimism will take you very far!!!

[Meenuh]

It's weird how today I just spoke to one of our salesmen and I asked him if he had kids. He said he had 3 and he proceeded to tell me about them. His middle child (his daughter) has a brain tumor. They found out when she was just 13 months old. She was crying a lot all of a sudden and they tried to let her sleep and all of a sudden she stopped breathing.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for him to see his child like that but he says she is getting better. He says that she is in the hospital very often and he says that it is hard for them. I could see tears welling up in his eyes. It broke my heart.

I know that my aunt has passed away from cancer and i've only met her once. My mom cried a lot but I think it really teaches us to live for the moment. Don't focus on your past and don't spend too much time worrying about the future because then your life will pass you by. This reminds me of a quote from Kung Fu Panda ( yeah I know .. i'm a kid at heart )

Oogway: You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

[derrek]

Yes! Kung-fu Panda reference! You win!

*grabs Meenuh's finger*

Skadoosh!

*lifts pinky*

[princesspoppy]

Bear-hugs all around!!!! I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I wish you, you family, and your friend and her family the best. You all will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Honestly, I don't know what you are going through, because I don't know someone who has cancer. But I do know the anger, frustration, and helplessness you feel, because my younger sister has a sickness. Its treatable, but medical insurance won't cover it. It really john teshing sucks, especially as an older sister, to hear her say that she is a burden to our family. It breaks my heart.

Be strong! Hwaiting! Jia-yo! Ganbatte!

[SHATTERED]

so many things can cause cancer today.
im sorry to hear the loss of ur friend.
someone close to my heart is fighting cancer right now & i know how you feel.

[ching22194]

just this september my aunt died from cancer. we tried everything we could
but the cancer was already in stage4 so it will only take a miracle for her to be alive.
what hurt most is that she continously says she still wanted to live, but we never told her about the cancer
for if she knows it'll hurt her the most.

cancer is like a thief in the night. with one blow your gone..
i just wish it wont happen to my immediate family.
that would be very difficult to bear..

hearing things like this makes you treasure life more and love your family even more..

[SammyMac]

Cancer seems common, grandma, our uncle, ive known of a friend passing away at highschool.

I feel for your loss, i hope that the treatments help your friend.

I dont think there would be anyone who hasnt had a friend , family or known of someone who had passed away for had cancer. One of my good frineds he had bowl cancer and is in remission, he is a positive person and i believe a positive attitude would help.

Advances in medicine can only improve the prosepcts

[phoenix rise]

can't really say i knew/know anybody with cancer

[kelvin6]

As a radiography (x-rays) student right now, i've just finished a clincal rotation at a hospital that has a comprehensive cancer center. I meet patients everyday that are battling cancer, some are the fighter types who keep a optimistic personality and some that don't. Although I don't get to know them personally, I do have empathy for what they are going through. I try not to get sympathetic to the point where it affects my performance, but when I was doing portable x-rays in the pediatric department it was so depressing to see so many children fighting for their lives and battling cancer (sigh). If there is one thing that these kids have taught me is that that you have to have a optimistic look on cancer, no matter what the result is. You have to stay strong through this. If I had cancer and I knew i wasn't going to make it, i would want the rest of my days to be sour and full of negativity, I would want it to be something positive and look back on my life as something I accomplished and proud of, and not what it could've been or would've been. Many days I do x-rays or CT scans and I can see cancers that have spread (I can't officially say that because i'm not a doctor), and its depressing to know that the person, a human being standing next to you may not make it. The one thing that gets me through these days is that I remember that what i'm doing (or will be doing) is taking part in saving lives.

For the original poster, you have to stay strong through this. If I died, personally I wouldn't want people to be sad over me, I would want them to remember who I was, the things I accomplished in my life, the lives i've changed for the better, the memorable times i've shared with others, etc. I think your friend would want that too. Stay strong.