[JTH]

Yo, well, does everyone here have a group of friends where at least one of the guys... is considered to be the "weak" / "flamboyant" etc kinda guy?

Well not that there is anything wrong with that but I have different groups of friends and in my closest group, I'm considered to be that "gay" guy. Well here's the thing, I'm not gay and I actually have nothing against being gay or anyone choosing that path as a lifestyle... it's like w/e? I'm from Toronto so I'm really open minded about these kinda issues.

The thing is, in the past, I have acted flamboyant, I mean like the way I act, the way I joke around, etc... so I can see why my friends think this way. At first it was a joke with them accusing me of being gay and stuff but honestly, it's getting more and more serious. Like yea, we all still laugh at the subject but they keep pressuring me, trying to dissect the "truth" out of me.

At first, I would argue about it and they would accuse me of trying to "defend" myself too much and that maybe I was scared... and then when I calm about it and just didn't answer and tried to talk reasonably they said it was out of my character and that I was taking the issue so smoothly as if I was really gay. It's like... no matter what I do, they have that presumption. It's kinda like an Atheist and a hardcore Christian talking about the existence of God. (No body can win or convince the other of their point of view)

The thing is, they are true friends though because whenever I was in need, they were there for me and vice-versa. I care about them and I know they care about me. We've known each other for years but it seems like this will never go away. They're so into it that if I got a girlfriend, they would assume it was a cover-up... wtf?

But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.

So for you... for anyone who has this kinda friend, do you guys really think they are gay? Are you just teasing? Do you really want to investigate all of this... Why do you want to believe so much that, that "gay" friend is actually gay?

&

For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;

"Wtf? I'm not gay... but I don't even know what to say anymore, it's like a lose-lose situation. You're my friends but obviously I can't convince you that I'm not one thing or another"

[ILuVTiTTiEZ]

No, but I wish I did. =( sad day.....

[Pogichinoy]

For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;

Some friends that I made in university thought I was gay because in their opinion, I was cultured, fashionable, good looking (wtf?!), loves shopping, loves dancing, and very conscious about my looks. It was quite a shock to them when they found out I asked a girl out. But no biggie, they are still my friends and they remembered how much I like sport, and wooped their ass in sport.

To answer your question, they never once wondered if I was gay, they only said 'whoa, I thought you were gay cos you're different to other guys, but its all good, good luck with her'.

I didn't feel I needed to prove anything. I was just myself all the time.

[k r e m e s]

You sound cool, can I be your friend? =)

My male friends always call each other gay so the circumstances are not quite the same as yours.
Well, I've been in a similar, yet much smaller, situation. I had a friend who assumed I was a lesbian (and even told to a few of his friends so) because I openly mention when I think a girl is good-looking and strongly believe in the same-sex marriage cause. (Strangely, did not stop him from trying to court me.) He only accepted otherwise when he finally realized that I had crush on one of his friends.
I would imagine that the most effective way to convince them that you are straight is to date a girl. Though it would be a shame to impede your goals just to get your friends off your back. If they are your close and true friends, they'll like you either way. Most likely, they're just to teasing. If you bothers you that much, then explain that to them. They're questioning your identity and not trusting what you have to say--perfectly good reason why you would be agitated. Or you can just ignore for a while longer and by the time you are ready to have a girlfriend, I think they will be able to recognize that you are straight.

[Mr Boo Boo]

my advice to you is just continue to be who you are and not worry about anyone else
you sound like you know what you wanna do in life and willing to do what it takes to get there
so i wouldn't worry about what people don't know....if i were you i would just brush it off and just continue to stay focus on what your doing

[rms13515]

We have a friend like that. He seems gay and metro sexual, he grew up around girls and thats that. Though we mess around with him about it, we don't do it excessively. We don't mean it, and as a friend I poke fun but at the same time try to discretely ensure him it is not what I actually think. I continue to tease and the best he can do is ignore it, brushing it off and say whatever. I always believed he could handle these situations well. In the end he knows the most ladies

[Myss Blewm]

Difficult situation for you.

First and foremost, I think this needs to be said, being gay is not a "lifestyle". It is who a person is. They do not merely "choose" to be gay, much like I do not choose to be straight. It is who you are, and that is all there is to it.

But onto your issue. I feel bad because one of my best friends is a gay male. We grew up together, and everyone always thought he was really flamboyant, and everyone would joke with him about being gay and he'd defend himself that he was not gay. I never joined in on the teasing because I always thought it was awkward. When he finally came out, I wasn't shocked nor did I do a "I KNEW IT!" I just pretty much told him that I was happy that he was comfortable to tell me that. We just kind of let life continue from there.

As for other friends who I suspect might be gay but just have not come out or are in denial, at first I would joke about it. But I guess as we grow older we get over it. I just let them be and know that if they know they are gay and want to come out, they will when they want to. If they don't want to, then oh well. If they're straight, then okay.

In the case of most people I know, it seems like the harder you deny something, the less people believe you, so for you, I think you shouldn't egg your friends on by vehemently denying it when your friends start irritating you. Just shrug it off. Hopefully your friends will grow up and let you have your space about your sexuality.

My mom has accused me of being lesbian in the past because I'm 22 and single. XD

[Millou]

I have some gay friends and a friend who I thougth was gay but isn't.

We did laugh at the friend who we thought was gay, but we only did it once or twice in the beginning (I don't he minded...and we don't think he's gay anymore)

If you really don't like how your friends still think you're gay, maybe you should talk to them seriously. Or you can woop their asses in sport like Pogichinoy says

[IceCub]

Well I have a friend and his situation is simular like yours. He acted 'girly' etc. and about a year or 2 ago he came out of the closet =P. And we expected it already he is gay so no big suprise.

[derrek]

I do and I think it's hilarious. I say really gay stuff all the time, and if someone seriously accuses me, I outwit them... I'll say something like "Am I gay? Are you kidding I had 10 dicks for breakfast!". I'm sure there's some people that question me, I just think it's funny. I have gay friends and lesbian friends, it's all good. I don't care what people think... I'm definitely more comfortable with my sexuality than most guys, to the point nothing really bothers me.

Or if it's a pretty girl I say "I will prove to you I am not gay." and when they say "How?" I just smirk.

[jerseycity]

i think respondents are confused (or i might be) with his use of being "gay".

to my understanding they probably don't think you're homosexual but they like to badger you and call you out as the weak "gay" rut of the group.

we used to have a guy in my group that we all picked on way back in high school/early college. it's just a psychology thing bro, guys like to exert themselves as masculine and/or the alpha dog, so subconsciously they feel that by labeling someone the "gay" guy, they have saved themselves from being essentially what you have unfortunately become.

back to my experience, the guy we made fun of was one of our best friends and perhaps it was just time and maturity that phased this type of behavior out of us.

the best way is probably not let it get to you because they can also be doing this because they enjoy your REACTION. just do you man, and be the first to get a job or a blow job. lol mini cooper i john teshed up this serious reply with that last line. john tesh so close!

stay up bro

[josebiwasabi]

HOW'S IT GOING JJUN212?

[princesspoppy]

One of my closest friend is gay. And he is a wonderful person! I never thought he was gay, but when he told me I wasn't shocked or surprised, I was like "ok...cool..wanna grab something to eat?"

I agree with Myss Blewm:

First and foremost, I think this needs to be said, being gay is not a "lifestyle". It is who a person is. They do not merely "choose" to be gay, much like I do not choose to be straight. It is who you are, and that is all there is to it.

I know some guys who are metrosexual, but I never called them 'gay' or said that they were 'gay,' because its not my business who they sleep with, unless they tell me. If they say they are not gay, then I'll take their word for it. And if they are gay, "cool...lets grab a bite to eat."

I guess all you can do is continue living as yourself. I'm pretty sure, well hopefully, they'll stop teasing you.

[angelxglo]

wells, all the "flamboyant" guys i know really did come out of the closet after HS.

there is nothing wrong with it.
gay or straight. nobody cares about it in this day and age.

[turquoise_and_takoyaki]

I have lesbians, gays and bi sexual friends and I never judge them because I really love them heaps, I get along with them but I do have one friend who, which me and my mates thought was gay, at first though my mates started teasing me with him saying that he is my type and crap like that and I was like no, I don't think so but now my mates really think he is gay since he wears pink (it doesnt mean your gay if you wear pink) and he walks really slow in a girly walk and acts like a woman, his mannerisms are so girl like, even in some people their first impression is "is he gay?" also we had this gay guy in our class and wanted to know if he is with someone because he likes him and wants to "hang out" with him but my mate doesn't know that we think he's gay because we have never teased him, we didn't want to hurt his feelings, we just laugh with him if he acts like one or something like that.

[SeX1eStAsaBa]

I get that a lot and it bothers me somewhat just like JTH. I'm pretty metro, but I see nothing wrong with that. I do at times have girly moments but I ultimately still know I'm a male. I even like girly things like Sailor Moon. I've been asked a few times if I was gay and just said "NO" cause....I'm not gay. PERIOD. I know what my sexual preference is and it's staying that way. It does get uncomfortable at times when the subject is repeated. It gets old and makes me question "How do I portray that I'm gay?".

After a while I strugged it off cause I know I am not what THEY think I am. I'm confident knowing I like the opposite sex and don't have to prove it to anyone. It's my business and no one elses even if I was gay or not.

Unfortunately I have somewhat of a feminine figure and face. I guess that's why people think the way they think.

[hippiehop]

I have a few friends who I'm pretty convinced are gay or lesbian but in the closet, but I'd never argue with them about it or even bring it up, it is just a feeling I have.

[Kenji86]

haha i find it quite strange that pinks viewed as a gay colour? I think some are more understanding now, but I wear pink sometimes because it just looks good? Like really girly pink would be a greater indication of being more gay... but i pick pinks which are nice, or have like (e.g. my polo shirt) black and contrasting bands on it. Quite simply i just wear pink as a style of clothing and what I Think looks good. Other times i just revert to my typical black asianness, mixed in with one or two other colours?

But yeah people will always bring the pink up . I do worry about my hair and looks at times, and I do like to use cologne etc. Strangely all this veiness has just been natural in that I want to smell good, look good etc. I've never felt like switching to the other side? Heck because I'm your typical slimmer, tall asian, i guess i give off that girly impression? Im sure if i was bulging with muscles it wouldn't matter? But what the heck, i play games, play sport, and I get that macho masculine rush at times which reassures me that I am in no way on the girly or gay side. Not that I have anything wrong with those people. So yeah its funny how peoples time after time judge wrongly, and really kudos to those who are stylish/can relate to it as they take pride in their clothes, look etc. I think its far more priceless to find someone like that then the majority who just have bad judgment (in my eyes). I'll admit there are those who really do act quite girly and heck they may not be even gay, but they do turn heads even myself. But the number one mixup i hate is those who hate on metrosexuals. Well that's more of a term others have "bestowed" upon me ", but i relate to it as simply having a mind towards looking good,smelling good, that sorta thing. But yeah I guess the typical image of guys is masculine, messy, muscle shirts and plain pants etc. Guys can dress to impress and its time pplz realised that.

That said I do feel like the butt of the group at times, although I do set myself up for it by leaving myself open for jokes. But yeah I guess its just who I am. In return they have their laughs , the only time i regret lowering myself with a joke is when they take the laughing/jokes at you too far. Other than that I've always been a "make others laugh" sorta guy. Tread your own path.

p.s regarding the pink colour thing, how did purple ever became the gay colour? I always found it normal, although I don't fancy purple but yeah.. pplz maybe just have too much time on their hands to think up silly things.

[oie]

editediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedit
editediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedite
ditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedited
iteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedi
teditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedit
editediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedite
diteditediteditediteditediteditediteditedit

[HtyPotter]

Eh, i think most people have a hard time distinguishing between guys that are gay and guys that are just effeminate. I suppose you're just the latter.