[RE.]

Dear fellow soompiers,
I’m here seeking for a moment of your time. Not exactly sure what i want from this posting. First I would like to say that I’m glad to have found soompi because it has been very therapeutic for me. However, recently ive been down to the point that I felt that I needed to get something out of my chest. It’s been quite difficult because of the holidays and the fact that I can’t express my feelings to the people close to me.

There’s a lot of information, but im going to condense it to the max and hopefully im able to get enough info across.

Im her first love
She’s not mine, but loves her enough to even think about marriage

It’s been 2 and half years since we broke up. There were a lot of things happening in her life that affected our relationship. Though we argued and whatnot, we mutually broke up. Bad timing is the best way to sum it all up. As time passed by she would contact me once or twice a year. It was quite difficult for me to talk to her because I still love her. I would block the thought of her dating other guys and whatnot and never delve into the happenings of her life. I guess the “what I don’t know won’t hurt me” mentality really made things a lot easier to cope with.

Anyways, she moved 1,400 miles away. And during spring break 2008 she came back in town to visit. It was the first time we would see each other since the break up. For that moment in time we relived a part of the past. And when she flew 1,400 miles back reality sets in. She felt sad at the fact I would never call her (she would only do the calling), that I would be mean to her. (defense mechanism)

A little later, I flew 1,400 miles to only spend the weekend by myself in a town where I only knew one person. For once I was really torn inside. I could never forgive her, how can a person who said she loved me a couple weeks earlier do this to me I thought. As I flew home, I finally made up my mind that there would be no hope for us in the future anymore.

Now to the present, we are cool again and on speaking terms. On 12/25 I logged onto aim (Im rarely on aim) and I see her away msg stating that “blah blah blah… her b/f is in cali.. blah blah blah” I became speechless after that. I wouldn’t care as much if she’s dating someone where she’s at right now. However, why cali? I always had some notions that we aren’t together now because of the distance.

I thought I was finally over her, boy was I wrong. I never felt so lonely, and so wrong about everything. Ive done a lot of things this year that I am not proud of. I went against what I stood for a moment of pleasure to help me cope with my feelings (man-beep). I try to make myself realize she is totally WRONG for me. But my optimistic heart won’t allow me to fully move on. Simple words from her like “baby, hunny, dear, and lover” brings me back.

she just txt me "baby im back in town" great... LOL


UPDATED [ very emo, very over dramaticish...beware... ]
First off, i would like to thank the people that just even entered my thread and read it. And many thanks to the people who responded and gave their insight. Much appreciated.

So throughout most of monday i kept telling myself. "It's over... get closure... she doesnt love you... she has a b/f... its over... get closure..." I had so many things i wanted to tell her. But during dinner i couldnt bring myself to say anything. I couldnt tell her that i wanted to say goodbye forever. When i dropped her off, i said goodbye lisa. Unknown to her i meant it forever. I finally got to say goodbye while having her in front of me. FInally getting the closure that i needed. Finally releasing the demons inside of me.... able to finally let out good couple of minutes of tears. Then i went drinking, having all the close people around me. By myside w/o even knowing ordeal that i just went through. Im happy that its nearing the end of 2008 so that i can start 2009 on a new slate w/ nothing holding me to the past. It hurts, but im happy now.

Thanks soompiers! i love you guys man. you guys gave me the confidence to confront my demons.

[llxwishingxstarxll]

i think the best thing for u to do is just ignore her n don't talk to her ne more. everytime u talk to her u will end up falling for her all over again. if she already has a boyfriend i dunnoz why she keep messing with ur mind. 2 years has been a very long time, everything u once had with her is no longer there. u should set ur mind into forgetting her and starting ur life over. there are plenty of nice girls out there but ur not looking becuz u've narrowed down ur choices. i know its easier said than done but u are going no where with ur life if u keep on hanging on to her. hopefully this helps u a bit. good luck!

[imtoghai]

I've never been in a relationship so I honestly shouldn't be replying because, technically, I don't have the "experience". But, I'm gonna say what I thought, anyway. I think it's best if you just "go with the flow". If she's supposed to be someone significant in your future, then she'll be there. If not, then she'll just be someone significant in your past. You can just cherish the relationship you guys had with one another. If you keep holding onto her, then the longer it'll take you to get over her, the longer it'll take you to be able to finally open your heart for other people, the longer it'll take you to learn how to appreciate and accept others, and the LONGER it'll take you to find true happiness. Although "all good things [may] come to an end", just remember that there's always room for new, and possibly BETTER things to happen. And, because of your signature, I'm assuming you believe in God. So...just put all your trust and faith in God's hands, and He will lead you down the right road. Trust Him, and He will guide you through the path that He has so beautifully paved for you!

[Kira_Hyuu]

I'm really puzzled...wat is your problem really? Okay you met a girl - u loved her - she loved you - but there was bad timing .... okay too bad .... you broke up with her and you don't even attempt to remain friends...did you really love her then? To love someone is make sure they remain happy? correct me if u want? so she contacts you and you just be mean....? Hardly doubt shes getting good vibes..... Your so called self sacrifice seems kinda selfish don't you think?.... you completely ignore her in hopes you'd forget her ..... so wat about her? she has feelings too dude....

Now she has a bf .... hey don't think so sorry for yourself .... part of it was your fault so stop whinning .... you seriously wasn't thinking she'd stay single all the time especially with you brushing her off all the time ....

Now to the gud side....

Honestly i see this as just a big game .... like shes honestly messing with you .... well not entirely shes the one thats taking the first step and hopping that you stop sitting on the fence and actually choose to get back with her .... of course i maybe totally barking up the wrong tree but to me it seems she still has feelings - just meet up with her and talk honestly face to face .... tell her about your stupidity - i believe you'll be rewarded but whether you can do it is not my call....

Anyways i believe theres a chance for you to fix things .... but don't take my word for it .... give it a shot .... shes the one you love .... i'm sure its all worth it .....

Best of Luck ^^~

[XlYesterdaYlX]

ignore her. block her number. block her on anything social on the internet...i wish i can do that...but i dated my co-worker and i'm going insane.

[Melitus]

obviously you don't love her enough to let go. its those happy memories from the past that are binding you and holding you back.
don't you deserve happiness as well? stop being stupid, ignoring and running won't erase things if it has you wouldn't be here. then again there osn't a cure for stupidity. good luck

[RE.]

i think the best thing for u to do is just ignore her n don't talk to her ne more. everytime u talk to her u will end up falling for her all over again. if she already has a boyfriend i dunnoz why she keep messing with ur mind. 2 years has been a very long time, everything u once had with her is no longer there. u should set ur mind into forgetting her and starting ur life over. there are plenty of nice girls out there but ur not looking becuz u've narrowed down ur choices. i know its easier said than done but u are going no where with ur life if u keep on hanging on to her. hopefully this helps u a bit. good luck!

Its funny, sometimes I think she is messing w/ my mind. Maybe ive been blinded since we started out as really close friends and because of that I believed she wouldn’t do such things to me. I feel that the only way for me to forget about her is to find another girl to love. Man, think that’s gonna be another 2+ years. LOL

I've never been in a relationship so I honestly shouldn't be replying because, technically, I don't have the "experience". But, I'm gonna say what I thought, anyway. I think it's best if you just "go with the flow". If she's supposed to be someone significant in your future, then she'll be there. If not, then she'll just be someone significant in your past. You can just cherish the relationship you guys had with one another. If you keep holding onto her, then the longer it'll take you to get over her, the longer it'll take you to be able to finally open your heart for other people, the longer it'll take you to learn how to appreciate and accept others, and the LONGER it'll take you to find true happiness. Although "all good things [may] come to an end", just remember that there's always room for new, and possibly BETTER things to happen. And, because of your signature, I'm assuming you believe in God. So...just put all your trust and faith in God's hands, and He will lead you down the right road. Trust Him, and He will guide you through the path that He has so beautifully paved for you!

Even after everything. I will always cherish every moment I had w/ her. Talking, dating, and other things aren’t difficult for me. Taking things to another level is where it gets rocky.

I'm really puzzled...wat is your problem really? Okay you met a girl - u loved her - she loved you - but there was bad timing .... okay too bad .... you broke up with her and you don't even attempt to remain friends...did you really love her then? To love someone is make sure they remain happy? correct me if u want? so she contacts you and you just be mean....? Hardly doubt shes getting good vibes..... Your so called self sacrifice seems kinda selfish don't you think?.... you completely ignore her in hopes you'd forget her ..... so wat about her? she has feelings too dude....

Now she has a bf .... hey don't think so sorry for yourself .... part of it was your fault so stop whinning .... you seriously wasn't thinking she'd stay single all the time especially with you brushing her off all the time ....

Now to the gud side....

Honestly i see this as just a big game .... like shes honestly messing with you .... well not entirely shes the one thats taking the first step and hopping that you stop sitting on the fence and actually choose to get back with her .... of course i maybe totally barking up the wrong tree but to me it seems she still has feelings - just meet up with her and talk honestly face to face .... tell her about your stupidity - i believe you'll be rewarded but whether you can do it is not my call....

Anyways i believe theres a chance for you to fix things .... but don't take my word for it .... give it a shot .... shes the one you love .... i'm sure its all worth it .....

Best of Luck ^^~

You pretty much hit the money right there.

I actually don’t think she would stay single the whole time. I would be surprise if she did. It’s the fact that she’s with someone that’s 1,400 miles away. That’s what got to me. Maybe if I didn’t do my “selfless” deed than things would be different. Maybe a long-distant relationship might have occurred; maybe having her again and yet not physically might be more tormenting. All these maybes… Expressing my feelings towards her is too difficult for me. I guess im always fearing the worst and not allow myself to reap what might be.

ignore her. block her number. block her on anything social on the internet...i wish i can do that...but i dated my co-worker and i'm going insane.

I ignore her enough. Sometimes I want to ignore her phone calls, but I cant help but also be a friend and pick up in case if something is wrong.

Sorry to hear fellow soompier. Isnt that why its taboo to date a co-worker? I hear nothing but bad things about it.

obviously you don't love her enough to let go. its those happy memories from the past that are binding you and holding you back.
don't you deserve happiness as well? stop being stupid, ignoring and running won't erase things if it has you wouldn't be here. then again there osn't a cure for stupidity. good luck

Or you can view it as... I love her enough for it to be true love.
Heck yeah I deserve some freakin happiness! hahaha Sometimes I believe to be in love is to be stupid. Man im one stupid mofo.

[Chanellas]

First off, I have the utmost respect for you.

But straight up, I think it's better if you don't talk to her anymore. I know this kills you to know that you have to pick up in case something is wrong, but you need to be done with her. Move on. Get over it. Let her go... She would never realize what she had until it's gone.

What she's feeling is completely normal. She loves and cares about you, but it seems to me she feels 'stuck' with you since you are her first... Do you want her to stay with you with these regrets of something better? You want her to be comfortable with this decision to stay with you so she don't have regrets later on. You obviously don't have low self-esteem and any insecurities by letting her go. If you're the man you say you are, you have nothing to worry about.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they are yours.

You sound like a keeper. Once your girl can identify what she wants then I can see you guys being a happy couple. Best of luck! Soompi is here for you

[l1lvi3tqt]

if you not over her then i think you should stop talking to her. i know you want to be a good friend but how can you be a good friend when you still have feeling for her? i think you should cut off contact until your feeling is completely gone. good luck

[mintcracker]

distance is definitely the best way to go. Gives you time to think and like you know, try to clear your head and move on slowly.


I guess what they say is right... when a guy really falls for sb, it's very hard for them to get over it, even moreso than girls. =/

[bigbadtommay]

Its very difficult to move on buddy but be strong and do your thing. Hang out with friends, be chill, and have fun, dont dwell on the past live your life to the fullest and grow from the experience dont sulk about what could have been. Shes moved on and im sure she would want you to move on as well. The amount of pain your probably feeling is too great for me to understand but from my point of view you've gone through so much that it would be better to move on and the pain will go away.

[Prot]

I know what you mean. But gotta remember, you deserve to be cared for, don't get caught up by her.

[mikasaranghae]

it's hard to feel that deep love for someone. why don't you honestly tell her everything, including you want to marry her. may be she doesnot know and thinks that you are not serious.


if i loved someone that deep, i'd take a chance and tell that person everything.



i think there is a chance for you two....

[imtoghai]

it's hard to feel that deep love for someone. why don't you honestly tell her everything, including you want to marry her. may be she doesnot know and thinks that you are not serious.


if i loved someone that deep, i'd take a chance and tell that person everything.

Hmm, I agree with what mikasaranghae says. But if it's too difficult for you to express your feelings towards her by talking, then you can always use maybe, let's say, a song (ex: Nujabes/Shing02 - Luv Sic pt. 2), and dedicate it to her. Music is powerful. It can always help get those feelings across. Honesty is the key to everything. No weight to carry on your shoulders, nothing to hide. I reread your post, and it seems like she still wants you to be a part of her life. Hmm, but who knows what she's thinking. The only way to find out is if you ask her, and if you're honest with her about how you feel. Because the longer you hold your feelings back (like I said before) then the longer it will take you to find true happiness. I know, easier said than done! But this could just be a test of your guys' relationship with one another (or it may not). But the only way to find out is through honesty.

[RE.]

First off, I have the utmost respect for you.
But straight up, I think it's better if you don't talk to her anymore. I know this kills you to know that you have to pick up in case something is wrong, but you need to be done with her. Move on. Get over it. Let her go... She would never realize what she had until it's gone.
What she's feeling is completely normal. She loves and cares about you, but it seems to me she feels 'stuck' with you since you are her first... Do you want her to stay with you with these regrets of something better? You want her to be comfortable with this decision to stay with you so she don't have regrets later on. You obviously don't have low self-esteem and any insecurities by letting her go. If you're the man you say you are, you have nothing to worry about.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they are yours.

You sound like a keeper. Once your girl can identify what she wants then I can see you guys being a happy couple. Best of luck! Soompi is here for you

Utmost respect… really? Thanks, what a great compliment.
From the very beginning I let the fact be known that if I ever held her back from anything, I would let her go. Sometimes i just want her to be straight up w/ her words and not say things that would have an affect on me. Maybe she is still confused on what she wants/needs. Sucks it has to be at my expense

if you not over her then i think you should stop talking to her. i know you want to be a good friend but how can you be a good friend when you still have feeling for her? i think you should cut off contact until your feeling is completely gone. good luck

Ahaha, I keep fooling myself that I am completely over her. There would be weeks that would go by where I feel like a pimp again. Lol And yet, one little word gets me back.

I guess what they say is right... when a guy really falls for sb, it's very hard for them to get over it, even moreso than girls. =/

I think that’s totally true. Hate to admit it, but a worthy p**** can get a guy crazy mentally and emotionally

Its very difficult to move on buddy but be strong and do your thing. Hang out with friends, be chill, and have fun, dont dwell on the past live your life to the fullest and grow from the experience dont sulk about what could have been. Shes moved on and im sure she would want you to move on as well. The amount of pain your probably feeling is too great for me to understand but from my point of view you've gone through so much that it would be better to move on and the pain will go away.

Thanks man. The pain has been reduced drastically through time, yet this last hump is difficult. Im a very stubborn person and losing doesn’t bode well for me. LOL

I know what you mean. But gotta remember, you deserve to be cared for, don't get caught up by her.

Man, this is where I feel like a girl (no offense). All I need to know is that she cares and that’s all that would matter to me. Even if I get caught up by her crap

it's hard to feel that deep love for someone. why don't you honestly tell her everything, including you want to marry her. may be she doesnot know and thinks that you are not serious.
if i loved someone that deep, i'd take a chance and tell that person everything.

i think there is a chance for you two....

I’ve told her about the marriage part when we were together. Heck she brings it up almost every time we talk (though I keep trying to say she’s joking around). I swear each time we talk she teases me about the things I said. It does disturb me because it’s a sensitive subject. Its funny, i remember when a convo was brought up when we were on a "break" that if we ever married other people, that we believed that we would cheat on them w/ each other. Sounds sorta believable

Hmm, I agree with what mikasaranghae says. But if it's too difficult for you to express your feelings towards her by talking, then you can always use maybe, let's say, a song (ex: Nujabes/Shing02 - Luv Sic pt. 2), and dedicate it to her. Music is powerful. It can always help get those feelings across. Honesty is the key to everything. No weight to carry on your shoulders, nothing to hide. I reread your post, and it seems like she still wants you to be a part of her life. Hmm, but who knows what she's thinking. The only way to find out is if you ask her, and if you're honest with her about how you feel. Because the longer you hold your feelings back (like I said before) then the longer it will take you to find true happiness. I know, easier said than done! But this could just be a test of your guys' relationship with one another (or it may not). But the only way to find out is through honesty.

NUJABES! Great music. Always seems to bring me to tranquility when I listen to nujabes. It’s funny, I normally send her lyrics or poems to get my message across. I can’t help but think far into the future and picture me and her together. Yet I then add reality variables into the equation and I get a b/s answer.

Off topic. When I searched for luv sic pt. 3
There’s a part that starts with
“Um, third time's the charm, hopefully
when I chime on your door you'd still let me in
after all these years
the room that you caved in my heart is exactly the same as you left it
I realize that you have moved on
new styles and cliques like them silent flicks
I'm speechless in this golden occasion
the beautiful expression on the silver creation
this time I'd like to keep in touch
I'm a likkle bit wiser, a whole lot tougher
if I suffer through another nightmare tonight,
we'll chalk it up as another chapter to write, all right?
or wrong or somewhere down the middle of the road
I wanna see you again in a scene with the backdrop a perfect ten
and the music can take us back to the spot right then
from black and white to a sepia tone
some dreams come with a tint or in monochrome
from black and white to my skin tone
some dreams have a stint on the microphone” and it’s not in the song that I have. Im confused?? LOL

[Flicksityy]

First off, I have the utmost respect for you.

But straight up, I think it's better if you don't talk to her anymore. I know this kills you to know that you have to pick up in case something is wrong, but you need to be done with her. Move on. Get over it. Let her go... She would never realize what she had until it's gone.

What she's feeling is completely normal. She loves and cares about you, but it seems to me she feels 'stuck' with you since you are her first... Do you want her to stay with you with these regrets of something better? You want her to be comfortable with this decision to stay with you so she don't have regrets later on. You obviously don't have low self-esteem and any insecurities by letting her go. If you're the man you say you are, you have nothing to worry about.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they are yours.

You sound like a keeper. Once your girl can identify what she wants then I can see you guys being a happy couple. Best of luck! Soompi is here for you

Ditto.

[imtoghai]

[/size]

NUJABES! Great music. Always seems to bring me to tranquility when I listen to nujabes. It’s funny, I normally send her lyrics or poems to get my message across. I can’t help but think far into the future and picture me and her together. Yet I then add reality variables into the equation and I get a b/s answer.

[size=1]Off topic. When I searched for luv sic pt. 3
There’s a part that starts with
“Um, third time's the charm, hopefully
when I chime on your door you'd still let me in
after all these years
the room that you caved in my heart is exactly the same as you left it
I realize that you have moved on
new styles and cliques like them silent flicks
I'm speechless in this golden occasion
the beautiful expression on the silver creation
this time I'd like to keep in touch
I'm a likkle bit wiser, a whole lot tougher
if I suffer through another nightmare tonight,
we'll chalk it up as another chapter to write, all right?
or wrong or somewhere down the middle of the road
I wanna see you again in a scene with the backdrop a perfect ten
and the music can take us back to the spot right then
from black and white to a sepia tone
some dreams come with a tint or in monochrome
from black and white to my skin tone
some dreams have a stint on the microphone” and it’s not in the song that I have. Im confused?? LOL

Yeah, I saw a new light because of Nujabes haha. Ooh so you DO send her lyrics/poems? How does she respond? Be careful not to get too caught up with the future, though. Think about the present, too. And think about how you can fix some things in the present rather than dreaming of the future. Because the present IS the way for your future.

I just listened to Luv(Sic) Pt. 3 five times and I couldn't find those lyrics in there anywhere, either LOL. I'm confused, too! O_O

[princesspoppy]

I think what you need is closure. You need an ending in this story of your's. (OMG! That was soo cheesey!! barfs*)

But seriously, tell her how you feel. Ask her what she wants. Be firm.

There is a saying that women don't know what they want, but I have to disagree on that. Women do know what they want, but they are just afraid, scared because they don't know what is going to happen if they say yes or no.

So ask her. I don't think you can move on if you don't know.

[GOJIN]

Bro, if you will, let me offer another perspective.
Keep in mind these are all assumptions from a complete stranger, entirely in his point of view.

How long did you know her? Does she seem like the "desirable and good-looking" type?
If so, its obvious she would have no problem finding guys, although she would be quite picky about it.
And also, you must be quite the charmer for her to consider being with you in the first place. In this light, move on. You would have no problems picking up.

BTW:
She is messing with you (text msg, AIM etc..), which is really not cool since she knows you guys have history. Do not let your past feelings cloud your judgment. Move on buddy.

[souljunkie]

I think you just can't let go.
If you really loved her to the point of marriage, that's pretty deep.
Even though there were times you ignored her and didn't talk to her,
it wasn't because you got over her, its because you forgot about her.
So naturally, when you talk/see her again, you start to get all those feelings again.

But seriously, she's not worth it.
^ and I totally agree with the person above.
The texts/calls are definitely teases.
She probably knows you still have feelings, so she's playing you.

There's this chinese saying that goes something like..
don't give up the forest for one single tree
something along those lines, I'm not the best translator...ANYWAYS.

Just give her up.
It's not gonna be easy.
I think letting go is one of the hardest things a person can do.
Your head is telling you to let go, but your heart won't let you.

TIME.
Time really does heal all wounds.
It's just a matter of how much time.