[meilotus90]

When I was a kid, I was always called fat or big (think: playground bullies) and I really thought I was. Now, looking back at my pictures, I was skinny as a stick. I just had a really early growth spurt.

Entering high school, I was 5'7 and 115lbs. I was told that I was too heavy - girls my age were 80-90lbs average (My best friend was 75lbs and most of my friends were about 92lbs). I remember being very dissatisfied with my body like I would always pinch my stomach fat to show myself how fat I was. Again, looking back at my pictures, I was skinny/muscular from intense sports practices. I never knew that muscles weigh more that fat then. *smacks self*. I used to be really self-conscious about my body. I hated going shopping with my friends because I was a size bigger than all of them. Everyone was a size S whereas I wore M (Asian sizing too). My relatives constantly tell me I'm fat. I'm talking about my family and my extended family and distant relatives that live overseas. My sisters are petite skinny and they always tell me that I'm a monster! My cousins are all stick skinny and tell me "tactfully" that being fat if prosperous! My aunt in HK once told the whole table (we were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant with my HK relatives) that I was too fat to fit into a size S when we went shopping. My other aunt says stuff like "OMG O_O Your waist...!" when she sees me.

Now, I'm an inch taller and approx 15lbs heavier - give and take. My eyes tell me that I'm not fat and that I'm actually slim. My brain tells me that the mirror is lying and in actual fact I'm a hippo because of that extra flab I have. When I imagine myself (memories/what happened at the mall that morning/etc), I see an obese person. I'm not kidding. There was once I watched an episode about people who are happy being fat on MTV True Life and I thought to myself "hey, that girl and me...we have the same body!" only to realize, later on in the show, that she was more than double my weight. My brain says I'm not stick skinny and therefore I'm fat/overweight/obese. When I eat, my brain says "you eat so much, no wonder you're a so darn fat *shakes head*". I never was the type that would say "I'm fat" in public, in fact I never talk about body image/weight issues to anyone, because I know the answer myself. There was once my skinny guy friend jokingly said "you know, you look pitiful being so skinny" as an insult but I took it as a compliment, but my brain said "you're such an idiot, it's obvious he's lying to make you happy".

It's even worse that I live somewhere in Asia where 8 out of 10 girls are stick skinny (their thighs are probably as big as my arms), 1 has a normal body, and 1 is "overweight".

I'm just curious if anyone is like me? Is there anything I could do to feel better about my body?

PS. Even though I may show traits of anorexia, I'm not anorexic. I am trying to lose weight healthily. I don't overeat nor do I undereat and I exercise daily. I just think that my self-esteem is very low because of past personal experiences and peer pressure. I have to admit that it is painful to deal with my thoughts because it seems like it has a life of its own.

[sugarlessgirl]

See if you can talk to a counselor or therapist. If you can't or don't want to, try self-help books, and try finding some that focus on body image. Louise Hay has great stuff (You Can Heal Your Life, Empowering Women, etc). Even though it isn't focused on body image exactly, there are a few chapters on it. She also has these great cards called "Healthy Body," 50 cards that help you appreciate what your body has instead of focus on what you think you don't. Body image is often a reflection of some underlying thing that's bothering you. Good Luck!

[Kuria]

Bones and muscle weight heavier than fat too, you're also pretty tall (At least taller than me TAT) So I doubt you really ARE fat, plus you wear M size o_O

I think you're very healthy because you play a lot of sports too =D

A lot of asian girls are very stick skinny because most models and celebrities are like that, I guess it burns a strong image in their minds that -that- is the perfect body, much of them is lacking in nutrients and it's really unhealthy DX

[elaineeel0ve]

I guess because you live in an asian society, you're more pressured to look skinny. Don't worry, I understand how you feel. I get the same criticism, except from my family. They call me "chunky monkey" and etc. I'm 5"3 and 115, and I always tell myself I'm not fat, but sometimes when i look in the mirror I actually do FEEL fat. It's also hard because my mother is only 102 lbs, and I'm constantly compared to her when we go out in the public. It's very hard sometimes. Considering how tall you are, and the fact that you're lean/muscular since you work out, I think you're fine; actually skinny. Don't try to worry so much about what others say, and give yourself motivation. You can do it! Sorry if I didnt give any actual real advice -O-x, but hope I helped! Don't worry, you're not alone, and try to focus on other things and don't let the worrying on weight control your life.

[o1honey]

well i do right now O_o
i just had a family gathering for christmas and everyone was saying how i got so fat and stuff T_T
and I KNOW that i did =(.. and now i can't really deny it anymore >.<

[jaey]

I would say that you should take pride in what your body is able to do... and not just how it compares to others in terms of only appearance. Be proud that you can run faster, longer and play more intensive sports that skinny girls will not be able to. Your body is strong, healthy and powerful.

Don't mind so much about appearance... you are not some ornament or pretty wallpaper.

[tofuni]

Sorry, but you are in no way fat. You are actually rather normal. Just think positively; stop thinking that you are fat when you are indeed not!
You are taller than the other girls and if you were 5'8 and 90lbs, you would be severely underweight. No one likes stick-skinny girls anyway. ):
Just keep thinking that you are healthy and beautiful! Tell yourself that all the time and don't listen to what your too-skinny peers say about you. Build up some confidence! Confidence creates beauty and don't let anyone convince you otherwise! (:

[viasarah]

I know how you feel and you're not fat. I always feel fat and insecure because I guess I consider myself bigger than most Asians. My self-esteem went up a little after I lost 11 pounds over the summer. I tend to freak out if I gain weight but, I notice that my body is mostly muscle from working out. All I can say is to convince yourself that your body has muscles, not fat (toned body is much more attractive than flat), try and wear clothes that fit your body type, and workout/eat healthy because you can get all your stress out by burning cals. Also, since you're pretty tall it makes sense that you weigh more than your friends (more body mass).

[chrissatinee]

I have the same problem as you - being your hiehgt and weight too.
And I always feel fat.

[dearskye.]

You're not the only one. I have the same problems too, and my boyfriend likes to tell me I'm fat. It's funny cause when I live in Asia, I don't feel fat but once I enter the States, I feel like I must live up to the Asian stereotype and stay stick thin. Actually, in the States I get told I'm too thin... except for my boyfriend. I don't think I started thinking I was fat until he told me, but he means that I'm flabby when he says fat... Perhaps there's a difference? I feel more confident when I have muscle as opposed to flab.

[pocketsoul]

You sound like someone who has some mild symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder.

If you believe that your thoughts are getting obsessive to the point that it's affecting your lifestyle, I would look into professional counseling.

[maharu.]

Man I understand how you feel. I feel fat and I am...compared to those skinny Asian girls.
I wish I could go back to my old body but I recently looked at the pictures and I wasn't pleased. I was just stick and bones...and looked sickly.
At least now I seem a bit more plump and love to eat. I think health goes way more than what you imagine yourself as.

Recently I watched a show about anorexia and basically, all the internal stuff (bones, organs, blood -it weighs a lot actually, and water weight)
adds up to about 22 kg. Which makes up a bit of the body.

And it also said how 1 out of 5 (20%) of Japanese girls around the 20s are underweight. That is a HUGE ratio.
So don't compare yourself to others. And you're skinny and tall so don't make your brain think that way.
If you let your brain control what you believe in, it takes years to fix.

Just take it step by step to think that you are fine the way you are.
People now a days just love to judge without considering the person's feelings.
Just think you're a better person for NOT judging others by how they look.

[f_r_E_a_K]

You think YOU'RE fat? Ha! Try walking in my shoes for a day, then you'll see what devastation the stupid Asian stereotype of rail-thin stick girls can afflict on people like me.

You sound like someone who has some mild symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder.

If you believe that your thoughts are getting obsessive to the point that it's affecting your lifestyle, I would look into professional counseling.

qft. I believe your height-weight ratio is absolutely fine, and screw what your Asian family thinks. You are beautiful the way you are, and if they're blind and can't see that, then it's their problem. Don't let other's negative judgment affect your dazzling persona, girl!

[HighSkies]

body dysmorphic disorder? Uh, I think thats going to far o.O

But I know how you feel becasue there are quite few asians from china and the like near where I live and omg, they are all really petite and skinny. Me on the other hand, I'm short compared to my friends at school and also slimmer but standing next to these girls I looks really tall and big in comparison. o.O

...I try not to stand anywhere near them XD;;

[touche`]

^It's actually not. This person may or may not have this disorder by the symptoms, but I would rather say I don't know. Most of the time a counselor or a therapist would say that you must have at least three symptoms or more to consider this as a "body dysmorphic disorder".

PS. Even though I may show traits of anorexia, I'm not anorexic. I am trying to lose weight healthily. I don't overeat nor do I undereat and I exercise daily. I just think that my self-esteem is very low because of past personal experiences and peer pressure. I have to admit that it is painful to deal with my thoughts because it seems like it has a life of its own.

You sound like a healthy young woman to me. However, I would agree that it's best for you to go visit a counselor or therapist because we're all not on the same boat as you are. If it deals with your past personal experiences and peer pressure, then it's a little more difficult to think on the positive side since it's been with you for awhile.

[sheennabear]

muscle doesnt weigh more than fat :O
a pound of muscle and a pound of fat is the same.
muscle actually takes up less space.
its just denser ..
fat takes up more space though.
also, being 115 pounds at a height of 5'7 is waay underweight :O
115 pounds is normal for people who are like, 5 feet.

well, i kind of think like that too -__-
although i live in california, there are still a good amount of asians that make me feel like that -__-
but the ones that are more overweight than i am make me feel a bit better, we all get treated the same :]

[NANA*]

My eyes tell me that I'm not fat and that I'm actually slim. My brain tells me that the mirror is lying and in actual fact I'm a hippo because of that extra flab I have. When I imagine myself (memories/what happened at the mall that morning/etc), I see an obese person. I'm not kidding. There was once I watched an episode about people who are happy being fat on MTV True Life and I thought to myself "hey, that girl and me...we have the same body!" only to realize, later on in the show, that she was more than double my weight. My brain says I'm not stick skinny and therefore I'm fat/overweight/obese. When I eat, my brain says "you eat so much, no wonder you're a so darn fat *shakes head*".

i feel the exact same way.

[LovelyAngel]

I know how you feel, but I'm still 14, only a freshman in High School so I'm still growing, I could exercise but WORKING OUT will make me stop growing. LOL, so I think it's better to just wait a couple more years until 17-18 (or older) and start working out from there. May ask trainers or doctors on what is the best way to get thinner.

Also, you said you were muscular and I think that's part of why you might think you're 'fat'.

Growing up, I was also called fat by my family because my cousin came over to visit once (we haven't seen each other for years or something) and when she went home she told her parents that I look really fat. Her parents then told my dad and grandma, and my grandmother told EVERYONE in the family.
Those were the really bad years for me even though people at school think i'm absolutely fine the way I am.
My family thinks i'm just an okay size now, still big, but they take it better than before.

Oh, and I'm asian too. good luck to the both of us, eh?

[SJAMES]

My cousin is always yellin at me like:
BIT%&^%#$ You're so FU$^%^&king skinny and lalala
she's always talking about how she's fat
but she never works for getting skinny except
look at skinny people pictures
and yelling at thme =/

[RoseyM]

Aww
Family can be so unnecessarily harsh.
I think you need to work on your self esteem otherwise it could lead to an eating disorder, even overeating o.o
Maybe see a school councilor or something like that, or talk to your family and mention how you feel.
Good luck