[xWiReDx]

i think i've hit my breaking point. she just doesn't love me anymore. i understand that very clearly now. it's been a year since we've broken up. so why the hell not?! why wouldn't she hate me now?! i hate me... DAMMIT!!!!! @#%#!!!! I HATE MY LIFE. i don't know why things turned out this way. half the time i feel like hanging myself or stabbing my artery. i'm so frustrated. angry with myself. i've wasted my money...my time, my feelings, on someone who doesn't even care anymore. forget the money, forget me, i...screwed up.. its just i'm so messed up...i just thought she was the one i'd be with...we actually talked about marriage. but dammit...je ne veux pas vivre plus. everything is pointless. f u ck my life. i hate everything. i never meant for any of this to happen. i screwed up the best thing i had going in my life. GOD DAMMIT! ARGH!!! ...i don't know what to do with my life anymore...sometimes i think about running into the street and hope that i fall straight to hell. because that's where i belong. i'm utterly hopeless and miserable. i have a girlfriend i don't feel anything for, my family doesn't sympathize with me, i have no friends anymore. i hate college. it keeps getting better... all the doctors seem to think its a chemical imbalance...yeah maybe, maybe i'm just broken. i feel much better...i'm all alone again. i feel like crying, sometimes i try to force it but...i just can't cry. i'm tired of life. i'm going to kill myself one day. i'm just waiting for the right moment.

[Shikabane Hime]

We can brainstorm some ideas together

[xWiReDx]

We can brainstorm some ideas together

what are you talking about?

[Shikabane Hime]

The best way to leave this world.

[War_Machine]

This isnt cool, if u want attention get it somewhere else. i had a friend who killed herself, posting it online just makes you more of a loser. your selfish and you deserve to be alone.

[xWiReDx]

This isnt cool, if u want attention get it somewhere else. i had a friend who killed herself, posting it online just makes you more of a loser. your selfish and you deserve to be alone.

i never said i wasn't selfish...that i deserved to be with someone. my sympathies to your friend...if i could take her place. i would. hand on heart. i just feel horrible all the time. i can't even begin to explain how horrible i feel all the time. my head hurts constantly and i treat everyone around me like crap as a result...i don't really want to be like this. don't you think i'm trying? i'm not just some preteen who's moaning about hating homework...

[Shikabane Hime]

Why don't you deserve to be with someone? It's only fair.
Everyone has someone else, why not you?

It's so sad

[jihyepii]

Half of the stuff you wrote does not make any sense. Calm down and repeat/ type what you said. From all I got from your post was that you f-ed up and now your gf or shall say ex does not love you back and you tried every possible way to get her to forgive or like you back but she lost all her feelings for you...correct? if not don't read ahead. I say KARMA got into you for one since you mentioned you F-ed up. And two...Move on there's nothing really left for you to do since you mentioned all the possible things for her to like u back which did not happend. And you can feel helpless hopeless and whatever you need to feel but the outcome will be ZERO. So I know this is lame and hard but move on! This would be the best solution to your problem OP.

[squishybear]

No, not pointless.
Just because she doesn't love you now doesn't mean she doesn't cherish the time you spent together. During that point in her life, YOU made a difference to her. And you can do that again. But to someone else.

Think of this as a learning experience. Seriously. She is just another obstacle that you must over come in order to continue your journey. You know that you must get over it, it will just take awhile for you. Which is PERFECTLY normal. Some people take longer than others to get over things.

Everyone goes through this when they break up with someone they loved. They find their lives meaningless, they want to hurt themselves, etc. You say that you screwed up, so hopefully you have learned something from this relationship. And now you can apply it to a NEW relationship. Since you don't feel anything for your current girlfriend, break up with her. You're just wasting your time and hers.

Killing yourself is a selfish thing to do. Your family loves you, and committing suicide would hurt them so much. And plus, don't give your ex the power over your life. Move on. As more time passes, you'll feel better.

So for now, cry, vent, and talk. Find someone with an open ear because talking about it will make you feel better. But after that, you need to forget about her for awhile, so you can get over her. The longer you think about it, the harder it will be to move on.

[xWiReDx]

Why don't you deserve to be with someone? It's only fair.
Everyone has someone else, why not you?

It's so sad

because i'm an ass who only cares about himself. no one deserves to be with me. i hate myself, who i am, what i've done...

No, not pointless.
Just because she doesn't love you now doesn't mean she doesn't cherish the time you spent together. During that point in her life, YOU made a difference to her. And you can do that again. But to someone else.

Think of this as a learning experience. Seriously. She is just another obstacle that you must over come in order to continue your journey. You know that you must get over it, it will just take awhile for you. Which is PERFECTLY normal. Some people take longer than others to get over things.

Everyone goes through this when they break up with someone they loved. They find their lives meaningless, they want to hurt themselves, etc. You say that you screwed up, so hopefully you have learned something from this relationship. And now you can apply it to a NEW relationship. Since you don't feel anything for your current girlfriend, break up with her. You're just wasting your time and hers.

Killing yourself is a selfish thing to do. Your family loves you, and committing suicide would hurt them so much. And plus, don't give your ex the power over your life. Move on. As more time passes, you'll feel better.

So for now, cry, vent, and talk. Find someone with an open ear because talking about it will make you feel better. But after that, you need to forget about her for awhile, so you can get over her. The longer you think about it, the harder it will be to move on.

you seem like a nice person...but lets be honest. don't you think i've tried everything that you've said? i don't want to kill myself because of a girl...i'm not completely insane... i've wanted to kill myself since elementary school. its great stuff...its just that my depression coupled with my anxiety which are both triggered by stress....make me difficult to be around. they think i might be bipolar too. who knows? its just more pills for me...i don't care about suicide as a selfish gesture anymore, when i'm in that state i can only think about myself and what i want. and at that moment i just want to leave everything behind and just passover.

[Humilious]

You'll probably find someone who makes you happy again. Don't give up.

[Gummy Dogs]

so how do you think you're going to kill yourself?


....... you're going to have to get over it because that's human life

[pochacco]

because i'm an ass who only cares about himself. no one deserves to be with me. i hate myself, who i am, what i've done...

WHOA! I didn't know they didn't censor 'ass.' !!

[yujiniffer]

dude. relax.
jesus, i know you're just ranting but honestly, I think even you know you're being a little irrational and also childish.
you really shouldn't take your life so lightly.
I know you don't need someone to lecture you right now but seriously if I even think about half the people who have it way worse than we do and still somehow manage to live I seriously get ashamed everytime I think my life is crap and I dont deserve to live.

Theres nothing you can do but move on. I think everything that happens to us, happens to us so we can better ourselves from it. I know right now it might just seem like nothings ever going to get better but beating yourself up for it is not going to do sh*t. If anything you'll just feel more depressed. I don't mean to be so harsh but I think we've all been in this situation and i know for a fact that it'll get better. might take some time. hell it might take a long time but I can guarantee it'll get better. But you're not helping that process by being childish and wanting to suicide or whatever. Anyway if you think you wasted your time and money on her, why would you also want to waste your thoughts and life on her?

[grainsofrain]

i hate it when people think like you do.
i had a friend where his gf broke up with him and he was SO emo and wanted to commit suicide and all.
but now looking back on it, he doesn't care anymore.

even i got out of a bad breakup and i wasn't suicidal or anything. i tried to look on the bright side of stuff and friends can really help.

[xWiReDx]

dude. relax.
jesus, i know you're just ranting but honestly, I think even you know you're being a little irrational and also childish.
you really shouldn't take your life so lightly.
I know you don't need someone to lecture you right now but seriously if I even think about half the people who have it way worse than we do and still somehow manage to live I seriously get ashamed everytime I think my life is crap and I dont deserve to live.

Theres nothing you can do but move on. I think everything that happens to us, happens to us so we can better ourselves from it. I know right now it might just seem like nothings ever going to get better but beating yourself up for it is not going to do sh*t. If anything you'll just feel more depressed. I don't mean to be so harsh but I think we've all been in this situation and i know for a fact that it'll get better. might take some time. hell it might take a long time but I can guarantee it'll get better. But you're not helping that process by being childish and wanting to suicide or whatever. Anyway if you think you wasted your time and money on her, why would you also want to waste your thoughts and life on her?

you know you're being harsh, and that's why you said it. i'm sure you mean no harm though. but honestly, i don't take my life lightly. not for one second. look, just because i don't lead the hardest life doesn't mean i don't hate my life any less than those who do lead one as such. i'll make it simple. you may think my life is easy, but for me it's difficult, and so i want to kill myself everyday. i don't mean to devalue other peoples' lives in the process, but you tend to ignore others when you have your own problems.

You'll probably find someone who makes you happy again. Don't give up.

that girl didn't make me completely happy. i don't even know what it is to be happy, but she did keep me sane. and that's why i needed her. i have to take pills that the doctor tells me will make me feel "happy"

[ms. rachellica]

maybe u shud go in depth with what you've done?

[squishybear]

you seem like a nice person...but lets be honest. don't you think i've tried everything that you've said? i don't want to kill myself because of a girl...i'm not completely insane... i've wanted to kill myself since elementary school. its great stuff...its just that my depression coupled with my anxiety which are both triggered by stress....make me difficult to be around. they think i might be bipolar too. who knows? its just more pills for me...i don't care about suicide as a selfish gesture anymore, when i'm in that state i can only think about myself and what i want. and at that moment i just want to leave everything behind and just passover.

Don't we all. There are times when I wish it would just end, but then I think about everything I would leave behind. My family, my pets, and my messy room (which would mortify me if someone had to go through my stuff )

So then you have two options: 1) continue to wallow and feel sorry for yourself or 2) try harder

I vote for trying harder.

In some cases, to battle depression, you need both pills and therapy. Have you tried therapy? (i don't remember)
But most importantly, you need the willpower to work through it. If you're looking for an easy answer to your problem, you're not going to find it. There never is. This is just about the only advice you can get on an online forum.

Talking about it may help you feel better. What did you do to warrant calling yourself a selfish ass?

[xWiReDx]

maybe u shud go in depth with what you've done?

i was with this girl for something like...around 3 years...she was great. she was everything i needed or could possibly wrong. i don't know somewhere along the way i lost myself and i started to treat her badly. just felt like being mean to her sometimes, just so she'd cry. so she would understand a fraction of how i feel. but she would always get better....eventually i felt myself drift away from her. i was preoccupied with college and organic chem didn't help at all. i don't know...i just snapped that day, its happened before...but i snapped at her and i just ended things. it's funny because she just wanted to call me to tell me to come see her...because at the time we were at different colleges. and i was working to transfer to a school closer to her. but she just didn't seem to understand i wasn't as smart or talented as she was. she just didn't understand what i was going through. i was thinking about killing myself even before i met her. but i was a lot better when she was around me. i just wanted to make her happy. but when we were apart, i wanted to make her feel miserable too. anyways, i broke things off with her that day and i didn't call her for a week. i ignored her completely...but i called her on the last day to check up on her. understandably she was pissed at me. but that was probably the last time i got to hear her voice. after that week, my phone broke and i was without a phone for a month. i tried to buy a new phone but the stupid thing wouldn't get to my place on time. i was frustrated... i tried to apologize as soon as i got a new phone, but she wasn't picking up...she didn't want to talk to me at all. and before i knew it, a year had gone by.

i tried to contact her a few weeks ago with a hand-written letter, music, chocolates, an orchid...with no response. and here i am. i'm a fool. i found out today, that she's happy with some other guy. and i should be glad that she's with someone else...but i'm not. i hate it. now i wish i never met her...but she's the only one i've ever felt anything for.

In some cases, to battle depression, you need both pills and therapy. Have you tried therapy? (i don't remember)
But most importantly, you need the willpower to work through it. If you're looking for an easy answer to your problem, you're not going to find it. There never is. This is just about the only advice you can get on an online forum.

Talking about it may help you feel better. What did you do to warrant calling yourself a selfish ass?

i'm in therapy right now...he thinks i have a lot of issues...he says its a miracle i haven't killed myself yet. psh. can you believe him? crazy guy. i'll kill myself when i want.

[Riyoko]

i was with this girl for something like...around 3 years...she was great. she was everything i needed or could possibly wrong. i don't know somewhere along the way i lost myself and i started to treat her badly. just felt like being mean to her sometimes, just so she'd cry. so she would understand a fraction of how i feel. but she would always get better....eventually i felt myself drift away from her. i was preoccupied with college and organic chem didn't help at all. i don't know...i just snapped that day, its happened before...but i snapped at her and i just ended things. it's funny because she just wanted to call me to tell me to come see her...because at the time we were at different colleges. and i was working to transfer to a school closer to her. but she just didn't seem to understand i wasn't as smart or talented as she was. she just didn't understand what i was going through. i was thinking about killing myself even before i met her. but i was a lot better when she was around me. i just wanted to make her happy. but when we were apart, i wanted to make her feel miserable too. anyways, i broke things off with her that day and i didn't call her for a week. i ignored her completely...but i called her on the last day to check up on her. understandably she was pissed at me. but that was probably the last time i got to hear her voice. after that week, my phone broke and i was without a phone for a month. i tried to buy a new phone but the stupid thing wouldn't get to my place on time. i was frustrated... i tried to apologize as soon as i got a new phone, but she wasn't picking up...she didn't want to talk to me at all. and before i knew it, a year had gone by.

i tried to contact her a few weeks ago with a hand-written letter, music, chocolates, an orchid...with no response. and here i am. i'm a fool. i found out today, that she's happy with some other guy. and i should be glad that she's with someone else...but i'm not. i hate it. now i wish i never met her...but she's the only one i've ever felt anything for.


i'm in therapy right now...he thinks i have a lot of issues...he says its a miracle i haven't killed myself yet. psh. can you believe him? crazy guy. i'll kill myself when i want.

Listen, while I'm not as old as you (I'm 17), I've been through similar mini cooper. I had a boyfriend whom was everything to me. He made me feel loved and important, something I've never felt before since I was too shy to ever make any friends. (Well, any friends who wanted to talk to me other than to copy my homework.) But then, he dumped me. Yeah, maybe it was my fault, since I'm bipolar. I always cried and he got sick of it. So I dropped out of school, cut myself, and got locked up. Fun!

All on my 16th birthday. Yay sweet 16!

Now I'm missing credits and am doubling up on homework to make up for it. My family lost their house, my uncle died, my only REAL family who treated me kindly moved away, etc. I constantly have to deal with my parents blaming me for everything that happens in their lives.

To top mini cooper off, my sister continues to nag and hit my mom so she can have $1000 to see her internet boyfriend.

Yeah, I went to a psychiatrist. I went to counselors. 3 of em. I got kicked out of those for silently crying in their office and refusing to speak. The meds just made me feel even more depressed. But you know what?

Every time I said I wanted to kill myself, I never did. Eventually, I got myself a great boyfriend who loves me despite my illness and family problems. I'm out of the meds and such, etc.

My point in giving you my life story? If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would have already.

That girl is just one out of many. There might not be many nice ones left, but there are SOME. You'll find another. You're young. And if I can find a guy that'll love me, you can surely find one since you don't seem as whiney. Mirite?