[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

Well, my boyfriend and I have been going out for 1 year 8 months and 12 days. During this time we've had MANY break-ups and arguments over insecurities and jealousy. I effed up really bad a few times. My boyfriend has a bad history with his girlfriends in the past and the manjority of them cheated on him or treated him like crap. Whenever he gets suspicious or jealous I completely freak out, I'm aware that it's a problem, and sometimes I end up not being truthful. The reason, I don't want to hurt him over something that he doesn't have to worry about. I used to think that if I told him the truth he would still be upset. I never experienced those situations with him so I ended up just trying to hide on his behalf. Since we talked it out and he found out about the times that I lied and what I lied about I realized that I needed to change. I think of our relationship as the two of us as one person now. Everything that I experience he would know and vice versa. So ever since then I made a vow to never lie to him again. And now here's what happened:
He's out traveling with his family on the other side of the planet. -o- This is the first time we've gone pretty long without seeing each other, and so the paranoia built up on both sides(I'm naturally insecure and a little jealous but I don't show it.) So quite often he would ask me who I've been talking to and what I've been up to. Every time I'd tell him he'd get suspicious and accuse me of lying or assume things. And just yesterday he asked who I talked to for the past 3 days. I wasn't able to talk to him for a while because he's borrowing a computer and time zones = not a lot of talkie. Well basically he asked who I talked to and it went like this. Btw, he was already upset with me from a few days before because of suspicions so he wasn't really willing to talk to me but I messaged him when he got online.

Him: Who did you talk to the past 3 days? Think long and hard. This is your last chance.
Me: -Lists everyone-
Him: You're f*cking kidding me.
Me: What are you talking about?
Him: Don't play stupid with me. I knew it, you never change.
Me: I'm not playing stupid >_> I am changing.
Him: I'M DONE WITH YOUR BS
Me: I'M NOT BSING! WHY DON'T YOU EVER HEAR ME OUT!?
Him: I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE.
Me: JUST PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS!
Him: I'll only talk once you give me the name that I'm looking for.
Me: .. Wait are you talking about the guy I added on myspace? I added JJ because I knew him from middle school and I haven't talked to him ever since then.
Him: .........
Me: Oh my F*CKING GOD! are you SERIOUSLY GETTING MAD AT ME OVER THIS?!
Him: yup.
Me: Are you SERIOUS?!?!? I NEVER TALKED TO HIM. YOU HAVE MY PASSWORDS GO TALK TO HIM!
Him: No. I'm done with your bs.
Me: BUT I'M TRYING SO HARD. I'M CHANGING FOR US. FOR YOU. FOR OUR FUTURE
Him: YOU OUT OF MY LIFE IS A GOOD CHANGE FOR ME. DON'T EVER F*CKING TALK TO ME AGAIN
Me: PLEASE HEAR ME OUT I'M SORRY
Him: -blocks me-

And so it's a big misunderstanding. He thinks I'm cheating with a boytoy when I just added a guy on myspace. Is this a crime? He said he wouldn't talk to me.. What do I do? I want to be with him so badly and I sent him long e-mails apologizing and trying to reason with him. I didn't lie because he really jsut asked for who I talked to but just because I added someone on myspace does that mean that I talked to him/her? I promised him so many times that I'd never lie and I truly do mean it. The only reason I lied in the first place was to protect us from arguing over things like this. I'm so confused and so hurt. I can't stop crying and I'm just listening to emo korean music sitting here on soompi. -__- Can anyone tell me what I can do in this situation? How can I handle these situations better and have him trust in me instead of jumping to conclusions? I was really hoping to spend new years with him. We already planned to go to disneyland on our birthday since we have the same birthday T_T. I would really appreciate some advice and thank you so much if you actually finished reading all of this.

edit---

He's a great boyfriend. He's perfect for me. We have our ups and downs and I just really needed advice on how I could make things better with him. Things are running well now and thanks for everyone who replied

[Yuyu<3]

I personally think he doesn't trust you at all
If you guys build some trust maybe it might work out
But it seems like he's just too jealous for his own good

[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

Yeah. He doesn't trust me one bit even though he says he does ;~;

[the last hour.]

In my honest opinion I would really tell you to drop him because with his attitude, this is going to happen repeatedly until you guys end on a really, really bad note. And you'll end up even more upset then right now. But if you really want to be with him, I suppose there has to be equal trust for both of you. So you guys aren't on speaking terms but what to know what you could do to make him talk to you again?

[chunger20]

oh boy....these are some major trust issues.
From reading this, I don't think its you that needs the changing per se, just be more honest and upfront with him.
But your guy, oh man, needs counseling or something.
From what you said, he's been hurt in the past but he needs to get over that.
What you can do to help is reassure him that you want to be with him and only him.
Leave constant reminders that you care about him. It's the small things that count.

But right now, maybe you guys can get a NEUTRAL friend or adult to mediate this argument. That way both sides will be heard and you guys won't be shouting at each other unheard.
or
write a letter to him. (preferably handwritten. put some effort in to it)
Again this guy needs reassurance.

trust is the wind to the sails of your relationship. (hahaha) without it you'll remain stagnate, bitter and eventually sink.

sometimes things just won't or can't work. abandoning ship might for the best....

[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

oh boy....these are some major trust issues.
From reading this, I don't think its you that needs the changing per se, just be more honest and upfront with him.
But your guy, oh man, needs counseling or something.
From what you said, he's been hurt in the past but he needs to get over that.
What you can do to help is reassure him that you want to be with him and only him.
Leave constant reminders that you care about him. It's the small things that count.

But right now, maybe you guys can get a NEUTRAL friend or adult to mediate this argument. That way both sides will be heard and you guys won't be shouting at each other unheard.
or
write a letter to him. (preferably handwritten. put some effort in to it)
Again this guy needs reassurance.

trust is the wind to the sails of your relationship. (hahaha) without it you'll remain stagnate, bitter and eventually sink.

sometimes things just won't or can't work. abandoning ship might for the best....

Yeah I work really hard on the little things. I wrote him a notebook with handwritten letters in different colors on every page showing my raw honest emotions and expressing how much he means to me. I also sewed him a doll out of scratch but I tried my best to make it look decent. I got him a binder with little art works that I made showing how I feel about us and letting him know how much he means to me. One day we got into another jealousy argument and he burned it all in a bon fire. I'm knitting him a scarf now, but I'm hoping he doesn't burn it if I have the chance to give it to him. I've been being honest and upfront recently and a bit clingy. He tells me he likes clingy so I keep trying but I feel like I'm just bothering him. We kind of have issues with our mutual friends and we don't have so many because I'm 15 and he's 19. Highschool and college doesn't match up so well with friends. I'm trying to assure him and I hope someone has suggestions on what else I can do to help him to be happy and to trust me ;o;

[sweetxsimple]

I honestly think he's trying to push you away, so he can hurt you.

When a relationship gets to a certain point, you know there's not much you can do anymore.

If I were in your situation, I'd honestly just drop him.

Sooner or later, he'll realize what you meant to him and come back to you. Then, you're in control. And whatever you want to do, you can take it from there.

[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

Thank you all for replying by the way. I'm taking all of your opinions and advice into consideration <3

[chunger20]

Yeah I work really hard on the little things. I wrote him a notebook with handwritten letters in different colors on every page showing my raw honest emotions and expressing how much he means to me. I also sewed him a doll out of scratch but I tried my best to make it look decent. I got him a binder with little art works that I made showing how I feel about us and letting him know how much he means to me. One day we got into another jealousy argument and he burned it all in a bon fire. I'm knitting him a scarf now, but I'm hoping he doesn't burn it if I have the chance to give it to him. I've been being honest and upfront recently and a bit clingy. He tells me he likes clingy so I keep trying but I feel like I'm just bothering him. We kind of have issues with our mutual friends and we don't have so many because I'm 15 and he's 19. Highschool and college doesn't match up so well with friends. I'm trying to assure him and I hope someone has suggestions on what else I can do to help him to be happy and to trust me ;o;

WTF! a bonfire?

you are awesome...he does not deserve you.
I want to slap him for you. 10 times.

honestly, is he really worth it? your young....there's 9432945283984328 better guys out there!

sorry, i have no more empathy for this guy.

[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

WTF! a bonfire?

you are awesome...he does not deserve you.
I want to slap him for you. 10 times.

honestly, is he really worth it? your young....there's 9432945283984328 better guys out there!

sorry, i have no more empathy for this guy.

Yes T_______T A BONFIRE! I'm still trying to forgive for that. And I'd never let anyone slap him LOL!

Well, I still made plenty of mistakes in the past. I truly so believe that he's worth it. I know that I'm young and there are a lot of other options but I made my mind on sticking with him.

[evoJDM pauL]

i hate guys acting like that..bunch of !4@0t

im sure you can find someone else better than him!

[Menda]

If he doesn't trust you, chances are your relationships won't have a future.
Let's save everybody the time and end it.

[Sympathetic]

He will come crawling back to you -

OR

He found a way to break it off.

Sorry but he has issues, even if I were to get that angry during an argument over something like that - I would never burn something that my boyfriend has spend his time making something that meaningful. It's been a year and bit and he still doesn't trust you. Sorry hun, but I think you can do a little better then that.

[Duey]

wow. when i acted like that to my ex, she would b^tch at me and get mad. Your too nice, he doesnt deserve you

[U-KNOW]

Girl, you should just let him go. What's a relationship without trust? You're 15! You'll find someone way better than him. He proved that he doesn't like you the way you like him. HE BURNED ALL THE ARTWORK THAT YOU MADE FOR HIM! That's a huge sign.

[I Cook With A Flashlight]

Where is the trust in any relationship if you need to promise something?

[LaydeeMel]

You're 15 you're still young. He's obviously not very mature for being 19. You're trying so hard for him and yet he just looks away and of course you'll be sad and confused on what to do.

Poor thing, you don't need him. You should find a guy who trusts you and that you trust as well. A guy who treats you with more respect and doesn't disregard anything you say. Even if you say you've made your mind and you're sticking to this one guy. Do you really want to be hurt like this all the time? If you fight alot and have 'mini break-ups'. Relationships should be full of love and fun you know. Just think about it.

If you think you'll never get anyone else better than this guy, then you haven't looked yet. =)

[vintageballad]

If he can't change himself and try to build more trust in the relationship, then I don't understand what better reason there is for you to not dump him.

He should also check if he's ready for a relationship yet, because from what I see here, he's definitely not.

[A-Jaey]

Trust.
Well you've given all you got, and if he doesn't trust you.
I think the problem lies with him,
And no matter how painful it is to like dump him, I reckon you should.
He's taking you for granted.
So dump his sorry ass and be the strong girl you are!

You can find someone better than him!

[Left_King]

haha...this brings back memories xP

A lot of ppl talk about him to trusting u n stuff.... :S (easy to say)

Everyone goes thru this phase...i personally think this is normal...
Sometimes its not about trust, but jealousy and/or fear of losing ur s/o. It doesnt mean he doesnt trust u..!!!

Ppl grow...and whether couples grow together or not depends on how u gonna work it out...!!
I can see that u really like the guy... However ur he's being a lil overworried?
U basically told him every thing... U've done ur part... Now u just hv to wait for his reply...

Often Time helps in these situation...
Everyone's affected by the heat of the situation... so...if u give him time, and i'm sure he'll reflect on his actions...

Wish u all the best.
Its hard being in a relationship...Work hard together... at the end of the day, you'll realise that 'it' made u 2 understand each other more... ^^