[ra123]

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[Ogihara_Hideki]

In my experience, it only gets worse, but there is hope. All those things that your older siblings and parents used to tell you are true. "Good people are hard to come by" couldn't be any more truthful. I think part of the problem lies in the fact that people are shallow and definitely irresponsible. Also, people just have a hard time telling you what they are really thinking up front. They want to do the noble thing on the spot and tell you something you want to hear in your face, but they seem to be perfectly ok with revealing their true intentions over email, text etc. We live in society that allows us to have everything on demand. When's the last time you planned something with someone that was more then a few days away, only to have it fall through because "something came up". People just seem incapable of following through on the long term.

You can't please everyone. You just have to keep your eyes open for the people that are worth your time and effort. After graduating college, I eventually lost touch with all my close college friends. I'm not saying it's going to happen to you, but it does sometimes. I've become close with people that I never thought I be friends with. Situations change and the people that will stay with will be the ones that aren't effected by any of that.

In the working world you really have to watch your own back. It seems that the older people get, the more prone they are to give in to being selfish and taking advantage of other people. Some of my co-workers are so surprised because they say I'm such a different person outside of work. That's only because I've been burnt so much that I have developed an alternate persona almost sub-consciously. However, this kind of thing makes it easier for you to distinguish who the real ones are and who aren't.

Don't change for no one and run your own race and again you can't please everyone. Good Luck!

[Pogichinoy]

People are the worst.

It's like that everywhere. But simply make a stand and demand/assertively ask for your money back (1. situation), and regarding 2. situation, I'd just assume they don't see you in their circle of friends close enough to include you in their outings, or that you're not far up that ladder yet.

Hang in there. There are good people out there.

[mikomi]

you and I need to live closer to each other, seeing as to how we have the same exact problem mabe we can hang out and get rid of everyone else who flakes out on EVERYTHING they say. The only people I know who won't flake out are family or one or two other people who are practically family- that's my immediate family- not even my close relatives. They flake out on me too. i NEVER flake out on anyone! If I do I ALWAYS let them know ahead of time! Is it so hard to give people a heads up if you know you'll save so much potentially wasted time!? What about priority!? Am I not important at all!? And whatever happened to being trustworthy!? That went out the window!

you know that story..the boy who cried wolf..one day these people are going to get it kind of like that.

[coreancc]

I was raised by my parents to believe that one's word is binding. They taught me that if I give someone my word, I am to keep it, even to my own hurt. They taught me that exceptions can be made in extreme circumstances, but one must painstakingly communicate to everyone involved (as early as possible) and go through the proper chain of authority. Also, make up for it to the best of your ability. It didn't take me long to realize that not everyone was taught this same thing. It seems to be getting worse as well. We have a Korean exchange student staying with us right now. Her mother taught her to keep her word, and her Korean friends tended to be taught this same thing, so she has been shocked to see how utterly unreliable the majority of teens at her high school are. We've learned that it doesn't matter how strongly they promise something (though usually you can't get them to commit - they are always like, "maybe!"), you just have to plan on them flaking out at the last minute. I can't tell you how many times our student has been left standing out in the rain (literally sometimes) because her friends just decided not to come, wanted to do something else, or whatever. Sometimes, they didn't even make an attempt to tell her. It's sad, really, because these teens are going to be running the country when they grow up... and my children are going to pay a hefty "lack-of-ethics tax" as they try to live in that world. I see this kind of behavior in the professional world too - oh, the behavior puts on professional clothing, but it's still there in its own way, and it exacts a huge price. I've seen so many lawsuits flying around the corporate office just in the last year because of people who don't know how to keep their word. It causes everything to get more expensive. It works itself out into the prices people pay for things, which means reliable people pay a price for the actions of the unreliable. I can only imagine what effect this has had and will have on government as well.

[HERMIT]

1.) I lent money to a friend ($1000) after listening that she was in a bit of financial trouble. She "promised" to pay me back last month but its come to a point where whenever I call her she would tell me she doesn't have the money (but I see her shopping for purses) >_>
She's really nice, and I generally like her as a person but this incident is questioning whether I want to keep her as a friend anymore. Its making look twice on friendships as well.

I totally relate to this first scenario. I hate dealing with these kinds of people that approach me regarding their money problems.
It's like, "Yo HERMIT when you gonna have that $100 you owe me?" and "Hey HERM, you got your share of the rent dude? You're like 2 months behind now."

It's like leave me alone already with your money issues! It's not my fault you're irresponsible with who you trust with your money!

[aiaigasa]

people are always irresponsible. .___.;; like coreancc, i was always taught to be fair and keep my word no matter what, and it seemed i would be the only one busting my butt trying to make things happen while other people just flake. ^^; after a while i kind of got over it, and just treat those people the same way they treat me. really good people don't come by very often, like most other posters said.

because of stories like yours i never lend people money. even if i seem like a meanie ><

[derrek]

Yeah, there's no escaping it. There's a bunch of grown men killing each other in Israel right now. That's pretty irresponsible too!

You just gotta keep strong, and try to surround yourself with the best people possible. That's the best case scenario unfortunately!

[Stiizy]

I have a few people like this i associate myself with once in a blue..

But i hate when people make plans and cancel without notice or wanna leave early or something like that...

The money thing i don't do, i got burned by my own uncle for 16k and no he's back on his feet make 85k a year and he work's in the city i live in and every time i try to call him i get no response or when there's a family function if i show up he won't but if i don't he will...

[toxic-apple]

a $1000? $_$ I'm shock. you must have trusted your friend a lot!! Well, I don't think you should be worrying about responsibility right now, but how to get those money back! If you're a guy, and it's a girl that you're lending it to, then I must say you're not so smart when it comes to women.

hm.... When you talk to stranger isn't it an expectancy not to take their words seriously? Because they are strangers!! I would say "meet up or chat" plans like you... but sometime I never do it. It doesn't mean I'm an irresponsible person.

[mikomi]

I totally relate to this first scenario. I hate dealing with these kinds of people that approach me regarding their money problems.
It's like, "Yo HERMIT when you gonna have that $100 you owe me?" and "Hey HERM, you got your share of the rent dude? You're like 2 months behind now."

It's like leave me alone already with your money issues! It's not my fault you're irresponsible with who you trust with your money!

lol yeah! You sure showed them!!

teehee

[Meenuh]

hm.... When you talk to stranger isn't it an expectancy not to take their words seriously? Because they are strangers!!

Yeah .. I was thinking that too. They were probably doing it to sound nice or something. I doubt they actually plan to follow through with making plans with a stranger. I'd just randomly tell people "yeah we should hang out sometime" while we're talking just for conversation but we never end up hanging out. lol.

[`faded]

yep..those are also called flakers..=/..they don't notify you of anything they promised you..and they sometimes change plans last minute..if not they are super late with going out with you or something....or telling you that they'll be late..sigh..it gets worse..but you have to live with it >.<..

[leejunkified]

Tell your friend she doesn´t have to pay you the 1000 at once.

I´d still try calling people... I mean, you never know if you might end up becoming friends with any of them do you? So why not try? :X I mean... just keep doing things the way you do them (I´m not saying you should call them over and over, but I think what you did was fine).

[little mixed girl]

1.) I lent money to a friend ($1000) after listening that she was in a bit of financial trouble. She "promised" to pay me back last month but its come to a point where whenever I call her she would tell me she doesn't have the money (but I see her shopping for purses) >_>
She's really nice, and I generally like her as a person but this incident is questioning whether I want to keep her as a friend anymore. Its making look twice on friendships as well.

is she going out buying purses or is she LOOKING at them?

you lent money to a person who was in a bad financial situation. people in "bad financial situations" don't turn it around after a month, and $1,000 is a lot of money.

you should make a payment plan with her.
if she pays $10 a month, that's $120 after a year.
if she pays $50 a month, that's $500 after a year.

just think about it.

[ching22194]

word of honor is very important to me, and i really hate people who doesnt value it.
evrything i say i must do coz i know they're expecting it.
it just fair i expect them to do the same.

1.) I lent money to a friend ($1000) after listening that she was in a bit of financial trouble. She "promised" to pay me back last month but its come to a point where whenever I call her she would tell me she doesn't have the money (but I see her shopping for purses) >_>
She's really nice, and I generally like her as a person but this incident is questioning whether I want to keep her as a friend anymore. Its making look twice on friendships as well.

you shouldnt keep a friend like that..

[SeX1eStAsaBa]

I had this happen a lot with family. I hate it the most when you got ready to rock and roll, then 5 minutes later they cancel. Pisses me off the most. I stopped hanging out with them totally and told them to never call me to hang out again. I told them the truth that I hate it when I spend my time getting ready and they bail. Just a few months ago, me and my co-worker (1) were at a bar to celebrate another co-worker's (1)fairwell from the company. Found out the co-worker (2) who was suppose to be at the bar was eating at a diner for several hours while leaving me and the other co-worker (1) waiting for him to arrive. The co-worker (2) who was suppose to be there was texting all night saying that he was there when he wasn't. Me and my other co-worker (1) were at the bar for 3 hours waiting until the bar closed. I never talked to the co-worker (2) ever again and that pissed me off endlessly.

Now when I schedule to do something with someone, I make other plans by myself. Just in case if things don't fall through, I don't have to be too disappointed. I got my own life too, I can have fun by myself. Well anyways, there are a lot of irresponsible people and it does annoy me. I just don't hang out with them.............EVER.

[Fusilier]

Wow, I can't believe you lent someone $1000. I'd say you're just way too trusting, or maybe too eager to make friends? You need to be picky with the company you choose. I look out for me and the few people close to me only. I know they've got my back so I've got theirs. You don't have to baby someone for them to like you, and if you have to be taken advantage of to get people to like you, then you're definitely looking in the wrong crowd of people. Why would you want to be friends with people like that anyway?

I'm rarely the initiator in doing things for people, but if someone does something for me, I'm more than eager to be kind to them back. I grew up way too gullible so I know better now. It doesn't mean I'm selfish. I have no problem telling people no when I know they're not trustworthy. Being nice to people like that just justifies their behavior.

Like others have said, you need to make a payment plan with the girl you lent the money to. If she can't even pay you back small amounts on the date due, then there's always JUDGE JUDY. :D :D

Good people are hard to come by. I'm 25 and I only have three close friends. I'm perfectly fine with that. I have a lot of online friends too, but unfortunately people around here are just morons or have nothing in common with me. Like they say, it's better to have one good friend than 10 crap ones!

I totally relate to this first scenario. I hate dealing with these kinds of people that approach me regarding their money problems.
It's like, "Yo HERMIT when you gonna have that $100 you owe me?" and "Hey HERM, you got your share of the rent dude? You're like 2 months behind now."

It's like leave me alone already with your money issues! It's not my fault you're irresponsible with who you trust with your money! :fury:

lmao, wouldn't that make you the irresponsible one? xD Way to go, man, way to go...

[JDM6]

A few example:

1.) I lent money to a friend ($1000) after listening that she was in a bit of financial trouble. She "promised" to pay me back last month but its come to a point where whenever I call her she would tell me she doesn't have the money (but I see her shopping for purses) >_>
She's really nice, and I generally like her as a person but this incident is questioning whether I want to keep her as a friend anymore. Its making look twice on friendships as well.

damn, how long have you know this person? I only have 4 people in my circle of friends and whom I trust with that much amount of money. I've know all of them for over 10 years. Anyone else I wouldn't trust with for even $20. Definately set up some type of payment plan with her.

2.) In my university there are random people I converse with (I like talking to strangers). Sometimes we get along so well that we exchange phone numbers, make plans etc. They say things like, "hey so there's a party on friday and you should totally come"
so after a few days I call them to see if they have any plans and some respond with
"oh yeah, hey! how's it going, etc. Yeah, we're not doing anything this week, we changed plans"
Thanks for enlightening me!

I'd have to say that strangers don't have any obligations to each other. I would not call this flaking. You weren't on their list of priority and you probably weren't expected to. Don't take it personally, though. You may be expecting too much from putting yourself out there.


I put myself out there, but I don't expect much at all. I'm happy with small circle of trust worthy friends I have. But, if people are genuine and want to be friends then I accept that to a certain point. I'd build a trust level from that point on.

[Meenuh]

I know how it feels to lend out money to people and not have them pay you back. I'm still waiting for the money someone owes me. They've even gone to ignoring my calls and texts. It's lucky for me I know where his mom works but i'm debating on whether I wanna go that far but i'm at a point where I don't even care anymore. After that I learned never to lend out money. Not even to family. No joke. If it's friends I just tell em I have no money and family... i'll just give them the money.