[mikasaranghae]

I just wonder if you girls "confess" intimate, sensual desires you have for your boyfriends? What if your boyfriend is conservative-type? Do you try to control yourself, not saying anything at all? My boyfriend is Korean from Korea; most girls there just don't say anything and try to be as "innocent" as possible. I think that's fake. How can you date someone and be fake and not be able to say your feeling/desire for them? I find it very hard because I am very expressive of my feeling. But then I worry if I scare him off by saying it out. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him.



Please help & give ideas. Thank you.

[rachilde]

Oh yeah; I tell my boyfriend everything. The best time for me and my boyfriend to talk about sexual topics is after having sex. Of course, if you guys aren't even to the point of having sex already, you can always just bring it up whenever--so long as you're rather casual about it. For me, growing up with a bunch of boys and being 'one of the boys' since being a teenager (it's not so hard, a lot of times it's just insulting each other over and over again and then going for a Meat Lover's pizza), I've always known that boys talk about sex and sometimes they talk about it in the most graphic and ridiculous ways ever. Boys are, in my mind, first and foremost a bunch of goofballs. They like being silly and goofy. For the boys I grew up with (to give you an idea, they were essentially punk rocking vandal-types), being too serious is the first step to being really awkward.

So my advice: smile and laugh.

Sex is actually really funny. Remember those sex jokes you used to make in the 5th grade? Well you'd like to think you're too old for them--too mature--but a couple of drinks in, you begin to realize you definitely think they're still the funniest things ever. Don't be too serious about sex and, without being too serious about it, just bring sex up as a topic of fun curiosity. Start with topics pertaining to him first: do you like using tongue to kiss? what was your worst kiss ever? first kiss stories? loss of virginity story? most traumatic toothy blowjob story ever? I read this super graphic and embarrassing S&M novel because I was super bored over the summer and let me tell you about the crazy crap that went down in there...what do you think? Eventually he'll have no choice but to say: what about you?

The way to be natural about sex is to take it out of health class and put it into Sex & the City mode--laugh and learn and let it be about personal stories, puzzlement, embarrassing stories that are just plain funny nowadays, and wishful thinking instead of anatomy.

EDIT: Oh, I'd also like to add that you'll probably get a couple of ex-girlfriend stories and maybe some embarrassing gay experiences haha...

[Shikabane Hime]

Korean girls in korea being innocent? LOL good one.

[sui85]

Just because u want to have intimate talk with boyfriend, does not make other girl's fake. Not every girl is like you.

[Kokin]

It seems rachilde has some good advice, just ask about small stuff like kissing or touching or w.e. The best way is to directly ask your boyfriend if he is comfortable talking about that kind of stuff. Just to make a generalization, just about all my guy friends (probably 95% of maybe like 100 or so) would be comfy talking about sexual stuff so no worries there. Although most of them were born in America and were raised here, so that might have an impact if your boyfriend grew up in America or not. I know my girlfriend and I didn't talk too much about it when we first started going out, but we were both open-minded about it and now we enjoy making intimate jokes with each other. Just talk to him and ask him if he's comfortable talking intimately, if he isn't, then maybe he just needs more time to be comfortable with it.

Btw, don't confuse being conservative and being restricted. I know many girls who don't seem to be the sexual type, but really are when in a relationship. They might have to hold that conservative image for their parents or everyone else, but privately, they can unleash all those emotions in a very liberal way. :3

Edit:oh it works for guys as well, they might be all pervy and talk sexual, but when it comes to the real deal, they get frightened or uncomfy.

[~*Anja*~]

Mmm... "Bedroom Whispers" are sexy..

Hearing my S/O whispers da sexy secrets between the silky sheets makes me weak in the knees indeed..

[papabear]

I just wonder if you girls "confess" intimate, sensual desires you have for your boyfriends? What if your boyfriend is conservative-type? Do you try to control yourself, not saying anything at all? My boyfriend is Korean from Korea; most girls there just don't say anything and try to be as "innocent" as possible. I think that's fake. How can you date someone and be fake and not be able to say your feeling/desire for them? I find it very hard because I am very expressive of my feeling. But then I worry if I scare him off by saying it out. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him.



Please help & give ideas. Thank you.

Do you think you're needy? most guys won't react well to that, so if you find yourslf going out on a limb, it's probably not a good sign. Break-ups happen--the question is whether you are looking for someone compatible, or just someone who will take loneliness away. Big difference.

A true conservative-type wouldn't be sleeping with a girl before marriage.

[blissful*sin]

Do you think you're needy?

tell us hows she being needy?
men who cant sexually satisfy their woman should be banned from speaking for the rest of the population

[Kokin]

Yeah I don't see how she is needy, it's not like she's asking to have sex with her partner, she just wants to talk about intimate stuff, not necessarily sex, but at least maybe holding hands, hugging, or kissing(cause those things are intimate too!).

[rachilde]

Do you think you're needy? most guys won't react well to that, so if you find yourslf going out on a limb, it's probably not a good sign. Break-ups happen--the question is whether you are looking for someone compatible, or just someone who will take loneliness away. Big difference.

A true conservative-type wouldn't be sleeping with a girl before marriage.

Hm, you'd have to define a true conservative type considering the wide range of conservatism that exists in American society. Are you talking about a conservative Catholic? A conservative Democrat? A conservative existentialist? A conservative Republican? Or just a plain conservationalist? 'Conservative' has very different meanings throughout different groups so it's impossible to say that a conservative person will or will not do something in particular. Most conservatives and writings on conservatism will argue that there is no one definition of conservatism; there is absolutely no way to say that all conservatives will do x, y, z just by their label as conservative. Looking at the conservative parties of different countries, it's clear that no two conservative is alike, so it's absolutely impossible then to ascertain whether or not all conservatives will or will not have premarital sex.

And it's even arguable, throughout several different cultures, what kind of premarital sex counts as premarital sex. In several cultures, including traditional Chinese society, if you're engaged to a woman then it doesn't matter if you're not yet married. In the middle ages, marriage was as simple as a private agreement between two people in a bedroom before you got down to the nasty: no priest necessary, no need to tell the mom and dad, no need to get God's recognition. All you had to say was, "you're going to be my wife and you're going to be my husband" and then you're married, easy peasy.

Not only that, but you could say that a really hardcore conservative wouldn't even have sex in marriage except for the purpose of producing offspring. If you were a 'real' Catholic, you wouldn't even be doing the nasty after getting married unless you also wanted the kids that came with the nasty. Any sex--gay or straight--in Catholicism is a sin unless it leads to procreation--even in marriage. So, if you're a 'real' conservative, you wouldn't even been having sex at all unless you wanted a kid. Under that doctrine, if you were a 'real' conservative, you would also never get a divorce, use birth control like condoms or the pill, get an abortion, swear, use the lord's name in vain, etc.

Frankly, the very notion that conservatism has one ideology across the board is ridiculous.

As for the needy thing, your argument makes no sense. If a guy can stand back and say, "I don't like needy women so I'm going to break up with you unless you stop being needy," then why can't a girl stand back and say, "I don't like bad kissers so I'm going to break up with you unless you stop kissing like a fish"? If a guy can break up with a girl simply because she wants to express herself, then surly a girl can break up with a guy because he's a chauvinistic, sexist bastard who couldn't perform in bed if his life depended on it.

On the idea of compatibility: you don't have to be the same people to date. Me and my boyfriend do not have compatible politics: whether that politics is about sexuality, gender, women's rights, labor rights, economy, environment, foreign policy, etc.: the fact is that we don't agree on a lot of things. For example, he's a communist. I am not. He thinks that the basic unit of society should be morally dependent on the nuclear family. I do not. He grossly misinterprets the LGBT community. I basically live in the LGBT community. But, just because we don't agree doesn't mean that we don't love each other or get along with each other or care for each other. The idea that you have to be conservative to date a conservative or liberal to date a liberal is inaccurate and frequently doesn't take into account the kindness people have toward each other intrinsically, all politics aside.

[the_true_silver]

neigh for kissers who are fish like.

yay for communication! If he doesn't like communication, then he's not a good bf.

[-_-]

Pillow talk with your SO is fun and after all good communication is key to a good relationship. I used to not be into it, but when my boyfriend and I grew closer, it just became natural.

[papabear]

Yeah I don't see how she is needy, it's not like she's asking to have sex with her partner, she just wants to talk about intimate stuff, not necessarily sex, but at least maybe holding hands, hugging, or kissing(cause those things are intimate too!).

Notice it was a question to the original poster--it's something she needs to determine for herself.

[chilovesjj]

I have friends who are dating Korean guys who are just fine with talking about intimate acts (they're also pretty happy doing those acts as well lol) and as noted above somewhere, people's normal self is different from their sexual self so you can't just make assumptions about that
If you need to talk about it, then you should. I know I couldn't just sit on my thoughts and never voice them XDD You may find he's alot more open to it than you thought. On the other hand, if he can't communicate in the way you need him to, that could cause problems.

Also.. Some girls don't want or need to talk about that stuff, it's not necessarily fake. Some feel uncomfortable talking about it (especially younger girls). Others just repress it because of guilt. We live in a world where sex and expressing your sexuality is sort of taboo and a lot of people feel an unexplainable guilt about sex and sex-related acts which inhibits them in relationships.

You need to try and talk to him anyway, you obviously really want to. Explain your fear of scaring him off, but tell him you really care about him a lot and want to be able to express those things to him, and see how he reacts, take it from there.

I don't think she's being needy. She just wants a little more open communication. That's important in any relationship. If you think that's needy, you really need to see what some other girls are like, lol...

[sQuishyBites]

always. even after we broke up D:

[MoobaaMonster]

Intimate talk? Sure. I'm acctually quite perverted, so talking to my boy about stuff like that is fun. I have friends who dissagree, but they haven't really been in a relationship like mine all the time. I like talking to my boyfriend about sexual stuff because at the end of the day, I know I'm not gonna have sex with him anytime soon, because I'm waiting until I'm ready, and he knew that from start. He's patient enough to wait for me, and he likes talking to me about stuff like this, so I might as well do it, as long as I'm comfortable with it.

If you want to tell him, I suggest you do it ASAP. Some girls (including myself) just keep things bottled inside, and then one day, it all explodes and its weird to start yelling random sexual things that you would want to do with your s/o in public while you're with them, possibly embarrasing you both.

That really isnt fun. Trust me.

[Jamila]

I tell him everything I want to do with and to him.

[votre-beau]

I don't think he'd be scared. If he was a man, he'd love it. It shows that you're interested in him in a lot more ways than one.

Communication is key.

[Sleepy213]

Korean girls in Korea acting innocent?
mm sounds like a stereotype.

Depends on the couple obviously.

But yea, I do agree with you.
I want a girlfriend who tells me..instead of hiding it.

You never know, she can cheat on you and you may never know.

That's where trust kicks in.

[Antz]

yeah, just to tease him LOL. it's pretty funny. then we say weird things LOL.