[maybella]

So I've been seeing this guy for three months now. He's my first REAL boyfriend and I'm his first REAL girlfriend. He's great--even with his quirks. He's caring and he cooks for me!!! We're both in college and everything is just great. Just a couple of weeks back though, he told me he wasn't a virgin and that he had lied. We first did "it" two months ago and even before doing "it" I've asked him if he was a virgin--to which he responded yes. Now me, I was a virgin and he was the first guy I've been with. I don't think I believe in "first time after marriage" (Now I can't, obviously!) but I believe in telling the truth. Just telling me that he's not a virgin NOW when he's had a lot of time to tell me the truth hurts. It's not the fact that he lost it to someone else, but that he lied. He didn't pressure me into doing it, although he did want it more than I did the first time. But I liked him enough and trusted him enough. But just hearing that he lied makes me feel like he took advantage of me. I was naive and innocent--and all new to this--and he lied to me about his virginity--and still kept it from me until now. And...I don't know what to do about this. You know how it's portrayed?--the girl gets mad and dumps the boyfriend? I felt like being dramatic like that--but I'm also reasonable--but maybe I'm TOO reasonable? I don't think this is a forgiveness issue because it's HIS past before I met him and one can't really change that but I'm entirely disappointed in him. Maybe the naive question to ask now is... "What do I do?" What makes this more convoluted was that the girl he lost it to--he wasn't even dating her. She and the event is equal to being a one night stand. Egghhh...
We hit it off real good too--which is why just after a month I sort of "gave in." He's a real cool guy and he's not happy about lying either. But he didn't even give me time to digest his lie. He kept pestering me--didn't want me to leave the relationship hanging--although I wanted time away to think and so it sort of warped into a BIG thing, but not so big because "we understand one another." Not to say that I DON'T understand--it's weird...
And he says the "fling" with the other girl wasn't special--and the first time between us was. I don't doubt this...
But yes. Advice?

[daldonge]

So? .. U did it with him anyways? why do u care if he's a virgin or not? .. if he was a virgin, he wouldn't even do it with u! ...

[maybella]

So? .. U did it with him anyways? why do u care if he's a virgin or not? .. if he was a virgin, he wouldn't even do it with u! ...

Sorry, I couldn't really catch that. I did it with him because I "felt it was right"--given the moment. Why do I care if he's a virgin or not? It's not the fact that he wasn't a virgin or if he was--now--but that he lied. And if he was a virgin, he wouldn't even do it with me? What's that supposed to mean?

[eximius]

Kind of skimmed through.

Did he tell you -why- he lied at least?
Was he ashamed? Didn't want you to think differently of him?

I think after you find that out, you can determine whether you could potentially gain trust in him again.


edit;

So? .. U did it with him anyways? why do u care if he's a virgin or not? .. if he was a virgin, he wouldn't even do it with u! ...

>__> Did you even read? I didn't fully read it but at least I got the important part: She's mad that he lied. Anyone would be.
And if he was a virgin... why wouldn't he do it? >>
Read before you make an ass of yourself please.

[daldonge]

well, i bet he lied to u about alot of things aswell.

[maybella]

Kind of skimmed through.

Did he tell you -why- he lied at least?
Was he ashamed? Didn't want you to think differently of him?

I think after you find that out, you can determine whether you could potentially gain trust in him again.


edit;


>__> Did you even read? I didn't fully read it but at least I got the important part: She's mad that he lied. Anyone would be.
And if he was a virgin... why wouldn't he do it? >>
Read before you make an ass of yourself please.

He lied because he didn't want me thinking differently of him. But I think because I'm not a "sex after marriage" person, I wouldn't hold it against him. He just shouldn't have lied though. Maybe he doesn't trust me enough--then--to tell me the truth? And even if! That must mean he was only after sex...

well, i bet he lied to u about alot of things aswell.

Eghh...I sincerely hope not. I really like(d) (?) how things were going between us. It'd be a HUGE disappointment if a lot of other things are lies.

[ShadowMax76]

flings are just flings. x_X' it's not that he used someone and he's a bad person, cos there's chicks out there that are in that game like guys are.


o_O' 'spose you gotta ask him some questions.

what else has he lied about.
why did he lie about it.
would he lie again

_ i 'm not for defending a guy i haven't met. x_x' anymore, anyways.

[maybella]

flings are just flings. x_X' it's not that he used someone and he's a bad person, cos there's chicks out there that are in that game like guys are.


o_O' 'spose you gotta ask him some questions.

what else has he lied about.
why did he lie about it.
would he lie again

_ i 'm not for defending a guy i haven't met. x_x' anymore, anyways.

What if...he didn't really know her and she was intoxicated and he wasn't...? How would that change things?

[Yukita]

you should tell him you lied too just to see how he feels about it

jk don't do that, it'd probably make it more complicated

but yeah... idk he's probably pestering you about it because he feels hella bad
idk y'all should sit down and talk about it, nahmsayin

[maybella]

you should tell him you lied too just to see how he feels about it

jk don't do that, it'd probably make it more complicated

but yeah... idk he's probably pestering you about it because he feels hella bad
idk y'all should sit down and talk about it, nahmsayin

He knows I didn't lie. But I have mentioned (when he's irking me) that maybe I should lie about something and then three months later tell him it was a lie to see his reaction. I don't know. I've asked him if he'd mind if he was dating someone and she did the same thing to him. He says it depends on the situation--which really gives me a different perspective on things.

We have talked A LOT on this--but I don't know if I feel it's complete yet.

[daldonge]

If u knew he wasn't a virgin, would u still had done it with him? ..
I think he lied, coz he wanted to appear as this gentleman that respects ur virginity, but he isn't if he decide to take it at the end. But hope he isnt with u, just because of that.

[Nailliv]

u dump him!

ahhh u silly girls

stop losing the v-card

u guys have no idea how valuable it is.

what a shame.

[daldonge]

u dump him!

ahhh u silly girls

stop losing the v-card

u guys have no idea how valuable it is.

what a shame.

wots the v-card? .. if its the virgin card, then yes its valuble!
See, even a guy knows that! .

[the;andro]

i'm not sure if i could live with someone who hides the truth, i thought love was supposed to be, "loving inspite of what he's not" in your case, "love in spite of what he did" he should have told you, i only can say that, you did it with him, (also one month being together was too short at time) that he did not trust you that you love him enough not to leave him or think badly of him if he had told u the truth. I would like to think it as a couple thing, this rs that you have with him has deepend thru the 3 months that NOW he finally knows that he loves you enough and you love him enough to tell you the truth, knowing that you might not leave him and still want to be with him.. and also, the fact that he told you now, could high light that NOW and BEFORE comparatively, your rs has grown to a new level of trust, which you could or not, see it as a good thing=)

im not sure if u get what i mean..

[Harbl]

There's only one thing to do. You'll have to take his other virginity. Juts make sure you use plenty of lubricant.

Or ask him why he felt the need to lie?

[maybella]

u dump him!

ahhh u silly girls

stop losing the v-card

u guys have no idea how valuable it is.

what a shame.

Aahhh...

If u knew he wasn't a virgin, would u still had done it with him? ..
I think he lied, coz he wanted to appear as this gentleman that respects ur virginity, but he isn't if he decide to take it at the end. But hope he isnt with u, just because of that.

Later in life. I would wait--but I'd still do it. Just not as soon as I had done it, I think.

i'm not sure if i could live with someone who hides the truth, i thought love was supposed to be, "loving inspite of what he's not" in your case, "love in spite of what he did" he should have told you, i only can say that, you did it with him, (also one month being together was too short at time) that he did not trust you that you love him enough not to leave him or think badly of him if he had told u the truth. I would like to think it as a couple thing, this rs that you have with him has deepend thru the 3 months that NOW he finally knows that he loves you enough and you love him enough to tell you the truth, knowing that you might not leave him and still want to be with him.. and also, the fact that he told you now, could high light that NOW and BEFORE comparatively, your rs has grown to a new level of trust, which you could or not, see it as a good thing=)

im not sure if u get what i mean..

I think I get you. He tells me now because he trusts that NOW I'll consider it carefully--that maybe if he had told me one month into the relationship how he lost it and that he lost it, I might've left him because I'd have impressions of him because I don't know him that well. And he chooses to tell me NOW because he trusts me enough to really consider our relationship. That's a good way to look at it. Thanks!

[c0lap1nada]

Didn't you ask him why he lied?

Edit---The fact that he didn't want you to think differently of him after sex means that you're important to him... -.-''

[maybella]

There's only one thing to do. You'll have to take his other virginity. Juts make sure you use plenty of lubricant.

Or ask him why he felt the need to lie?

What's this other virginity you speak of?
Insecurity, mostly, was why he lied. Maybe our relationship wasn't strong enough yet. Weird adjective but yes.

Didn't you ask him why he lied?

Edit---The fact that he didn't want you to think differently of him after sex means that you're important to him... -.-''

Ahhh... Awww. That's sweet.

[ShadowMax76]

What if...he didn't really know her and she was intoxicated and he wasn't...? How would that change things?

o_O' gah. a harder ethics question.
he's brave for telling you. that's for sure.

especially since in anyone's book that'd be a very irresponsible and ungentlemanly thing to do.

only he can convince you about that.


_.. it's hard to believe anyone who has committed a crime, can turn back. x_x' not to make it harder for you

[daldonge]

virgin or not, your still do it with him either way... so i don't see why ur mad about it. i know ur mad bcoz he lied..
But, there is nothing gentleman about him taking ur virginity! A true gentleman would never take it, because he sees the important of it, only a gentleman would know what i mean. theres something called self-control, and if he was a gentleman he wouldn't even brought it up or mention it. Lady first! .. thats how a gentleman thinks!
im sorry, ur not with a gentleman.