[anonymous119]

Optional:
Before you read this, turn on Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You"
It'll help set the mood for this. hahaha
Warning: HUGE WALL OF TEXT, summary's located at the bottom but if you need background
info to answer the questions i have, the wall of text provides everything *sad smile*

Time to get serious

I'm a guy and I've probably already broken an unspoken cardinal rule:
Guys never show weakness.

I guess it all started in the summer where I went away to help a church in
Central America. There, I met alot of other people also helping out and it was such a
blessing time. Working, sweating, and toiling all under the same sun, always thirsting for
water, but it was worth it getting to know everyone. It just so happened that I met this girl
who seemed to have everything. She was pretty, smart, athletic, and had one of the best
personalities ever. She made everything around her so much brighter. Never sad or mad, always
happy.

Of course, I fell heads over heels for her. Like everyone else, we started talking. She seemed so genuine, and
never failed to listen to whatever you had to say. It was impossible to even be awkward around her
cause she always made conversations go on and on with no problem. And when she sang,
her voice was incredibly pure. What more could a guy ask for?

We stayed up late at night talking, writing good-bye notes to each other when we would leave, and cuddle
on the rooftops of the small squat buildings, watching the moon shine.

It was only later that my friends who also went with me to help told me everything about what she
did when I wasn't around.

At first, I didn't belive it. I didn't want to. I would reply with a snarl and "you're jealous" comments
but even other people from other service groups came over to tell me the same thing.
She flirted openly with other guys. She craved attention.
In other words, I was used. It hurt so much.
I remember hearing when she asked another guy to apply lotion on her.
I nearly broke inside.

Why? Why was I being tossed aside like some doll? Was I just some puppet to play around with?
Was I even worth anything to her?

Later when we parted ways, she struck up contact with me. I played along, feigning ignorance of
what she did. I never brought up the subject and we eventually stopped talking.

The next few months were just full of numbness. I pretended to be happy and no one else noticed
anything wrong with me. I just devoted myself to helping people deal with misery especially with
relationship problems. I didn't mind. There wasn't really anything inside of me to really focus on anyhow.
But during those times, I have never felt so lonely especially looking at guys who had girlfriends to hold and cherish. I felt so full of void and emptiness.

One day at this sleepover party, a tight group of friends that included guys and girls came over to chill and hang
out. I then encountered this girl I really never paid attention to up until this point. I only knew her cause she and I went to the same school. Even then, contact was extremely limited as our classes were radically different. Even transitioning between classes, I never even saw her except for a few times at lunch. Even then, we never really talked to each other.

That night, we just started talking while everyone else was eating/playing guitar hero/ or watching movies. We stayed up pretty late and alot of people by then started sleeping (guys in one room, girls in another: don't get me wrong, we were a very clean and trustworthy group). Too lazy to go up and sleep in the girls' room, she took a blanket and a pillow nearby and just curled up on the floor. When I walked by, she offered me the blanket and seeing as it was just an innocent offer, I got in. We talked some more, sharing a a few tidbits of info about each other: music, life, etc. By then it was pretty late and we just kinda dozed off. Apparently we were cuddling but it was more of just sleeping a little close to each other, nothing more but that automatically kicked off some teasing and rumors about us being together. And to be honest, I never felt any attraction to this girl until I finally began to realize that she was not only pretty but had a rather cute personality. Suddenly, I didn't feel so alone anymore.

We only get to see each other for a very brief period of time at school but on the rare occasions that we do meet, she flashes a quick smile, punches me lightly, or squeals an excited "Hi!" everytime we meet. Recently, she also began picking stuff off of my clothes whether imaginary or real stuff was on me.

We txt and aim as well but even those are rare since I have a busy schedule and she rarely comes on aim.
Even when we do aim, it's rather short and our conversations die awkwardly. I hate it when that happens, I wish I could have thought up of something really funny to say but whenever it's her, I lose my humor and focus. Heh, she's just so cute. :3

Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate to the extreme. Everything about my life is fine at the moment. Unlike most guys at my school, I don't want to lose my virginity in a single rash moment. Rather, I really just want a girl who I could just lavish attention to and maybe cuddle once in a while. Someone who I could share everything with, someone who I could trust. Someone who I could spoil shamelessly. The loneliness in me right now is killing me. Could she possibly be the salve to everything I'm going through?

I've always wondered to myself, could I devote and commit myself to her? I want to, I really do. But my schedule is already snarled up as it is and questions just plague my mind.

Is she just another player, another potential puppeteer of my strings? I'm just not willing to go through pain again, but apparently people have said that she hasn't had past relationships or played anyone for the matter.
Just how do I know if she's just being nice or really interested in me? Contact is so limited and I'm dying to see her again.

One major obstacle that stands me from reaching out to her or making our convos on aim so much less awkward is time commitment. How could I spend time with her when I barely have enough for myself?
I only want the best for her, even if it means if she wants another guy. After all, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't see her that much...

Summary:
I guess what I'm really trying to get at is (sorry for getting so long to the point):
1. How do you know if a girl is just playing you or genuinely interested in you?
2. What topics could I talk about that wouldn't make things awkward between us?
3. And if she did like me, how would I devote time to her considering her best interests as main priority?
4. And last, I only want her to be happy. She's been so kind to me and helped alleviate some of the loneliness
inside. Seeing as I cannot commit myself to her, would it better for me to let her gravitate to a much more suitable guy?

Thanks for reading my pain in the butt story but these questions have been tormenting me every night
and answers would help put me to ease.

[Shikabane Hime]

Yes, summary ftw, I only read the summary.

1: if you're a guy, sucks to be you. Better have some connections with her friends.
2: anime, movies, video games, transformers, taxes, the economic crisis, gaza
3: Need to summarize her interests.
4: Yes, if you're that depressed about it.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

In other words, I was used. It hurt so much.

You're used? I fail to see how she used you.
She just flirted with other guys, which is not even wrong.

How do you know if a girl is just playing you or genuinely interested in you?

Just because someone is interested at you, doesn't mean she'll like you, just to tell you that. She's only giving you a chance

if a girl is not interested at you, I don't think she'll be friend with you.

2) Impossible question, I can't teach people how to talk, it's not exactly something that can be teached.

And last, I only want her to be happy. She's been so kind to me and helped alleviate some of the loneliness
inside. Seeing as I cannot commit myself to her, would it better for me to let her gravitate to a much more suitable guy?

Maybe it's just me, but you sound insecure.
If you always think that way about yourself, how you won't be a very good guy and there will be a better guy, then feel free, but expect to have trouble finding a girl.
No girl like insecure guy no offense.

start thinking positive about yourself.
and honestly, those questions torments you everyday coz you make them do that. There's no need to think about those stuff.

QUESTION: Why are you so busy anyway? What kind of things do you do?

[anonymous119]

You're used? I fail to see how she used you.
She just flirted with other guys, which is not even wrong.

Just because someone is interested at you, doesn't mean she'll like you, just to tell you that. She's only giving you a chance

if a girl is not interested at you, I don't think she'll be friend with you.

2) Impossible question, I can't teach people how to talk, it's not exactly something that can be teached.



Maybe it's just me, but you sound insecure.
If you always think that way about yourself, how you won't be a very good guy and there will be a better guy, then feel free, but expect to have trouble finding a girl.
No girl like insecure guy no offense.

start thinking positive about yourself.
and honestly, those questions torments you everyday coz you make them do that. There's no need to think about those stuff.

QUESTION: Why are you so busy anyway? What kind of things do you do?

XD
sorry for not going into a bunch of details about how I was a just a puppet but she did do a variety of things:
1. We were given food/water ration (water was a very rare commodity especially in the poverished region we were working in) and I sacrificed a large portion of it for her.
2. Asked me for money to buy local treats.
3. Worst was when she went back home, she got a boyfriend in a short span of time.

I know that she's giving me a chance. Gosh, I think I phrased everything wrong.
I was thinking more of does she like me genuinely?

Ha, I only sound insecure in this particular part of my life. Otherwise, when I don't have much on my mind
I really am an energetic guy.

Schedule consists of the following:
Winter track everyday, debate club, newspaper, school magazine, violin and piano lessons, tennis conditioning,
community service, hospital volunteering, etc. etc.

[kumadana]

i read the whole thing :] i will try to give a more sympathetic response than the first person

i;m so sorry about you and that girl over the summer! What a slutbag. I know those kind of people. They are just sociable people and pretty, but it just lures you into a trap.

1. This new girl you like seems to be a little more genuine. You have to be the judge in that though because I obviously don;t know her. Not all girls are out there to just use guys. We;re not all harpies :] You do have to take a chance. But just remember, not everyone is a skank

2. Why don;t you talk about church? You both are into those activities right? Talk about school. Don;t overthink it. It should come naturally.

3. Devote time? Just hang out with her! I don;t really see what you;re trying to say. Just call her up and be like "Hey are you doing anything tonight?"

4. You can be that guy. Everything should come naturally. If you grow to love her some day, that will be enough to make her happy. You gotta do cute stuff for her every now and again. If you don;t see her often, make the times that you do see her amazing :]

[princesspoppy]

Just chillax and go with the flow. I think you are thinking way too far ahead. I mean the girl could just like you as a friend. Don't assume that she likes you until you know for sure.

[Shikabane Hime]

i read the whole thing :] i will try to give a more sympathetic response than the first person

lol, I read the whole thing now.

In any case, there is nothing we can tell you. You don't know her that well yet (yes, yet), and therefore no history checks, previous relationships, etc etc.
Either you shrug the insecurity aside from the past incident (which seems rather irrelevant to me) and press forward, or you run away now and nothing ever happens.

Cannot predict the outcome if there is nothing to work with. Maybe she's just nice? That's a possibility.
I say just go along and see how it works out. Nothing to lose.

[cannedpeaches]

dont you guys go to the same school? why dont you eat lunch together..at least then you can see her everyday