[momoko doll*]

Sorry for the messy typing and rushed loads of stuff, I'm kind of tired but I'm in DIRE need of some good advice:

I'm Asian and I'm really bad at making other girlfriends that are well...Asian. And any other ethnicity girls too. I usually get along right away with white girls that are the REALLY low maintenance and extremely nice/confident/outgoing/mature/intelligent type. My closest friends are those that go to good schools and IVy Leagues and stuff....I don't know I just feel like they're more genuine and because I'm quite sensitive heh.

I don't have any really pretty girl friends that last a long time...most of my girl friends look very average and dont like to dress up/wear makeup. Not trying to generalize or anything I'm just putting the facts out there based on my own experiences ^^;

Also the reason i might have trouble making friends is because im a little scared/untrusting of others...maybe i had some really bad friendships as well......I dont know how i can overcome this. I had a so called "fair weathered friend"
Details (you can skip if you want, or read if you need more info):

One of my ONLY closest girl friends, who was Asian, was pretty much my friend because she was 'forced' to get to know me (roommates in college) and then we just 'clicked.' We are really different from each other but I feel like I could have the same relationships with other girls if I got to know them/THEY GOT TO KNOW ME...

Anyway shes really pretty herself and would always say things like "I still think you're prettier than me. I don't want my crush to meet you cause I'm scared he will like you. blahblahblah..." and sometimes i just want to hit her cause i get reallyy jealous of her too...><;

But when I meet her other friends (GIRLS)....she tells me they think I'm really mean or sh*tty or something and she won't even DEFEND ME..she tells people 'oh shes just shy' and THATS IT.when i really feel bad that someone thinks that of me and i want her to defend me more but shes like 'oh well who cares what people/even my friends think of u' its like she really thinks im a btch on the inside><

Sometimes i would wonder who was more insecure with who...I mean I was really happy when i was her friend but I guess in some ways she always talked to me like she was miserable and that made me feel really really bad...she would always say things like "he asked if you had a boyfriend FIRST. and then he asked me...i'm always second!!" and stuff like "you always get the guys. even tho ur not a model blahblahblah says you're one of the best looking girls on campus. blahblahblah saw u the other day and said he'd give u a 20 out of 10"

I asked her what she thought of me when she first saw me. She was like well, "I thought you were pretty. And then I thought you that you wouldn't even want to talk to me or be friends with me and you didn't smile that much." And maybe she wasn't a real friend cause she'd always say things like "I want you to come with me to places instead of soandso because you make me look good!!" (im my head im just thinking um well you basically just ditched your bestfd so that you can hang out with me and makeu look good....wtf??) I guess I wasn't nice or fun enough or something to be valued...and that made me feel really bad inside...but even so iwas cheerful cause what she said made me feel good about myself cause i usually dont get this type of interaction with people and i guess i felt really flattered. I didn't even think I was really pretty or anything I never heard other girls say stuff like that about me so I think somebody was overexaggerating

Cause Um..eventually this girl backstabbed me multiple times and did things out of jealousy?and I told her I didn't think we should be friends anymore and she flipped out and now we arnt even looking at each other but I think i kinda miss her even though she was a b*tch and didn't care about my hurt feelings-__-; I really value the idea of having close girl friends but I can't really deal with people who lie or cheat behind my back...and it disappoints me that she says really shallow and hurtful things about other people that I'm scared she would do the same to me too .

anyway i told one ofm y other girlfriends about how this roommate of mine always thought i was prettier than her and she blatantly told me "THATS NOT TRUE." lOL because shes pretty too so I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH HER HEAD> and she gets more boys than me this year too nd i was quite jealous myself because once guys talked to her they liked her more cause shes much more open than i am

I'm really introverted (kind of shy I guess? but i'm really crazy on the inside hAha) and I don't open myself up to people right away, I wonder if people take that as a RUDE or snobby trait? my guy friends tell me that they think the majority of people want to get to know me but its like impoooossible. why?! also whenever something happens like...a random guy walks in and says "u know my name? im flattered!" in front of my guyfds i feel like my guy friends start saying rather infelicitous things to put me down too cuz mayb they think i have a huge ego or something even tho i SAID NOTHING IN RESPONSE TO THAT COMMENT CAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY><

Its kind of lonely to be me and what my friend did really HURTS i have no idea whats wrong with me but i almost hate myself for being overly introverted cause I CAN"T MOVE ON and make new friends to replace her!!

its also been said that im too picky with who i choose to be my friends...but its mostly because i dont want to get hurt thats why the majority of my friends are either really nice people or mostly GUYS><!!!

What should i do?Start smiling more?Introduce myself???or would that make me seem weird lol....i always thought it was strange to talk about urself to people u dont know. this is probably a really stupid question but HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS?? most of the time i meet my friends through other friends that introduce me and talk goodies about me so they did all the work i guess lol =.=

what kinds of things do you normally say to people you just meet or want to be friends with?? or is it your actions towards them...? i feel like all this time i've depended on people coming to me but i want to be friendlier!!!

[ShadowMax76]

i've thought for a long time that friends were just people i was stuck with.
i never found a problem with that.

they turned out to be rather alright anyways.
[our unspoken rules]
don't get too close/don't be too open about your life, we're here to forget our lives and laugh around
don't hold anything against each other, and especially don't pinkberry about each other like girls do [a duel is okay] -and you're fine.
but we're guys. LOl. i 'spose girls have it a tad harder.

o-O' i take it you read mangas or something like that.. the idea of a really close best friend seems to run your mind.

_ i remember two guys . they seemed to consciously cross off the list of things best friends do.
o_O' and... since then, it's given me the thought that best friends are just an image friends put up.

of course, that's just me.

_how i make friends... Lol. o-O' eh. connections. if i were you, i'd ask your 'guy friends' if they know any decent girls.
plus. have a lil thick skin when it comes to everyone's teasing.
teasing is half the fun of any relationship. [to me. i'm jus evil]

[Shikabane Hime]

Maybe you should find people similar to you: low maintenance, too nice, confident, intelligent, mature.
Why surround yourself with stupid asian girls? lulz we all know they're high-maintenance.

[JayCy90]

I can totally understand your situation though I'm not much of a help. I myself is an overly introvert person, to the point I have hardly any guys friends at all I kept telling myself to response better to people but each time, I'll go "dang, I should have said this,that,,etc.. instead of acting like a mute earlier". I am a quite talkative/crazy person with my very close friends but I'm rather opposite with others.

I think the best time to make friends is when you're in a new environment where everybody is pretty much new and alone. That's the time where people make the effort to mingle around and make friends. I personally find it easier when I know everybody are strangers to everybody. No groupings yet. =P It's less.. intimidating I guess? Well, there really isn't much things to how to learn and make friends.
It's just purely your own effort to make the first move and treat everybody as you treat your close friends. (when you're rather noisy, just like everyone else with their close friends) Sadly here am I telling you this, when I'm suffering the same problem as you. Well, I hope you overcome this soon =)

[littlejade]

What should i do?Start smiling more?Introduce myself???or would that make me seem weird lol....i always thought it was strange to talk about urself to people u dont know. this is probably a really stupid question but HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS??

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends

http://www.wikihow.com/Meet-New-People-Without-Being-Creepy

[Lie]

I think you're way over-thinking it. It's near impossible to make new friends being an introvert, unless the person is extremely persistent, which tends to be a turn-off anyway. If you want to make new friends you need to be a bit more out-going, less closed off, you generally just have to be more friendly than you are now.

[ohmysanity]

Maybe you're not throwing yourself out there enough? There's tons of people who need friends and stuff ^^ Try finding some people with similar interests. Like books? Go to a bookstore, and if you see someone reading something you've read/looked at/had interest in reading, ask them about it. Nice way to start a conversation, and you never know where things like that will lead to.

[momoko doll*]

^thanks all of you guys!! you're probably right. i'm always against the thought of changing myself for others though but i'm starting to see that its probably my introverted nature that makes it much much harder for me to make friends.

i've thought for a long time that friends were just people i was stuck with.
i never found a problem with that.

they turned out to be rather alright anyways.
[our unspoken rules]
don't get too close/don't be too open about your life, we're here to forget our lives and laugh around
don't hold anything against each other, and especially don't pinkberry about each other like girls do [a duel is okay] -and you're fine.
but we're guys. LOl. i 'spose girls have it a tad harder.

o-O' i take it you read mangas or something like that.. the idea of a really close best friend seems to run your mind.

_ i remember two guys . they seemed to consciously cross off the list of things best friends do.
o_O' and... since then, it's given me the thought that best friends are just an image friends put up.

of course, that's just me.

_how i make friends... Lol. o-O' eh. connections. if i were you, i'd ask your 'guy friends' if they know any decent girls.
plus. have a lil thick skin when it comes to everyone's teasing.
teasing is half the fun of any relationship. [to me. i'm jus evil]

^you're right thats a different way of thinking about i guess i'm just more serious minded and my feelings get hurt easily so i like to have more supportive friends than just 'friends for fun.' and no i don't read manga though haha...i guess because i grew up in a really nice town i was blessed or maybe spoiled with really good friends that it just hit me when i went to college.

err thats a good idea about asking my guyfds to hook me up w/ some girlfds LOL i will see how that turns out.

Maybe you should find people similar to you: low maintenance, too nice, confident, intelligent, mature.
Why surround yourself with stupid asian girls? lulz we all know they're high-maintenance.

^thats not exactly how i would describe myself. and i dont think all asian girls are high-maintenance...i like to maintain my appearance somewhat more than my friends. i felt on some level i was more similar to my roommate than these friends that were really nice ^^;...i kind of like a balance.

maybe its just hard to find people like me?

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends

http://www.wikihow.com/Meet-New-People-Without-Being-Creepy

^lmao those were fun to read and unexpectedly helpful

Sadly here am I telling you this, when I'm suffering the same problem as you. Well, I hope you overcome this soon =)

^i know !! its sooo difficult when you have an introverted personality. my parents are kind of like that theyre serious minded and smart...but my whole rest of the family is pretty outgoing and well..out there....so they probably think we're really weird lol

a lot of the times i do tend to 'force a smile' when talking to people when deep inside i feel really nervous/uncomfortable....maybe they can tell~x.x; i'm really scared of awkward silences for some reason..

[Shikabane Hime]

^thats not exactly how i would describe myself. and i dont think all asian girls are high-maintenance...i like to maintain my appearance somewhat more than my friends. i felt on some level i was more similar to my roommate than these friends that were really nice ^^;...i kind of like a balance.

maybe its just hard to find people like me?

You don't seem to have much standards anyways besides "balanced."
Not knowing what you want...is probably the problem. Because you don't know what kind of person you'd like to meet, you end up meeting a bunch of people that seem nice, but then you just don't click.