[anniexiong]

I read this book and i thought some of the jokes was cool, so it is as funny as i thought it is...hehehe ... it is not meant to offended any one ...If you don't get anything at all that is fine too!! these jokes are about philosophy and if you don't read the books, you probably not going to get it...but i really like the jokes here, so i thought that i'll post it up..heheh...anyway here is the cite for the books:

Cathcart, Thomas. Klein, Daniel. "Plato and a Platypus walk into a Bar...". Abrams Image: New York, 2007.
(I hope that i did the cite write)

Here are some of the jokes from the books:

'A ninety year old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my 18 year old wife is expecting a baby." The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly charged at the men, he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear,and killed it." The old man said "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear." The doctor said, "My point Exactly!" (page 3).
(I hope you guys get it, hahaha no offense to anybody).

When Thompson hit seventy, he decide to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer. He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam and he took sunbaths. In just three months time, Thompson lost 30 pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expand his chest by five inches. Svelte and tan, he decide to top it all off with a sporty new haircut. Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus. As he lay dying, he cried out, "God, how could you do this to me!" And a voice from the heavens respond, "To tell you the truth, Thompson, i didn't recognize you". (page 11).

Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Homes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson," he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson. "And what do you conclude from that, Watson?" Watson thinks for a moment. "well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billion of planets. Astrologically, i observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, i suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Therologically, i see that God is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Uh, what does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot! Someones has stolen our Tent!"

The lookout on a battleship spies a light ahead off the starboard bow. The captain tells him to signal the other vessel, "Advise you change course twenty degrees immediately!" The answer came back, "Advise you change course twenty degrees immediately!" The captain is furious. He signals, "I am a captain. We are on a collision course. Alter your course twenty degrees now !" The answer comes back, "I am a seaman second class, and i strongly urge you to alter your course twenty degrees." Now the captain is beside himself with rage. He signals, "I am a battleship!" The answer come back, "I am a light house."

A man goes into the confession booth and tells the priest, "Father, I'm 75 years old and last night i made love to two 20 years old - at the same time." The priest says, "When did you last go to confession?" The man says, "I've never been to confession, Father, I'm a Jewish." The priest says, "Then why are you telling me?" The man says, "I'm telling everybody!"

Billingsley went to see his friend, Hatfield, who was dying in the hospital. As Bill stood by the bed, Hat's frail condition grew wores, and he gestured frantically for something to write on. Bill handed him a pen and a pece of paper, and Hat used his last ounce of strenght to scribble a note. No sooner had he finished the note then he died. Bill put the note in his pocked, unable in his grief to read it just then.
A few days later as Bill was talking to Hat family at the wake, he realized that he note was in the pocket of the jacket he was wearing. He announced to the family, "Hat handed me a note ust before he died. I haven't read it yet, but knowing him, i"m sure there's a world of inspiration for us all." And he read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Jesus was walking through the streets when he noticed a crowd of people throwing stones at an adulteress. Jesus said, "Let whoever is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly a rock flew through the air. Jesus turned and said, "Mom?"

God appears to Adam and Eve in the Garden and announces that he has two gifts, one for each of them and he would like them decide who get what gift. He says, " the first gifts is the ability to pee standing up"
Impulsively, Adam yells out, "Pee standing up? Hot dog! That sounds really cool! I wan that one."
"Okay," says God, "that one's yours, Adam. Eve, you get the other one - multiple orgasms."

Let me know what you thought of the jokes!! If you had some jokes like this, post it up too!!! thanks!!

[pajhlub]

hahahha i read the jokes and i thought that it was funny as heck...hehehe i love the jokes about the tent and the light house one hehehe it's heck of funny ...heheeh agruning with a light house hehehahaha

[HSuke]

^^

Haha. I love them.

[tiffanitrix]

Billingsley went to see his friend, Hatfield, who was dying in the hospital. As Bill stood by the bed, Hat's frail condition grew wores, and he gestured frantically for something to write on. Bill handed him a pen and a pece of paper, and Hat used his last ounce of strenght to scribble a note. No sooner had he finished the note then he died. Bill put the note in his pocked, unable in his grief to read it just then.
A few days later as Bill was talking to Hat family at the wake, he realized that he note was in the pocket of the jacket he was wearing. He announced to the family, "Hat handed me a note ust before he died. I haven't read it yet, but knowing him, i"m sure there's a world of inspiration for us all." And he read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

haha this is my favorite one....even though its pretty depressing.

but i dont get the jesus one. so his mom was the adulteress?

thanks for sharing these!

[cldyangel]

lol, some of these have been posted before, but the confession booth one was hilarious xD

[Koryu]

I found the tent one funny. I was reading thinking he's all intelligent... then he's actually a fool for not even noticing the tent is missing.

[winterofdiscontent]

LOL these jokes are pretty funny

[Heroine]

When Thompson hit seventy, he decide to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer. He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam and he took sunbaths. In just three months time, Thompson lost 30 pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expand his chest by five inches. Svelte and tan, he decide to top it all off with a sporty new haircut. Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus. As he lay dying, he cried out, "God, how could you do this to me!" And a voice from the heavens respond, "To tell you the truth, Thompson, i didn't recognize you". (page 11).

^my favorite =)

[thestar]

haha this is my favorite one....even though its pretty depressing.

but i dont get the jesus one. so his mom was the adulteress?

thanks for sharing these!

err.. i think jesus wanted to say only those without sin can throw the first stone, and his mom was virgin mary..

[selvaspeedy]

you're standing on my oxygen tube epic!!

[babikaori]

these are pretty cool!! thanks for sharing

[love_fate&destiny]

err.. i think jesus wanted to say only those without sin can throw the first stone, and his mom was virgin mary..

haha, yeah, that's why it's funny.
Jesus didn't think there would be anyone without a sin, so no one could throw the first stone....HELLO! Oh hi mom, aka virgin mary, you're throwing the first stone, eh? LOL.
the irony of it is that his mom is virgin mary, someone who I think is suppose to be good and kind, even to those who have sin. (so, in a nutshell, she's a kind person) yet she threw a stone at the adulteress.

Jesus was walking through the streets when he noticed a crowd of people throwing stones at an adulteress. Jesus said, "Let whoever is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly a rock flew through the air. Jesus turned and said, "Mom?"

Puhaha, all of these jokes made me laugh. XD

[love_fate&destiny]

interpretation of the jokes:

Hi. This is for those people who didn't get the jokes. Most of the jokes are pretty self explanatory but there's a couple of them that you have to think hard to get.

'A ninety year old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my 18 year old wife is expecting a baby." The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly charged at the men, he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear,and killed it." The old man said "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear." The doctor said, "My point Exactly!" (page 3).

LOL...I didn't get it at first. The doctor is telling the guy that someone must've made his wife pregnant and not him. Sad yet funny too.

[bunNyarmy]

'A ninety year old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my 18 year old wife is expecting a baby." The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly charged at the men, he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear,and killed it." The old man said "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear." The doctor said, "My point Exactly!" (page 3).

puahahah that must suckkkk

[c'erine]

hahahaha. loves itt
i've only heard the tent one before

[anniexiong]

hahha thanks a lot for reading the jokes. When i first read these jokes, i thought that it was funny too, so i decided to post it up.
I am sorry if some of the jokes are repeating to some of you guys out there. Sorry if you guys had to read the same old jokes again.
THANK YOU for asking question and answering the question, especailly for the Jesus one. Like all of you had siad, Jesus's mom is a virgin when she had him. This also mean that she is without sin, she had no sin. That why she throw the rocks and Jesus said "Mom?"

[AresJK]

omg hilarious hahaha
i love the first one tho lol

[x SaRaNg HaE x]

LOL!!! I liked the last one the best!!! xD