[geekchiiq]

so i found out that my bf smokes..
one time he asked a friend of mine to get something out of his bag, and she noticed there was a box of cigarettes in there..
so she told me about it, but that was along time ago and back then were weren't together yet
i also noticed how sometimes he carries a lighter with him, and how he smells like smoke

it probably sounds very obvious that he smokes, and that i shouldn't be surprised and stuff but i just didnt expect him to smoke..
i've known him for quite a while and never did he once mentioned that he smokes
i guess i can live with the fact that he smokes, although i prefer he doesn't..
i just feel like he should have told me, he's going around doing it on the low it just gives me the feeling i can't trust him and that he has more secrets

am i overreacting? how should i confront him?
i need help/opinions pls

nevermind i already got the answer i wanted

[chopstick^^]

He prob knws u dont like it, so he dont want to smoke in front of u.

Why, do u want him to smoke more? .. so u can see it?

[hello_yeee]

just tell him u know and just say its okay n that ur not mad or anything just tell him u want the truth and how u feel as in u don't like that he's keeping this from u. overall i don't see why its such a big deal maybe he has stress. atleast he's not doing like drugs

[Lie]

I wouldn't bring it up to him in a way that seems confrontational, I'd just say something along the lines of, "Hey, you smell a little like smoke." See how he reacts to it. He may fess up right away (because he feels guilty about it), if he denies it I might bring up the fact that your friend saw a pack of cigs in his bag, but again without trying to be confrontational, "Oh. I think my friend ___ said something about seeing cigs in your bag awhile ago. Did you smoke back then?" That'll give him another chance to fess up. If he still doesn't, I wouldn't bring it up again unless you physically see him smoking. There's always the possibility that he's a social smoker (i.e. he smokes a few times a year when he goes out with friends to certain places), or that he was carrying the cigs for a friend. So I would give him the benefit of the doubt if he denies being a smoker, I don't think it'd be worth the conflict to continue to accuse him if he's not willing to fess up.

[tsai_jolen]

I know what you mean. Myb/f smokes and drinks. The only way I've dealt with it is asking him not to do it around me. Having him sneaking around and do somewhere else is going to lead to horrible things in the futrue. Letting him know how you feel is all good and everything yet, set those boundaries.

[hello_kathy]

this depends on how serious you guys are in the relationship...serious or no? anyhow, when i first met my bf, he smoked and i told him up front how i don't date smokers. we started seeing each other more and when he actually asked me to be with him, i asked him to stop smoking...we've been together for 3 yrs now and he does not smoke ...he quit cold turkey

[geekchiiq]

yes we are pretty serious in the relationship..
and i don't think it's that big of a deal, i just think he should have told me and not do it behind my back..
but i guess he's doing it because he thinks i wont like it (which is true)

hmm i think i'm just gonna something like... hey your clothes smell like smoke.. did you know that?

[musicpoplove]

tell him you'd never kiss him again

so tell him to quit

[geekchiiq]

^^

lol i should do that

[Darude356]

you say your friend told you she saw cigarettes in his bag, and yet you also say you didn't know he smoked. lol... what else would the cigarettes be for... and if smoking/drinking is something that would create a problem for you in a relationship, you should have asked him if he did either of those BEFORE you started dating. i don't understand how his smoking can possibly come as a surprise.

[aubrei]

maybe he is just the type of person who doesnt talk about it if nobody asks.
he prob wouldnt lie to you about it. nobody is stupid enough to think they smell like anything other than cigarettes after having a smoke.

[kishycathiee]

Uhh, just catch him taking a drag and act like you never knew before

say something like "whoa, you smoke?" XD
and you can ask him questions too, hopefully he'll answer

[k1nkychinky]

spend more time with him because you know he doesnt smoke around you hahaa
at least hes cutting down his smoking

[ritzy!]

If you guys are pretty into the relationship and he never told you... maybe it's because you never asked? If you did and he lied then that's another story but yeah, you never said if he said so so himself that he doesn't smoke or anything. Maybe he knows you dislike it so he just never does it around you.. doesn't seem like to me that he's doing it on the low.

[blackpetals]

the problem is with you. you don't take hints. why else would he carry a lighter with him and smell like smoke?
it sounds obvious like you said, so don't blame it on the guy. it's not like he was keeping it a secret from you.

so maybe he takes dumps twice a day. should he announce that to you too so you don't feel like you can't trust him and like he has more secrets?
yes you're overreacting. and i believe a simple question like, "you smoke?" should do.
if you don't like it, ask him to quit.
tell him it stinks. tell him his breath stinks. tell him it makes you stink when he puts his arms around you. and tell him it's bad for his health so it makes you worry.

[skyhigh302]

I agree^^

My guess is that he thinks you already know about it.

[puzzlebox]

You're seriously overreacting... first of all knowing he carries a lighter, smells like smoke, and ultimately your friend told you he had a pack of smokes in his bag should've already rung the bell and tell you that he does smoke. Even if you claim that you're NOT surprised, but yet you didn't expect is 100% my happy poopoo.

You should be lucky he doesn't smoke in front of you...

[nagel]

if i were u i wouldnt do anything or it would ruin your relationship.. who cares if he smokes .. at least he doesnt do it in front of u

[WENJJANG]

My boyfriend recently told me well a few months ago, and next month is our 2 year anniversary.
He told me that he used to smoke, and I was utterly shock.
I guess he really got the message, because I always told him how I hated smokers, and
I don't want to deal with smokers, so that's why he quit. He quit when we were only about 3-4 months together.

So just tell him how you really feel about him smoking, if he cares about you
he will probably try to quit, if he one of those frequent smokers, it might be harder.
My boyfriend only smoke once and awhile when he was out with his friends. =_____= Still bad.
Just ask him a simple question like what do you think about smoking? or something.

[lindseyle]

wow!
my ex-bf smokes too
when we 1st met, it was quite funny and over exaggerated that he described how much he hated "smokers"...when he knows that deep down inside, he is one himself!!!!

he always claimed that he doesnt smoke...and blah blah blah
so then when we started to go out, i begin to smell these weird smoking smells
when i started to ask him, he said that it was his roommate that smoke and god all of the smell over him...bs*
i was dumb enough to believe him...
occasionally when we were on the phone at night or for a long a period of time, I could sense that he is outside (but i wat?..i thought to myself)????

after we went out for a months, after leaving his house..while he was dropping me off..i was in his car..he asked me to pull out the cabinet thingy in the car and hand him a bag of ciggarretts...i was stunned!...and he pulled out a lighter from his pocket....

i don't really know why he "LIED" to me in the first place?...I NEVER SAID that i hate smokers or anything...HE WAS THE ONE THAT brought up this subject all alone...
he is just making a big deal out of everything

-IN CONCLUSION
smoking is very addictive to them...just tell ur bf..that u dun like it when he smokes and his breath stinks..u dun want to kiss a guy with that type of breath...and try to stop if he loves you..LOL..(corny)
but if he still insisted on smoking..then just ask him to NOT DO IT in front of ur face...